Be Dazzled
[A/N: This chapter also relies heavily on both 'Twilight' and 'Midnight Sun'. Works of Stephanie Meyer]
Edward's POV
Chandra explained she and Elizabeth decided the next morning to let us interact for a bit without their interference to see how things went. But she let everyone hear the day anyway. Great!
It was interesting to learn, when the audible replay of the next morning in the parking lot at school, that Bella had been so angry at the time over my behavior of the previous day, that my comment of saying she was 'utterly absurd', actually made her want to hit something—preferably me! A picture Emmett said would have been interesting. Jacob agreed. I guessed he would have liked to have not been the first one responsible for breaking her hand from a swipe.
Bella was equally amused at my mental musings in response to her retort of, 'Why don't you leave me alone?' and my mental reply was, 'Believe me, I've tried…Oh, and by the way, I'm wretchedly in love with you. Keep it light, Edward!'
She had believed my vacillating between anger to nervous laughter to be designed to keep her off-balance--hence her comment on the possibility of my having 'multiple-personality disorder'. Carlisle of all people burst out in a loud guffaw before he composed himself and commented that to the casual observer, my behavior towards Bella based on what they had seen in the last thirty minutes could lead a trained psychologist to wonder the same.
When I asked if she wanted a ride to Seattle a week from that Saturday, and Bella had asked 'With who?' My family broke out into laughter. Somehow I hadn't bargained on my love story being a comedy. Still it was humorous in a way. It would've been more enjoyable without the 'peanut gallery' along for the ride.
When I'd responded 'Myself, Obviously' a little too slowly, Bella's mental sarcasm picked up, 'Ugh, I can't believe he just said that enunciating every syllable like I'm mentally incompetent or something.
My mental chatter was a burning question, 'What? Why would she think it such a shock I'd want to be in her company? Did she apply the worst possible meaning from my past behavior?'-- Too which my supportive family all responded with a resounding, 'Yes!'
Then I made the BIG mistake of talking about her truck not being up to the trip. I winced inward waiting for a mental rebuff to outdo the verbal. This was my first lesson that to be close to Bella you must respect the truck. She didn't disappoint. "I don't see how that's any of your business." 'Stupidshiny Volvo owner,' she'd mentally hurled at me. And here I'd thought she'd liked my car. She certainly seemed to like it more than her Ferrari.
"Honestly Edward," We both responded mentally to the sound of my name on her lips. Apparently, it gave Bella as well as me, a surge of some emotional charge. It was a thrill filled with longing for me. For her the same—but she hated feeling it—interesting—she was fighting an attraction for me even then…If I had only known , I could have saved myself a lot of anguish. "I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend."
My mental voice was full of caution, 'I really need to be careful what I say next. I can't stay away from her, but maybe she'll take the hint and stay away from me--before it was too late.'
"It would be more…prudent for us not to be friends." I remembered how gazing into her eyes at that moment, like it so often had thereafter, made me lose my hold on 'light'. I love her! I want to be with her and be the one to find out all about her hopes and dreams; even the ones not about me.' "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you Bella."
'Whoa, breathe, in…out…in…out. His beautiful eyes are boring a hole in my head with their intensity. I feel like my insides are melting. And his voice, I always love to hear it but…just…now…it was smoldering somehow. He is a god.' Bella was practically in mental incoherency. Funny, I'd never gotten that from her. I had thought I'd scared her. She was a better actress than I realized. Emmett made a comment about making a mint off the 'Edward Cullen Charm School for Sorry Saps'.
'Uh Oh,' I mentally picked up, 'She stopped breathing. Wait, there she's breathing again. But her heart rate has picked up. How much have I scared her? No time to like the present to find out.'
"Will you go to Seattle with me?" I demanded.
'Oh no! I can't speak. It's okay--just nod. I can't look away from his eyes. What is it about the intensity of them?' Bella picked up mentally.
'She's nodding her head--Yes!!! Even though her heart is pounding louder and faster.' I mentally cheered in a second of uncontrollable exuberance. It left in a flash as I considered the consequences, 'But what will this cost her?' "You really should stay away from me…I'll see you in class." I warned her, but did she hear it? Will there be any way for her to escape the future I'm threatening her with? Is there anything I can do to save her from me?
That first day I sat with her at lunch was rewarding to relive--especially remembering the new revelation that day about Bella's clumsiness. A fact she re-enforced by tripping on the smooth linoleum floor twice on the way to the table. It was funny when she asked, 'So in plain English, are we friends now?'
And I had responded, "Friends?" But my inflection made it sound like a question. This because as my mental thoughts announced to the entire room thank you very much, I didn't think 'friends' sounded like enough, and Bella, naturally took my remark exactly the opposite way.
"Or not," She muttered. To which my mental voice questioned, 'Does she think I don't like her even that much?'
"Well, I suppose we could try." I said. "But I'm warning you I'm not a good friend for you." 'There I said it. This is killing me, wishing she would finally hear my warning and feeling like I might just die if she does. How melodramatic. I'm turning into such a…a…human.'
"I'll say!" Emmett agreed with my mental self-assessment.
"It was worth it for Bella!" Alice snapped back at him. "Don't forget I was the one waiting on pins and needles to get MY chance to meet her; while all this time Edward dragged his feet." She added indignantly.
"You say that a lot." Bella observed from the cafeteria scene.
'No! I've said too much. Her heart rate is picking up again.' I started to panic but my audible voice held nothing to betray my fear. "Yes, because you're not listening to me. I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart, you'll avoid me." 'Ah, but would I allow if you tried?'
"I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too." So, as long as I'm being…(he is so confusing)…not smart, we'll try to be friends?"
"That sounds about right." I answered with an apology in my voice.
The conversation turned to her 'super-hero' theory. I had laughed when Bella had mentally questioned if I were a hypnotist for coaxing her theory out of her. Bella laughed out loud when after guessing I was altered by being 'bitten by radioactive spiders, and I had said 'no' to both the radioactivity and the spiders, I had deliberately steered the conversation over to kryptonite to forgo lying about 'bites', which would have been the last of the three part scenario.
"Look up in the sky!" Emmett howled. "It's a bird!"
"No it's a plane." Jacob continued.
"No, it's…its Underdog!" Jasper concluded as the three of them pounded fists together. I rolled my eyes. Truthfully I didn't care. I was being visited by my mother, reliving the first days with the love of my life, finding out her thoughts during that time and seeing how much effort Chandra and her brothers had expended to make me happier than I could have ever dreamed possible. Let them laugh. I was the luckiest man alive.
This conversation led to its conclusion by my remark, "What if I'm not a super hero? What if I'm the bad guy?" 'She's going to figure this out, and when she does, she'll run.' The dread was evident in the tenor of my thoughts.
'His smile is playful, but his eyes again…what are they trying to tell me?' "Oh" Bella said out loud. "I see" 'He IS dangerous. He's been trying to tell me that all along.'
'She's finally heard me. Her breathing is hiked and her heart is racing.' I mentally moaned. 'I can't answer her. Is this my last minute with her? Would she run now? Could I tell her I love her or would that frighten her more?'
"But not bad," She whispered back. "No, I don't believe that you're bad."
'Of course, I'm bad. I'm sitting here rejoicing now I know you think better of me than I deserve. If I were a good person, I would have stayed away from you in the first place.' "You're wrong." I said my voice a bare whisper. I reached across the table, and stole her bottle lid; the same souvenir that now adorned my top book case, out of Bella's eye sight. She didn't understand my fascination with it.
Bella laughed when my mental commentary finished the thought from my acknowledgement for skipping our Biology class and she'd asked me 'why?' and my mental prelude of 'I don't want to kill you' then out loud added, "It's healthy to ditch class now and then." 'Or more precisely it's healthier for the humans, if the vampires ditch class on the days human blood would be spilled. Alice already ditched hers today…now it's my turn.'
"Well, I'm going." Bella had replied and I heard the sounds of scraping as she'd pushed her chair back. 'I'm way too big a coward to risk being caught!' This comment was, of course, met with chicken clucking sounds by certain members of my family who will remain nameless; mostly because by this point it should be obvious who they were.
'Of course, she's going to class. Bella is my opposite. She is responsible. She ALWAYS did the right thing.' I added aloud and trying for casual, "I'll see you later then." 'Oh and by the way Bella, I adore you in frightening, dangerous ways.'
Next Chandra informed Bella and I they did step in a bit in our biology class with the blood typing to make sure Bella got sick before sticking herself. And my Mother reminded her she shouldn't have to do the blood-typing anyway because she already knew her blood type.
Bella laughed to learn I was so panicked seeing her basically drop to the sidewalk from Mike's arms, I had nearly taken the door off the car in my haste to get to her side. Then it was my turn to laugh, when I'd carried her and had held her out away from my stone, cold body to the nurse's office, when I learned the reason she'd wanted me to put her down wasn't so much because she didn't want to show weakness, but because she was fighting a need to vomit all over me. We won't even talk about Emmett's snide remarks to that little revelation. They centered on how nice I would've looked in 'puke green'.
The whole room roared with laughter to my musing, "So you faint at the sight of blood?" 'Could it get any more ironic?' "And not even your own blood!"
"Did you like that?"Chandra asked. "It was Dagda's idea. He thought you would get a kick out of it."
It was interesting for Bella to hear my thoughts back in the office when she revealed, "I smelled the blood."
'What is she saying now? That can't be right?' I'd been mentally amazed. "People can't smell blood."
"Well I can—that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust…and salt."Bella explained.
My mental voice took on an incredulous tenor. 'Is she even actually human? She looks human. She feels as soft as a human. She smells human—well actually, she smells better than a human. She acts human—well, sort of. But she doesn't think like a human. Or respond like one.'
"What?" Bella demanded. 'What is that strange look in his eyes? He's looking at me like I'm from another planet or something.'
"Score one for the Martian," Emmett snickered.
"It's nothing." I responded in an off-handed manner. There was a click of a door opening. This I knew to be the one from the nurse's office and I remembered who it would be as well. My voice flowed smoothly from my vocal to my mental dialogue. 'Oh hell, Mike Newton is back. Yes, Yes, I know Mike you hate me and wish me all the ill-will you can think of in that infinitesimally small, even for a human, mind of yours. Get over it Newton, Bella doesn't belong to you.'
"You look better." We all heard Mike say. His voice was full of accusations.
'Geez this infuriating boy is so rude my hand is actually twitching in response to my need to teach him some manners.' I mentally added.
"Just keep your hand in your pocket." Bella ordered.
I was surprised to hear my Mother's voice come through in the audible--obviously to me--she added, 'And you keep your hand in your pocket too, young man!' Not that I heard it that day, but I did remember thinking…
'Wait! Did she know my hand is aching to strike him? Is she reading my mind now? No, wait, she's talking about Newton's hand. That's a relief.' I'd been emotionally basically off-the-charts.
"It's not bleeding anymore." He muttered. "Are you going back to class?"
"Are you kidding?" Bella said almost with humor. "I'd just have to turn around and come back."
'Fantastic! Here I was upset thinking I'd miss the entire hour with her and it turns out I get extra time now instead!!! I feel like some sort of greedy miser, hoarding over every minute.' My mental state was one of excitement.
"Yeah, I guess, so are you going this weekend? To the beach?"
'Why does he keep looking over to Edward?' Bella mused. 'He looks like he's giving away some sort of 'Top Secret' rendezvous location information or something. Speaking of Edward, Why is he standing there like some kind of stone sculpture?'
'They have plans,' I mentally fumed. 'I can't believe how angry this news makes me feel inside. But no—wait, this is a group outing. Right, I remember, I've seen some other kids thinking about this little outing already this week. It isn't just going to be the two of them--nothing to get all worked up over. I can't help it though. I don't want her spending more time with Newton. It makes me so furious! I just want to hit something. No, I just need to hold as still as possible until I'm in control of myself.'
"Sure, I said I was in." Bella's tone was friendly.
My mental tone on the other hand was not. 'So, she said 'yes' to him as well. It makes me so…jealous. Arrgh, it burns worse than the thirst does.'
"We're meeting at my Dad's store at ten."
'Geez Mike, could you be any more obvious by your body language that it isn't an open invitation? Be nice.' Bella thoughts commanded.
'I hear you loud and clear Newton—'and Cullen's not invited'—as if you could stop me from going if I wanted to. I'd love to see you try. You are such a weasel.' I mentally challenged him.
"I'll be there," Bella promised.
My next mental thoughts were in response to thoughts I picked out of Mike's head. 'You better believe it Mister, but I'm more than a little scary looking. I can be your worst nightmare. And yes, maybe I am a freak for wanting to kill you--especially right now.'
My siblings were of course enjoying my emotional rollercoaster too much for my liking. Jasper commented I should have hit him. Not hard enough to hurt him--except, maybe with him losing a few teeth. Jacob said he always knew Mike Newton was a slimy worm too. That surprised me. I hadn't realized Jacob was even acquainted with the likes of Mike Newton.
"I'll see you in Gym then." Mike replied and the click of a door announced his exit.
"That's my bro." Emmett approved.
"See you," Bella called after Newton. 'Great, just what I need to go falling and tripping all over the basketball court and I'll bet Mike won't even help me out today since for some reason he's all sulky now. How can I get out of that class?' "Gym," she groaned allowed.
"I can take care of that," I said aloud and then thought, 'She's sad about going to gym for some reason, and since that's a class with Newton, I'm sad for her to go there too. I can fix that little problem for both of us!' "Go sit down and look pale."
"Uh, Carlisle, are you listening to this?" Emmett interjected, "Your responsible son is not only ditching school, he's corrupting an innocent young lady as well." He said reprovingly, shaking his head.
Carlisle grinned in response. "I was noticing that myself."
'That isn't hard. I'm always pale.' Bella's mental voice sounded as weak as her real voice. 'He may as well as said, 'Go sit down and look normal'. Well I can play it up a bit; I always get a light sheen of sweat on my face when I get faint. I'll just close my eyes here. Fainting spells always exhaust me.'
'Wait, did she pass out again? No, she's just playing her part.' My mental voice was starting to get a little embarrassing. Not for me, as I already know how confusing it was for me, being not just more involved with humans, but so unschooled in affairs of the heart. I was a mess. What was embarrassing was having all of the confusion out there for my family to experience. 'Now, I hope Bella is paying attention here. So she can see how humans—well human females in particular—are supposed to respond when I turn on the charm.'
"Mrs. Cope?" I intoned and then thought, 'Yes, she's already responding to my technique. Her eyelashes are fluttering, her heart rate is picking up. She's reminding herself I'm too young for her…'
"Yes?"Mrs. Cope answered lightly.
"Edward sure knows how to work the ladies." This time it was Jasper; his tone proud and sarcastic.
'This is interesting. Whenever I talk this way around human females and their heart accelerates, it's because they find me physically attractive. But I hadn't considered this may be the cause of Bella's racing heart too. Hmmm, I rather like that possibility.' I mentally contemplated my new theory.
"Bella has gym next hour and I don't think she feels well enough. Actually, I was thinking I should take her home now. Do you think you could excuse her from class?"My voice was quiet but full of authority--almost a command. 'Yes, when I look into Mrs. Cope's eyes like this it totally disrupts her mental clarity of thought. I wonder if I do that to Bella at all. Hmmm, I wonder if Bella finds me attractive like other human females do. Well, I shouldn't get my hopes up too much there. When does Bella ever have the same reaction as others?'
My mental contemplations ended just as Bella's began. 'Oh, poor Mrs. Cope, she's getting the 'Edward Cullen' treatment. His voice sounds like melting honey and I can just imagine how devastating his eyes must be right now.' Bella thought mentally. 'I'll bet Edward could sing the birds right out of the trees. Yep, she's definitely dazzled and I guess that means we're out of here!"
"Okay, it's all taken care of. You feel better Bella." Mrs. Cope said.
Bella mentally added, 'I should probably act sicker than I feel just to be more convincing.'
I added my own mental evaluation of Bella's ability to 'act' sicker, 'Bella is certainly in no danger of getting an Academy Award for that little performance! But it's still amusing because it's so poorly done.'
"Can you walk or do you want me to carry you again?" I asked sarcastically. 'I know the answer to this one. Show no weakness. That's Bella for you.'
"I'll walk." She retorted.
'Right again,' I congratulated myself. 'I'm getting better at this.'
My mother assessed my behavior in our audible presentation. "Well, that could have gone smoother. Still, I think you've made a favorable impression. You basically came across as a gentleman and even a bit of a hero, helping Bella get to the nurse's office and getting her out of a potentially highly humiliating gym fiasco. Not bad for a second showing. Let's see how you do getting her safely home now." Her voice held approval.
'Oh, outside at last!' Bella's thoughts sang out. 'And the clean wet rain feels so good on my clammy face. Ha, me enjoying the rain? That's a first!'
Once again, her thoughts were cut off by my own. 'What are you thinking now with your face turned up to the rain? Why does that action seem strange somehow? Most girls won't do that; afraid the rain will mess up their makeup. Of course, Bella doesn't wear makeup--nor should she. The cosmetic industry makes billions of dollars a year trying to help women attain skin like Bella's. She has natural beauty.'
"Thanks," Bella said aloud. "It's almost worth getting sick to miss gym."
'Hmm, now what to do to prolong my time with her?' I thought, and then added out loud, "Anytime."
"So are you going? This Saturday I mean?"Bella's voice sounded hopeful. 'Please let him say 'yes'. I would actually look forward to going if he came too. Right—somehow that doesn't seem likely. I just can't picture seeing him loading up to carpool with the rest of the kids from school. He doesn't even belong in the same world. Still it would be so nice…'
"Oh, that sounds like music to my ears." I mentally sang, 'She wants ME with her--not Mike Newton. I want to say 'yes', but there are so many things to consider. For one thing this Saturday will be sunny.' I considered it verbally, "Where are you all going, exactly?" 'Newton had said 'beach'—not much chance of getting out of the sun there.'
"Down to LaPush; to First Beach." She added as she was scrutinizing my face, 'What is that little tightening around his eyes about?'
'Damn. Well it's impossible then. Oh well, Emmett would be pretty irritated with me if I cancelled our plans for the weekend now.' I mentally pouted. "I really don't think I was invited." I said wryly.
"I just invited you."
"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap." I continued that thought in my head, 'Actually, I would love to snap poor little Mike very, very much.'
"Edward!" I was surprised to hear this mild reproach from my other Mother, Esme.
'He's acting like he's enjoying it a little too much.' Bella noticed in her mind.
"Mike-schmike" She said, off-handedly blowing him off as her mental tone took on a dreamy quality. 'I like the way he said 'You and I'—kind of makes me feel like we're a team! I like it more than I should.
I remembered this being the point in our conversation where Bella started to head off to her truck, and once again, my mental thoughts drowned hers right out. 'What? Why is she walking away from me?
'Whoa, why is he grabbing my jacket? He almost ripped the hood off.' Bella's thoughts were startled.
"Uh ho," This from my Mother in the audible presentation
Emmett cupped his hands together and put them to his mouth to imitate a radio voice. "Houston we have a problem." Jasper smiled and Rosalie chuckled softly.
"Where do you think you're going?" I asked indignantly. 'What is she thinking? I'm not ready to say 'good-bye to her now. I just got her out of Mike's clutches in gym class and I want to enjoy my victory a little bit more.'
"I'm going home." Bella responded in confusion.
"Mayday, Mayday!" Jacob said, using the same cupped-hand technique to imitate a radio announcer.
"Hey guys don't forget--I got the girl!" I said back to them a bit smug. Bella laughed.
'Why does she sound as though she doesn't understand why her driving herself home would be unacceptable to me? Oh, I need to try for light again.' I took in a blazing breath and then spoke to her, "Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?"
"You're forgetting your manners, Edward!" Mother warned—not that I had heard her at the time.
"What condition? And what about my truck?" Bella complained.
'I know she isn't going to like my implication of weakness on her part, but—too bad. Anyway, I need to practice being with her in a confined space for our Seattle trip and the ride to her house is much shorter.'
"I'll have Alice drop it off after school." I continued my thoughts as I remembered my hasty actions of grabbing the hood of her jacket and practically dragging her to my car. 'Time to go home--only I'm in charge of this ride; I should probably be a little more careful with her; she seems to have trouble walking forward, let alone…'
Bella's thoughts were in a panic. 'Geez! What the heck? Ohhh, what is he doing? I'm going to trip for sure. What makes him think I can walk backwards? For crying out loud Edward, walking forward is challenging for me! Stop it! I'll bet if I did trip, he'd just drag me along behind him and I'd end up with skinned knees.'
"Nooo, Edward," My Mother was incensed in the audible feed. "You are digressing here. You're going from a hero and gentleman to a…what? I'll tell you what, with this is barbaric behavior, you've just put yourself in pre-civilized behavior. Edward, you are behaving like a caveman. I'm surprised you don't just club her senseless before you drag her off to your cave, which in this case is your car. This is unacceptable behavior for treating a young lady!"
"Wow, the 'Edward Cullen Charm School's' last ditch effort approach, use your superior strength to be a brute and force your company on the girls." Emmett said grinning, "I like it. It says 'no nonsense' loud and clear."
I was embarrassed now. My Mother had called me a caveman. Well she was right. I had behaved abominably there. It was bad form. I looked over at my wife and apologized. Then turned to my Mother and did the same.
"Let go!"Bella's voice from the audible sounded irate and confused. 'Ouch! I can't believe he practically pushed me into his car door. Ohhh, my foot's tripping me now, quick--grab the handle. Whew! That was a close call. What is the matter with him?' "You are so pushy!" She grumbled out loud.
"Looks more like the 'Drag and Drop' method to me." Jasper commented in mock innocence. I'm glad my family was having so much fun--at MY expense.
'Oh, she did almost fall there. I'll need to be even more careful taking into account her poor balance.' There was the sound of me opening my door. "It's open." Then the sound as I started the engine and the whirl of the automatic window, rolling down. Then my thoughts continued, 'Now, why is she standing out there in the now pouring rain? I know she doesn't like the cold or the wet and now she's soaked through.'
Everyone heard Bella's angry reply, "I am perfectly capable of driving myself home!"
'Of course you are, I'm just not capable of letting you go. So sorry.' I mentally finished her statement.
Bella was having a mental argument of her own. 'Why am I standing here in the rain putting up with this nonsense? Great! It's raining even harder now and since Edward was using my hood as some kind of leash I didn't use it for keeping the rain out of my hair. Now my wet hair is dripping down my back…like a wet cat or something. Fantastic!'
"Get in Bella." Edward commanded.
'I wonder,' Bella thought, 'If I can make it to my truck if I run fast enough. He's pretty fast but he's already in his car with the engine running. I might be able to make it. No, he's crazy fast so my chances aren't good. Maybe around the vicinity of 0%'
"Don't try it," My Mother warned her. "The way he's going, he'll find a club and knock you senseless; best to play it safe this time and not goad him."
'I don't believe it. She's actually considering making a run for it. Fat chance! I better squelch that plan before she injures herself on the slick blacktop.' I confirmed her assessment, "I'll just drag you back."
I could hear the car door open and the sound of Bella's wet squeaky boots as she sat down and slammed the door behind her with a huff.
"This is completely unnecessary."
I heard my Mother sighed, "Well Bella, It's a good thing you're so forgiving!"
"That's for dang sure!" Jacob yelled.
My eyes narrowed. Finally, a chance for at least one of them to have a taste of their own medicine; let's see how Jacob likes it in the hot seat! "That's okay Jacob." I said smugly. "I've been dying to see my wife at her devious best. When she dazzled you, on purpose, into telling her I was a vampire!"
I watched in satisfaction as that little tidbit shut him up!
[I hope that you are enjoying my plunge into Twilight. I will be out of town for the next three days so you get a little break! Thank you so much for reading and for all of the wonderful comments. Tami :D]