Chapter Twenty Six: I'm Not the Answer

As I entered our bedroom, Boone was sitting at the card table with Kennedy. She was coloring, and in one hand, Boone held a cigarette at arm's length away from the little girl. In the other hand, he had two pieces of paper and a picture.

"Whatcha got there?" I asked.

"Look Miss Harley! Mr. Boone had a picture of Carla and he let me draw her!" She held a picture of a stick figure up to me. She had a big smile and curly hair. Over her stick figure stomach area was a giant circle - I guess it was supposed to look like she was pregnant.

"That's very pretty. How did you like hanging out with Mr. Boone?" I asked.

"It was awesome! He told me all about Carla and their baby. He said he wanted a girl, and he wanted to name it Carla too, but she didn't like that idea. He said he wanted to teach her how to shoot and dance and do all sorts of things!"

It seemed like opening up to Kennedy was easier than opening up to me. At least he was getting it out instead of keeping it in. He probably just thought that since she was a kid, she wouldn't be interested and it would be easier to tell her. When I was a kid, I didn't care about anything or listen to anyone. I was a dick. Good thing Kennedy isn't.

I looked at Boone and his face wasn't stuck in a permanent grimace. In fact, he smiled at the picture of him in brown NCR trooper gear next to a woman about my height with a head of wild brown curls, and perfectly white teeth in front of The Strip. She had a small baby bump that you really had to focus on to see. The smiles on their faces were so wide, they are almost goofy-looking.

"Mr. Boone also told me this old story his parents used to tell him all the time about three little pigs and a mean wolf!"

"Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun," I said, hugging Boone after he stubbed out his cigarette. They both nodded, and I told Kennedy it was past her bedtime. She hugged Boone and I before going downstairs. I sat on the edge of the bed, "Carla was beautiful," I said quietly.

He nodded, "you are too, though. I don't want you to think you have to be her. I miss her, but Kennedy...well, I'm not sure. She's way too smart for her own good. I told her all about Carla because the picture fell out of my pocket. She was quiet the whole time I talked, she drew me pictures, asked me questions. She even sympathized with me."

"I know, she's such an awesome girl."

Boone set his papers, beret and sunglasses down on the table and walked over to me. He genuinely looked like he felt better - his forehead didn't have creases in it from his eyebrows always being furrowed, his eyes no longer had large bags under them and he was smiling - and that made my entire day so much better. And I had saved three people today.

"So how was the Boomers? I see you made it there," he bent down and put his knee on the bed between my legs. I leaned up to kiss him.

"It was good. We're gonna go back for a couple of hours a day. Today I saved three people."

"Maybe we should celebrate?" He kissed down my neck and unclipped my leather vest, "I was thinking. Why wait until after the dam to try to have kids? Why not just do it now? Kennedy will only keep getting older, and so will we."

Oh. Uh…what? I let out a moan as he nibbled my ear, "I don't know what will happen at the dam. That's why I wanted to wait."

"We'll win. We have so far," he laid me back and pinned me down with his body weight as he slid my clothes off.

"You two fuck like rabbits. I'm…not sure what a rabbit it, but it's an Old World saying," Cass knocked back a shot of whiskey.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about," I said simply.

"Oh come on. Seriously, you think we're deaf? I couldn't get away from the numerous Oh, God, Craig!s if I tried. Jesus Christ. At least he sounds like he fucks good. I've fucked a few soldiers, and I'll be damned if they didn't know their dicks from their assholes."

"Well, Craig wasn't just any normal trooper. He was a First Recon. Maybe that's your problem. Quit fucking low-ranking troopers."

"Where do I find me one of these First Recons?" She asked, pouring me a shot of whiskey.

"Well, mine was in a Dinosaur mouth." When Cass raised an eyebrow, I said, "No shit. Dinky the Dinosaur."

She nodded, the bottle of whiskey met with her lips, "That's some shit. And he asked you to find out about his dead wife?"

"Yeah. He said he could only trust a stranger."

Veronica leaned over Cass, "Yeah, well I pounded it in his head that he needs to take care of you. I mean, the Army Man in him takes good care of everyone. He's like a mom or something. But he's troubled. He has good days and bad days, just like all of us. His bad days are just…worse than ours. That doesn't mean he should take it out on you."

I nodded. She's got a point. I don't expect one talk to wipe his conscience. He's still like 'I've got bad things coming.' He won't listen to me when I say he doesn't. He keeps saying he doesn't want to get too close, and then he rips my clothes off and is like 'let's fuck.' I think sex was just like a release for his anger. It was stressful, but I did want him to get better.

I needed to get to bed. I was tired, Craig and Kennedy were coloring and even though it was past her bedtime, he said she could stay up longer. It was so cute watching them play that I seriously wanted to cry. She got him to play tag and hide and seek and he just seemed happier. Veronica and Cass sat beside me, idly chatting. I looked around and it seemed oddly empty – all of the other women were gone. Boone said they were at the Gomorrah, cleaning up, so we walked over. Bodies were piled in the courtyard, and all of the blood spatters and smears were gone. They were rearranging tables when we walked in. It seemed to be shaping up nicely, and Mom said she wanted to work through the night, so she may not be back until later.

The bed was more than big enough for Boone, Kennedy and I, especially since Boone spent more time at the window than he did in bed. I kept dreaming in snip-its, waking up before a dream would end, always finding him at the window. One dream, I was being swallowed by a horde of NCR soldiers. I'm not sure why. In another, Benny let Caesar into The Strip and he succeeded in killing everyone and taking over. Kennedy grew up and fought for Caesar in another. Carla was selling me to the Legion in one. Every time I woke up, Kennedy was more than soundly sleeping beside me, and Boone assured me everything was okay. But at five in the morning, I couldn't sleep anymore, so I headed into the bathroom to take a bath. Boone sat, perched on the toilet seat, watching my every move. It was a little unnerving, to be truthful.

"I uhm. I…" He rubbed his hand across the fuzz that was growing on his head, and I instinctively rubbed mine, too. I was going to have to shave my whole head or cut the other side really short or something because it would look ridiculous soon. For a minute or two, he stuttered, looking for the words.

"If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. I know it's hard."

"No, I just can't form the words. I'm not a talker like you and Kennedy. It's not as easy for me."

"That's just how some people are," I shrugged.

"Carla was leaving me. She...after I came back from Bitter Springs, I was in a bout of depression. Couldn't bring myself to tell her about what happened. She thought I was keeping secrets from her. The night she packed up to leave was the night they took her."

Oh my god. So she died when they were fighting. He didn't get to say 'goodbye' or 'I'm sorry.' I rested my head on his knee, "I'm sorry," was all I could say.

"It's alright. Sometimes I wonder...if she were still alive, would we still be together? She was pregnant. I didn't want her to leave and take our kid with her. I-I would've followed her to the ends of the earth, if only for the baby. That doesn't…change the fact that I loved her. I…still wanted to be with her."

"It's okay. I understand. If you're ever feeling like you need to talk to someone, I don't care if I'm asleep or busy or whatever. I will stop whatever it is that I am doing. Do you understand?"

He nodded and began undressing, too. We cuddled in the bathtub until the water turned cold and gray from the soap and dirt on our bodies. His words were little more than hushed murmurs as he tangled his fingers through my hair. The words he was speaking seemed to dance further away from my ears as I started falling asleep. I vaguely remember him setting me on the edge of the bathtub to dry me off and making me put on a pair of underwear and a large T-shirt. It smelled like Boone, and I smiled and he carried me in his arms. Kennedy was already awake, and Boone asked her to go back to sleep and when she woke up again to let us finish sleeping. I caught my head as it bobbed downward off Boone's shoulder.

The rain had stopped half way to Nellis, even though the storm clouds were still angrily boiling above us. Veronica, Boone and Cass were all in tow, and as we approached the gate, we were let in like old friends. Today we were going to get rid of the ant problem. Raquel explained that they breathed fire, so we would have to attack them from a distance. A laser pistol came out from under Veronica's robes and Raquel shook her head.

"We tried to hit on with a laser pistol and they exploded," she nodded to herself.

My 9mm was placed in her hand, and Raquel said to talk to Loyal about a project he was working on. Of course, Loyal was older and very smug towards us being outsiders. I was about to tell him to forget it, when he produced what he called a sonic emitter. He said it was useless if he didn't know what frequency to set it on.

"Well, think of it as a field test–"

"Any signal above 22,000 hertz at 150 decibels should work," Veronica piped up. He seemed impressed as he handed over the sonic emitter, telling us to place it on an ant mound.

The entire area smelled like shit and fire, which was a terrible combination. There were a few dead Boomers lying around here and there. I can't believe they didn't have the decency to bury their fucking dead. Boone was completely on top of things, shooting ants before we even saw them coming. Well, it was hard to see anything when he insisted we all stay behind him. Veronica was having trouble hitting anything with my 9mm, I'm not sure why because it's more accurate than a laser pistol. Cass was getting pissed about being "boxed in," and the sniper in front of us stayed quiet as he took out several more ants. Veronica began flipping switches as we passed, because I had no idea what I was supposed to touch and leave alone, and Cass was now voicing very loudly how she was getting angry about all the protecting going on. She said she was a grown capable woman and didn't need to be sheltered like a child. Boone turned his head to speak, and I heard the pitter-patter of an ant coming from somewhere. My Pip-boy said it was close, and just as I looked away, I saw a stream of orange and red fire burst from the ant's mouth and catch Boone in the side and the arm. He flinched back, his teeth bared as he sunk a hunting knife into its head.

His shirt was little more than burnt bits, and I carefully peeled the rest of the shirt away from his body. It was black in some areas and blisters quickly formed in the red splotches. I administered a stimpack as Veronica found the ant mound. A nasty, disgusting crackling noise went off, and my stomach rolled over, causing any lunch I had in me to be violently forced out and on the floor beside us. I saw Boone also struggle to hold down whatever was coming up, as well – his hands shaking over his mouth as he turned pale.

I gave Boone another stimpack and the T-shirt I wore under my vest - it was comically small on him, only covering his chest and part of his stomach. I poked at his belly button in play and he hastily gave the shirt back. Everyone was quiet as we went and told Raquel her ant problem was solved. A look of confusion spread across her face and finally set in a look of triumph. She suggested Boone getting a shirt from a locker in the mess hall after staring for a bit longer than I liked, but Boone didn't seem to notice. Just plain black, and the color suited him just fine – looked much different than that old dingy shirt he wore, and accented his tanned muscles. His burns stood out red and angry against his soft skin. He winced as he struggled to get his arm through the hole.

Jack told us about a girl he had seen through his binoculars. The sign where she was at read "Crimson Caravan: New Vegas Branch." He mentioned wanting to meet her. When I asked about the repairs he needed help with, he said he needed scrap metal. Well, shit. Scrap metal is everywhere.

"Mother Pearl, can I ask you a question?" We were standing in her barracks as she was cooking on the stove.

"Of course, child."

"Well, Jack has a...love interest. He's seen her through his binoculars and I thought it would be a cool idea to bring her here."

"I'm not so sure. We don't know anything about her."

"But it would mean a lot to him," I said.

"Child, you have to understand our convictions towards–"

"I do, Mother Pearl, but Jack may never get another chance at something like this. Please, if she causes any trouble, I will take the blame."

Mother Pearl smiled, her eyes shifting from me, to Boone, and settling back on me, "Seems like you're in his position as well."

"Yes Ma'am."

She stood rigid for a few seconds before sighing, "I'll give her an outfit and tell them not to fire at her. If she does anything I do not agree with, it'll be on Jack, not you, dear."

I nodded, "of course. I'm sure he'll be excited to meet her."

Throughout the day, Veronica helped someone fix a stove and a missile launcher, Cass and I played with children, and Boone stood back and watched idly. It was like he was trying to capture every piece of life going on around him. So he could tuck it away and bring it back up in a time of need. Pete approached me with more children's books, and I realized I had completely forgotten to give Kennedy her books. I thanked him and asked if he needed help with anything. He said he wanted to learn how to shoot a gun - not a rocket launcher, but just a gun.

"Boone's the man for that," I said, pointing at Boone who was leaning against a building in the sticky-hot shade. His eyebrows furrowed, but Pete was more than excited when Boone produced a 10mm and handed it to him. Across from them, there were several bottles lined up on a fence. Boone got down on one knee to be level with Pete. His arms were locked forward, and Boone told him to relax them, pushing his shoulders down and pulling his arms closer. I could see Boone looking down the barrel, putting his sunglasses on top of his head, and looking down the barrel again. Pete took a shot and missed by far.

"Close your one eye and focus the other down the middle of the gun. Take a deep breath...pull the trigger," were Boone's words of wisdom. Pete pulled the trigger and clipped the bottle enough to make it fall over. They practiced for about an hour, and Pete had knocked over all the rest of the bottles in a shatter of glass.

Mother Pearl found us walking around and excitedly came up to us, "you have done well to earn the trust of my people, child. I want you to talk to Loyal about our fondest dream."

Turns out, this dream is raising an old bomber from Lake Mead. Veronica helped fix the rebreather mask Jack had given me, and they clapped me on the shoulder and wished me good luck.

My duffle bag was stuffed with two ballasts, a detonator, books, and the mask. As soon as we left the Boomers I started freaking out, "I can't go underwater. No. I'll...I'll suffocate! I'll drown! What if the rebreather doesn't work? What if there's some creepy man fish thing and it takes me to his hidden underwater lair and forces me to bear his man-fish children?"

"That sounds terrifying," I could hear Boone choke back a laugh, "but highly unlikely."

"Or I could get caught in seaweed and starve to death if the rebreather actually does work and I don't end up drowning first. Looks like we can't get the Boomers on our side. Sorry, guys."

"I'll go," Veronica huffed, "you guys probably don't even know what a ballast is anyway."

My tension melted away, "thank the fucking lord," I let out the breath I was holding in, "first thing tomorrow."

I planted face first on the bed, my duffle bag slamming uncomfortably against my back. Kennedy buzzed around the room like a happy little bee, and when I handed her all the books I've gotten for her, she was literally in tears.

"No one has ever gone out of their way to be nice to me. You and Mr. Boone are the best and I really like both of you. I...I'm not worthy of everything you've given me. I'm not even your child, and you take care of me like I am. And I have nothing to offer in return."

"Honey, you're just a kid. Just because those Legionnaires said that shit to you, doesn't mean it's true. I don't expect anything in return, except that you learn to read and write so you can read me bed time stories," she smiled as I ruffled her hair.

I'll admit – I wasn't ready to be thrust into being a mom. I liked Kennedy, hell, I loved that little girl. But having Boone's moodswings to take care of, and all this shit at the Dam – not to mention I was constantly looking over my shoulder, making sure the Legion weren't there to snatch us up. I guess for now, I just had to be thankful that the Legion didn't have her anymore.

I walked sleepily back to Nellis with Veronica. She had successfully deployed the ballasts and the Lady in the Lake was now floating peacefully on the surface. Cass and Boone stayed back to make sure no one tried to steal it or scavenge it for parts. Time spent with Veronica was small, so I got in some girl time. I asked her what was up with her and Cass. "We're not serious, but the sex is seriously good," was her reply. I nodded, good enough, I suppose. She was like a kid, asking all sorts of questions; "How's Kennedy?" "How's Boone?" "Do you think you guys are going to settle down and have kids?"

I didn't want to shrug her off, so I answered her honestly – "she's good. Excited to learn, doesn't think that she deserves how nice we are." "Boone's been pretty good lately. I think Kennedy is doing a lot of good for him." "He says he wants to. I think we should wait until after the Dam. Whatever happens, happens, I suppose." We were close enough to the barracks that Veronica seemed happy with my answers, for now.

"Oh child, thank you! Of course you have the Boomers' support at the dam. You've more than proven outsiders can be trusted."

We escorted a few Boomers to the Lady and parted from there. Cass was ecstatic that we had the Boomers on our side. The sniper in front of me stayed quiet, however. No emotion showed on his face as we entered the 38. Even as Kennedy and mom ran up to us, he stayed stony.

"Nothing will change me," He said, his back to me in our room, "You can't save me from myself. I think it's best I just go back to Novac…"