On the Rocks: Chapter Twenty-six

Ana smiles and says, "Mr. Grey, I'm beginning to suspect that you're a hopeless romantic."

Christian knots his fingers in Ana's hair, gently pulling until her face is angled to his, and then he says, "Miss Steele, I believe you may be right."

When he kisses her, Ana wonders if it's possible to be too happy, because her chest actually hurts trying to contain the love she feels for him. As the kiss predictably deepens, she can't help a soft whimper of longing and Christian reluctantly ends it, affectionately touching his nose to hers and releasing her hair to again embrace her as he says, "No more running, okay?"

Confident that he's sufficiently recovered, Ana grins and says, "No more kidnapping, then. And I thought you liked chasing me?"

Christian smiles and says, "I do. But only when I can be sure of catching you."

Ana smiles, remembering the predatory look on his face when he was closing on her in the alley, and then loses the smile to ask, "Is your ankle okay?"

Christian shrugs and says, "So-so. It didn't do any real damage."

Mortified that she caused him not only emotional pain, but physical as well, despite believing that she had little choice, Ana says, "I'm sorry."

"Let's just admit that we both fucked up this time and forget about it."

Ana rests her head back against his shoulder and says, "Apology accepted, Mr. Grey." Christian's only reply is to kiss her forehead. They lie together in silence for a while and then Ana says, "Change your mind?"

Christian proves that he knows she's talking about his growing erection when he says, "I told you, just ignore it."

"Easy for you to say; it's pressing against my belly."

Adjusting his body slightly, so that they'll both be able to relax, Christian says, "Just go to sleep, Ana. It's late and you have work in the morning."

Suddenly anxious, Ana says, "You're not coming with me, are you?"

Christian tenses and says, "Why not?"

"Despite arriving with a bodyguard and chauffer every morning, I've managed to keep it a secret that my boyfriend is my boss and I'd rather keep it that way."

His tone somewhat softer, Christian asks, "Because?"

Ana looks at Christian to say, "Because I don't want people to think I fucked my way into this job."

"Why do you give a fuck what strangers think about you?"

"Not strangers, Christian; peers and colleagues. There's stuff about your life that you don't want colleagues to know."

"Technically, all I've ever had are employees, but I take your point. And I was only going to carpool with you. Just because I'm cutting back on my hours, doesn't mean that I've retired." And then Christian grins and says, "I mean, if that's okay with you?"

Reassured, Ana again snuggles against him as she says, "Yes, thank you."

They're again quiet for a while and Ana is almost asleep when Christian says, "And what will your colleagues think when you're suddenly Mrs. Grey?" When several seconds pass without a reply, Christian quietly asks, "Ana?"

"I'm asleep."

Christian chuckles and says, "You know that we'll need to face this eventually, right?" When Ana fakes soft snoring noises, Christian laughs again and says, "Okay, baby. Goodnight."

Ana wakes in darkness, feeling far too warm, to find a sleeping Christian sprawled almost on top of her; his head on her chest, a leg resting across her hips and one hand resting on her midriff under the t-shirt. And she knows that his apparent acceptance of last night's drama was a front if he's upset enough to seek comfort in his sleep. Daring to gently run one hand through his hair, she's thinking back over the past week, how much has happened and how far they've come in their bid to mesh two very different lives together, when the hand against her skin stirs and Christian says, "Mmm, that's nice."

"Christian, can you move, please? It's too hot with you as a blanket." Ana feels his dick come to life against her hip, even as his hand slides up to rest between her breasts. Pleasure flooding though her body in delicious anticipation, Ana nevertheless asks, "Christian, are you awake?"

Christian looks up at her to say, "Yes, baby, I'm awake. Why?"

"I thought you weren't going to fuck me until tomorrow?"

With a glance at the clock, showing 1:36am, Christian says, "It is tomorrow. You wouldn't have let me continue if I were asleep?"

Embarrassed, and without knowing why, Ana says, "Well, you said no sex, so…" At his smug grin, she says, "What?"

"I think there's far more of the submissive in you than you're yet prepared to admit."

Suddenly afraid, again without knowing why, Ana struggles against him as she says, "Just get off me, Christian. I'm too hot."

Showing no sign of obliging, Christian says, "I'll move if you tell me why you ran from the car."

Pushing futilely against him, Ana says, "You know why I ran; psychotic boyfriend had kidnapped me."

Apparently unperturbed by her taunt, Christian says, "No, that's why you defied me. I want to know why you ran, when all you had to do was wait until we got to Escala and then leave."

Panic rising in her at whatever answer is concealed within her subconscious, Ana says, "Please, Christian, just get off me. I can't think."

Christian studies her face for a few seconds, his thoughts hidden from Ana, and then he suddenly rolls onto his back and rests his hands behind his head as he says, "Okay, babe."

Suddenly bereft of his touch, her heart still pounding from the anxiety his question had inspired in her, Ana tries to process why his voice sounds so alien and then she feels almost ill as she says, "You're disappointed."

Her suspicions are confirmed when Christian says nothing. Now just as desperate for his touch as she had been for his absence only seconds earlier, Ana nestles against his side, one hand on his chest. Christian puts an arm around her and says, "Thought you were too hot?"

Fighting the urge to cry, Ana begs, "Please don't be disappointed in me."

Christian sighs and says, "It's okay, babe. I understand about fear, believe me."

Her voice almost a sob, Ana says, "I'm sorry."

Christian brings his other hand down to cover hers where it rests on his chest, even as he begins those magically calming circles on Ana's back and he says, "Sshh, go to sleep. We're okay."

Ana's throat begins to ache with her efforts to contain the words she needs to say, but she somehow finds the courage to push past that wall and softly pleads, "Bully me."

Christian's entire body tenses, and then he asks, "You're sure?" When Ana only nods against his chest, he says, "You know how to stop me?" When she again merely nods, he commands, "Say it."

"Yellowred."

As if he'd been somehow preparing for this moment, Christian spins Ana so that she's face down on the bed with her head turned to the side. In the next breath, he drags her arms almost painfully across her back and holds them there with one hand. And then he bends her legs behind her until her feet actually touch her back, pushing his body weight against her until she feels as if she can't breathe.

Not that she ever had a hope of being strong enough to stop him, but Ana doesn't fight his efforts. She knows that he's doing exactly as asked. However, that cannot stop her body from reacting in terror to being so completely trapped and her muscles painfully tense as they prepare for flight. Suddenly, she understands what Christian is doing, when she realizes that the last time she felt this fear was in the car, watching Escala loom over her like an adversary.

And then it gets worse, when Christian grabs her hair and pulls her head back. Now truly on the edge of panic, her heart pounding loud in her ears and every cell in her body rebelling against being so utterly subjugated, Ana suddenly and mystifyingly accepts her fate. In that moment, she relaxes, all her concerns leaving her body in one, long sigh, leaving only a slight trembling of reaction to the adrenalin coursing through her body. Only then does Christian growl, "Why did you run?"

Her voice sounding foreign to her ears, Ana says, "I saw Escala."

His domineering tone sending another shiver along Ana's skin, Christian commands, "Stop fucking with me. Why did you run?"

"I…I couldn't let you take me to Escala."

Ana wonders if she imagines a slight slackening of the pressure on her body when Christian then asks only, "Why?"

It's as if the answer is shrouded by mist within Ana's mind, constantly shifting so that she never catches more than a glimpse of it, and she hesitantly says, "Because…I…I just couldn't."

It's definitely not her imagination this time when the pressure on her limbs eases a little and Christian lets Ana's head fall forward. Worried that he's giving up, even as some part of her is relieved that the torture is over, Ana is about to beg him to continue when she's suddenly trapped again, her legs and arms stretched behind her and her head pulled back until her neck muscles put pressure on her throat. Wondering how it can be possible for her body to again panic, Ana notices her involuntary reaction as if it's happening to someone else. Detached from the moment, she surveys the scene, marveling at how her muscles again relax and then the tears flow unhindered as Ana reveals, "If we'd made it to Escala, I would have never left."

Without ever losing contact with her body, Christian releases Ana and massages her shoulders and then her legs as she sobs uncontrollably. As the sobs subside to soft weeping, he turns Ana towards him and cradles her to his chest, tenderly kissing first her lips and then her eyes as he asks, "Why?"

Smiling through the tears, Ana says, "You know why."

With a relieved smile, Christian says, "Yes, but you need to say it."

Resting one had on his chest to feel his reassuring heartbeat, Ana says, "I would have stayed because you wished it."

Despite obviously expecting this answer, Christian gasps and then sighs before asking, "So, you'll move in?"

Smiling at his eager tone, Ana says, "Yes."

"Soon?"

"Very soon."

With a grin, Christian says, "Now, admit that you're submissive."

Beaming her gratitude at him, Ana shakes her head and says, "No."

Suddenly on her back, with her arms held above her head, and pinned by Christian's body, Ana is again ordered, "Admit that you're submissive."

The already forgotten tears still fresh on her face, Ana's laugh is pure joy when she insists, "No."

Without a trace of anger, Christian smilingly says, "Ana, we both know it's true. I just proved it. Even if I hadn't, it's the only explanation for the intense attraction we both felt on meeting each other. Now just fucking admit that you want to submit to me."

Almost giddy with happiness at his playful mood, Ana stares straight into his eyes and says, "Never."

Christian growls in mock frustration and then asks, "Will you always defy me?"

Apparently unable to stop smiling, Ana says, "Yes, Sir."

Passion flares in Christian's eyes and then he says, "Would you like me to fuck you now?"

Suddenly worried that he might use such a wish against her, Ana carefully asks, "Is that what you want?"

With a kind smile, Christian says, "I promised that I'd never use your body's need for me to win an argument, Ana. Did you think that I'd forgotten?"

In truth, she had forgotten, and Ana says, "Sorry."

Christian suddenly releases Ana and rolls off her to lie on his side facing her, and then he gently wipes the few remaining tears from her face before saying, "Time for sleep. We'll fuck tonight."

At first hurt, Ana then notices that her need for comfort is currently greater than her need for sex and she turns on her side to look at Christian as she says, "Thank you, darling."

Christian's breath hitches and then he releases his desire in one, long breath and says, "Unless you keep saying that."

Ana unconvincingly says, "Sorry."

Christian smiles at her lie and then asks, "How do you feel?"

He seems genuinely concerned, so Ana takes a moment to assess her feelings and then says, "Okay. Confused, tired, thirsty, but good…uh, lighter, if that makes sense?"

Christian smiles and says, "Yes, baby, perfect sense." And then he quickly kisses her and says, "I can help with the thirsty. Don't go anywhere."

Christian is at the door, smiling back at Ana when the sudden knock on the door makes him jump and clutch his chest in shock. Ana giggles as he opens the door to reveal a very nervous Kate. Her face registers surprise on seeing Christian and she looks past him to ask Ana, "You okay, sweetie? I heard crying."

"I'm fine. Just working through some stuff."

Kate then warily eyes Christian and asks Ana, "You sure?"

Without a word, Christian steps aside, motioning for Kate to enter as he says, "Miss Kavanagh. Would you care for a glass of water?"

Suddenly unsure of herself, Kate enters as she says, "Uh, no, thank you."

Christian smiles as he heads to the kitchen, with a bathroom break on the way, so that the women will have time for a chat. When he returns with the glass of water, Kate is sitting on top of the covers as she and Ana embrace. He leers and purrs, "Now there's a pretty picture." At Ana's glare, he says, "Joking, babe. Do you need more time?"

It's Kate who says, "No. We're done." Christian waits, glass in hand, as Kate leaves. He smiles in bemused surprise when she affectionately punches his arm on the way past, saying, "Night, Grey."

With a polite nod, Christian says, "Sleep well, Miss Kavanagh." She's almost to the door when Christian winks at Ana and says, "Good thing I didn't fuck you just now."

Ana has to put both hands over her mouth to stifle her giggle when Kate's only reply is to slam the door on the way out. And then she says, "You should be nice to Kate. She's on your side."

Christian hands Ana the glass of water and carefully climbs into bed as he says, "I am nice to her. How many people do you see me teasing?"

Thinking about it, Ana can only recall him teasing her, Brit and his family, so she smiles and says, "Thank you, Christian."

"You're welcome. Now drink your water, so you can get some sleep."

Ana quickly drains half the glass and then returns to her favorite place in Christian's arms as she says, "Aren't you going to ask me what Kate and I talked about?"

His cheek resting against the top of Ana's head, Christian says, "Are you going to tell me?"

Ana smiles and says, "Maybe."

Christian is quiet for several seconds before he asks, "I'm guessing that I featured somehow in the conversation?"

Ana smiles at her victory, such as it is, and says, "Yes. I told her that I'll be moving in with you soon."

Ana wonders if she imagines a slight tremor through Christian's body and then he says, "I presume she cautioned you against the idea?"

"Surprisingly, no. She appears to think that I'm capable of making my own decisions about such things."

Proving that he knows Ana is gently chastising him, Christian says, "Yes, well, perhaps she doesn't know you very well."

"I'm not sure even I know me very well. Thanks, for helping me understand."

Christian kisses her forehead and says, "You ready to admit it, yet?"

Just the thought of giving that much of herself away returns Ana's fear with a vengeance. Suddenly desperate for comfort, she warns, "I need your skin."

Christian tenses, but does nothing to stop Ana from reaching up under his t-shirt to rest her hand on his chest. She can feel his heart rate soar at the contact, but it soon settles down and then he asks, "Want the shirt gone?"

Fighting tears, Ana shakes her head and says, "This is enough."

Christian lifts Ana's face to his with a hand on her chin. He studies her face for a few seconds and then says, "Why are you so afraid of saying the words? I recognized you as a submissive the moment I looked in your eyes. But, heart-stopping moments aside, I really do enjoy it when you defy me and I promise, baby, that I won't treat you any different than I do now." And then he forces a grin and says, "Other than my victory dance, of course."

Smiling her gratitude at his effort to lighten the mood, Ana says, "This one has nothing to do with you, Christian. I…all my life I've been what people need of me and I think…I think that I got lost somewhere. Now it feels like...it's the same as fear of dying to contemplate being anything else."

Christian releases her chin and says, "I wish you'd consider seeing a shrink. It doesn't have to be Flynn, but you know that I can afford the best and it might make things easier for you."

Ana rests her against his shoulder and says, "I'll think about it. But I don't have much faith in them after Dad's experiences, and Flynn doesn't seem to have done much for you."

Christian's tenses and too calmly asks, "What makes you think that?"

Wondering how much trouble she's in, Ana says, "Uh, because…you're not going to get mad?"

Christian takes one, deep breath and says, "No. But, FYI; what I did just now is one of the things he taught me."

After taking a moment to organize her thoughts, Ana says, "You've been undergoing therapy for what; twenty three years?"

"On and off. I had moments of rebellion where I'd simply refuse to go. I haven't done that since meeting Flynn."

"Okay, call it twenty years then. Near as I can tell, in that time the only thing you've learned about yourself is that you need to beat women who remind you of your mother before fucking them." Ana feels Christian again tense at her words, but she continues, "And we both know that's simply not true." Her heart pounding, Ana tries to remember to trust him as she concludes, "And…and you didn't even learn that much from a shrink. You got it from her."

Ana waits, her heart in her throat, for Christian's reaction. When it happens, it's not what she was expecting. He simply moves out of their embrace, to sit up and run both hands through his hair before saying, "That's…it's not their fault."

Desperate to touch Christian, but mindful of his needs, Ana sits up, cross-legged, to face him and pleads, "Tell me."

With a shrug of his shoulders that is little more than a twitch of guilt, Christian explains, "I couldn't trust anyone for years. You know that I didn't even speak for a while. And then I developed my favorite hobby; torturing therapists. It was almost too easy to mess with them once I learned the basics. So, until my parents were lucky enough to find Flynn, I went through a lot of shrinks. But John…he's different. He doesn't tell me to do anything. He doesn't label me…well, I presume his files need such precision, but he flat out refuses to voice the accepted terms in our sessions. He simply addresses whatever…symptoms are currently causing a problem in my life."

"Symptoms?"

"Yeah, though he doesn't even use that label, just asks if I have any concerns and we go from there."

Almost afraid of the answer, Ana asks, "And he was your shrink when…when she got hold of you?"

Christian glares a caution at her tone, but doesn't reprimand her, and says, "Yes, but he knew nothing of that until the day I said that I didn't want to see him anymore." Christian finally smiles and says, "Poor bastard had thought that therapy was working, because I hadn't been in trouble for a while. He asked for an explanation as to why I was ending our sessions and…I don't know why I told him. At that stage I was still consumed by self-loathing at what I felt were…disgusting doesn't seem strong enough for how I felt about my deviant urges. Maybe I somehow sensed that he'd understand, or felt obligated. Anyway, I confessed, and then he did something no other shrink has ever done for me; shared something of himself."

"I thought they didn't do that?"

"It's strongly discouraged. But it was exactly what I needed. If he hadn't done that…" With an embarrassed grin, Christian explains, "You think I'm messed up now. If we'd met back then I would have used you up and tossed you aside for the next one. Flynn…you should be sending him flowers."

Ana nods as she considers his words and then asks, "How old were you?"

"About sixteen…oh, you would have been ten." Christian smiles and says, "Okay, so I wouldn't have even noticed you."

"Did you only have sex with her?"

Studying her face for clues as to her mood, Christian says, "No. Elena has never been possessive in that way, and encouraged me to experiment with other women…girls, at that time; though always girls older than me." Ana is quiet for so long that he asks, "You okay?"

Ana loses the faraway look and then smiles before saying, "I was just thinking…if I'd met you when I was younger, no way I would have stayed a virgin until twenty-one."

Christian's smile is radiant and then he promises, "Sweetheart, I guarantee it."

Deducing that it's now safe to approach him, Ana straddles Christian's lap, and threads her hands through his hair before kissing him, pausing only long enough to make sure that he's willing. It's Ana who finally ends the kiss and shifts slightly against his erection as she jokes, "It's back."

Christian offers a lazy, contented smile and says, "Yes. Poor bastard nearly disappeared when Kate knocked on the door."

Ana smiles and leaves his lap to climb back under the covers as she says, "Good."

Christian mirrors her movements, once again settling into an embrace with his arms around Ana as he asks, "Good?"

Ana looks up at him to explain, "Yes. It's good that my best friend appearing at the bedroom door makes your dick want to flee, because I have no interest in sharing you, Mr. Grey."

Christian kisses her again and says, "That, at least, we're simpatico about. I have no wish to share you, either." And then he asks, "You'll consider it?"

"Seeing a shrink?" At his nod, Ana says, "Okay. I'll call Flynn when I'm ready."

"Thank you, baby. I really think it'll help. For now, sleep; you're exhausted."

Only at his words does Ana notice she can barely keep her eyes open, but she's not quite done defying him and jokes, "Yes, Master."

Passion flares in Christian's eyes and he actually holds his breath for a few seconds before gently releasing it, once again under control, and then his voice holds an edge of violence as he says, "Dangerous waters, baby, sure you want to swim there?"

Her heart thrilling at the power she has over him, Ana rests her head against his shoulder and murmurs, "I'm asleep." Christian only chuckles and very soon Ana does fall asleep, the sound of his joyful laughter echoing in her mind.

Where credit's due: To AriadneInNaxos, for invaluable assistance on this one. It's possible that I could have done it without you, but I doubt it. At the very least, it would have taken me much longer to find the courage to proceed. Thank you.