I know I said I wanted to post at least one chapter a week, but I took some time off in order to fully digest the Weirdmageddon finale. Gravity Falls was a great ride from beginning to end, and I'm very happy for the day when I discovered it by pure chance. Hopefully we'll see a return for it someday, but for now, I think it's best to let the series stands as it is.
Also, here's something I haven't really done before, but I think I might try and responded to people who give the most previous reviews
NickStriker: He might, he might not. The bottom line was that Vincent had to go live with him, which is what he wanted. And it's also what Bill wanted
Soos: Yeah, I did start off with more a horror theme, but that was just too hard to maintain so I mellowed things out
coldblue: Out of the two twins, Vincent definitely hates Dipper more. And the feeling's mutual, as Dipper as begun to see Vincent as a real nemesis, which I think is something Dipper would secretly love.
Ask me that again, after the next chapter
It has to be this summer because of a certain event that's coming up and if you want to know what their goal was, I'm afraid you have to ask Bill.
Sturm and Drang: Thank you. Accurate portrayal is what I strive for the most, but I doubt I'm successfully most of the time. Glad you liked Vincent. He started off as just be an entity of pure evil, but the more I wrote about him, the more I felt that needed to flesh him out
Guest: Yeah, I really do need to do that
On an uncharacteristically cloudy summer day, Dipper was on counter duty in the Mystery Shack, but due to the lack of costumers, he decided to take the opportunity and pass the time by going over some of his notes, while updating his web of ever growing conspiracy.
He then heard the faint sound of music playing in the distance. The source of the music revealed itself when Mabel strutted her way into the shop, coming from interior of the shack, carrying a pink, kid sized boom box over her shoulder, with long extension cord connected to its back that stretched down the hall from where she came. She placed the boom box the nearest shelf and turned up the volume, after which she started to slide across the room, going with the rhyme of the music.
"And one two three. One two three. Work it, work it, work it. Little jazz here, little hip hop there, sprinkle on some krumpin. Now shake it, get the crowd rolling. Make them love you, make them hate you cos they ain't you"
Dipper watched impassively as Mabel did what might be the most bizarre set dance sequences in the history of the art form. Her movement's fluctuated at the drop of a hat, going from street style to ballroom, hustle to samba, breakdance to…miming?
Most bizarrely, she somehow managed to get her upper body to do a pretty good robot, while at the same time having her legs do a Russian folk dance
Dipper could only continue to stare at his sisters erratic movements, not sure if she was trying to invent some new kind of dance routine or if she in the middle of a spastic episode.
"Do I even have to ask?" he said.
"I'm practicing for the local dance contest tonight in town" she answered, without any pause in her momentum, pushing her arms out and rotating them in a circle motion. She pulled out a piece of paper from under her sweater and handed it to Dipper as she did a moon walk past the counter. He read over the flyer that, using big and exuberant words, advertised a special dance off competition to be held in town for any willing participants.
"So is there any particular reason that you're doing this?" Dipper asked
"You don't need a reason to dance" Mabel replied, doing a Batusi gesture with her hands. "Just an excuse to dance! Dancing is all about feeling the music and then giving up your free will to it, letting invent new and involuntarily ways of how to move your body parts. I've been going like this nonstop since I found out about the contest". She jumped in the air and landed on a perfect split between her legs, that was also followed by an unpleasant cracking sound. With a very forced smile of regret, before she slowly got back to her feet and resumed dancing.
"I figure that if I turn everything I do into a dance move, then my body won't remember how to move normally anymore. Those suckers better watch out. I'm going to serve up some serious servings of getting served!" she said, while doing a gangster pose.
"Oh, you heard about the dance contest tonight?" Soos said, entering the room, having overheard their conversation. "Awesome sauce, dude. I'm actually gonna be judge there tonight, as my body is naturally equipped with an applause-o-meter. But you do know you got have a dance partner with you right?"
The music on Mabel's boom box suddenly cut itself off and was followed by the sound of a record being scratched against a needle on a record player, all of which collaborated together with Mabel as she lost her footing and was sent tumbling right into a stack of postcards.
Stan poked his head out through the doorway, holding up a plug in one hand and an old record under his other arm. "Sorry. I was carrying around this old record player and listening to some post- modern-pre-classical music, when I accidentally tripped and pulled out this plug, while at the same time, loudly scathing the record off the needle. Hope I didn't comically time that with a big surprising revelation"
"Partner!?" Mabel exclaimed, getting to her feet again, looking visibly distressed. "But the flyer didn't say anything about having a partner"
"Uh, Mabel?" Dipper cleared his throat and indicated to the back of the flyer. Taking the paper from him, Mabel saw at the very bottom corner on the back was a small notification which said that all entrants must have a partner with them.
"Probably should have advertised that better" Dipper pointed out, turning the flyer back around. "Who put this thing together?"
"Oh, I made the flyers too" Soo said. There was a long silence in the room. He chuckled. "Yeah, in retrospect, I probably should have saved some space on the front for that part, but like Mr Pines always taught me. Use big and bold headlines on the front to get people's attention. Then use small print for the boring details on the back so they'll skip over it"
"This horrible!" Mabel exclaimed, grabbing her face. "All of my rigorous practice and preparation in the two hours since I found out about the contest will now go to waste! What am I going to do now?"
"Don't sweat it Mabel" Soos said. "All you got to do is get a partner"
"I know. I'll take Waddles!" she said. "He can never turn down a dance party. Which I choose to assume is because he loves to do it rather than he has no developed vocal chords to say no"
"No can do Mabel" Soos said, shaking his head. "Your partner has to be human, or least a mammal of some kind that stands on its hind legs."
"But where else am I gonna find a dance partner by tonight?" Mabel spent a few moments thinking this over in her mind, when she then came to the very obvious, yet at the same time, very desperate conclusion to her problem. Folding her hands together and putting on a very sweet smile, she turned in the direction of her brother on the counter. "Dipper?"
"No" he said flatly, without even looking from his notes.
"Actually my question was going to be to if you don't want to be my dance partner" Mabel said quickly. "Which means you just said yes!"
"The answer is no Mabel" Dipper said once again, shaking his head firmly. "I'm not going to join your dance contest"
"But I need you to be my partner!" Mabel said, moving up to the counter. "We'll be a team. The Cybernetic Bungalow's"
"I never agreed to that name" Dipper said bluntly. "And unless the two of us dancing together is the only method to defeat a horde of brain eating zombies and or otherwise reanimated corpses, then there is pretty much nothing else that can motivate me get up on a stage and start dancing in front a crowd". Dipper's stern expression softened a little once he saw the sad look in Mabel's eyes. He sighed heavily and set his notes back into his Journal.
"Look Mabel, I'm sorry, but I'm sure you'll find someone else who can be your partner for tonight" he said with more sympathy. "Anyway, there's some stuff I need to check out today, but I'll be around later to help you look for someone else ok?"
"…..Ok" Mabel said sadly.
Still feeling slightly guilty, but satisfied, Dipper nodded his head. There then came the sound of someone knocking on the shop door. Taking this as his cue, Dipper dropped down from the counter and opened the door to a small, breaded man dressed up in a fancy butler suit, a long black limousine stretched out behind him
"Greetings, Master Dipper. You're presence has been requested by the young mistress of the household. If you would be so kind as to follow me, so that I may offer my services as transportation. Please do not ask for. I only get paid for this impression by the hour"
"Uh, yeah, sure" Dipper replied. He turned back to Mabel and Soos. "I'll see you guys later, ok? Bye". Giving them a short wave goodbye, he followed the butler out the door and down to limousine. Mabel and Soos crowed together by the window, watching the limousine drive off.
"Whoa, whoa, rewind a second here dude" Soos said after a moment of silence. "I'm gonna need like, an exposition shot here or some kind of scene transition just to keep up"
Inside the Northwest Manor, Pacifica was sitting alone in her spacious bedroom, idly reading a magazine. There came a knock on her door, which then opened up to the same white bearded butler
"Presenting Master Dipper"
After his presence had been announced, Dipper, whose clothes were for some reason now covered in an assortment of grime and filth, with flies buzzing around his head, walked into the room, a humourless expression across his face.
"Why exactly did I have to come in through the garbage cute?" he asked Pacifica, trying very hard to not to sound angry as he swatted the flies away
"It's for your own sake" she replied, not sounding overly sympathetic. "If my parents caught you sneaking in here, they'd sue you for trespassing"
"How's it trespassing when you invited me here?"
"That's your word against mine" Pacifica said, with a vague shrug. "Now what did you want to see here that was so important?"
"I wanted to find out more about that bracelet you said you borrowed off your Mom" Dipper said. "Vincent mentioned that it was some kind of charm that could be used against him. I want to find out where it came from"
"Well, my Mom did say it was an heirloom she got from my grandfather, Winston Northwest" Pacifica said, thoughtfully. "He gave it to her as wedding gift"
"So where did he get it?"
"I don't know. He also had a mounted Ivory Antlered Moose head and nobody knows where to get those anymore". Pacifica thought in silence for moment. "There is an old room upstairs that he used to use as his study. There might be something in there"
"Well that's as good as any place to start. So let's get going and-"
Dipper cut himself off when he noticed a picture of Mabel, hung up in front of a dartboard on the wall, with a number of darts and other pointed objects embedded into it.
"Ah, that's an old thing" Pacifica said, hurriedly pulling the picture down and throwing it away. "Was meaning to get rid of that. Seriously"
Dipper cast her a slightly dubious look, but decided not to press the matter further. Leaving Pacifica's room, they travelled to the upper story of the house, Dipper having to take extra caution that he wouldn't be seen by Pacifica's parents. Eventually they arrived at a doorway of a room, isolated at the end of the hallway. They entered the room, although it was too dark to see things clearly. Flicking the light switch, they got a better look at the rusty study they found themselves. Based on the clear line of dust on everything, it looked as though no used this room any longer.
Up on the far wall, was a huge portrait of what must have been, based on the resemblance to Pacifica's father Preston, Winston Northwest. On the opposite wall, there was the mounted head of what was once a very large moose, which had antlers than looked to be made of solid ivory.
At the other end of the room, was a desk situated behind a closed window. Seeing that as the best opportunity, Dipper trotted over to the desk, followed by Pacifica. Scanning the desk, which was bare expect for a small stack of books, Dipper bent down to have a look at the drawers underneath. Checking drawers each one, he kept on eye out for anything of interest, but found nothing. That is until he opened the second drawer from the bottom.
"What is this?" Dipper asked. From inside the drawer, he pulled out what looked to be an old set of medieval style metal shackles, with a long chain in between. Upon closer inspection, Dipper could make some kind of strange glyphs etched into the metal. Growing more curious he set the shackles on the floor and dug deeper into the drawer to see what else he could find.
And what he did find was a heavy, sliver balled mace and wooden handle, roughly the size of a small hatchet. After eyeing the mace for a moment and setting beside the shackles, the next item that Dipper found was an old and worn out envelope, which had already been opened. Inside the envelope was a letter. Down at the bottom of the letter was the name Acton Abendroth. Without waiting for any kind of formal consent, he started to read it out loud.
"My dearest and most trusted friend Winston. I thank you for all the kindness and generosity you have shown me since I arrived here in this town along with my family. You are certainly not evil or underhanded in anyway. That is why, as your friend, I must warn you of the vampire scourge that threaten this town. As a sign of my trust in you, I leave to you these items that to protect yourself and your family. The first is an Ostracise charm, which has been specifically configured to vampires. As long as any member of your family wears this charm, your home will be shielded from any invading vampire while inside"
Dipper took another look inside the drawer, but could see no charm laying inside, confirming that this was indeed where it originated from.
"The next item is Mystical Metal Manacles of Malignant Manageability." Dipper paused for a moment as he read over that line again a few extra times.
"That's not what they're actually called, but I'm a fan of alliteration. Place both ends of these shackles on a vampire's wrists and they will render them powerless. Remember, both ends must be place in order for it to work".
Dipper glanced down at the metal restraints beside him, a number of ideas already formulating in his mind, before retuning his attention back to the letter
"And finally, in case of more dire emergencies, a mace coated with the essence of silver. A bit more of a brusque tactic I know, but it has other qualities that will be good for defensive. Use the weapons well so that you and your family will be safe. I wish you the best of luck my dear friend who I trust complete and without fail"
Dipper reread through the letter a few more times in silence, trying to absorb all its contents, trying to piece together what this all meant.
"So Winston Northwest became friends with Acton Abendroth" he said. "Help him but the ice cream parlour for his cover and in return, Acton gave him these items to protect himself from the Voltaruss family. But what happened after that?"
"Maybe this might tell us something" Dipper looked up to see Pacifica holding a brown, small diary that she had found on the desk.
"This is my grandfather's diary" she said. "It has the same signature he did. Listen to this"
"Today was a fine day. I managed to bag yet another Ivory Antler Moose. Some fool wanted to place in animal sanctuary where it would be persevered, but lucky I bribed the zoo keeper there to leave on my property so that I could legally shoot it. Pity that was the last one in existence, which just goes to show how unreliable mother nature truly is."
"Try skipping ahead" Dipper suggested. "Here's the date the letter was first delivered"
Pacifica did as Dipper said and flipped ahead a couple of pages, stopping when she found the name they were looking for.
"I have recently made the acquaintance of the Acton Abendroth, the mysterious European fellow who has moved here along with his family. After some negotiation, we have come to an arrangement where I would provide the start-up loan necessary for Acton to begin his own establishment, with me as his business partner. That Acton seemed like quite a nice fellow. Very amiable and really, really trusting of strangers which are qualities I have always valued in my friends"
Pacifica turned to next page and kept reading, trying to ignore Dipper who was anxiously poking his head over her shoulder
"Today has yielded a great prospect for me. My dear and only slightly trustworthy friend, Vladimir Von Voltaruss III has informed me that the Abendroth family are in fact the heirs to a massive fortune and has approached me with a lucrative opportunity. As I am Acton's sole business partner, I will not only take their ice cream parlour upon his demise, but his entire fortune as well, provided of course no other family heirs remain. Vladimir has assured me that he will force the entire Abendroth family to disappear from this town with no evidence left to implicate me
Pacifica glanced over to Dipper, who had the same look of dreadful anticipation on his face as she did.
"Good old Vladimir. I knew I could rely on him. I don't know where everyone keeps getting those awful rumours of him being a vampire. A terrible complexion is nothing to discriminate over. And it has been suggested that a healthy dosage of blood on occasion can be good for your diet. I must say though, I have schemed, fleeced, conned and doubled crossed a lot of people in my many, many, many years of monetary treachery, but that Acton has got to be the most gullible one yet. He didn't have the least bit of doubt that I was anything but a good and honest person. Frankly, I even felt a little sorry for his naivety, but that's the best part about money. It makes problems go away. And those gifts he gave me are more than anything an eyesore, save for maybe that bracelet of course, which will make a good gift for my son's next flame"
"So that explains it" Dipper said, feeling the familiar mystery solving rush he so craved. "Acton Abendroth and his family came here to Gravity Falls searching for the Voltaruss. He must have thought Winston Northwest was someone he could trust after he bought him that ice cream parlour for his hideout, but then Winston sold the Abendroth's out to Vladimir III so that he could steal their fortune. But he still had these items that Acton left him. He must have kept them hidden here so no one would find out. This really could a huge breakthrough in-"
Dipper paused in his monologue when he noticed something odd. He turned to Pacifica, who was still holding her grandfather's diary in her hands, a resentful look across her face.
"Are you ok?" Dipper asked.
"Great" she replied, in a tone that suggested any but the word, tossing the book to the floor. "I just get to add another horrible thing to the list of horrible things my horrible family has done. Lying, double crossing. Hanging out with vampires. Can it seriously get any worse than that? I really am asking you a question"
Dipper was unable to give a reply other an incoherent mumble. With an angry groan, Pacifica kicked at her grandfather's old desk, before flopping down on the floor, pressing her back against it.
"No wonder I don't have any real friends. My family can't be friends with anyone unless we're just trying to exploit them"
Dipper stared down at Pacifica, feeling deeply sympathetic for the second time today. For a moment he didn't know what to say, but then his felt his face break into a wide. He bent down on knee beside her.
"I wouldn't say that. You somehow managed to make friends with me and Mabel. You know, despite how you started off as a super huge jerk and all that, but you're making good progress. It sounded like Acton was just too trusting of a person anyway. Your grandfather may have just taken advantage of him, but if you really want to be friends with someone, you have to learn to trust people, even if there is a chance you'll get hurt"
Pacifica turned to Dipper with surprise. "You…you really trust me?"
"Well, yeah of course I do. You're my friend" Dipper said, with a tone that would make you except him to follow up with a 'duh'. "So how about you stop your pity party and we can just move on with this okay? Remember, I'm not to supposed to be in your house"
Suddenly feeling a lot better, Pacifica smiled gratefully at Dipper as he helped her back to her feet. Deciding to call this an end to their search, Dipper packed up both the manacles and the mace he had found. They were just about ready to leave when they heard the sound of Preston Northwest's voice coming from down the hall
"Pacifica? Are you in there?"
The two of them immediately tensed up as they now heard the sound of approaching footsteps.
"It's my parents! What am I going to tell them?" Pacifica whispered urgently.
"How am I supposed to know?!" Dipper whispered back at her.
"Here take this!" she said, thrusting her grandfather's into Dipper's chest
"Don't give it to me!" he said, pushing it away.
"Pacifica what are you doing in your grandfather's study?"
Pacifica dropped the diary in her hands, glancing wildly around the room, going back and forth from the Dipper to the door, trying to think of some kind of excuse to get them both out of here without an explanation.
The footsteps ended just as Preston and his wife opened the door to old study, expecting to find their daughter waiting behind it. However, what they did not except to find their daughter currently locking lips with Dipper Pines, her hands cupped around his cheeks, pulling him close enough to embrace her.
"Good lord!" Preston pulled out a white handkerchief from his front pocket and started to gag gutturally into it as if he was on the verge of vomiting. His wife seemed to be of an equal opinion, backing away from the scene with shock.
"Oh my heavens! I could faint!" She then recomposed herself and gestured to a butler standing behind her. "Faint for me". The butler nodded and proceeded to faint in a satisfactory manner.
Seeing her parents in the room, Pacifica quickly released Dipper, who wobbled his feet for a second, his head bobbing back and forward, like his neck had just been turned into a spring. After a few moments, Preston regained control his stomach. He turned back around to his daughter, a furious look on his face.
"Pacifica Elsie Northwest, what on earth are you doing?!" he demanded.
"Um…exactly what it apparently looks like?" she answered awkwardly. Beside her, Dipper looked as though he might have been trying to say something, but in reality his mouth just fell open and he no longer seemed to have the ability to close it again.
"I am overwhelmed with emotion" Preston continued. "The most prominent being a case of severe nausea. That and a severe sense of disappointment in you my dear. Consorting yourself with such riff raff. Look at him". He gestured toward Dipper, who seemed to be completely unaware that he was being addressed. "I can't even tell where his riff ends and his raff begins. Not to mention he seems to earn his keep by going people's garbage". Preston then sniffed the air for a moment, realising something. "Our garbage as a matter of fact!"
"Well, yeah….so what?" Pacifica said, with a more challenging tone in her voice. "I can consort or hang or-or kiss whoever I want"
"Not without our permission, young lady" Preston said. "As you may recall, your mother and I clearly agreed upon any romantic endeavours you wish to pursue".
Preston pulled out a notebook he had within his pocket. Your first kiss is not scheduled for another two years and it be during our annual garden party, with the heir of Vague magazine, lasting exactly 3.7 seconds"
"While wearing a lavender dress" Priscilla added pointedly
"Oh, so you get to decide who I get to kiss now?" Pacifica said, her angry becoming more paramount. "You already get to decide on what I have to wear, what I have to say, what I eat
"My dear, you have been out of order for quite some time now. Embarrassing our family, tarnishing our name, disobeying our rules. Having…." Preston took another moment to heave into his handkerchief before resuming. "Having opinions that are not approved to you by myself or your mother. There will be no more. You will fall into line this instant or else-"
"Or else what?!" Pacifica snapped suddenly, advancing on her father, taking him and her mother both by surprised. "You're going to get a whistle for me instead!? Or maybe you'll get me a collar too, since you already put me on a leash"
"Well, actually we're just going use this electronic buzzer". He held up a small, electronic device, the size of a key chain. "See, you can set the tone to whatever you like. And it can be set on repeat". He pressed a button on the buzzer which started to produce a constant electronic beeping noise. This only seem worsened Pacifica's mood, as she could no longer contain her outrage.
"You two have to be the worst parents ever!" she yelled so loud that it snapped her parents out of her demeanour. "You try to control everything about me. I can't think how I want, I can't feel how I want. Because everything has to be about you and your image. Well I'm not gonna listen to your stupid bell anymore. You can't treat me like I'm some accessory that you can just parade around for the sake of your stupid reputation. I'm your daughter but that doesn't make me something that you own! All I want is for you to just treat me with a little respect and some independence for once, okay!?"
After she had finished, Pacifica was left panting heavily. Her father was momentarily at a loss for words from her outburst. After a few seconds he cleared his throat, and when he spoke some of his previous sense of dominance seemed lost
"Yes well…. uhh….I can see you've clearly entered into your more rebellious phase. I supposed that this should expected at your age. Perhaps it would be best if you were allowed to work it out of your system. Very well. You may continue to express more of your, er, independence, and capacity to think for yourself. But of course, this will only last till the end summer". Preston bent down to Pacifica's level, narrowed his eyes at her, with a small hint of authority returning. "After that, we're going to have a very serious revaluation concerning your discipline young lady"
Straightening himself again, he gestured toward his wife that it was time for them to leave, but then turned back to Pacifica just before he left through the door.
"Oh yes and you may continue your….er, courtship….with this young fellow whose name I didn't take squander any of my valuable time to remember. Just make sure to thoroughly disinfect yourself afterwards and leave no photographic evidence that may be used as blackmail"
Once she heard the door slam behind her parents, Pacifica let a huge sigh of relief. "Whew. That was close. I didn't think that was actually going to work. But did you see what I did there? I totally showed them I'm not scared anym-"
Her expression of excitement quickly melted into utmost horror when she remembered what had transpired just a few minutes ago.
"Oh jeez" she moaned, slapping her hand to her forehead. She hurriedly took but her purse, pulling a small wade of cash. "Um okay, how much will it take to pretend that didn't happen? One hundred? Two hundred? Does Mabel want a pony? I'll get here a whole farm! And a sweater factory. Just name your price, okay Dipper? Dipper?"
Dipper, who hadn't moved or say anything since Pacifica had kissed him by surprised, just stood rooted on the spot, his face frozen in a blank expression of shock, his eyes unblinking like a statue. Matter of fact he was so still, Pacifica wasn't even sure if he was still breathing. Cautiously, she gave him a single poke him in the shoulder, trying to get a response.
As stiff as a plank of solid wood, Dipper's whole body titled forward, his face slamming right onto the floor with a bam, his legs briefly flopping up in the air behind him, before lying completely flat and motionless