"I apologize for the inconvenience I must have made myself. My sister can be quite demanding when it comes to her transportation needs." He tells me, heading directly for a room off to the left.

It's a good thing I'm flexible when it comes to my surroundings or my jaw would drop at the sight of the apparent sultan's palace I've just stepped into. I mean the place is huge – pillars everywhere…and…and….maids, probably…

Ooh! I bet there's a butler named Jeeves! Or Charles! Or Punce, I've always wanted meet a butler named Punce.

"Well, we're capable of dealing with any problems…that…might…arise…" I venture, unsure exactly of what his sister demanded.

I mean I'm just making shit up.

"Good to know. Would you like to discuss it in the drawing room?"

…

…

…

There's a drawing room. Ya hear that, guys? There's a drawing room. A room. For drawing.

"Sure." I mutter, following the sinuous shape which flows into a room off to the right.

Emerging in the room, I sit down on the couch. Stupid dresses. I have to keep my legs together all lady-like.

He smiles at me, sitting down in an armchair.

Is Mort done yet? Because I'm fully ready for him to come bursting in here. Anytime now.

"So how can I help you, Mr…?"

"Just call me Douglas."

"Douglas it is. You can call me J – Cynthia." I barely manage to catch myself.

"Well, Cynthia, I'd like to thank you and your company on behalf of my sister. It's not easy to come by UV-blocking windows in a Porsche!" He smiles.

"Uh huh."

Seriously, Mort. Anytime would be good. Preferably now, however.

"So how have you found the car so far?"

"Usually where we left it." He laughs softly.

"But is it running well?"

"Sure." I grumble. MORT!

Can't vampires read minds? I wish they could read minds right now. Because why?

MORT. GET YOUR STUPID INDIAN ASS DOWN HERE NOW.

I wonder if he heard? Pff. I bet not. Grumble mumble.

"That's reassuring to hear."

"Course."

Surprisingly, he moves from his chair to perch on the arm of the couch. Uh. Buddy? Personal bubble. Yeah.

I cough.

"I'm not mad, of course, but please indulge me."

Uh oh. Problem.

"Why are you really here?"

Yeah, big problem. Massive problem. Colossal, Argentinosaurus-sized issue. Uhhm.

"I…"

"Really, I'm curious. You seem very…interesting."

Interesting like 'great personality we should do this again sometime' interesting or 'I bet you'd taste real good with a nice white whine' interesting?

"I – I just…"

"I mean, you obviously know that I'm a vampire, do you not?"

"Oh, great, you're one of those guys that just happens to mysteriously know everything, right?"

SHUT UP, BLUNT JOHNNY! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!

He chuckles. "I knew I liked you."

Feeling's not exactly mutual, ol' buddy ol' pal.

So this guy turned Coraline, huh?

Figures. I guess melodrama runs in the family. Whatever.

"Gee, I'm flattered and all, but really –"

"You never answered my question."

"I'm here for the betterment of mankind and/or myself."

"That was mildly vague."

"Most things are."

He snorts, a smile twitching at his ever pale, too-perfect lips.

"I'm afraid my asking you was simply a common courtesy."

I'm way too used to this to be afraid, or even show a reasonable facsimile of being afraid, so there. Nyah nyah. You don't scare all humans.

"I kind of figured. You're going to kill me now, aren't you?"

"Would you be willing to work for me instead? I could certainly use a vamp-acquainted human on my side."

I sighed. "Well…"

Stalling….stalling…

MORDECAI. COME. NOW.

…

As in, now now. Not the other now.

Thump. Yes!

"I suppose…"
"There would be considerable benefits." He flashes a smile at me, a hint of fangs showing. Oh, great, and I don't suppose those benefits would be considered tantamount to prostitution and/or sleeping with your really creepy undead boss?

"Uh…"

Of course, that's when Bolt bursts through the window and shatters it, so I didn't have to politely and indifferently tell him to fuck off.

"Wha-" Was the last syllable he manages to utter before Bolt is on him.

He lands with a menacing thump on his chest, pinning down limbs with iron legs, snarls being torn out of his chest by the weight of his malice alone.

Not even pausing for dramatic effect (but they always do that in the movies!), Bolt sinks otherworldly sharp teeth into the vampire's neck, twisting his grip and ripping upwards with a horrible tearing sound, bringing up a wad of tissue white flesh with it, opening up vampire's neck, blood spurting in sporadic bursts from the gaping wound, darkening the carpet.

Like a lion with a chunk of gazelle or a cormorant with a fish, Bolt tosses up the meat and swallows it with several jowl movements like so much dog chow.

He gives me a very canine puppy look.

Can I have more, please?

"Go on, sweetie, it's okay. He was going to kill more people. It's okay if you want to eat him up." I smile, my voice bright and happy and full of upward inflections.

"Good boy!"

"Huh." I turn around abruptly to see Mort, standing on the window sill, apparently having watched the entire even unfold.

"Mort?" He's staring at Bolt, who is rather happily chomping away at what used to be a vampire master.

You know, you'd think the guy would have bodyguards or something, but I guess a hellhound isn't really something you prepare yourself for. Whatever.

"Mort? You still there, buddy?" I wave an arm in front of his face.

"I just…saw…a vampire…get eaten…by a hellhound." Um.

"And?"

He looks down at me, completely expressionless, before looking up, sort of in a daze. "My life is complete."
I swear, even for a vampire, he's got the most twisted sense of humor this side of the Atlantic. Or, Pacific, I guess.

A/N: Sorry it's so short, and that I haven't been doing much updating lately…but…ah wells.