So I'm back. Yippee. Was visiting family and had no way of uploading more... my notebook is currently being fixed somewhere off in the blue yonder. I miss it.
He rubbed his nose against her hair, then snorted. Oh, come on. It isn't that far, and we'd be back within a few hours! He hasn't let us go anywhere fun in over a year!
You know the reason for that. Our training is important.
Yes, yes... You always say that. But you still think otherwise.
She slammed her book shut, and spun around to wave a finger in front of his nose. "I do not!"
Yes you do! You and I 'share the same mind and thoughts', remember? He settled down in front of her and dropped his head onto his folded forelegs. Come on!
No. We are supposed to be studying, not wandering around.
We've been studying! All we've done the entire time we've been together is study!
She frowned, focusing on a scale to keep her mind focused. "No."
He blinked once, then twice. We're going to be old before we get to do anything fun.
"No." Her resolve was weakening. He was right; all their teacher had ever let them do alone was fly once to his favorite berry patch to get some fruit for dinner. And that had been who-knows-how-long ago. She was a good student. They both were. NO!
He blinked again, releasing his "sadness" from his mind until it cloaked the room in a thick cloud.
With a groan, she dropped her head into her hands. One time couldn't hurt...
Raylena awoke with a start, gasping her air, sweat covering her entire body. So long ago. So buried. Yet here it was, at the forefront of her mind. A nightmare. She shuddered and rolled over, squinting at the rays of lights filtering through the cloth of the tent. Morning?
It had to be. No, it was still the night. It wasn't bright enough to be morning. With a groan, she dragged herself to her feet and staggered over to the entry to look for herself. Sure enough, she was right. The moon had just rotated in the sky and caught her tent perfectly. Still night. Still dark. Still suffocating black. Like always.
Her body ached. Why? Oh- nevermind. She remembered. She remembered it all. It was something she did- not healing herself. Physical pain kept the mental at bay. She thought telling Saphira had helped. Perhaps not. It should have. Shouldn't it? She had be told that's how it would, but her thoughts had turned again.
Yesterday, someone had leaked the information that Murtagh had been let go. It hadn't been said who had released him, but plenty of the Varden were already scared of her and thought her mentally deficient. This incident, even though they hadn't been told it was her, hadn't helped at all. They never would trust her. Not that it mattered, but still... to be feared was taxing.
Murtagh. With a shiver, she walked back to her bed and managed to lay back down without stretching her aching self too far. Once she was settled, she closed her eyes again, trying to forget him. Too much to think about. Too much forgotten. She didn't want to go through it all again.
Finally she drifted back off to her sleep. But instead of sneaking around, her dreams were filled with shadowy pain.
The next morning, Eragon started a search for Raylena. Unfortunately, before he could get anywhere, the routine 'let's go see the wounded and help them' task interrupted him. He was impatient. Something had happened between her and Murtagh on the battlefield; Orrin had told him as much. They had gotten separated, and for a while only spoke. She had then become enraged, and they had fought... that is, until Saphira had somehow managed to dismember the Thorn, even while being worn out. To use magic in a battle!
Something was wrong. It troubled his mind; Saphira agreed. Rather readily. Of course, once he had started pestering her about it she had gone silent. She wouldn't even tell him if she had sworn to silence in the Ancient Language, though the look in her eyes alluded to it. Perhaps Raylena had also made her swear not to tell if she had sworn. She would think of that.
Bah! He could go around in circles forever. However, he had reached the sick tent. Time to focus. Nasuada was waiting, and Blodhgarm stationed himself by the entrance after appearing from somewhere behind Eragon. He was wasting his time; he couldn't make a dent in the number of woe-begotten men. However, he meekly followed his leader into the tent, squeezing the handle of Brisingr to keep from screaming while forcing a neutral expression.
Several hours later, Eragon staggered into his tent, ready for a nap. He had used all of his available energy helping as many of the sick and wounded as possible without tapping into the belt of Beloth or Aren. Saphira had helped as much as she could, but Eragon had finally put a halt to it all, apologizing to Nasuada but telling her it was just too much.
So he was back in his own corner of the world. Blodhgarm had vanished again, so for the first time today he was alone with his thoughts. How he enjoyed it. Not having to worry about seeing anybody. Just alone with his thoughts.
Something told him Raylena would disagree, but the idea hadn't come from himself. He lifted his head and frowned at Saphira. Why do you say that?
She's been alone for the past few years, Eragon. So very alone.
How does Murtagh fit into this?
She hesitated, then dropped her head.
Eragon crossed his arms. This was ridiculous. She did make you promise not to tell me, didn't she?
She winked at him. Finally, you're learning. I'm sorry Eragon; if I could share this burden with you I would.
Burden? Is it that bad?
She rumbled in her throat. He sensed her licking her claws to clean them, determined that they were still filthy.
Do you think she'll ever tell me?
Perhaps. But don't wish so desperately to know.
Raylena sat on a rock near Leona Lake, staring at the water. The dream the night before and the few minutes she had been awake afterwards were now hounding her, spinning in circles through her mind and driving her insane. She tucked her knees up to her chest and dropped her forehead down.
More memories tormented her. Things long locked away were suddenly resurrected and at the forefront of her mind. It was all Murtagh's fault. She should never had told Saphira. It was all too late now; she was lost. It was all back. She supposed that she had never fully escaped from it all; the days spent under the spells had merely suffocated her ability to think. She still couldn't, not really.
Around in circles. She sighed and curled her hands over her head, clutching fistfuls of her hair, trying not to scream. She had forgotten what he even looked like. Now she remembered as if he were standing before her. She could never forget again. She groaned and shook her head, then impusively tipped herself forward into the water, the sudden rush of cold startling her mind and making her body react and move.
She clenched her jaw shut, fighting the brief thought of sucking in water. She swam down to the bottom, letting her body rest down on the sand. She flipped over and laid down on her back, staring up at the blurred sky, letting her body relax. It was so peaceful. She had known an elf once who had become a fish and disappeared. She envied him. To be so alone and so quiet, drifting through the murky depths with magic to keep oneself safe from predators- the thought was joyous. Unfortunately, she couldn't stay down
She pushed off the dirt and kicked furiously. The rush of adrenaline made her feel alive. Her vision started to blacken at the edges, spreading towards the center until she broke through the surface and gasped for air.
W00t.