"You need to stay out of her life until she's got it straightened out. You're one of the things that is messing her up right now."

James looked at Sirius dismissively.

"You always say that," he told him.

"That's because it's true," Remus interjected quietly. "Listen to me, James. Lily's been talking to both Sirius and I lately about her life, and she's pretty screwed up right now."

"She's been talking to you and Sirius about her life but she won't say a civil word to me?" James asked, goggling at the two. "Why is she talking to you two but not me?"

"We've never hurt her like you did," Sirius answered. "At least our breakup was peaceful."

James scowled. He didn't like being reminded that Sirius had once dated Lily.

"Anyway, what I'm trying to say, is you need to back off," Remus continued. "You're not the biggest problem in Lily's life right now, but she blames a lot of her trouble on you. I'm not sure how to say this, but you're kind of her scapegoat right now. Until we can get her to face reality, you have to accept that role."

"I have to let her hate me?" James looked slightly horrified and exceedingly angry. "What kind of advice is this?"

"Shut up, James. You'll never get it if you don't listen," Sirius lectured sternly.

"Sirius and I are working on helping her out of the mental prison she's living in. She's hurting, and she's turning to alcohol to escape it. The two things that sent her into the state where she is now were you sleeping with Sonya, and the death of her parents. She knows her parents did nothing wrong, so she doesn't feel angry toward them. You, on the other hand, are the perfect person to blame for everything."

Remus leaned back against his bed, which Sirius was still lying on, and pushed a strand of longish sandy hair out of his face.

"Until we can help her learn to face the truth rather than getting wasted every night, you need to be pretty low key, James. Work with her during Heads' projects, but don't speak about anything personal," Sirius advised, taking over the role of counselor.

"Just by approaching me to talk, and by being willing to talk with Remus, she's shown that she's willing to begin the healing process. She trusts us, and we're going to do everything we can for her. When she's better, we'll start helping her move towards accepting you again,"

"You mean you'll help me get her back? You're done telling me to get over myself?" James asked in disbelief. Sirius had been so adamant that he moved on, and so protective of Lily, that he thought everyone felt it was over for the two of them.

"I think you royally screwed up and Lily will be a candidate for sainthood if she takes you back, but what can I say? Anyone who goes celibate this long for a girl who won't give the time of day…" Sirius grinned at James.

"Of course, we'll only do it if we thinks she's ready for it, and if it seems right," Remus cautioned. "We can't promise miracles."

"How long do you think…"

"How can we know?" Remus looked James in the eye, his pale blue eyes gentle and honest. "It could take months, a year, forever. But if you really want her, you'll wait." His final sentence was more of a command than anything else.

James let out a moan of frustration. "Believe me, I've waited."

"Good, then you should have lots of practice," Sirius said.

James glared at him. "How did you two become such wise advice givers anyway?"

"What do you mean?" Remus asked indignantly. "I've always been the wise man on the mountain."

"And I've always been a wise guy," Sirius cracked.

"Don't be too proud of your smart ass tendencies," James warned. Sirius gave him a look of mock hurt, clasping a hand over his heart.

"Prongs! Do not hurt me by such cruel words! I have always treasured my sparkling wit and intelligence above all else."

"And here I was thinking that it was your shiny white teeth and big blue eyes that you treasured above all else," James muttered. Sirius pretended not to hear him, but the bombardment of pillows that hit James in the face told him that he had.

The door to the dormitory opened and Peter walked in.

"Hey, Wormtail, haven't seen you around much," James greeted him. They hardly had any classes together, as Peter hadn't achieved enough O.W.L.S. to take the tougher subjects James had selected.

Instead of the effusive greeting James expected however, Peter remained silent, instead giving James the evil eye.

James looked at Remus and Sirius. They both shrugged, indicating they didn't know what was up,

James rolled his eyes. What was it with people and their obsession with glaring at him? It was getting rather old.

The next week passed uneventfully. James reluctantly took his friends' advice and ignored Lily. Lily ignored him right back, so their quarters were very silent.

The monotony of classes and Head duties blurred one day into the other, but time still seemed to move very slowly.

Come Saturday, however, Lily found herself swept away by Sirius and Remus as she attempted to find lunch in the Great Hall. She had slept in late that morning after a night out with Dameon Nott, and had missed breakfast.

"Can't let you eat there, Lily," Sirius intoned solemnly, grabbing her and steering her into the Entrance Hall. "The food's terrible today, ask Remus, he tried it."

Lily looked at Remus in utter confusion, but he only laughed and nodded.

"Where exactly are you taking me?" she asked suspiciously.

"Why, to Hogsmeade!" Sirius exclaimed incredulously. "We're going to treat you to a free dinner at the restaurant of your choice."

Remus cleared his throat rather loudly at this point.

"Er…I mean Remus is treating you to dinner," Sirius said hastily. "I'm a little low on funds at the moment."

Lily attempted to free herself from Sirius's strong grasp. "I really don't feel like going to Hogsmeade," she protested. "Really, I don't care if the food is terrible, I'm not that hungry."

Food wasn't the issue though, and they all knew it. The food in the Great Hall was never terrible. Sirius and Remus were just using it as an excuse for whatever their little plan was.

"Lily," Sirius said gravely. "You need a bit of fun in your life. Who could better provide said fun than Sirius and Remus, your own personal jokesters?"

Remus smirked and Lily groaned.

"If I promise to be a really good girl will you let me go?" she asked, knowing it was useless.

"No can do!" Sirius answered, grinning.

"C'mon, Lily, it'll be fun," Remus finally piped in. "I promise I won't let Sirius get too wild…"

"I've seen how well you control him," Lily grumbled.

'Hey, what can I say?" Remus laughed. "You're supposed to accept people for who they are."

"Tell that to your dear friend James," Lily said sourly.

"Hey!" Sirius jumped in. "Don't say the J-word! We're supposed to be having fun. Want me to spell it for you? F-U-N-N."

Lily blinked at Sirius who was maintaining an incredible straight face. Remus was biting back a laugh.

Finally Lily gave in. "Okay…you're funny, Sirius."

"I won't believe it until you smile." They were now out of the castle and walking down the path to Hogsmeade, and Sirius had hooked his arm through Lily's, keeping her captive.

Lily bared her teeth in a ferocious smile that made him jump back.

"Whoa…easy girl…" Sirius muttered. Remus just laughed and hooked his own arm through Lily's free arm.

"Not everyone thinks that you have the brilliant wit that you believe you have," he told Sirius.

Sirius pouted, his big blue eyes wide and sad. He looked so pitiful that Lily felt a rush of guilt. Unwanted as it was, the two boys were trying everything they could do to make her smile. Was she too cold and selfish to give a little back?

Then again, they were taking her against her will. But it was only because they cared. They wanted her to smile so they'd feel better…but it made her feel almost happy to know that her smile had that power over them.

"You okay there, Lils?" Sirius asked.

"I'm fine."

"You went a little quiet on us there."

"I'm pondering the deep questions of the dark…"

"Such as…"

"Such as…will Sirius ever get a life?"

Sirius laughed delightedly. "Watch it, Lily. I think you might have almost cracked a joke there…"

Lily rolled her eyes, but felt a bit of lightness flood through her body. It had been a long time since she'd been to Hogsmeade. She'd almost forgotten what it had felt like to walk the long scenic path to the town.

The arms that held hers no longer felt like chains, now Lily felt a bit of warmth and friendship coming from the entwined limbs. A cold breeze blew through her hair, but Sirius and Remus moved closer to her, keeping her pleasantly warm despite the chill.

"So…where will it be, Lily?" Remus asked when they arrived in Hogsmeade. For the first time in a long time, Lily felt ravenous.

"Erm…how about that little teashop there? That new looking one," she gestured. They quickly made their way into the warm cozy shop. The atmosphere was snug and inviting; comfortable looking booths lined the walls.

They sat down and a server quickly appeared to take their orders. Lily asked for a chicken sandwich, soup, and a cup of hot black tea. Sirius and Remus requested the same.

"Do you realize that this is the first time I've left Hogwarts since school started?" Lily asked them.

"Are you serious?" Sirius gaped. "How can you handle it?"

"What do I need out here?"

Sirius looked at her, at a loss for words.

"Um…er…tell her Remus!" he sputtered.

"What Sirius is trying to tell you is that he can't handle being cooped up in one place for more than a week," Remus explained. "It's something to do with his belief that the walls start to close in on you if you remain in them for too long."

Lily raised her eyebrows and leaned over the table towards Sirius.

"Maybe…" she began slowly, "that's what's wrong with me. I've been in the castle too long and the walls are suffocating the life right out of me."

Sirius stared back at her, aghast, until he realized she was being facetious.

"Smart ass," he huffed. He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. Then he made a strange gasping noise and started to cough. Remus started to pound him on the back until he saw what Sirius was staring at.

For the first time in approximately seven months, Lily was smiling a beautiful happy smile.

It shone and transformed her face into an expression of lighthearted contentment. Remus basked in its glow for the few brief moments that it lasted.

When Lily realized that the two boys were gawking at her, she started to frown.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Lily. Just keep smiling," Sirius wheezed, wiping away the tears that had popped into his eyes during his coughing fit.

Lily leaned back into the booth in utter relaxation. It had been a long time since she had felt this peaceful and at ease with herself.

Somehow, Remus and Sirius did that to her.

The three spent the rest of the day frequenting Zonko's and other shops in Hogsmeade. Sirius babbled somewhat mindlessly, Remus interrupted every now and then to add his two cents, and Lily simply enjoyed their company.

Occasionally when Sirius told a particularly stupid joke, Lily would smile a bit. Once she even laughed, and it caused Sirius and Remus to walk straight into each other.

Part of her felt like ditching them for acting like she was an animal in the zoo, carefully under observation. The other part of her though, the one that was enjoying this new feeling, overpowered the former.

As long as they didn't ask too much of her, she could handle it. If all she had to do was walk around with them and help carry the numerous bags they were accumulating (which again, Remus was paying for, as Sirius claimed he was broke), she could handle it - for now at least.

By the time they returned to the castle though, Lily felt exhausted, as if she had run a marathon. Perhaps she had run the emotional equivalent of one. It had been a long time since she had felt happy. It didn't come easily, and it had worn her out.

"Want to come hang out in the common room with us?" Sirius suggested as they walked through the Entrance Hall.

Lily shook her head tiredly. She needed her solitude back, a quiet place where she could process the gamut of feelings she had experienced through the day.

Sirius frowned, but Remus poked him in the side.

"Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find us," Sirius finished.

Lily stopped and looked the two boys in the eye.

"I do, and I'm glad that I can count on you. But right now, I want to go to my room. Thank you for lunch, Remus. It was wonderful."

Her face looked drawn and her eyes clouded. "I…well, goodbye," she finished rather abruptly. With that, she turned and left them staring at her retreating figure.

When she got back to the Heads' common room, James was eating a snack on one of the couches.

She met his eye in tired defiance, but he simply glanced at her before returning to his pickle and cream cheese sandwich.

Lily wrinkled her nose. She had forgotten that he loved those. It looked and smelled utterly disgusting.

However, rather than saying anything, she simply hurried into her room. It was time for a long, long nap. The minute she lay down, she slipped into a state of complete, blessed darkness.

The next day Lily woke up feeling tired and listless, not at all revived by her deep sleep. Even though she had slept from the previous evening until Sunday morning, she felt worn-out. She slowly made her way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Sirius and Remus immediately sat down beside her.

"Good morning," Remus greeted her as he sat down to her left. He looked bright eyed and alert, ready to face the day. Lily scowled at the old, slightly scarred table. Some people had it all too easy.

"Food's good," Sirius mumbled through a mouthful of eggs.

Lily poked at her strips of bacon doubtfully.

"I'm not really hungry," she muttered, pushing the plate away. "I'll just drink some pumpkin juice."

"No, eat Lily," Remus commanded, placing the plate in front of her again. When she looked at him in surprise and annoyance, he didn't back down. "You've lost a lot of weight. You're never going to feel up to anything if you don't eat."

Lily stared at her plate, trying to block out his words.

"You need energy, Lily. Trust me?" The last words he asked in a question.

Lily sighed. "I… I guess."

"So reassuring," Remus commented dryly, but he smiled at her to take the bite out of his comment. "Then believe me when I say that eating will only help you."

"And if I don't want to eat?"

"Well, I don't exactly want to hang out with Sirius, but my mother always told me it'd build character. So…here I am…" Remus shrugged innocently and Sirius slugged him. Remus faked an expression of agony, doubling over plate. Out of the corner of his eye, he winked at Lily.

Sighing, Lily took a few half –hearted bites of bacon and eggs before she gave up.

"That's all I can do," she said, standing up from the table. "I gotta go."

She made her way quickly back to the common room. She couldn't take their hopeful expressions. They were expecting her to continue on from where she had left them yesterday, and all she wanted to do was sleep.

When she fell asleep, however, her dreams were haunted by visions of her tortured parents screaming her name as they died. She awoke instantly and lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling.

The ghostly screams echoed in her ears. Lily clapped her hands over them to try to block the chilling sounds, but they were coming from within.

"Noo…" she moaned. Was that what they sounded like when they died? Did they cry out her name? Were they calling in desperation for her to save them? Or were they screaming in agony, knowing that if it hadn't been for Lily, they wouldn't have been hunted by the most powerful wizard and his evil henchmen?

Either way, Lily couldn't bare it. She had let her parents down. She had failed them. She deserved to spend the rest of her life hearing their tortured screams reverberating in her head.

Hey everyone! I'm so sorry about the wait. Between spring break and all sorts of other things, this chapter just didn't come out. It's a longer one, which I hope will make you happy. How about this…you drop me a review to let me know you're still there and I'll post up another chapter midweek. I want to hear from you, because it's been WAY too long! Until then - Rochelle