Chapter 19: The letter, fixing the broken

They were looked over, given a clean bill of health, all three of them and then fed breakfast. Lily giggled at the odd faces Alphonse made as he ate. Ed smiled a little. "Did you forget how things tasted?"

Al shrugged. "More like I can't remember eggs and oatmeal tasting this awful."

"That's because Mom and Aunt Pinako were better cooks."

"Daddy you should eat too." Lily said softly.

Ed turned to Roy. "Yeah," He began to offer his plate when Roy lifted his hand.

"No thank you, I think I've had enough of the food here for now. Coffee is fine." And to prove that point he lifted the small cup he'd been given.

"You've had enough coffee to last you a lifetime." Ed remarked, remembering how much Roy had had in the last week or so. Had it really been that long?

"Daddy when's Riza going to come? Will she be excited to see Al too?" Lily asked quietly with a smile. "He looks kind of like Edward but not completely. I thought his eyes would be the same color but his are brown."

"Al takes after our mom." Ed explained. "Like you take after Dad."

"Obviously, but I don't know what your Mommy looks like. Since Al looks pretty I can only conclude that she was too."

"Pretty?" Al asked. "I look pretty?"

Roy smirked. "Riza will be here soon. I wanted to let her sleep."

"What's wrong with pretty?" Lily asked. "Is that bad?" She yawned, pushing her plate toward him.

Al gave the food a frown. "No, aren't you going to finish eating?"

"You haven't eaten for two years you must be starving." She sighed.

Ed snorted at the face Al made. It was so nice to see his facial expressions again and he couldn't stop touching him. Al made a face at that too but it always turned into a smile because he could feel it again.

Lily slipped off Al's bed and crawled upon Ed's to lie down. "I'm going to sleep until we have to go. Is that okay Daddy?"

Roy turned to face her. "Yes, that's fine. Are you tired?"

She nodded. "Yes," But she smiled. "But I get to wake up and see everyone again and Al's in his body and Ed had his arm and leg back…" Her smile faded into a sad frown. "Well not everyone. Daddy will we get to see Teacher again?"

Ed and Al both looked to Roy. Roy sighed heavily and nodded. "Yeah,"

Ed sighed. "Probably at the funeral Lily. I suppose I should get to arranging that only I don't know how. Pinako arranged Mom's."

"I'll help," Al promised. "You should probably call them soon. They'll want to come."

"I'll help Edward. It's not too hard, mostly where you want to have it and if you want him cremated or buried." Roy said softly.

"We should bury him next to Mom. He'd want that." Al said.

"Mom too," Ed agreed. He owed Hohenheim that much, owed his mother as well. He still couldn't believe he was gone. It was unreal. Even when he was absent all those years, Ed always believed his father was alive. But now… He felt a pang in his heart. There was so much left unsaid and… and his father had given him his brother back, his limbs even after he'd been so… He remembered his conversation with Roy not too long ago, about not settling things between he and his father…

"What's this; oh it's Teacher's handwriting." Lily sat sitting up. She held an envelope in her hands then held it out to him. "It's for you and Al, big brother." Roy took it from her and passed it to him as Al set his fork upon his plate.

"What's it say?" his brother asked.

Ed tore it open quickly with trembling fingers.

Dear Edward, Alphonse,

I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am of you both. You are good, strong young men. Your mother would be pleased. I could say so much more but those things I think you already know.

Be good to each other and to Lily and her father. They love you so much and so do I, more than I could ever say.

I know you'll be upset with me for what I have done but I couldn't allow you to continue down the path you were on. It would have been a long and very dangerous road. You've learned the lesson you needed to learn and grew from it; became stronger. I am sorry I was not there to prevent you from it in the first place. I am sorry for a lot, but I do love you both and couldn't have wished for better sons.

Make sure Lily stays out of trouble, help her learn and not make the same mistakes all of us have. She's a bright little girl and will need her big brothers.

Live well and be happy,

Hohenheim Elric

Ed passed the letter to Alphonse with tears in his eyes. He'd lost his appetite and picked up his plate and Lily's, placing them upon the bedside table. "When do we go home?" He asked quietly.

"Soon," Roy promised. "Are you alright?"

Edward nodded then shook his head. "No, I know what you meant, a few nights ago… or no it feels like forever ago. Guess that's what happens when so much happens all at once."

"Yes it does, but what do you mean?"

"About talking to him." Ed sniffled. "I guess I just thought he'd be around longer. I was still angry with him."

"I see," Roy rose. "Come with me Ed,"

Edward didn't question him, just followed. He hesitated when Roy led him into a cold room with a wall of small, square, metal doors. There was a doctor of sorts working at a desk but at the nod of Roy, the man left.

Roy walked over to a door on the far left and opened it. He sighed and pulled a long slab out. Upon it, covered by a white sheet, well that must be Hohenheim. "I'll leave you alone for awhile." Roy whispered, coming to him, resting his hand upon his shoulder. "I won't let anyone bother you and you can tell him all you want too. Some people believe the soul doesn't leave right away, sticks around for awhile. Maybe that's true, maybe it isn't, but I think he'll hear you."

It wasn't very scientific but Ed needed to believe in that theory just this once. He nodded and moved forward. He heard the door close before he ever reached his father's body.

It took awhile but he finally pulled the sheet back to see his face. The man just looked like he was taking a nap or sleeping during the night. It was strange, to see him like this. He knew he could rant for hours about any given thing but at the moment he didn't know what to say. So he just stood there staring at him for a long time.

Anger, sorrow, pain, loneliness, regret, fear, love… all those things filled him each taking their own turn and then hitting him like a jack hammer all at once. "You didn't have too. I would have fixed us on my own. You were supposed to stay. Why? Why would you do this? What about Al? What about Lily? You know you cause more problems than you solve…"

The tears came again as he punched his father's arm weakly. "Who's going to teach Lily now? Did you think about Al? He needed to know you, needed… I love you damn it! Why?! I didn't ask for this, I didn't… Don't go! Lily said I could have two Dads. Come back so that can be true, please, Dad, please!"

Edward didn't know how much time passed, felt so empty after awhile nodded. "I will, I promise. I'll take care of them, I'll be happy…" He sniffled. It was so hard, he didn't want to… He didn't want to say good bye, not yet, but he had too. "Thank you, take care of Mom when you find her, tell her I'm sorry. B…bye... Dad."

Slowly he lifted the sheet and covered his father, slid him back inside the cold cell his body was being kept in and closed the door.

When he exited what he now knew was the infirmary morgue, he found Roy waiting, leaning with his back against the wall. Roy straightened as soon as he saw him and nodded. "It's going to hurt Ed, for a long time."

Ed rubbed his arms, shivered, so unused to not feeling auto-mail and feeling the chill from that room still clinging to him. He took one small step then ran to The Colonel, burring his face in his shirt. Roy's arms wrapped around him comfortingly while he cried which Edward thought was impossible. He thought he was all cried out.

"Damn it,"

Roy's hand pet his hair. "Shhhh, it's alright." The man soothed. "Cry all you need too. It hurts so much, it's okay to cry, okay to hurt and want him back."

It felt like he'd not been home in ages. The house even smelled dusty, musty, as if it had been left for months on end without being aired out. But it felt good to be back, to come home with all three of the children, even with the silence of mourning which held over them like a dark cloud.

Riza helped Lily out of her coat as the boys took off their wet shoes and shrugged out of their coats. Finding clothes for Alphonse, just enough to get them by for a week had been easy enough. Riza had taken care of it before coming this evening and Roy set the suit case down inside the foyer as Maes followed them into the hall way.

"I'll make dinner," Riza said first, filling the void.

"I'm going to call Gracia," Maes said softly.

Roy nodded and removed his coat and boots. Edward had already called Pinako and Winry from the infirmary, told them everything. It had taken a long time but no one complained or bothered him. Alphonse had spoken with the two ladies as well. Then Roy discussed funeral arrangements with Pinako. She wanted to handle everything, but he wouldn't let her and they'd come to a compromise. At least this conversation with her had been better. She'd not scolded him like she usually did. She was actually pleasant.

Roy sighed and looked down toward Lily. She was unusually quiet, her black eyes darting this way and that as if she were waiting for something to happen. He wondered how exactly it had happened. Her abduction had taken place in her bedroom, all the evidence was there. But… How?

Her hand lifted and tugged upon his lightly. Instinctively and because he needed to make her feel safe, Roy bent down and lifted her from her feet. "Please don't make me sleep in my room tonight."

"You can sleep with me Lily." Ed said with a small smile.

"Or me, I'm not cold anymore Lily. I'm not afraid I'll give you a cold now."

Lily shook her head. "Tomorrow Al, tonight I want to sleep with Daddy."

"You should bring Bandit along too." Al told her, reaching up to pet the stuffed animal.

Lily merely nodded. "Thank you,"

She'd been okay in the hospital, been alright on the way home and no one had mentioned where she'd been held for so long so as not to scare her, but he supposed this house wasn't going to feel like home with the room upstairs for a very long while. He could hardly settle her back into a routine and give her stability with a funeral to go too in Resembool and the lack of her favorite teacher. And Ed and Al's appearances had changed, so much had in so short a time. Roy didn't even know where he'd begin to lay out smooth ground for the boys. And he didn't want to think about it at the moment. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy being home and get a good night's sleep.

Dinner was simple and Riza stayed for awhile afterward but everyone was exhausted and turned in early. Lily was a little reluctant to go upstairs but she did after her bath, Edward bringing her pajamas down for her. He'd told Roy that he and Al had cleaned up her room while she'd taken a bath. They shouldn't have, they had enough to worry about but he was thankful none the less.

Lily walked in between her father and the far wall of the hallway avoiding her bedroom and didn't seem to relax until she crawled into his bed.

Roy sighed as he closed the door and headed for his dresser. "Daddy…"

Putting on a smile, Roy turned to her. He held that smile even as he saw the unrest and shame upon her face. "What poppet?"

"I-I know I shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't be afraid to go into my own room. I shouldn't be so selfish because Edward and Alphonse need you more right now. They should be in here sleeping with you. They lost their Daddy and-"

"Lily," He interrupted. Why was she saying things like this? Didn't she understand? No, probably not. She'd never really had any friends her age, had never really been around a death, human anyway. When she'd parted with him, Riza, Jean, and Maes, they'd always come back. Oh he knew she knew the concept of death, she'd faced the very real and up close possibility of it while locked inside that coffin.

But this was different; something she'd never really had to deal with. Her mother was dead long before Lily was old enough to understand what that meant. Actually knowing someone and losing them, never getting to see them alive one more time was highly different, affected people differently.

He abandoned the dresser and eased down upon his bed. "No, it's not selfish Lily, not at all. Edward and Alphonse know you need me; can't you all need me the same? I need all three of you just the same."

She looked away picking at the quilt with her little fingers. "But I feel terrible Daddy. I only got taken away and I'm home now. We will never see Teacher again, not alive anyway."

Only got taken away?! Was she crazy?! She could have died in that place. They might be having two funerals instead of one, possibly three because Roy honestly didn't think he'd survive the loss of her. But she was only seven and thinking about her older brothers instead of herself which was admirable and sweet but her fears and feelings weren't meaningless. After the emotional trauma… It wasn't going to be easy for her to feel safe again.

"What happened to you has just as much bearing as what's happened with your brothers and Hohenheim."

"What's that mean, bearing?" She asked softly.

A new word for her, strange it should come at a time like this. "Relevance, meaning or impact. Lily the point is, what happened to you matters. It was wrong and cruel. No one is going to be upset if you're not back to your usual self right away. We all know it isn't something easily or if ever forgotten and I think it would hurt us all if you tried to act as if nothing is wrong. It's okay to be upset, angry, hurt, sad. Ed and Al aren't going to be okay for awhile either. For that matter neither am I. Sometimes a lot of bad things happen all at once. We just need to help each other get through it together."

She nodded. "Okay,"

"What happened in there, your room?" She tensed but she needed to talk about it. Although he didn't like talking about things that bothered him it was always better telling someone. It never helped to bottle it up inside for soon the there'd be no room left in the bottle and the glass would shatter making the outcome a hundred times worse.

"I heard something in my closet and then that man jumped out at me like a monster in a scary story. He caught me, I tried to get away honest but he put something over my face that smelled bad and I woke up in the c-cof-"

Roy covered her mouth. "Shhhh, you don't need to say it, that's enough for now." He wouldn't make her say it all until she was ready. This much was good at the moment. The good thing was that she wasn't crying or maybe that wasn't a good sign. Well at least he now knew and could tell Edward, to ease his mind, that she'd been chloroformed.

"I don't want to go in there Daddy. It's stupid, but I'm scared." Now she was crying and reaching for him.

Roy held her. "I know, it's alright. You can sleep with me or the boys for a little while but soon you're going to have to face your fears Lily. Hiding from them will never make them stop haunting you. I'll come with you when you're ready."

"Promise?"

"I promise. How about that story hmm?" He didn't know if he could stay awake long enough to read a whole chapter to her, didn't even think he'd make through half of one, but she needed to sleep, he needed her to sleep so he could.

"No," she whispered. "Just hold me Daddy and leave the light on… please?"

She sounded so frightened. Lily had never once been afraid of the dark, not ever and most times she couldn't sleep with the light on, he knew he couldn't. So what was he going to do? Hmm, the lamp wasn't nearly as bright as the over head light, that would be alright if he could turn away from it… hopefully.

Once he had the over head light off, the lamp on, and her tucked in beside him, he relaxed, gently rubbing her back. She fell asleep quickly enough but he did not. He tried and tried but just couldn't do it, supposed he was too tired to sleep. He'd never really understood that saying; thought it didn't make much sense but sometimes in his life he'd reached this point. Typically he'd have a couple of very strong drinks but he couldn't do that tonight. Lily might have a nightmare or Edward or Alphonse down the hall. If he drank too much he'd not wake and be there for them.

He sighed rolling upon his back. Perhaps that was his problem, worrying over who would wake from sleep in terror.

Roy found himself minutes later down in the kitchen, Edward sitting at the table with a glass of water. "Can't sleep?" He asked heading toward the cupboard that held the cups.

"Not really, every time I close my eyes I see something I don't want too, like Lily in that coffin, or Hohenheim in the morgue, Al's empty clothes, the thing that was supposed to be my mother…"

Roy closed his eyes, pausing in his reach for a cup. All of those things were terrible, frightening things and Edward was still just a child, shouldn't have had to see them in the first place. "Ed, I know why you didn't hear Lily. She told me what happened, she was chloroformed and because she's so little and that man was so big… well it's easy to see where he could overpower her and silence her quickly."

"It doesn't change the fact that I should have been awake and watching her." Ed muttered. "You trusted her with me and I let you down."

"And you and Alphonse found her." Roy reasoned softly as he turned on the faucet. Once his cup was full he turned it off and sat beside Ed at the table. "I don't blame you, never did. We all make mistakes."

"But the ones I make someone else pays for." Ed bit quietly, clenching his fists. "Alphonse, Hohenheim, Lily, you…"

Roy sighed, he really wished Edward didn't blame himself for everything and learned to let go of things he couldn't change. No one blamed him and as far as he knew it Al was in all the way in the matter of bringing their mother back. Ed's father had given himself to insure his sons lived relatively normal lives and keep them from more heartache. He'd read the letter, Ed had given it to him. That was Hohenheim's choice not Ed's. He really didn't want to explain things to Edward again. "Ed let it go, you're not perfect, just human not a god. I thought you'd figured that out sometime ago."

Ed winced, looking away in shame.

"So, Lily's afraid to go into her room and of the dark." Roy said softly. "The dark we can work with but eventually she's going to have to go into her room. I told her I'd go with her to face that fear but I really don't think it'll be anytime soon. I can only imagine what newly developed fears she might have."

"Small enclosed spaces would be my guess," Al said coming into the kitchen. Roy hadn't even heard him come down the stairs. "Guess we won't be playing hide and seek for awhile."

"Can't sleep?" Roy asked.

Al shook his head. "I thought after so long of not being able too I'd be able too, but my head's spinning and I can't quiet it. It will be strange going home, to Resembool. I wonder how much has changed."

"Probably nothing, nothing much ever really changed there." Ed replied. "How are we going to fix all of this?" That was muttered but Roy and Al both caught it and exchanged glances of worry.

"Brother we can't bring Dad back." Al said softly.

"No, I know. I wouldn't risk losing you again."

"Slowly, together." Roy replied. This probably wasn't the time or place but he'd been thinking about it every so often, now and then. "I have something I would like to talk to you both about. It's… not a light matter…" He should just say it but he was afraid it might hurt them; though after speaking thusly he knew the boys wouldn't let him alone until he finished.

"What?" Ed asked before taking a sip of his water.

Roy hesitated and shook his head. "It's nothing really; we'll talk about it some other time. I should get back to Lily."

He started to rise from his seat when Ed caught his hand. "You brought it up, can't leave us hanging. If it's serious it's not nothing, it never is with you."

"Yeah, just tell us." Al encouraged.

Roy sighed and sat back down. "I'd…I'd like, if you agree and are okay with it…"

"Yes?" Ed prompted impatiently. "Spit it out already Dad."

"…I'd like to adopt you both," Roy finished finally.

"Didn't you already do that?" Ed asked with a frown.

"He means legally brother." Al replied.

"Oh,"

"You don't have to decide now and it is okay if you don't want too. I'm not trying to replace Hohenheim, I know I can't and I don't really want too. But I do love you both like you were my own." The room was quiet for a moment, a moment that drug over Roy's nerves. Just as he was about to get up, tell them good night, and go back to bed, Alphonse spoke with a smile.

"I've been really happy here with you, brother, and Lily. It feels like home and I've wanted to come back to it while we've been away. I didn't really know my own Dad very well, not as much as I would have liked but you've taken care of us since you came to Resembool and honestly I've kind of always thought of you like our Dad. I'll still miss our Dad and still love him but I would like very much to be your son too."

"Do you really even have to ask me this question?" Ed asked seriously.

No Roy supposed he didn't. Ed had already decided who he wanted his father to be… "Ed?"

"I'm not… no I am still angry with him, but he was my Dad and I can't change that. There was some good stuff too and dare I admit it I'll miss him but he's gone and I've thought of you as my Dad for awhile now. So you might as well just go where ever it is you need to go and get us legally yours because you're stuck with us." The last bit was said with a smile.

Suddenly the smile fell. "But could we maybe move, after Lily finally goes into her bedroom? This afternoon when we came home… going passed that house down the street…"

Roy knew exactly how Edward felt. It was like a slap in the face, a kick to the gut, and he'd dreaded going by it as well knowing Lily had been there, just a little ways away all along and none of them had known. Moving away from this place might be good for them all, not being reminded everyday.

He nodded. "I look into it. I'd like to let things settle down a little first."

"Sure," Al replied.