Where true Love burns

Desire is Love's pure flame;
It is the reflex of our earthly frame,
That takes its meaning from the nobler part,
And but translates

The language of the heart

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I ran east with Bella in my arms, paralleling the Sol Duc River for several miles before turning southeast towards Olympic National Park. I wanted to get our hunt out of the way before I took her to one of Emmett and Rose's favorite spots. It wasn't long before I picked up the scent of a small group of deer. I slowed to a walk near a stone outcropping.

"Bella, you need to feed," I said, sitting her on one of the boulders. I rubbed my thumbs across her cheekbones and turned her face up to me. I stepped between her legs, bringing our bodies into contact. I could see the abject misery in her eyes.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I know it must seem like I'm just a bump on a log. I just don't have the energy right now to break out of this. I know … I know … before you even say it … I know it's normal. Maybe if we go home and just rest, I'll feel like doing this tomorrow," she said, her eyes slowly moving over my face.

Well, if I couldn't bring Mohammed to the mountain, then maybe I could bring the mountain to Mohammed.

"Wait here. I will be back in a few moments," I said, before leaning over to kiss her forehead. "Trust me, what I've got planned is better than sleep."

I stepped back with a smile and released her hand. This was one of the times that being fast was very convenient. I tracked the smell of the deer to where they were grazing in a small clearing just ahead. Then, just before I was going to pounce, a more tantalizing smell hit me; there was a mountain lion in the trees above me. Although I felt like a heretic, I said a small thank you to the power that be. If anything would tempt Bella, this would.

I dashed up the tree nearest me and spotted the lion not far away. Within seconds, I was running back to where I had left Bella, with a furious cat in my arms. I didn't even take the time to snap his neck. She smelled us coming and her face met mine as I came through the trees. I saw her eyes go black as the hunger took control.

I knew she would attempt to convince me to keep the prey. So I placed him in her lap, smiled, and then ran directly back into the woods to avoid the confrontation. The lion's screams had alerted the deer, and I found them a few miles farther on. A deer or two would have to suffice for now.

When I stepped back through the trees, I was instantaneously aware of the strength of my bride. She had held the animal the whole time I was gone, and had only just begun to drink his blood as I returned. It also reminded me of her sorrow; that she would have been able to withstand the burning of her throat so long; as if she had been determined to save the treat for me.

I watched her drain the animal and saw the faint flush that the blood gave to her body. I realized in that moment that she, too, might possibly need more. Turning to see if I could bring her something else, I was startled when she grabbed my arm. She was getting quicker in her reactions as well.

"Its okay, I'll go with you this time," she said, smiling slightly as she looked into my eyes. "You don't have to serve me breakfast in bed."

I released a breath that I had not been aware I had been holding. She shook her head slightly in embarrassment or remorse. Reaching up to my hair, Bella tugged bringing my lips down to hers. I could taste the mountain lion's blood mixed with her intoxicating flavor. I didn't even register moving, but the feel of the tree I had pressed her up against broke through my senses a short time later.

"Aah … Love, I'm sorry," I murmured into her lips, in chagrin at my loss of control.

I opened my eyes to find her smiling the first true smile I had seen in at least the last couple of days.

"Don't ever be sorry for this," she whispered, running her fingertips across my lips. "The feel of you against me is a sensation I would never be able to describe in a thousand years, and I'll never stop wanting it."

I smirked at her, and held out my hand. Not much farther up the river, she caught the scent of another deer and chased the animal down to fully satisfy her hunger. Afterward, we continued at a more relaxed pace, though still fast enough to outrun the cars on the highway.

"Are we going anywhere in particular?" her soft voice broke through the companionable silence.

"Yes. Several years back, Emmett and Rose found a natural hot spring, not far off the river near here. The Sol Duc Spring resort, which is just over that ridge, utilizes several of the bigger ones to feed their spa. Rose and Emmett; however, converted the one they found into the Cullen refuge. They come here when they want to get away."

She seemed surprised, and finally let me into her thoughts.

"You haven't come here before?" she asked, clearly perplexed.

"It's not something I would do with my siblings, Bella. I mean, I have had the distinct displeasure of seeing Emmett and Jasper naked more times than I would like to admit. I have also seen my sisters naked in their spouses' thoughts, but I do attempt to avoid those situations as much as possible."

She actually giggled at my statement, and I risked further damnation by sending another heretical prayer of thanks.

The slightly sulfuric smell and sounds of the hot water bubbling from the ground became more distinct as we walked, and Bella and I both turned toward the loudest noises. We found what I had seen in my family's thoughts many times. A natural hot water source sprung from the ground in a fairly large depression in the land. I knew that Emmett and Rose had originally moved rocks to form a boundary creating a large pool. My parents, and Alice and Jasper had added their own labor, and over the years the ground at that the bottom of the created pool had been lined with smooth river stone. The depression they had created was now the size of a small pool.

Steam rose in wisps in the cold evening air, dancing in swirls before it disappeared. The night had turned uncharacteristically clear and the stars peeked out between the treetops above us. The night had begun to settle as Bella and I had traveled from where I had found the lion for her. Farther off in the distance, safely away from our presence, the sounds of the night animals began to filter through the trees. I was reminded of the night that Bella and I had spent in our meadow, what seemed so long ago now.

Bella released my hand and walked over to the edge. She dipped her fingers into the water and I noticed an involuntary shiver race across her body. I turned my head sideways for a minute to bring my reactions under control.

"Why haven't you brought me here before?"

Turning back toward her, I admitted. "Honestly, I don't know. I wouldn't have brought you here before our marriage. My control wouldn't have withstood it. Since then, we've been so busy with Nessie and our life that I just hadn't thought about it until tonight. I knew we would both want to wash up after the last few days, but I really wanted to get you out of the house. It passed through my mind that we could head this way to hunt and check out our family's little retreat."

Now that we were here, I figured this is what had caused Alice's humor. She had forever attempted to talk me into coming. I tactfully tried to explain that no one wanted to feel like a third wheel.

Bella had begun to remove her clothing as I spoke, and the sight of her body in the starlight transfixed me. The shadows danced along the dip of her waist, and followed their course along the curve of her hips. She raised her arm to tuck her hair behind her ears, and the sparkle of her bracelet drew my attention to the smooth skin of her arms, shoulders, and breasts. As she walked over to the pool and gracefully stepped down the large rocks my family had fashioned as natural steps, I was mesmerized by the graceful lines of her back. She slowly lowered under the water to wet her hair. I was standing before her before she even surfaced, my clothes a hastily piled heap next to hers. She slid up the front of my body to wrap her arms around my neck.

"This feels amazing," she whispered against me, kissing the curve of my neck.

I remained silent. I couldn't think clearly enough through the cloud of desire to determine whether she was referring to the water or the feel of our bodies against each other. Before I could make any mistakes, I wrapped my arms around her and slowly fell backwards, floating in the water. Bella released my neck and turned in my arms so that her back lay against my chest, as I gently paddled backwards. I saw her staring into the sky. On the far side of the pool, I knew that we would find a small bench-like area that Emmett had created. I used the motion of our bodies to drag Bella across my lap. Supporting her weight with one arm I dipped her hair back into the water and then sat her between my legs.

I placed my fingers in the thick mass of her hair and began to massage her scalp. I started at her hairline and rubbed slow, small circles into her scalp working my way to the back of her neck. I grabbed the mane of her hair and twisted it out of the way, placing it in front of her so that I could focus on the delicate arch of her neck and her shoulders. I felt the tremors of her body and the stress release under the combined effects of my fingers and the heat of the water. I knew that Bella loved to have the area at the base of her neck to just between her shoulder blades kneaded. I used my thumbs to manage the rock hard muscles present there now. The sensation of the sliding of my skin against her was exquisite torture.

I heard her release a soft puff of breath before she said, "Edward, do you think I'm a monster, now?"

Her question, coming out of nowhere, caught me unprepared. My hands froze against her skin in a gut reaction to the shock of her question. A deep growl ripped out of my chest as I spun her body in the water so that she faced me, straddling my waist.

"What?" I asked incredulously, searching her face for clarity. I couldn't believe that I had heard what I thought.

She shyly glanced at me, then averted her gaze and attempted to bow her head again. I wasn't having it. I needed her to see my face, to see the unconditional, irreversible nature of my love for her.

"Bella, please look at me," I begged softly.

"Do you think I'm monster now?" she repeated; dread apparent in her eyes, as she reluctantly honored my request and looked into mine.

I knew immediately that she was talking about her loss of control and the killing of Jane. Gentle, selfless Bella would have to find her actions difficult to accept. She was so new to our nature. I began to feel the familiar tug of responsibility, as if I had done something unworthy of the creature before me. I had made a promise to Bella; however, and I intended to keep it. I wouldn't break any more promises to her.

"Bella, I'm having difficulties with your question. I made you a promise that I wouldn't internalize guilt any further, or hold things back from you. But your question produces a great amount of guilt in me. In an attempt to honor your previous requests of me, I need to ask you a question. Have I done something to make you believe that I feel differently about you?"

She shook her head adamantly as she spoke, "No, absolutely not."

"Then I'm confused. Because I don't know what's happened to make you think I would feel differently."

"Not that you have done anything, "she whispered, "but I just know how you feel about your own actions in the past. I wondered if you would feel the same way about me now." She sounded like a little child who'd admitted to a crime, and was waiting for the punishment to be inflicted.

Familiar talons began to sink into my chest.

"Edward, don't go there," she stated with harshness, obviously having read the emotions on my face.

"I'm trying not to," I admitted weakly, pushing hard against the familiar reaction.

Bella had placed me in an untenable position. If I didn't feel that way about her, then I couldn't provide a defense for feeling that way about myself. She was shaking the roots of my foundation without even trying. But this wasn't about me right now. I would return to this thought later, when she didn't need my full attention.

"Bella there is nothing you could say or do that would change the way I feel about you. You confronted Jane in response to your mother and what had occurred. You are not, nor will you ever be, a monster," I met her eyes fully.

"But I enjoyed it. I enjoyed tearing her limb from limb. I was looking at Renee's body on the ground and it all just came flooding back; what she did to you during the first time, watching you writhing in agony. As I tore into Jane I was thinking, this one is for Edward, and this one is for Renee. Do you hear what I am saying? I enjoyed taking Jane apart, so how am I not the monster you so longed to keep me from being?" she cried out.

I grabbed her head between my hands, looking her directly into the eyes.

"You were rectifying a wrong, Bella … ridding the world of a true evil. You may have acted on impulse or anger, Bella, but you wouldn't have been able to follow through if you hadn't believed that everything would be better for your actions in the end. I know you; your conscience wouldn't have allowed it."

As I said the words to my beautiful bride, I felt another shift in the foundation of the premises I'd held of myself for so long. Jacob had once described to me the imprinting phenomenon, how he felt the moment he saw Renesmee. He told me it felt like all the lines that had connected him with his old life were snipped, leaving him free floating for an infinitesimal moment in time. The only line left to anchor him had been Nessie.

I felt many of my anchors being torn from me at this moment, and the chains flung free from my body. I was telling Bella so many of the same things that Carlisle had lectured me about time and time again. This time though, it was as if when I said them, I had unintentionally held up a mirror and seen something new in my once familiar face. I could feel the liberation in the words as I said them to her.

"Did you enjoy killing Victoria?" she asked, breaking me out of my pondering.

"I haven't thought about my reaction to destroying Victoria in the terminology of enjoy, or not enjoy. I saw it as doing what was necessary to protect you. But if I'm being entirely honest, I was ecstatic when it was finally done. I felt intense relief and satisfaction that she could never threaten you again," I replied, as a slow growl rose from my chest. Just thinking her name still brought out a visceral reaction.

Bella took my hands from where I had left them on her face. She placed kisses on each palm, and then placed my hands around the swell of her hips. I felt her small hands rubbing across my chest as if to smooth away the rumbling. She traced my collarbones with her fingertips before slowly tracing the ridges across my torso, scraping her fingernails across my skin. Her eyes followed the track of her fingers as if she was mesmerized. She leaned in, stopping just before she touched my skin. She began at the crook of my neck and breathed my scent into her body. Slowly, agonizingly, she followed the pathway that her fingertips had explored just seconds before.

I drew on every reserve of patience I had ever developed to restrain myself. This was more painful than even the times I had spent with Bella in her twin bed in Charlie's house, because then I had no idea the heights of pleasure that were waiting for me. Now that I knew, the wait was excruciating. But she had to come first.

I drew on the warmth of the water, instead of her body, to balance my focus. Unfortunately the caresses of the water against my skin were too much like the caresses of my inquisitive wife. I was grateful that she seemed to reach her saturation point and turned to place her head against my chest.

"Edward, I don't know how to ask this question, because I know it will probably be uncomfortable but, did you enjoy killing humans?"

I slowly slid my hands past her waist and the curves of her breasts to her shoulders and began focusing again on rubbing the tension out of her back. I enjoyed the silk of her skin and the firmness of the muscles as they rippled under my fingertips. The brush of her hair across the tops of my hands sent electrical impulses firing along my skin. I was at war with my senses. I had to redirect my mind several times to focus on the question.

"Bella, I would be lying if I didn't say the taste of human blood is intoxicating. And at first, I did enjoy the killing. I felt like I was doing something good with what had been given me. It couldn't last, though … my conscience dictated otherwise."

She seemed to find solace in the words I had spoken. We remained silent for a while as I continued to focus on working the kinks out of her body. Slowly and subtly, her tension dissipated under my fingertips.

"Mmm… that feels good," she sighed.

"I'm going to miss her," Bella spoke against my neck, her breath rushing along my skin. I grew increasingly frustrated with my traitorous body.

"For so long, it was just us. It just feels strange to know she is gone. I knew I would lose her someday. I know everything was strained, but I guess, I hoped that one day we would figure a way. I know that sounds naïve to say."

"No, that's an incredibly Bella thing to say," I smiled down at her. "You're always so positive in everything you do. I wouldn't expect anything different."

I drew her body snug against mine so that I could wrap my arms around her, tucking her head under my chin so that I could rest my face against her hair.

"I am so sorry Bella."

With those words, Bella's grief came pouring out like water over a dam. She sobbed into me, and with the water that dripped down her face from her hair, it was almost as if Bella was actually crying. I rubbed gently across her eyes; the warm water on my fingertips helping to relieve the burn of the venom I knew she was feeling. She turned her face into my hand, so I continued to caress her in this way as she continued to grieve for Renee.

I wished I could cry as well. Renee had been special. Her childlike enthusiasm, while not always the most stabilizing feature, had endeared her to my heart and my family. Unlike Charlie, she hadn't blasted me when I returned from my absence. She had patted me on the shoulder in forgiveness and then hugged me. It was as if I had left for a short camping trip and just returned.

Bella's body trembled from the force of her emotions, but I continued to hold her tight and stroke my hand up and down her back in an effort to comfort her. After the tremors in her body began to subside, I decided to take her back out to the middle of the pool so that I could dip her body in the hot water.

"Hold your breath, Love," I warned before I submerged us both into the steaming hot water. I held her to my body as I carried us through the water, lulled by the subtle pressures and swirls surrounding us. Even for me, the water helped to muddle the outside sounds. It was like being wrapped in a warm cocoon, protected from the world. I held her with one arm to my body, and rubbed gently under her eyes with my fingers.

I remembered how my eyes felt swollen and tender in the days after finding out that Bella was "dead." If the creation of a vampire had been some development of evolution as Bella and I had theorized in the past; I wanted to scream that there had been some problematic divergence. Being able to produce tears was one on the top of my list. I could still remember the release that feeling the wet warmth streaming down your face could provide.

As we were slowly drifting, Bella placed her hands on my shoulders and used them for leverage to pull her body up, bringing her mouth to mine. I stopped all motion. I felt my body sink and then the texture of the smooth rocks of the uneven floor under my back, as Bella's body softly landed on mine.

My restraint with Bella, since her change, was not the stuff legends were made of. Electric pulses of desire raced throughout me, and I wanted nothing more than to reverse our positions and satisfy the cravings of my body. Instead, I kept my arm wrapped around her back; anchoring her to me as her mouth slowly possessed mine. I used my other hand to cup her head through the floating strands of her hair, turning her slightly to allow my lips better access. Her hands found my hair and she threaded her fingers in it holding me roughly.

Bella's lips pressed down and I felt the tip of her tongue outlining mine. I gasped in reaction, and then her tongue touched mine. I fantasized about mimicking the actions of our tongues with our bodies, as Bella continued to dominate my mouth. As the pressure built, I let go of her head and used my arm to push our bodies upward. Gaining access to the ground with my feet, I pushed us through the surface of the water. I stood holding her to my body, with the water lapping around us.

Bella continued to hold my face to hers, using my hair as her tether. I tore my mouth from her, gasping in a last ditch effort to regain control. It was a mistake, because even through the sulfurous smell, I was inundated with her distinct aroma. My gasping breaths served only to fuel the fire burning underneath my skin. I felt my eyes go black with lust, and recognized the growling coming from deep inside my body. I realized her body answered mine as I registered her own call and the small jerks of her body as she panted.

"Bella…" I attempted to tell her that I was here to take care of her, not ravish her. Before I could get past her name she interrupted.

"Please, Edward," her hoarse voice was like throwing gasoline on me.

My body shuddered in reaction. I searched my memories of my family's visits and remember that there was a shallow bank toward my right. I grabbed Bella behind the legs, locking my lips to hers again as I moved in that direction. As I felt the bank start to rise beneath my feet, I lay Bella down on the gentle slope. I smiled down into her face and my eyes traveled down her body as it glistened in the clear water and moonlight.

Jane's bite mark caught my attention, helping to cool my ardor slightly. It was already healed, but still showed as an angry red mark against Bella's white skin, flushed with the blood of her recent kill. It would fade over time, but would always be present; a reminder of the end of a little piece of Bella's innocence.

I knelt at her feet and took her leg into my hand. I placed my lips against the graceful arch of her foot beginning my slow journey up her leg. I nipped the skin at her bent knee, and began traveling toward the horrific reminder of the last couple of days. Bella gasped, sitting up out of the water as she realized my intention. She slammed her hands across her thigh stopping my progress.

"Edward, NO! Don't touch me there, I can't…. I don't want… Please…" she stammered, with a horrified look on her face.

I reached up with one hand and cupped her cheek.

"It's alright, love. Just tell me."

She ducked her head and looked away before replying. "I just… that place, where she… it feels dirty, like it won't ever be clean again. I don't… I don't want you to defile yourself."

"Bella," I said, softly.

Hesitantly, she returned her gaze to mine.

"Do you trust me?" I asked gently.

Our eyes tangled for a few moments before I saw her soften. Still holding on to her leg at the knee, I kissed Bella again, lowering her body back into the warm shallow water. I placed a few quick nips to her throat before returning back to focus on her leg. I held her knee with one hand and slid the other down her leg to touch the curve of her hip.

She hissed in response, and I couldn't help the slight smile that came to my lips. I slowly started my journey again from just above her knee. Each time I moved a small distance forward, Bella tensed. I alternated kisses, nips, and stroking her sensitive skin with my tongue until I felt her tension disappear. Then I would move just a little farther forward. The erotic nature of the moment was immense. I hesitated before placing my lips over the angry wound on Bella's leg. Not because I was unsure or repulsed, but because I wanted it to be Bella's final decision.

After a few moments, I felt the gentle brush of her hand against my arm, and took it as permission. Bella's cry as I pressed my lips to her battle wound echoed through the woods, and was almost my undoing. I dug the hand that had been wrapped around her hip into the rocks in the floor of the pool to regain some sense of grounding. She sat up and placed her hands in my hair. I waited, with my lips pressed to the area, to see if she would demand me to move.

When I felt the slight loosening of her hands I released my grip on the ground, and continued to kiss the area, running my tongue across her skin. I was afraid to even use the smallest of bites for fear of sparking a negative reaction. I wanted to wash away any remaining presence of Jane on her skin, and replace it with mine.

Bella's smell was driving me insane with desire. I leaned my forehead against her leg for a moment to regain my control. I felt her alternate between running her fingers through my hair and tugging on it. I continued to hold her leg with my hand and forced my other one to release her hip. I spread my fingers wide and ran my hand from her hip to the middle of her stomach and traveled up across her breasts to her collarbone. I gently applied pressure letting her know that I wanted her to lie back down. I felt her fingers gently release my hair, and her body slowly lower again.

I continued to make my way up her leg, and found myself at her hipbone. Bella grew restless and I was torn between a desire to continue traveling upward … prolonging our torture, or feast upon what was so close. I decided we still had a large portion of the night, and I wanted to worship the woman before me. I moved upwards, feathering kisses across the skin of her stomach and heard Bella's frustrated chuckle. I smiled into her stomach muscles, chuckling myself. I breathed a little sigh of relief that, although I still wanted her badly, I was able to draw back a little to prolong my homage to her.

I gave a small nuzzle to the underside of each breast before continuing to her collarbone. I feathered kisses across this area to end up with my teeth nibbling the curve of her neck. I was keeping my body slightly away from hers and I felt her fingernails sink into the skin of my back, attempting to pull me to her. Pleasure and pain together.

"Have I told you lately how much I adore you?" I whispered into her ear as I traced it with the tip of my tongue. I felt her shudder as my breath blew across her skin. The combination of the heat from the water, the cold night air, and the occasional brush of our skin was playing havoc on my senses; and Bella's as well, I knew. I could actually feel goose bumps rising on her skin when I bit her earlobe.

I took both of her wrists in one of my hands and placed them above her head. "Leave your arms there, Bella," I told her gruffly. I ran my fingertips down the inside of her arms; barely brushing the skin as I watched her eyes darken. Her eyelids closed as she surrendered to me.

"Have I told you lately how incredibly beautiful I think you are?" I said, just a breath away from her lips. She opened her eyes, and they widened perceptibly when she saw the desire written across my face. I crashed my lips into hers and reached up to capture her hands in mine, keeping them far above our heads. Giving up the arm I had used to prop myself; however, meant that our bodies finally touched completely. Growls of need ripped through both of our bodies, and Bella began to struggle with me, attempting to hasten my movements. I knew I had only a small amount of time before the seduction would be over. I still had eternity to learn control, but I had just tonight to make sure that Bella heard what she needed to hear from me right now.

"More importantly, have I told you lately how you complete me, how you are making me a better man? Bella, I love you, and nothing, nothing, will ever change that. …" I whispered as, finally, our bodies slowly joined. Our combined cries of pleasure could be heard for miles. Dark desire raced through my body as Bella bit into my lip, and we were both swept away.

All credit goes to my two totally awesome Betas:

CullenFest - for her patience with me and my anxiety about writing.

Crmcneill - for his mighty red pen, and help in mapping out strategy.