New chapter :) Took longer than I anticipated
x x x x
The sky had faded from a misty red, to a rich, deep purple and finally settled on a clear, bright blue.
Catherine had been absently watching the sun slowly creep over the horizon and by the time she realised how long she'd been sat there it was already streaming through the kitchen window, lighting off her daughter's hair and making it shimmer like gold.
After an hour of fitful crying had given way to hiccupped sobs, Lindsey had finally settled into a deep, contented sleep in her mother's arms.
Catherine slowly stood up, never loosening her grip as she carried her like a baby into the lounge. She was heavy, but it stirred a comforting familiarity in the mother. It reminded her of lazy afternoons when Lindsey was a toddler and used to fall asleep on her chest as they read together.
Laying her down on the couch, she draped a blanket over her small body and watched her settle into the new position. Tearing her eyes from the child, she released a shaky breath and snatched the phone from its cradle.
X x x
The front door was already unlocked when she arrived and the sound of it opening drew Catherine instantly to the hall. Before Sara could even shut the door behind her, the blonde had collapsed in her arms.
"This can't be happening." She gasped, interlocking her arms around Sara's nick so tightly she could have cut off the air supply. "Not my baby."
Sara held her tight, rubbing comforting circles on her back as she guided them further into the house. Hot tears soaked through her thin shirt; Catherine's nails dug into her back, scrunching the clothing beneath her hands.
"It's okay." Sara whispered against her ear. There was something in her smooth voice that made the hairs on the back of Cath's neck prickle. "We're going to fix this." Carefully she managed to extract herself from the older woman's fierce grip, holding her at arms length. "Where's Linds?"
Unable to form proper sentences, she merely pointed towards the lounge, wiping futilely at her eyes.
Sara slid past her and made her way to the couch. The little girl was still asleep, curled into a tight ball. Her face was serene, but dried tear tracks down her cheek belayed the truth. Sara brushed her hair aside affectionately before turning back to Catherine, who was watching her through tearful blue eyes, waiting for her to take the lead.
"I don't know what to do, Sar." She murmured, pressing her back against the wall and sliding down until she was sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, rocking slowly. Sara fell instantly to her side, resting her hand on her cheek. Catherine leant into the touch, closing her eyes. Her eyelashes brushed delicately over Sara's thumb, depositing a single tear. "I can't deal with this." She whispered.
"Of course you can." Sara assured her. "You have to. That little girl needs you to."
Catherine opened her eyes, seeking out her daughter's face. She nodded slowly, turning to catch Sara's gaze.
"How?" She asked weakly.
"We'll find a way." Sara promised, gripping her hand. "We'll fix this."
X x x
She knew her mother was watching her before she opened her eyes; she could sense her gaze burning a hole into her skin.
"Hey." Cath's said softly when she spotted the small movements. Lindsey blinked, rubbing her eyes tiredly as she pushed herself to a seated position.
"Hi." She squeaked at last. Cath inched closer, giving her a chance to adjust to her location.
"Are you hungry?" She asked at last. "I could make you some lunch." Lindsey shook her head. "Alright, maybe a bath?" She suggested instead. They both knew that sweet scented bubbles weren't going to solve anything, but Lindsey nodded all the same and this simple agreement was enough to draw a smile from Catherine.
She couldn't change the past, but she could still take care of her daughter, even in a small way.
"Why don't you go get ready, I'll be up in a minute." She watched Lindsey slope to the stairs before slipping into the kitchen, where Sara was busy preparing dinner. Catherine had discovered in recent weeks that Sara was one hell of a cook and ordinarily she would be drooling over the delicious smells emanating from the oven right now, but today she just didn't have the appetite.
"She awake?" Sara asked, sensing the blonde's presence in the room. She'd stuck around for moral support; but not wanting to get in the way she'd busied herself in here. No one would be hungry, she knew that, but they'd have to eat sooner or later.
"Yeah, I'm going to run her a bath." Cath leant against Sara's back, wrapping her arms around the younger woman's waist; trying to draw some strength from the contact. "I can't believe I missed it."
"It's not your fault." Sara assured her. "No one could have seen this coming."
X x x
Lindsey leant her head against the banister, hiding on the bottom step of the stairs as she listened in. She hadn't realised Sara was even here until now, although it did explain why the house smelt like pastry and spices.
"I'm going to have to phone the school." She heard her mother groan. "Surely they can forgive her fighting under the circumstances."
Great. So everyone would know.
"I can't believe they suspended her anyway." Sara scoffed. "Look at her, she's tiny. What kind of damage could she do?"
"She fractured Lucy's nose." Cath clarified.
"Atta girl." Sara's muted laugh drifted from the kitchen and on the stairs Lindsey's lips twitched into a smile.
Though Linds couldn't see it, Cath rolled her eyes.
"We shouldn't encourage her." She chastised lightly.
"No. Of course not." Sara agreed with a straight face. "But you're proud of her, right?" she added.
Catherine laughed. It was an impulsive laugh, the kind that bubbles out of you beyond your control; Lindsey couldn't remember when she had last heard that sound.
"Yeah, a little bit." She admitted.
Her smile spread into a grin.
X x x
"I'll just be downstairs if you need anything." Catherine said, turning the taps off. But she didn't leave straight away. She expected the girl to throw her out so she could have privacy, but she didn't. Lindsey shed her robe and climbed into the bath, sinking into the bubbles.
Cath slid along the edge of the tub and tenderly ran a hand down her back, finding herself suddenly transported back ten years. To when she got to do this every night. To when Lindsey was still unabashed and free. To before they drifted impossibly apart.
"You're okay baby." She said softly and Lindsey nodded, although both knew it was a lie.
Catherine bent down and pressed her lips to her forehead, running a hand through her hair. The tips were trailing across the surface of the water, like leaves.
Lindsey had always loved to go to Lily's house in autumn because the leaves scattered across Lake Mead in vibrant shades of red and orange. She liked to seek out patterns in them, like most people would in clouds.
"I love you." She mumbled against the soft skin. "I love you so much."
Lindsey leant into the awkward hug, her legs pulled up to her chest.
Just like, Catherine realised, she had done herself with Sara.
X x x
"No, I don't want to make an appointment with Dr Capa, I want to speak to Dr Capa." Catherine repeated through gritted teeth, getting visibly more frustrated with her counsellor's inept assistant by the minute.
On the couch, in fluffy pyjamas that were too big for her and Catherine's bathrobe, Lindsey dropped her head onto her knees.
"She's taking me to a shrink isn't she?" The girl asked despondently. Beside her, Sara startled at the small voice.
"Yeah." She agreed softly. "But it's okay, they really can help sometimes." Lindsey's only answer was a shrug.
"I've lost all my friends." She sulked miserably, cupping her face in her hands. Casting a glance at Catherine, who was still cursing into the phone, Sara wrapped an arm tentatively around the teenager's shoulders.
"It gets better." She said in a voice just loud enough that only the two of them could hear. "I know it might not seem like it now, but trust me it does."
Lindsey looked up, searching her face.
"How do you know?" She asked suspiciously. Sara inhaled deeply.
"Because 25 years ago, I was where you are now." She admitted. Lindsey's eyes bugged out of her head. Slowly, she leant back against Sara's shoulder, calculating the math of this new information. She didn't know exactly how old Sara was, but her estimate led her to believe she must have been younger than Lindsey was now. She tipped her head into the crook of the brunette's shoulder.
"It really gets better?" she asked softly.
As she turned, Catherine had caught a glimpse of Sara and Lindsey sat on the couch, their heads bent together. Lindsey had a pensive look on her face, but she was curled protectively into Sara's embrace. The image was so touching and so infinitely distracting that she jumped when a familiar voice came on the line.
"Oh, yeah. Hi." She swallowed, suddenly searching for her words.
"Catherine, my assistant said you wanted to talk to me personally." Dr Capa greeted, somewhat apprehensive about the unexpected phone call. "Is something wrong?"
"Yes, no … not with me." She shook her head, starting again. "I'm not phoning for me."
"Okay," she could practically hear him scowling on the end of the line. "So, what can I do for you … or not for you?"
"Actually, I was wondering if you could recommend a good child psychologist?" she bit her lip, feeling her stomach churn as the words left her mouth. This felt far too much like admitting that she had failed as a mother.
There was a pause. "Is Lindsey okay?" The genuine concern in his voice did not ease her guilt any.
"No." She said honestly, making it clear with her tone that she wasn't willing to elaborate over the phone.
"Alright, leave it with me." He said reassuringly. "I'll email you some names and credentials." He knew the blonde well enough to know that when it came to her daughter's welfare, she would want to make the final call on who they spoke to.
After hanging up she made her way back to the couch, where Sara and Lindsey were still talking secretively in hushed voices.
"Okay, I've called your school." She said, deciding not to ask what they were whispering about. "You can go back whenever you want to." She sat down, leaving Lindsey pinned between the adults.
"Yay." The girl mumbled unenthusiastically.
"Don't worry." Sara nudged her gently. "You broke someone's nose. You'll be a hero among the guys and the girls won't dare challenge you again."
Lindsey smiled at the comment, and laughed when her mother reached over to swat Sara playfully on the thigh.
X x x
"Urgh." She groaned, falling onto the bed. "How did my life end up here?"
Sara crawled up beside her, laying her head on the blonde's shoulder. She didn't speak, just left her to think in peace. Eventually Cath rolled over, moulding her body around Sara's.
"Sar?" she asked softly. "I know that this isn't what you want at the start of a new relationship…"
"Hey, it's okay." Sara silenced her. "This can't be helped."
"I know." Cath looked up, seeking out her gaze. "And I don't even know how to thank you for your support." She paused, licking her lips. "But, I don't want Lindsey to know about us just yet. I don't think she can handle any more upheaval."
"That's okay." Sara nodded. "I understand." To be honest, telling Lindsey about their relationship hadn't even crossed her mind today.
As a comfortable silence fell over them, Catherine began to doodle patterns on Sara' stomach.
"Hey," she suddenly announced, tapping her abdomen lightly. "You had something you wanted to tell me." Sara frowned, trying to recall what she was talking about.
"Oh," she hummed. "Yeah, but it doesn't matter now."
"No, go on." Cath propped herself up on her elbow, staring at Sara's face expectantly.
"Well, it's just … I think…" the young woman stuttered. "I was going to suggest that maybe we should take it slower."
"I think it's a bit late for that." Cath pointed out with an impish grin, earning her a small laugh from Sara.
"Yeah, well after today it's kind of a moot point." She agreed. "I just don't want to rush anything. You and Lindsey still have a lot of issues to work out – even more so now – and I don't want to complicate things for you."
"I know." Cath nodded, holding her gaze. "I appreciate that." She leant down, pressing a chaste kiss to Sara's mouth. "Slowing things down might be a good idea." She conceded softly. "Just don't you go leaving me." It was meant as a joke to lighten the mood slightly, but the vulnerability and fear behind her words came through in her voice. If they broke up, she just couldn't cope.
To her relief, Sara smiled.
"Never." She mumbled, leaning up to capture her lips again.