A/N: So, enjoy readers if I still have one. And I'm so sorry for those who got disappointed because of the previous chapter, but sorry too I can't just change my plot like that because people don't like it. Thanks.
Santana left Brittany in their wedding, then after a year Santana appeared out of nowhere trying to get Brittany back in her arms, but Brittany lied to her that she had amnesia and can't remember any of Santana's memoirs to lay her plan of revenge on our Latina. Santana caught this moment to try getting Brittany back, doing everything she can do to get her blonde back. But one day, Brittany realized that she was falling in love of Santana all over again, forgetting about the revenge and stuff like that, then she ended up admitting that she can remember Santana all this time, and Santana was furious and super sad about it, after some tricks they magically got back together and Santana proposed to Brittany and on the day of their wedding, Santana wasn't able to attend the wedding because of an accident causing her to stay unconscious for 8 months, and right after she woke up, Brittany learnt that Santana has an amnesia, not a fake one. A real one.
The whole world once again stopped, and I don't think it'll move back to its own orbit when Santana's words reached my ears.
This is not happening.
"Who is she?" She nothing but whispered. Her voice went out small and fragile, yet the way it echoed inside my ear it's nearly like a nuclear bomb that exploded inside it. My mouth fell open yet nothing comes out, I tried taking a deep breath yet my every intakes of air were immediately caught up in my lungs. My feet were glued onto where I was standing, in front of Santana's bed. "Do I know you?" she added a little calm this time sending massive electric current down my spine.
She was just looking at me, like she was having a very deep thought of who I am with her brows knitted and her mouth slightly parted. Emily too was just staring at me, shock and concern written all over her face. This time, I know that the world literally stopped, nothing is echoing inside the four corners but the heavy breathing coming from each of one. I'm sure that this room is fully air-conditioned yet I can sense the breaking of sweat on the corner of my face.
I'm melting under everybody's gaze and I don't think I'll stand this any longer. I can feel the heating up of my cheeks and ears, the lump in my throat and the taunting of those tears in my eyes , I know I'm about to explode.
"That's a silly question, San. Of course you know her." Emily cleared her throat awkwardly breaking the almost deafening silence.
"No, I don't." Santana shook her head as she looked up to Emily before eyeing me like there's a little battle inside her head. "Is Emily your friend?" she asked me with a small smile and I really don't know if I should answer or not. I don't know what to say.
"Santana." Kurt's voice pierced in the silence as he stood beside me giving me that little signal.
"Is she your friend, Kurt?"
I gulped dryly at hearing her question, how come she remembers her sister and Kurt and not me?
"Enough of that, Santana. Brittany has been here in the hospital for the last 8 months, waiting for you to open your eyes and now you're acting like you don't know her? Not a nice move, San." Kurt teased crossing his arms over his chest.
Santana shook her head and judging the way she mirrored Kurt's action, I know she's now confused as hell and Aunty Snixx is on her way. "Who's Brittany?" she mumbled with the exasperation in her voice.
We fell in a complete silence whilst Santana's searching the answer for her question by knitting her brows together and started tugging on Emily's jacket. Emily was looking at me, like she was asking if she should tell Santana or not.
"I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee." I mumbled as louder as I can but still it came out more of like a whisper. "I'll go get a coffee." I nodded a little firmer my eyes wandering Santana's face, she got her lower lip between her teeth whilst her eyes darkening under the fluorescent light just above her head. There's nothing echoing inside my ear but the banging inside my chest as I tried to move my limbs and my feet.
"Britt." Emily called and I just nodded before giving Santana one last smile and that presence of devastation in my eyes.
"No, Em. I'm fine, I'll be back, okay. Bye everyone." I said tensely with my lips quivering to form a small smile, my feet are way lot heavier than of normal that I almost trip as I tried to move my body. It felt like the whole world fell down on me as I neared the door.
"Who is she? Is she Brittany?" Is the last thing I heard followed by the loud thumping of the door after me along with the tear that fell down as I tried to brace myself on one of the benches just across Santana's room.
There's just so many thought swarming inside my head, trails of things that made my head a lot dizzy and woozy. Is this her revenge? Is this her way of telling me that I'm such an idiot to put a lame excuse of not remembering her?
Everything is spinning as I made my way towards my car, the way my fingers were shaking were almost unbearable as I clutched on the steering wheel, my knuckles practically whiter than it is whilst I got tears stains felt a lot colder against the skin just above my cheeks. It's like a game, I was faking an amnesia years ago and right now? I wanted to believe that Santana is just messing with me yet the way her eyes fixated on my face like I was just a new thing her eyes laid on. I wanted to think that she's just shocked and her brain is just having a mini false apparition when she saw me, I wanted to believe those.
I wanted to just get back there and hug her, I wanted to just sit on her bed and tell her things that she missed on the past 8 months, I wanted to tell her that I got a new camera, I wanted to tell her that she should get a her nails trimmed now that she's awake. I wanted to keep her talking, I wanted to listen to her voice all day long, I wanted to watch her sleep knowing that those eyes were about to open along with the rising of the sun. I wanted her to keep calling my name and I'll never get tired of telling her how much I miss her. I wanted to run my hands through her hair and just let my fingers tangle on those silky strands. And tell her how much I love her, forever.
Weakly, I found myself standing inside the same room last night, dark green walls and black elegant furniture surrounding me. A little careful, I made my way in, the clanking of my boots tumbling from wall to wall echoing inside the apartment, I really don't know as to why I was here, the last thing I know is that I was driving so fast and I ended up in here. It's 11 in the morning when I reached Santana's place. It was a little warmer than of yesterday yet I felt a lot colder than ever. It was the dipping of my weight on the couch that gave me a little sense that this is happening, this isn't a dream.
My forehead was a little damp against my palm with my head tilted as I tried to contain my breathing, sighing when my eyes once again landed on her journal lying just right in front of me. By that without second thought I let my limbs went autopilot tucking it between my arms before I made my way out the apartment, locking the door after me.
I'd rather do this whether she's messing with me or not.
There's nothing but the hammering inside my ribcage that has been keeping me conscious. Even Santana's words playing inside my head as i managed to squeeze inside the elevator, and just like earlier I still got my fingers quivering when I pressed on one of the numbers. The small space was a little crowded and I can literally feel their eyes on me, tho I really don't know why. Well, maybe because I look like shit but I can't even bring myself to care.
It's the light chiming that brought me back to my senses along with the deepening of the nervousness inside me. But just when I was nearing room 498, someone tapped me on the shoulder almost giving me a mini heart attack.
"Jesus!" I gasped when my eyes landed on Puck holding a cup of noodles.
"Are you okay?" he asked a little bewildered.
"No." I shook my head pinching the bridge of my nose, of course I'm not okay, my fiancée can't remember me, I can't just be happy like that. "Where's everyone?"
"Oh that! Emily was asking you if you could meet her at Dr Evans' office."
"Me?" I asked a little louder gaining random people's attention.
Noah just nodded before giving me an apologetic look. "She's been asking questions about you. Actually, I almost tackled her when you walked away, I thought she was just messing with us but then I realized that she was really clueless. And not just playing some games." He mumbled as he gave my shoulder a single tap. "Tho, I can't really understand as to why she can remember everyone except you."
"What did you guys told her?" I asked a little low, my eyes plastered on the floor, I just can't take those looks.
"That you're her fiancée, that you were about to get married but she met the accident."
"What did she say?" i asked this time I can hear the cracking of my own voice.
"That she can't remember you. I'm so sorry, Britt." he whispered and I just nodded in response as I swallow the lump in my throat.
"I'm gonna go see Emily." I sighed one last time before mumbling a short 'bye' before I let my feet drag me as to where Sam's office is found.
The hallway was pretty less crowded compared than of I used to go here before, yet I think I'm still having a panic attack, I almost died when Noah's words sank into my brain, that Santana is clueless of who I am, and only me. Is that even possible?
It's like I'm in a dark forest, waiting for that light to come along and when it did I started running for it and when I was two steps away , it just vanished leaving me all alone and cold. Again, I wanted to cry and yell, I just needed this pain be thrown away I don't think I could handle this any longer, this is just too much.
Right after three knocks, the door swung open revealing Emily behind the closed door, the brunette offered me a sweet smile beckoning me to enter, my lips were tugged to form a tight lip smile when I saw 2 other Latin sitting across Sam who's giving me a small smile.
"Take a sit, Brittany." Sam's strong voice rang through my ears motioning on an empty seat beside Anita, which I took with gratitude.
"So how are we, everyone? I guess we're doing fine knowing that she's already awake, after 8 months." He breathed with his hands clasped together.
I wanted to nod along, I wanted to tell him how happy I am feeling that Santana's awake, finally.
"There's another good news, after a week of observation she can finally go home with you guys." He smiled. "Yet, no exercise, no activities that'd cause any concussion and-"
"She can't remember me." I heard myself whisper cutting Sam's words and causing the glass shattering silence inside his office. Anita, Miguel and Emily's eyes were drawing holes onto my head, I know what they were thinking. I can't be weak like this.
"Brittany, about that." Sam cleared his throat as he flipped some pages from his clipboard. "I asked her few questions earlier, and judging her answers she can remember every single detail since her childhood, every single thing that a normal person could recall in their lives. And when I asked her about you she experienced a severe headache that's why we have to give her some pain killers and put her to sleep. She doesn't need any stress right now."
"What do you mean that she can't remember me and only me?" I breathed a little louder. I wanted to know, I don't need any of those sympathy all I need is explanation.
"Medically speaking, Santana is having a critical stage of retrograde amnesia."
I shook my head with my mouth slightly open. "Retro- what?"
"Retrograde amnesia. This has to be a very rare case of those having amnesia, usually if people would know that you have an amnesia they were thinking that you can't remember anything in your life, anything. It's like you got a car wash then every dirt has been wiped off, it's like that. But her case, it's like her brain chose specific dirt then washed those dirt away, every single detail that's synonymous to that. In her case, that dirt is you, Britt."
It's like I'm having a head ache with what I just heard, I ended up placing my hands on either side of my temple as I tried to breathe. "Subjects are more likely to lose recent memories that are closer to the traumatic incident than of remote memories. The moment she hit her head, you were the last thing running in her mind along with an intense happiness or depression and after that loud impact, it's like those details were blown away. Every single one."
"You mean, she will never recall everything about me? About us?"
Sam wet his ginormous lips before eyeing me woefully. "I'm afraid that cases like this, it'll take years to get those memories back. It'll need an excessive amount of patience and time, regardless of those headaches she might experience whilst going through the therapy. And of course we can't force her into something she doesn't want to discuss about, it's more likely to drive her heart a little out of hand and that's not we are waiting, after the transplant I was telling her that she'll need to reduce everything she has been doing in her life and Santana being stubborn like that everything is not playing on its own way." He chuckled on the last part, whilst my brows knitted in an instant at hearing his last words.
"Transplant?" I asked a little confused. Sam tensely adjusted his seat before asking me to repeat my words. "What transplant?"
"Did I say that?" he asked as he ran his through his blonde locks.
"Sam, I'm not playing games here. Tell me." I nearly yelled as I braced myself on his wooden desk, my fist turning into a ball, I can feel Emily hands on my shoulder as she tried to calm me down.
"Santana- she's my friend she asked me not to tell you about this." He managed to say whilst trying to clear his table.
"You are telling me, Sam. She can't even remember me, so there's nothing for you to worry about." I almost passed out hearing those words escaped my lips, how hard it is to admit that the woman of life can't remember me because of one accident.
An audible sigh tumbled from wall to wall. "Santana has a congestive heart failure. It occurs when the heart is unable to maintain adequate circulation of blood in the tissues of the body or to pump out the venous blood returned to it. This weakening of the heart prevents it from circulating a sufficient quantity of oxygen to the body's tissues. She has been keeping this since she discovered even her parents has no idea about this and I guess right now they do. When she found out about this, she immediately called me to look for the best doctor so that she could undergo a heart transplant, but then it's not that easy to have a heart in hand, it took her 3 years, she even know how dangerous that could be but still, she insisted that she wanted to this. Then one day I called her, that we got her in line, she was so scared and heartbroken."
"When did she have this transplant?" I whispered as I stared at him, I don't think I can even see straight for everything was starting to get blurry and hazy.
"On the day of your wedding."
When those words reached my ears, a single tear came rolling down and my fingers unclenched. My mouth fell open and the air was caught in my throat, my limbs were no use and my feet were feeling wobbly. I wanted to say something, yet my words were stuck on the tip of my tongue which came out like a small squeak as I shook my head a little slow. My brain is spinning inside my head, I can't even complete a single thought, another just keeps on overlapping the other until I heard the loud thudding of the door after me and I found myself running through the hallway, running for dear life along with continuous falling of my tears.
My chest even pounded harder when I was about a single step away from her room and with just movement of my hand I'll see her. Just when the door swung open the room was gloomily empty, my eyes was greeted by Santana's sleeping body, her eyes tightly shut and her mouth slightly agape, her fingers moving in their own accord whilst her chest was heaving up and down.
I can't help the stinging of pain deep in my heart, we've been in this scenario months ago where I'll see her like this but then before the doubt of her opening her eyes is the only thing that's bugging me at night and right now? I know for one that she'll open her eyes in an hour or minute but knowing that she doesn't recognize me gave the even stronger and intense agony inside me.
Carefully, I took the empty seat beside her my tears still freely falling down my eyes.
"San." I whispered bringing my trembling fingers just above her hairline, I got my lower lip bruising between my teeth trying to supress the hiccups trying to escape my lungs. "Why do you have to keep it? Why do you have to lie about it? I have so many questions San, so many. But how can I even start those if you can't even recognize me as your girlfriend, even just as a person? How can I ask you as to why you left me in our wedding? How would I even know if you were mad at me before the wedding? Right now, I don't know what to do, if I'd blame myself for all of this or ask you to please find me. Sam, told me that I was wiped away inside that pretty head of yours but if there's something I know that'll keep my memories…it's this." I whispered as I brought my hands just above her chest. "I know that it'll be hard, and I don't want you to experience anything difficult than this, but I want you to search for me San, I don't want you to get ever tired of doing that because I promise you, I'll never ever get tired of leading the way. You're my person, Santana. And I know that no matter what happen it's you and me."
It's that when I saw a single tear came rolling down her cheeks, I know she heard me. I know she was awake. I gave her hand a light squeeze before giving her forehead a kiss that lingers a little longer that I intended to. "I love you." I breathed against her ear before grabbing my things from earlier that has been lying on one of the couch, just then I realized I still have her journal tucked in my coat.
With one last glance, I made my way to the rooftop.
Realizing, that I already got her explanations in my hand anticipating to be read.
A/N: And OMG, those medical terms is like a bitch, I'm so sorry if I kind of exaggerated the other terms, just to fit in the story. Thanks so okay. 2 more chapters babies. So sad for those who said they'll stop reading, it's about to come an end ):
Let me know.