DAVE: Go for a walk
The fresh air outside was inviting, but it hurt to walk. Dave leaned heavily on his cane as he struggled to keep his poker face intact. He had fought hard in the last three weeks to relearn the special technique of the 'poker-face', because there was no way he would let Rose beat him at something he was supposed to have been taught as a child.
Rose led the way out the door, and kept a slow pace beside him as they walked down a dirt path through the forest. The path was even, and easy for Dave to traverse. She stayed silent, her face stuck in its perfect composure. He was ready for it though, the moment the house disappeared behind them, and it was just the two of them, Rose was going to let him have it. The last three weeks, he had gotten used to her lectures. She was probably going to go on and on about 'how life is worth living' and 'he was still young'.
He sighed inwardly as he shifted his weight on the cane. Yeah, he knew all that. He was only nineteen, well, in his defence, he was nearly twenty. But still, he knew he was young. He had never had a girlfriend, never had a family, or a full-time job. He knew there was so much he was going to miss, but at the same time, he had already missed so much of his life, that it did not matter. He never got to have a childhood… he was too obsessed as a kid on being 'cool' to let himself have any freedom.
"The trees will change colour soon." Rose said suddenly.
Dave jumped inwardly and turned to look at her. She was walking beside him, her face as stoic as ever, those large violet eyes dark and thoughtful.
"Guess so." Dave mumbled. He wondered if he would have the strength to enjoy the autumn when it actually arrived.
Rose fell silent, and as Dave looked behind him, and saw the house disappear, he started to grow worried. This was usually where she would stop walking, and start lecturing him about something, but no, she kept walking. As they went, Dave found it harder to keep up, he had started panting as he struggled to keep the pace, but she did not even look at him. Her pace slowed slightly, and she turned and started down a side path. Dave watched her go, this path was a little less even then the one they were on now, and he wondered if he could follow her. She did not look back to see if he was going to, and kept going. Dave sighed and started following her.
The path was slightly steep, and heading down into a valley between the laboratory in the distance, and the Lalonde house. He struggled his way down, using his cane to help him proceed, when the path finally straightened out, and they entered the bottom of the valley.
A small clearing was in front of them, where two graves rested. One of them had a military insignia on it.
"Rose?" He asked, walking up to stand next to her. She had stopped right in front of the graves. Without speaking, she bent down and started cleaning up the fallen pine needles that had fallen on them, brushing them away.
"Where are we?" He asked.
"Come here." Rose said softly. Dave could hear the emotion in her voice as she kneeled in front of them. She sounded sad, depressed even.
Slowly, Dave stepped forward, and eased himself to the ground next to her. The valley was dark, and through his shades, he could barely make out the faded lettering on the weather-warn graves. With a sigh, he pushed the shades up over his head and frowned when he read the names written on the gravestones.
They both had names that he did not recognize, but the last name on them were clear as day.
Here Lies
ROXY LALONDE
In Death, May She Finally Find Peace
...
Here Lies
RICHARD LALONDE
Loving Husband, Devoted Friend, and Valiant Soldier
Died Protecting the Land He Loved
"Mom used to take me here all the time." Rose explained coldly, "Every day she would take me down here, and tell me to say hello to Father."
Dave frowned. The word 'father' sounded strange. He rested one hand on her shoulder, and gave it a light squeeze.
"According to our grandparents," Rose continued, "Mom started drinking, the day our father died. She did not know she was pregnant… nevertheless pregnant with twins." She reached down and picked up a final brown pine needle, and threw it aside, before turning and looking at Dave, "You were named after him."
Dave thought of his 'birth name'. Rick Lalonde… god he was glad that Bro gave him a better name then that. But still, it was kind of sad. His 'birth-name' was taken from his late father, and his 'adopted-name' was taken from his late-brother. It seemed like everything around him was just death.
"I had Mom buried next to Dad." Rose said, breaking Dave from his thoughts, "Its what she would have wanted. I thought I should bring you down here, at least once to meet her…"
"Oh." Dave muttered. They remained silent for a few seconds, and then Dave finally said, "Hey, Mom… sup?"
That felt weird to say…
"Is this where you want to be buried as well?"
Dave felt his skin crawl. The way Rose said that frightened him.
"Or would you rather be buried where your adoptive family is?" She finished.
Dave had not realized he was shaking. He was staring at the two graves, imagining a third one. He covered his eyes with one of his hands.
"Because of you do not go for the surgery," Rose stated beside him, coldly, "You will join them. You have to let me know where you want your tombstone."
Dave's jaw dropped. He knew that already, but for some reason, sitting in front of the graves, imagining another one with his name on it, frightened him. He could feel his jaw tremble, and turned around to look at Rose, who had stood up, and was now standing behind him, her arms folded, and her expression impassable.
He swallowed hard, and looked back at the graves, imagining the graveyard back in Texas. Did Bro ever get a tombstone? No one was there to pay for it… no one was there to give Bro a proper funeral…
Rose knelt down next to him again, "I am not going to tell you to go through with it, or not. All I can do, is point you in the right direction. This is not a game Dave, this is your life."
Dave frowned, refusing to look at her, "But I did this…" He paused to take a deep breath, "I did this to myself."
"Yes." Rose nodded, "You have no one to blame but yourself for the pain you are in right now." Dave shuddered, but she continued talking, "That being said, its up to you to take the steps to fix your mistakes."
"I know…" Dave muttered,
"If you want others to forgive you for what you've done," Rose stated, "You have to first ask for it, show them that you are indeed worthy of forgiveness."
"But I am not." Dave's voice was barely above a whisper, "I'm filthy… I've done so many things in my life that is so…wrong."
"Maybe then," Rose said, "Forgiveness must start with you forgiving yourself. Once you forgive yourself, you can fully start moving to recovery."
Dave shuddered, "I can't forgive myself…"
"You don't know, unless you try." Rose said, "The same way you asked Kanaya for forgiveness."
"I have to give myself flowers?" Dave spat,
"Get the surgery." Rose replied, "That could be your first step towards forgiveness."
"Rose." Dave said softly, much softer then he meant to, "I did not start Sopor because of peer pressure or anything like that. I started it because I thought it would make me look more, I dunno… cool. Some of my friends were doing it, and I wanted to do it just because they were. It would be different if I started it out of peer pressure or something… but I started it just to be cool."
"And there is nothing cool about the situation you are in now, is there?" Rose said.
"No." Dave agreed, "That's why… I know this is all my fault. Why should I take a liver that could go to someone else, who did nothing to deserve what they are suffering through?"
"To be fair." Rose corrected, "Most people going in for a Liver Transplant, put themselves there as well."
"When I ran away…" Dave said, ignoring Rose's comment, "I used Sopor to get away from everything… to forget what I did… who I was becoming. When I sold… when I prostituted myself, I used it to get rid of the pain… and now…"
I'm in even worse pain. He thought bitterly.
"But that is all in the past." Rose said, "You don't have to be that person anymore. You have family now."
"Rose…" Dave whispered, lowering his head till he was looking in the dirt, "You had a P.I looking for me right? You knew where I went after I was adopted out."
"Texas, right?" Rose answered,
"Do you know why I left?" Dave asked,
"You told me." She said, rubbing his back, "You killed your brother."
"Did your P.I tell you anything else?" He asked,
"I told you in the hospital, why you ran away was not my prerogative, I was only interested in finding you. Looking into your life in Texas, would have cost you a lot more money, and I thought it would be rude of me to spend more of your money then I absolutely had to."
"Oh." He sighed, "I just wanted to know… what happened to his body."
Rose shook her head, but did not say anything.
She stood up again with a sigh, "I think… you should worry more right now on what to do with your body, rather then worry about someone else."
Dave wished it was that simple.
Maybe it was.
ROSE:
Oh Dave... stop being so stubborn :' (