Chapter 26 – A Piece of Me
At ten, Snape stood and said, "Today, you will attempt to block nonverbal spells with the correct shield…wandlessly." Harry looked panicked. "I do not expect a flawless performance, but we will not stop until I am satisfied with your progress."
They worked for two hours with steady improvement. Harry's biggest problem seemed to be aiming without his wand. When Snape finally called an end to the session, the room was quite in disarray.
"Clean this up, Mr. Potter."
He did not receive the glare he had expected. Instead, Harry just closed his eyes, and Snape felt a faint prickle of Harry's magic in the room. He whispered, "Reparo," and the books that lay torn on the floor, the broken vase, the ripped couch cushions, and the several buttons that had been popped off Snape's robes all repaired themselves. Harry looked rather smug.
"Well," Snape said, "That was…thorough. Come, tea."
Once they had rested, they returned to the sitting room. Snape summoned a quill and parchment, and told Harry to choose eight spells he learned about in the previous day's reading assignment and write fifteen inches on them.
"Fifteen!" came Harry's reply.
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Unless you would prefer twenty? Do not remove yourself from that sofa until you have finished."
It was suppertime by the time Harry finished, and he was somewhat sullen as they ate their meal.
Afterward, they sat in the sitting room in silence for a few minutes before Harry said, "My turn, I suppose?"
Snape fervently hoped he would not repeat his question from the day before, as he had no better answer now than he had then. Reluctantly, he nodded.
"Do you ever want to have kids? I mean, you seem to hate students well enough, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. And I know you said you'd…been with men before and all, but for all I know, you're bi. Plus there's always adoption or some such. So? Kids?"
It seemed Harry was determined to punish him for setting the essay by making him as uncomfortable as possible. Impertinent Gryffindor.
Snape was tempted to allow the various stereotypes surrounding him to speak for him, but the mere fact that he'd asked the question suggested he had already seen past some of them, at least. And as he sincerely did not want Harry to start lying to him, he was determined to answer truthfully.
"I really hadn't thought—it has never seemed a possibility for such a man as myself. The students are insufferable, but I would like to think I would feel differently about my own child." He paused in thought. He really had not considered the possibility in any depth before, and he surprised himself by saying, "I do not think I would be averse to the idea," and scowled. "Yourself?" he asked.
"I'd love to have kids more than anything. I've never really had a family, and it's all I've ever wanted. Don't worry, I'm not completely delusional—it's only a dream."
Snape wanted to ask for an explanation, but knew he would not get it until it was his turn again and kept his mouth shut.
"So, erm, are you…bi? Or, you know." Harry looked at his knees, blushing.
"Do not speak to your lap. As to your question, no, I would not consider myself bisexual. I have kissed a few females in my time, but the experience was always somewhat…lacking. You seem to think you will never have children. Why is that?"
"Well, obviously not liking girls throws a wrench into things from the start. I could adopt, I guess. It wouldn't be the same, but I think I could love an adopted child as my own. Anyway, like I said, it's just a dream. Even if I do survive the final showdown, it isn't like anyone will ever fall in love with me or anything, and I wouldn't want to raise a child alone."
Snape narrowed his eyes. The straightforward delivery, like he was discussing the finer points of cricket, had him just as worried as the words themselves. The man seemed to take it as a given that he was unlovable, doomed to be alone. Now, for someone like himself, Snape could understand, but a man like Harry? Someone so kind and passionate and giving? Of course someone would fall in love with him.
The warm knot was back in his chest again. What was that?
"Before you take your turn, let me say that I disagree. I know that you will find someone who loves you." He hesitated slightly. Was Harry so unaware of the possibilities in the wizarding world? "And, just so you know, it is possible for two wizards, either with the help of certain potions or unaided if they are very, very powerful, to have their own biological children, though it is uncommon."
Harry's gaping mouth told him that he'd, in fact, had no idea.
"Were you unaware that one of your year-mates, Anthony Goldstein, has two fathers?"
"Well, I didn't…I mean…I didn't take it literally," Harry sputtered.
Harry looked around for a few moments as if he were lost. Snape took pity of him and said, "Go on then, it is your turn."
"Er, right. You don't have any siblings, do you?"
"I do not," Snape replied. "What is your favorite dish?"
Harry seemed relieved that they were moving back into more familiar territory. "My favorite food? I don't suppose I have one, really. I'm just happy not to be eating cold leftovers."
"Cold?" Snape asked without thinking.
"Well, I was always punished if I got caught stealing food, and I didn't want to risk my aunt and uncle hearing the microwave—that's what muggles use to reheat food—when I was able to sneak something at night."
"Stealing food."
The blush that had been receding from Harry's cheeks returned full force.
"Stealing food!" Snape was having trouble containing his rage and stood to pace. "From your own home? Were those bloody muggles even human? Stealing food, indeed!"
A hand caught his elbow and he stopped and turned abruptly. Harry raised his head and planted a kiss on Snape's lips.
"Thank you, Severus."
The next several days passed in their by now well-established routine. At ten every morning, they reviewed previous work, then implemented in practice what had been learned in theory. After tea and a light lunch, Harry was given a reading assignment, essay, or potions lesson to complete.
They did not tire of the question-and-answer game, and found themselves beginning it as soon as lessons were over for the day. The majority of nights were spent with both in Snape's bed, though Harry spent a few in his own room at Snape's insistence. They shared little more than a few heated kisses and frantic touches.
Once, after much internal debate, Snape took an even smaller dose of Dream-filled Sleep to see what would happen, but there was no effect. He could not say he was entirely disappointed.
The day dawned bright and clear. Figuratively speaking, of course. Snape had no idea what the weather was like, but the day felt bright and clear. And a good thing, too, because today was the day.
He and Harry had spent the night in their own rooms, as Snape had needed a bit of privacy last night and this morning. We went to the wardrobe to make sure the transfigurations and charms he'd placed on a set of robes to turn them into dress robes had held—they had. He took the small box from his bedside table and placed it in the pocket of the robes, paranoid that he would forget it when the time came. He had agonized over it, and was determined that everything was going to come off perfectly.
He composed himself and exited his room. Harry would be out soon for their lesson.
Snape had just finished his tea when Harry entered the sitting room. "Mr. Potter," he said be way of greeting, "Today we duel. Use everything you have learned, but no dark magic for you. Do not hold back—I certainly shall not."
Harry did not take out his wand, as he was now required to do almost everything wandlessly. He was becoming much more adept at controlling the magic that only a week or two ago had all but overwhelmed him.
They began. After only fifteen minutes, they were both using so much power that the room practically crackled with their magic. Luckily, they had taken to casting containment charms over the bookshelves, as it had gotten rather tedious trying to work out which pages had come from which books. This was their fiercest fight yet.
For hours, they shot curses, mostly nonverbal, at each other and, along with casting shield spells and blocks, rolled and dived and jumped out of the way. Snape was tiring, and it was evident in the power behind his spells, but, while his movements were becoming somewhat sluggish, Harry's were only getting stronger. It was just a matter of time.
Snape could feel the spell coming and knew this was it. He put all the power he could muster behind the counter-jinx in an attempt to lessen the effect. He was marginally successful. Uncountered, Petrificus Totalus would have left him completely incapable of movement. As it was, he retained control over his face, fingers, and toes.
Once he'd recovered from being knocked to the ground with such force, he muttered, "You have prevailed. Release me."
"Oh, sorry. Of course, Professor."
When he could move again, he sat up, determined that he was not seriously injured, and asked after Harry's well-being.
"I'm fine, just a few cuts. Bit out of breath," he admitted, smiling.
"Very well. Go on and shower. If you see anything new in your wardrobe when you are finished, wear that."
Harry gave a brief look of confusion, but shrugged it off and headed to the washroom.
As soon as he closed the door, Snape stood and hurried to his room. He cast a very strong Scourgify on himself and donned his dress robes, quickly but carefully. When he was satisfied that all the buttons were done up properly, he did another quick spell on his hair to make it smoother and shinier. It also imbued the very faint scents of cardamom and sassafras.
Now dressed, he rushed to Harry's room to transfigure a set of dress robes for him. He did not have much time, so they were simple but he made sure the fit would be quite flattering.
Next, he headed to the kitchen. Much of the food had been cooked the night before and placed under stasis and invisibility charms, but he had some last minute preparations to make. Once he was convinced that any more fiddling would not make the food any better, he laid everything out on the table and recast the invisibility charms. He just had time to conjure several candles and Nox the other lights in the room before Harry emerged.
They stared at one another for a long moment. When he could think again, Snape was glad he had opted against Gryffindor red for the trim on Harry's robes and gone with a rather more Slytherin shade, as it made the man's eyes sparkle even more.
Harry broke the silence. "You look…bloody hell, what's the occasion?"
Snape had been wondering all day, but it seemed that after weeks in the safe house, Harry really had no idea what day it was.
He pulled out a chair. "Have a seat."
Harry complied, looking apprehensive, but excited.
"Tempus Totalis," Snape said, and glittery writing appeared in the air. It read '6:17 PM, 31 July, 1996'. He followed Harry's eyes closely, and the moment he finished reading, Snape countered the invisibility charms.
The most prominent item on the table was a chocolate cake that said 'Happy Birthday Harry' and had sixteen candles evenly spaced around the perimeter. There were also two plates filled with chicken fettuccine alfredo, a basket of bread, and a bottle of white wine. Snape had been surprised, but pleased, to find the second bottle atop his wardrobe, when he was absolutely certain it had not been there before.
Harry's mouth opened and closed a few times.
"Happy birthday, Harry," Snape said, giving a small smile that, for him, was practically a full-faced grin.
"I, er…Thanks. I've…no one's ever made me a birthday dinner before. This is…it's great, Severus. Thank you so much."
"I am glad you approve. Now tuck in."
Their meal was filled with light banter and companionable silence. Snape served the cake, and when Harry took his first bite, he moaned. The sound, which he had never heard elicited by a dessert before, rippled through Snape's body. Any more of that, and he wasn't going to make it through dinner.
His problem was taken care of when they approached the end of dessert—he was terribly nervous about the next part. He used all his powers of occlumency and spy training not to show it as he reached into his robes and removed a small, square package wrapped in plain, brown paper with a white ribbon tied around it and set it in front of Harry.
"Oh no, you didn't have to…"
"It was no trouble at all. I could not very well go shopping to find something appropriate for you, so I was not even forced to brave the crowds." When Harry made no move, he pointed out, "It will not open itself. I suppose I could have charmed it to, but most rather enjoy unwrapping gifts from what I've been told."
"Right, yeah," Harry agreed, and began ripping the paper to shreds with a look of glee. When all the wrappings had been removed, he opened the box to reveal a small vial of potion nestled in its velvet-lined interior. It had no label, and he held it up to study it for a moment. The crystal of the vial was scratched and worn, despite the numerous protection charms placed on it.
"What is it?" he asked finally.
"I'm afraid it will probably be of very little practical use to you. You see, it is something very important to me, a part of me almost, and I wanted to share it with you, Harry." Snape let Harry mull over his words for a moment before the look of comprehension shone on his face.
"Severus, you shouldn't have. I…I don't know what to say." Tears were gathering in Harry's eyes.
"It is the first potion I ever invented. I believe I was in my sixth year at Hogwarts." He paused before continuing very quietly, "It will give the drinker the will to carry on living when he no longer possesses it himself."
The tears were now streaming freely down Harry's face. He frowned slightly. "Why…why did you make this?"
"I had need of it," Snape answered simply. "I only ever made one batch, and this is the last of it. Until quite recently, I carried it with me at all times, as a talisman of sorts."
Harry's eyes were profoundly sad and filled with joy at the same time. He gingerly placed the vial back in its box, then went over to curl up in Snape's lap and give him a long, gentle kiss.
"This means so much more to me than I can say. And I'm glad you don't feel like you'll need it anymore," Harry said as he held Snape almost painfully tight and buried his face against his neck.