Chapter 26: Hairbrained Schemes
"I'm telling you, this is never going to work," Ron hissed, glaring at Harry from behind the twigs and branches of their hideaway.
Harry wiped at his filthy forehead, smearing even more dirt and leaves on it while frowning at Ron. "Look, Hagrid says it's perfectly safe. Thestrals are just misunderstood. They don't actually cause all those horrific deaths, they're just drawn to them."
"Yeah, sure, but even leaving behind the fact we're trying to catch bloody death monsters, they're also bloody INVISIBLE. How are we supposed to catch an invisible horse? A flying invisible horse at that."
"Well, if you hadn't nixed the idea of catching an acromantula to milk for it's silk-"
"Which, somehow, would have made this whole escapade even stupider! Even Hagrid thinks those things are dangerous."
"What?" Harry demanded, looking slightly offended. "He just said that they were a mite frisky!"
Ron rolled his eyes. "In Hagrid speak, a 'mite frisky' is equivalent to 'lethally dangerous.' The man teared up when he told us about Lockhart killing a nundu in Africa for Merlin's sake!"
Just then, the faint sound of jingling bells could be heard, and both boys eyes snapped around to the entrance of the thicket, where several lines had been strung with small bells. One of those lines was shaking now, but nothing was visibly disturbing it. Both boys stopped arguing immediately, their eyes fixing upon the rank carcass of a slaughtered hog in the center of the thicket.
"Shh!" they both said at the same time, ducking lower in their hide and peering out of the hole. The sound of soft footfalls in earth could be seen, then a snorting grunt.
Harry and Ron swallowed and raised their wands, ready to activate the charms that would drop nets from the branches overhead on top of the thestral once it began feeding up on the carcass. The footfalls got closer and close, and Harry grinned widely while Ron closed his eyes and muttered a quick prayer to the quidditch gods that this wouldn't be the time he got killed.
The grass in front of the carcass swayed, and Harry made ready to swish his wand. Suddenly, there was a loud braying, and the sound of pounding hooves, then jingling bells. A moment later, twin bellowing roars filled the thicket and a terrible rush of wind as two green and yellow shapes plummeted out of the sky to begin devouring the hog carcass.
"Oh no!" Harry cried, standing up and looking aghast.
"Thank you," Ron sighed, coming shakily to his feet and looking towards the heavens with a grateful expression on his face.
"Cedric you've ruined everything!" Harry shouted, stomping out of the hide and glaring and the startled Hufflepuff champion who had dismounted from Sigmund's back.
"What? Harry? Ron? What are you two doing in the forbidden forest on a saturday morning?" Cedric demanded, stepping away from his twin feeding dragons.
"We were trying to trap a thestral, obviously," Harry said, waving his arms about wildly. "One was in the thicket, and it was about to feed on the carcass! Look, you're stupid dragons have even ruined our nets!" Harry pointed at the shredded nets, which had been no match for the descending dragons.
Sigmund and Sieglinde had both grown quite a bit, and were both now about the size of a draft horse, though Sieglinde was slightly larger, being female. Their mottled green and yellow hide was cracked and shedding, despite the faint sheen of oil that could be seen upon it. The dragons were growing rapidly, and shedding their skin just as fast. They both snapped over the carcass, until Cedric growled and kicked at them. The dragons bobbed their heads, then grudgingly divided the carcass, with Sieglinde getting the larger portion, and continued eating.
Turning back to Harry and Ron, Cedric frowned at Harry, then spied the look of relief on Ron's face and laughed. "Let me guess, it was Harry's idea to trap a very dangerous beast as part of some hair brained scheme to ask Luna and Hermione to the ball."
"Just Luna," Ron said firmly. "My scheme isn't hairbrained at all."
"You want to ask her using a chess match," Harry said, shaking his head in disgust. "That's hair brained if I ever heard of it."
"Yeah, well, I thought it was better than trying to catch a bloody invisible monster and then getting my girlfriend to ride on it without us both getting eaten," Ron snapped. Harry glared back, and Ron shook his head, turning back to Cedric. "So, who are you asking to the ball?"
Cedric sighed, rubbing the back of his head and glancing at his feasting dragons, who both had gore all over their maws. "Honestly, I've already asked three girls. I thought Cho Chang was interested in me, but apparently I've caught a bad case of the Weasley's and now not a single girl is even remotely interested in coming near me lest they come down with it too. Even the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students seem to be aware."
"They've all turned down a Hogwarts champion?" Ron asked, looking slightly green.
Cedric laughed. "You've nothing to worry about. No one that I know of has even attempted to ask Hermione, and not only does she like you but she's already got the worse case of the Weasley's I've ever seen." Cedric paused, glancing at Harry who had begun to shimmy up a tree, trying to salvage the nets. "Well, perhaps the second worse. I think most of us forget Harry wasn't born in the Burrow."
"I was born at Saint Mungos, thank you very much," Ron huffed.
With the nets destroyed and Ron managing to convince Harry that it was time to give it up as a bad job, the two boys accepted a ride back to the school atop Sieglinde.
"I guess I'll just have to catch a niffler after all," Harry lamented as they circled the lake for a landing.
"Well at least you're going down to a triple X," Ron muttered.
Harry ran off to Hagrid's to see about acquiring a niffler, while Ron wandered over to Ramoth's enclosure.
"Hey girl, any sign of Hermione?" Ron asked as he jumped over the fence. The barrier was more to keep the occupant safe from visitors than the other way around, though only a few manics would have attempted to enter a dragon enclosure.
Ramoth looked up from the large rock she was sunning herself on. She saw Ron, growled a greeting, then lay back down, unperturbed. Ron got out a large scouring brush and a bucket of mineral oil and began to scrub away the flaking skin from Ramoth's hide. The dragon sighed contentedly as Ron scrubbed, rolling over and exposing her underbelly and spreading her legs so that the all the folds of dead skin could be scoured away.
"You can use magic to do that, you know," a voice said about 10 minutes after Ron had begun.
Ron looked up from his work, wiping sweat from his forehead dispite the chill December air. "Oh, hello Susan. I thought you were avoiding Weasleys." Ron shucked off his jacket, tossing it onto the fence before picking the brush back up.
Susan made a face. "I was. But now everyone's avoiding me. Someone hide my hair dye, and when I got into a fight with Hannah last night she undid my hair dying charm."
Ron glanced over, seeing that Susan's reddish blonde hair was it's natural color underneath her woolen cap. "Too bad. By the way, you can't use a scouring charm on a dragon. They're magic resistant. Any spell strong enough to scrub their hide would flay it right off of them."
Ramoth opened one eye and glared at Ron, shooting out a small gout of flame and lashing her tail back and forth slightly.
"Oh calm down, I wasn't going to actually do it," Ron grumbled. He glanced back at Susan, who was looking wistfully at the dragon. "You can come help if you want, I promise I don't have any plans on inducting you into Gryffindor or something."
"Too bad, I could use a date to the Ball," Susan muttered. But she came over the fence anyway, picking up a brush and cautiously inching her way towards Ramoth.
For the golden bronze dragon's part, she simply extended a leg towards Susan, continuing to bask in the sun.
"You know, Cedric can't find a date to the ball," Ron said after a few minutes of scrubbing. "I'm sure he'd be willing to take you, red hair and all."
Susan paused, her eyes going slightly wide. "But...but he's half a Weasley already!"
Ron shrugged. "Kinda. We're not exactly going to baptise him in pumpkin juice anytime soon, but he's certainly fallen in with us along with the rest of the champions. Probably because we're the only ones crazy enough to hang out with a bunch of dragon riders."
Pausing in her scrubbing, Susan looked up at Ron with a considering look. This prompted Ramoth to open one eye and nudge Susan insistently with her leg.
Susan let out a squeak, and Ron smacked Ramoth underbelly with the wooden brush head. "Oy, knock that off! She's under no obligation to help you ya great overgrown lizard."
"I um, I think I'll go see what Cedric's up to," Susan said, quickly scrubbing the leg free of excess skin before running off towards the Welsh green enclosure.
Ron smiled to himself and turned back to his work, only to be interrupted moments later by someone wrapping their arms around his back.
"That was very sweet of you, Ronald."
Ron flushed, almost dropping his brush and turning his head half around to find Hermione's wispy hair floating around his neck.
"Well, you know, she and Cedric really could use a date," Ron sputtered.
"They're not the only ones," Hermione giggled. Then she reached into her pocket and pulled out a large red queen chess piece. She tapped it and out came a small folded note from. Written in Ron's cramped handwriting was "d8 to e8, d8/e8 to Champions Ball?"
Hermione spun Ron about and kissed him passionately. After a quite a while, they both came up for air gasping.
"I take it you accept then?" Ron said somewhat dazedly.
"I do," Hermione said, glancing over at Ramoth. "Provided my chaperone approves."
Ramoth didn't even open an eye, twining her tail around both Ron and Hermione and drawing them close together while covering them with one wing.
"I think she approves," Ron said, wrapping his arms around Hermione's waist and squeezing.
"Well, perhaps we should take advantage of her approval then," Hermione said, standing on tiptoe to whisper in Ron's ear.
Ramoth turned her head away, ignoring the laughter and noises coming from under her wing. Whatever made her rider and her mate happy, made Ramoth happy. Now if only they would get over the courtship rituals and get to the actual mating! Humans.
Over at Hagrid's hut, Harry was squatting down in front of a hatch of Nifflers.
"Now, I need you lot to pay careful attention." Harry held out a sack of coins, shaking it and making them click together. The nifflers followed every motion of the bag raptly, their eyes and heads moving up and down in perfect mirrors of each motion of the treasure. "I'm offering this to whichever one of you is willing to deliver this for me." Harry held out a large envelope sealed with red wax, "while wearing this." Harry reached around his back and brought out a tiny sailor uniform, complete with necktie, which he held out along with the envolope.
The nifflers eyed the sailor's uniform distastefully, but their gazes soon snapped back to the bag of coins.
Slowly, Harry set down the sailor's uniform on the front of the hutch, then reached into the bag and produced a galleon, it's surface glinting in the dim light of the rapidly setting northern sun. He then showed the rest of hte contents of the bag to the nifflers. There was silver, bronze, and even a few gemstones in there.
The nifflers rubbed their hands greedily, but then looked at the sailors uniform again, and made various faces of disgust, along with retching noises.
"Oh come off it, it's not that bad. Besides, it's for Luna. You all like her, don't you? She did bring you all that leftover tinsel after all."
The nifflers all glanced at the back of their hutch, which was decorated with a large amount of silver and gold tinsel.
They sighed, then the largest waddled over to one of the smaller nifflers and slapped him on the back, pointing with its nose at the sailor uniform. The smaller niffler squeaked in protest, but the other nifflers shook their heads and pointed their noses at the bag of coins Harry was holding.
The smallest niffler looked at its hutch mates, looked at the sailor uniform, then looked at the bag. With a heavy sigh, it dropped to all fours and waddled forward, it's fur bristling.
"We have a volunteer!" Harry crowed. He opened the hutch and scooped out the smallest niffler, setting it down in front of the sailor uniform and handing it a bronze knut. "You'll get the lion's share, I promise."
Closing its eyes and rubbing the coin, then niffler nodded, then set the coin down and held out its small forelimbs, a look of resignation on it's face.
That night at dinner, everyone's eyes were on Susan Bones, who had abandoned her seat at Hufflepuff with Justin (who was split between looking jealous and relieved), and was now sitting next to Cedric Diggory at the Weasley table in the back. For her part, Professor McGonagall was too busy pouring for a panicking Pomona Sprout and herself to pay much attention.
"First it was Cedric, but he's always been an adventurous sort," Professor Sprout was saying, pausing to take a long swallow of firewhiskey before continuing, "but Susan's always kept her head down and her nose clean. Why, she was even dying her hair blonde! I thought it wasn't dangerous anymore!"
"One never knows when and where the Weasley's will strike next," Snape said, his dark eyes sparkling with some hidden emotion. "None of the rest of your houses are safe."
"What do you mean by that?" Flitwick asked, pausing with a fork loaded with beans halfway to his mouth.
Snape shrugged. "It is obvious, is it not? While the Weaselys may plunder the rest of you, they would never stoop so low as to come after a Slytherin."
McGonagall's eyes lit with a sudden understanding. "So, the more of the school that is in Slytherin…"
"The more that are safe," Snape said, taking a dainty sip of pumpkin juice.
"Where is that Hat?" McGonagall mused, half standing and looking around. Before Dumbledore could protest, there was a shriek from one of the Gryffindor first years.
All eyes snapped around as the girl batted a small furry shape away from her. "It took my necklace!" she wailed.
In a flash, Harry was there, snatching the silver locket away and glaring at the culprit. "Stick to the script, or no gold for you!" he warned, wagging a finger.
The niffler stood up on its hindquarters, nonchalantly smoothing its fur and flicking imaginary dust off of the blue sailor's uniform before nodding at Harry and hopping off the table. Harry shoved an envelope at it, then hurried back to the Weasley table to sit next to Luna.
"Hagrid, why is there a niffler in the Great Hall?" Dumbledore asked mildly, taking the flask of fire whiskey away from the other professors while they were still too stunned by the appearance of the niffler to protest.
"Oh, he's 'ere to help Harry out wit a little somethin', headmaster," Hagrid answered.
Nodding as if that was normal, Dumbledore made a flicking motion at the niffler. "Proceed then, but do know that Mr. Flitch has a most accurate record of all the candlesticks in the great hall."
The niffler sighed and reached into its pouch, withdrawing two candlesticks and setting them on the floor before turning back towards Weasley table.
"A very accurate record," Flich growled. "And of the silverware."
Looking very put out, the niffler glared at Filch, upending its pouch so that two more candlesticks and a dozen sets of silverware spilled out. It plucked a knut out from the pile, pointed at itself, then shoved it back into its pouch before stalking towards the Weasley table.
Upon reaching the table, the niffler scrambled up onto the bench next to Luna, and held out the envelope.
Luna gasped, grabbing the niffler and hugging it tightly. "Oh, it is just too cute! Oh Ginny, look, isn't he darling!" Luna held out the niffler, who tried to crawl up her robe sleave and find a corner to curl up and die of embarassment in.
Ginny put a hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle, looking over at an anxious looking Harry. "Oh, it looks like something alright, Ginny."
"Do not be obtuse, Ginerva," Fleur said, putting a hand to her chest. "The creature is adorable. Zis has to be zhe cutest thing I have seen in England. Do you not agree, Charles?"
Charlie squinted at the niffler, then at Harry, then looked back and Fleur and flushed. "Not a patch on you though."
Fleur sighed again and giggled, snuggling up to Charlie.
"He um, he looks like he has a letter," Harry stammered.
Luna nodded, setting the niffler down on the table to open the envelope. The niffler promptly ran to Harry, grabbed the bag of coins, ripped off its uniform, and ran from the hall, losing sickles and knuts as it scampered away.
As Luna scanned the letter, Harry had to fight the urge to bite his nails down to the nubs. It seemed to take forever, but finally Luna looked up, her face glowing. "Of course I will, Harry!"
Harry let out a sigh of relief as Luna hugged him, ignoring the cat calls from his brothers.
From the high table, Percy clapped the loudest, grinning at his brothers from the Ministry representative's chair. "Good show Harry, Ron. Now you twin idiots better get a move on!" Percy shouted.
Fred and George glared first at Percy, then at Harry. "Well, if someone hadn't stolen our thunder," Fred grumbled.
George nodded. "Guess we'll just have to make our own then."
The twins threw up two bottles that glowed with in inner blue light, then waved their wands and shattered them.
McGonagall stood up, leaping onto the high table. "Don't you two dare! I'll-"
She was cut off as lighting flashed through the hall, striking the top of her pointed hat. With a wail, McGonagall topped back, thankfully caught by Dumbledore's quick wand reflexes.
"Sorry about that!" Fred called.
"It's mostly harmless, just a shock!" George added.
Once more, lightning flashed, and then the amid the shrieks of terror, arcing bolts of energy formed the words, "Angelina, Alicia, go with us to the Ball?"
"Oh, that's pretty good," Moody growled, admiring the lightning as it faded. "Nice charms work there, eh Filius?"
Flitwick, for his part, had taken the bottle back from Dumbledore and was chugging it. He made several grunts, but if they were affirmative or negative, no one could tell.
Angelina and Alicia both laughed and stood. "Well go with you if you ever get out of detention!"
Dazedly, McGonagall got back to her feet. "Well, that settles that! Those two are-"
"-going to show you charming young ladies the time of your lives," Dumbledore finished. "And I agree, Alastor. Most impressive charms work."
Authors Note:
Hey there! Long time, no post, I know. I'm afraid I had a bought of a rather nasty reoccurring illness of mine. Thankfully, this time I did not require surgery and things passed of their own (painful) accord. Sadly there is little myself or anyone else can do to alleviate this illness, and it will strike again in the future. IT's over for now, and usually I have a long respite between episodes. I'm getting back to writing now, but expect a bit more of a delay for a while as I build up chapters both for this story and the sequel to Iron Lady I am hard at work on.