Chapter Twenty-Five:

I can feel my face drain completely of colour.

This is exactly what I was afraid of.

My dad begins to pace, his face full of apprehension. "I always feared this would happen. I saw you two interact and I should have known this would happen."

"Dad…. You don't understand." I say, walking towards him, pleading for him to listen.

He looks at me knowingly. "Jude, I'm familiar with Tommy. I know his type. I'm not even sure he has his own life straight. Whether either of us wants to admit it, I'm not going to be here to look after my baby girl in a few months. And I don't want to die thinking that you're alone, or hurting. It wasn't so long ago you were crying over him for the millionth time. He hurts you at every turn of the road." he says, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Tommy's not going to hurt me," I state emphatically. "I know he has in the past. I know. But things are… different now. Look, I know Tommy's not a normal guy. But, dad, I'm not exactly a normal girl myself."

My voice becomes hoarse with emotion and I look directly into my Dad's eyes, emphasizing the next words as powerfully as I can. "I need him Dad. It scares me to admit how much. He's holding me together right now, don't you see that? If he hadn't been with me every second since I found out, I would be lying curled in a ball on the floor right now, gasping for the air just to take another breath."

My dad puts a finger under my chin, tilting it upwards so that he can look me in the eye. "I know this is hard, Jude, believe me. But Tommy could end up making things worse. Every time he's hurt you, I've seen you lose a piece of your heart, yourself. What if that happens again?"

"It won't!!!!" I yell, and my Dad shoots me a sceptical look.

"Jude, have you even thought this through? You're beautiful and impulsive and can act pretty crazy at times. Have you really given this thought? What about the fact that he's much older, and you're only seventeen years old? Are you really ready to be involved with him?"

I roll my eyes, frustrated. "Dad, tell me you're not going to harp on the age difference. I know that you've got to understand that age is just a number. And whether you like it or not, Tommy's the one who holds all the pieces of my heart. He makes me happy. Happier than I've ever been. Happier than I ever thought it was possible for me to be. I need you to understand that. And, hopefully, accept it." I grab his hands, holding them in mine, shooting him a pleading look.

Does he not understand how important it is to me that he recognizes our relationship?

"I'm not sure I can do that, Jude. I want what's best for you, and I'm not sure what you can say to convince me that what's best for you is Tommy." I feel my heart plummeting.

"That's fair," a calm voice says from the doorway.

My dad and both turn to see Tommy standing there, bleary-eyed. He's clearly just woken up, probably because of the yelling I've been doing.

Before either of us can say anything, Tommy begins to speak again, looking directly at my father. "Stuart, I know I'm probably the last person you would ever choose for Jude. Believe me, I understand that. And all the bad stuff you would accuse me of, most of it's probably true." He sighs in self-disgust before continuing. "I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done. But, in all honestly, Jude has changed me because she's different. Jude's not just another girl or just any girl. She's the girl. The only one I care about. The only one I want. The only one I love." Tommy said sincerely, still standing in the doorway.

My dad stares at Tommy thoughtfully, not saying anything. I'm really not sure whether that's a good or bad sign.

I move to stand by Tommy's side, and I take his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. I want my dad to know I'm serious about this relationship. Tommy looks down at the gesture and I see a smile forming on his lips.

My dad grimaces and begins to open his mouth. I hold my breath, positive that I'm not going to like what he says. I feel Tommy squeeze my hand supportively. We're in this together, no matter what.

"I know I don't have a lot of it, but this," he says, motioning to Tommy and I and our joined hands, "is going to take some time to get used to."

"Oh, daddy!" I exclaim, rushing to him and hugging him.

He pulls away quickly. "Now, I'm not saying I accept this yet. But I'm not rejecting the notion either. Give me some time, okay?"

I smile happily. "Thank you, Dad."

I couldn't hope for much more. It would have been completely unrealistic to expect him to accept Tommy and me right away. But at least he's going to give us a chance to prove to him that we're for real.

He looks towards Tommy, the grim expression still fixed firmly on his face. "There are a few things I want to say. I don't want to know whether you have or have not shared a bed. But there will definitely be no sharing of beds here. This goes for Sadie and Kwest as well. You'll be sharing a room with Kwest," he says to Tommy, "and you'll be sharing with your sister. There are some things you'll just have to endulge your old-fashioned father, okay?"

I nod in agreement. Realistically, I know that there's no way Tommy and I can go without sex for months. But honestly, that's something my dad would be better off not knowing.

"On a more positive note, I want to thank you both for being honest with me. You took a real risk telling me, and I respect that," he said, reaching his hand out to shake Tommy's.

Tommy, looking very surprised, reaches his hand forward and accepts the handshake.

"Now, I think that's enough on the subject for now. Can we just see how things go from here?" Dad asks.

I nod, and the reason why he was out suddenly hits me. "How was your doctor's appointment?" I ask.

He brushes off the question. "Fine. No real change. She gave me a few prescriptions in case the pain worsens."

"Is it bad?" I ask, finding it very difficult to deal with my dad being in pain. Before giving him a chance to respond, I walk towards him, pushing him gently in the direction of the couch. "You should sit down, relax."

My dad glares at me. "Rule number one. I want to spend my last few months as a regular person. I'm not an invalid and I want no one to treat me like I am one. Got it, honey?"

I nod. It's hard not to fuss. I mean, I feel like it's the only thing I can do.

I can't save him.

I can't make the tumour go away.

I just want to help him in some way.

"Honey," he says, sitting on the couch and gesturing for me to sit next to him. "I want to spend the next few months having fun with my girls. Not worrying or talking about things that can't be changed." He reaches for my hand, "I'm dying. This is something that can't be changed. It's hard to accept, I know," he says, brushing a tear off my face that I hadn't even realized I had shed. "But we can make the next few months as happy and fun as possible. That's what I want."

I brush the rest of the tears off my face. "Then that is what you will get," I state emphatically.

The rest of the day, we begin to enact our "all fun-all day" policy. We go to a movie that my dad wanted to see, and then out for a nice Italian dinner.

When we returned to the house, my dad was clearly exhausted. "I'm heading to bed," he said. "Now you know where your separate bedrooms are, right?"

I look at Tommy and notice that the left side of his mouth is turned up in a smirk. "Of course, Daddy. I love you," I say, kissing him softly.

"I love you too, Jude," he says, hugging me tightly. "Good night, Tommy."

"Night Stuart."

We watch him walk up the stairs and head into his bedroom before proceeding into the living room and collapsing on the couch.

My body is leaning into Tommy's and his arm is wrapped around my side, tucking me close to him. He's brushing a hand through my hair, and I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation of his simple touch.

It's been a long day. I know I have to keep up the positive attitude for my dad. But sometimes I just want to scream and cry. I feel drained from suppressing my sadness.

"How are you holding up?" Tommy asks.

"Honestly, I don't know. Different emotions keep hitting me at different times. One minute, I'm happy and laughing and the next minute I feel paralyzed, like I can't deal with what's happening. Right now, I just feel numb."

He kisses the side of my face lovingly. "I'm so sorry for all of this."

"I'm just so…tired," I say, closing my eyes.

All of a sudden I feel Tommy standing up. I open my eyes and see him on his feet in front of me, holding his hands out to help me stand up too.

"Bed time for you, Harrison."

I nod and take his hands, feeling him pull me to my feet. We shut all the lights off and he drapes his hand around my waist as we walk up the stairs.

He walks me to my door. "Good night, Jude," he says, kissing me lightly.

"Good night, Tommy," I say watching him walk down the hall a bit to his room. I wave as we both step in to our respective bedrooms. I close the door behind me and look around at the empty space. My dad didn't buy much furniture considering he knew this wouldn't be a permanent arrangement.

I lean back against the door, closing my eyes on the encroaching pain and sadness.

I open my eyes and move away from the door slowly. I need to move, keep my thoughts away from reality.

I change quickly into my pyjamas and get into bed.

It's cold. And lonely.

I miss Tommy.

I close my eyes, trying to sleep without the warmth of his body next to mine.

I can't. I toss and turn for what feels like hours. I look at the bedside clock to see that I've only been in bed for thirty minutes.

"Oh God…" I say, sighing audibly.

I can't do this.

I sit up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. The hardwood floor is cold underneath my feet as I step out of the bed and walk to the door.

I open the door a little bit, peering out into the hall.

I push the door open all the way and walk through, shutting it behind me. I creep cautiously down the hall, pausing whenever the floor makes a noise under my feet.

I keep glancing at my dad's bedroom door, praying that it won't open.

I finally make it to Quincy's door and open it quickly. I rush in and shut it quietly behind me.

I turn around to see him sitting up in bed, staring at me amused.

"I couldn't sleep. Not without you," I say simply.

"Come here," he says softly. I walk towards the bed, getting under the covers beside.

I snuggle up against him, and he puts an arm around my waist, pulling me even closer.

"I couldn't sleep either," he whispers, placing a kiss in my hair. "I've barely slept in two days, but without you beside me I couldn't settle myself."

I smile. It's nice to know I'm not the only one completely dependent. He's like an addiction. My own private heroin. Except he's a good addiction.

"I love you, Tommy," I say, closing my eyes as the warmth and comfort of his body begin to lull me to sleep.

"I love you, Jude," he says, kissing my cheek. And as I feel myself drifting off to sleep, I hear his breathing deepen.

We fall asleep in each other's arms, the only place either one of us attains solace and love; the only place either of us truly feels at home.