Chapter 25

Quietly they sat next to each other in the cockpit, as Colin slowly steered the freighter down into Horizon's atmosphere. Nevertheless, a tempest of thoughts and emotions was whirling about in both their minds. Ysa had explained to him what they had to do, to minimize the risks. She looked at him from her seat, admiring his calm and versed handling of the controls, despite the obvious excitement in his eyes. She was determined to take this step. She couldn't give her heart to him if he didn't know her face. In quarian culture, showing one's face meant nothing less than revealing one's very soul to someone. It was the next big step after linking suit environments. But of course Ysa and Colin had to skip that step for obvious reasons. Ysa was anxious, to say the least. And it wasn't primarily because she was afraid of an infection, which was a great concern in its own right, but it was far more the fear of having to reveal more about the personal troubles of her past. She knew that this was one of the reasons why she had uttered the words about herself being ugly and hideous. Though it was true. At least she was utterly convinced of it. But if he could bear looking at her face and still want her...

She couldn't make herself believe it, but she knew he had a good heart. That was what made her fall for him in the first place. But opening her heart to him would be the next and for her even so much harder step. What would he think of her? How would he judge her? She didn't and she couldn't know it. Human moral standards were certainly different from quarian ones, and there was still so much she didn't know about them. The amalgam of galactic society, fed by the extranet, by vids and literature, feigned a cultural unity that, on closer examination, simply didn't exist. Especially not for quarians, considering the insular nature of their society. Humans... They still appeared unpredictable to Ysa in some way. Quarian society was, to the very core, defined by social behaviour. Whereas krogans could serve as an extreme counterexample, with their culture being based on the perpetual fight of everyone against everyone. But humans, they seemed determined to attempt a unification of those ostensibly mutual exclusive concepts. Their success on a galactic scale with that weird mindset of theirs was nothing less but startling. But even more startling to Ysa was the very fact that she inexplicably felt like she'd fit human society much better than that of her own people. Maybe she was just a bad quarian. She had felt homesick for the flotilla just once, after the pirate attack on Thimaya. At that time she didn't know any better. But now she didn't feel homesick any more at all, because it felt like returning home as the Koriolan descended to Horizon's surface. Thoughts like these, in coincidence with a serious romantic relationship with an alien would be considered as near treason by many quarians. Certainly her mother would think that way. Ysa swept those thoughts aside. She hadn't decided anything yet. She had to be sure about him, first.

It was early morning in Discovery. After landing and unloading the freight, they entered the terminal building where Yanina Tarkova was waiting to greet them. But neither Ysa nor Colin were in the mood for chatting and Yanina sensed that immediately.

"Hey! Welcome back! I hope everything's alright?"

Colin waved her, "Hi, Nin. Yeah, we're okay. But I think we have to sort some things out." he said and nodded to Ysa beside him.

Yanina frowned, "Something serious?"

Ysa nodded, "What we've been talking about, before."

"Oh, that. It's about time. Well then, good luck you two", she said with a grin.

"Thanks," Ysa replied, "and I'm sorry for..."

"Don't mention it. Talk to you later, ok? Gotta go back to my station.", Yanina interrupted her quickly, winked briefly and left them.

Colin curiously looked at Ysa, but she shook her head, "Don't ask. Not now."

"Hmm. Okay." he chuckled.

They headed home first, to put down their luggage. Colin picked his small shoulder bag from the wardrobe and quickly went into the kitchen. He had a silly little idea. He took something from the cupboard and put it into his bag. He returned to Ysa in the living room.

"Shall we go, now?" he asked her, failing to hide his excitement.

"Yeah, let's get on with it."

They went to the Discovery Central hospital and stepped to the reception desk.

"Good morning, how can I help you?" the woman behind the desk asked.

"We'd like to talk to Dr. Henson." Colin said.

The senior physician, a bald and grey-bearded man, listened to the request of his unusual 'patients' with a puzzled frown, rubbing his beard. He nodded, then shook his head, then nodded again briefly.

He cleared his throat, "I sure hope you are aware of the imminent risks? I strongly advise against any physical contact whatsoever. No one here is a real expert for quarian physiology. I just know some basics I learned when Mr. Akat stayed here. But I don't know if I can handle a severe case, so if anything happens..."

Ysa folded her arms, "Listen, I am determined and we will do this with or without your help. But I'd be thankful if you could help us to reduce the risks."

"We did not intend physical contact. I mean, not without proper protection." Colin remarked.

The doctor nodded slowly, "On the positive side, human viruses and bacteria are most likely not infectious to a quarian. But without the necessary measures, severe allergic reactions and autoimmune effects will most likely occur. You, Mr. Zeleny, will have to self-sterilize thoroughly and wear the obligatory scrubs, gloves and surgical mask. Just like a surgeon before an operation. As long as you don't do anything silly, it should be fine. No tissue contact, that means no kissing, no sex!"

"Okay, we will be careful. Thank you, doctor.", Colin said with relief in his voice.

Dr. Henson shrugged and smiled faintly, "Good. Follow me."

The procedures Colin had to endure were almost straining. He had to take multiple showers with disinfectant soap, rinsing his mouth, his nose, even his ears! His skin got red and sore. But he took the preparations without complaining, he'd do anything to protect the girl he loved. Finally, dressed up in scrubs, he entered the cleanroom with her. The sterilizer beam swept across the room.

Ysa took hold of his gloved hand and led him over to the cot, where they both sat down facing each other. She looked down and squeezed his hands.

"Colin, I'm, well, a little nervous, obviously. I can just ask you to be honest to me, okay? If you don't like what you see, don't bother to..." she uttered warily.

"Ysa, stop it! I'm ready. I want to see you. I will not run away." he reassured her.

"Okay." she sighed and looked into his eyes intently. She slowly reached up to the little levers that were hidden in the cheek pieces of the mask.

With a quiet hiss, visor and mouthpiece came off. She squinted her eyes, then slowly opened them again. She put the mask on the cot. She looked at him anxiously, breathing deeply.

He did not run away. He smiled. But Ysa couldn't see it, because he wore a surgical mask.

Colin gazed at her face in wonder. A sweet and warm feeling started soothing him, as he took in all her details. He had been prepared to find the monster she had tried to make him believe she was. And heck, he knew he would have loved her anyway, but instead he found... just a girl. She looked plain, but lovely in a way. Definitely alien, but still quite humanlike. She had a round, chubby-cheeked face, a rather long but straight and narrow nose, thin pale lips and a small receding chin. She wasn't a beauty by human standards, but in his eyes she definitely had an enchanting kind of cuteness to her. He got lost in those slanted, white eyes. They reflected and refracted the ambient light in a mesmerizing way. Her irises looked like... shimmering moonstones, yes, exactly like that. His eyes wandered to her forehead. Did she have hair? If so, it was still hidden under the helmet. Fascinated, he noticed that while she didn't have any eyelashes on her lids, she did have straight, thick and light coloured eyebrows. Was that blonde? And there were two thin black lines extending from the inner margins of her eyebrows up her forehead. What was that? Some kind of tattoo, or a natural marking of her skin? Her skin had, as she had suggested before, suffered badly from the long time of containment. Maybe it was that what made her consider herself unsightly. Her skin was slightly corrugated, sickly pale white and translucent, so he could see her red and blue veins shine through. Close as he was, he could almost see the blood pulsing in them. But he even liked that too, for he could see her wonderful vitality and her excitement. She looked so vulnerable, so delicate. He was afraid to touch her, afraid that the slightest contact might hurt her.

"Told you, I'm ugly!" she suddenly burst out, flashing small pointy teeth. She was about to put her faceplate back in place.

But Colin caught her hands, holding them firmly.

"Ysa, you are not ugly! You're the sweetest girl I've ever seen!" he said, putting calm but also the utmost confidence in his words. "You are so cute! If only I could, I'd kiss you! My lovely, pretty, wonderful girl!" he added with excitement.

His sweet flattery made her heart jitter and she felt her exposed cheeks getting really hot. She couldn't really believe it, but if this were a dream, she would know it, wouldn't she?

"Oh. Well then... thank you, Colin. You sure you're not long-sighted? No, just kidding! I'm not killing the moment, am I? Ok, too late. Oh Keelah! I really, really want to kiss you, too! But... we can't do that now. I'm sorry!", she babbled, lowering her gaze.

Her voice sounded different to him now, the vibrating sound that had always accompanied her speech, was just an effect created by the masks audio output, rather than her vocal cords, he realized.

"Don't worry, Ysa, I'm not disappointed. I probably can't imagine how anxious you must feel. And I wouldn't want to make you sick, either. But, I'd like to see your... head?"

"Oh. Sure. Wait a moment.", she fumbled at the connection between the helmet and her neck. Then she pulled off the helmet and left it dangling by the tubes and wires connected at her back.

He noticed that she had quite a long neck and her head appeared a tad too small, compared to human proportions. But what struck him the most was that she indeed had hair! And it was light grey! But not the streaky kind of grey most elder humans had, but rather a homogeneous bluish grey. It was tomboyish short, sloppily cut and tousled, but that made her look even cuter in his eyes. Curiously, he felt like something was missing, when it hit him, she had no ears! Oh. But yes, there she had ears, but they were just barely visible small semicircular bulges.

'That's her! My Ysa. My quarian girl, so strange, yet so cute!', he thought. Her every detail was fascinating and enamouring to him.

"What are those lines?", he asked, pointing to her forehead.

"Hmm? What do you mean?", she looked upwards funnily. "Oh, those! Almost forgot about it. That's just like... wires."

"Wires?"

"Yeah, nano-tech stuff, they're flimsy thin and highly adhesive. They're some sort of bio-sensors, inductively connected to the suit. It's part of the medical monitoring system. I have a lot of these all over my body. But they're removable. Drizzle some solvent liquid on them and they'll come off. But I couldn't put them back on by myself, that would be quite some hassle."

"I see. Um, Ysa?"

"Yes?"

"May I... touch you?"

"Oh, yes, O-okay.", she whispered.

Slowly he reached to her face with his gloved hand, reassuringly looking into her nervous eyes. As gently as he could, he touched her cheek with just one finger. Immediately she flinched away from him, inhaling sharply.

"Whoa! S-sorry, Colin! It's just a reflex! Please, let's try it again!"

She leaned to him again, determined to resist her flight instinct. Gently as before he touched her cheek again with his fingertips. This time she kept still. She shivered and closed her eyes, as he stroked her skin very slowly and carefully. She sighed deeply at the extraordinary sensation of his touch that she had been longing for. Softly, he caressed her cheeks and chin, then her forehead, her tousled yet soft hair and those tiny 'ears'.

"Ahhh. If you go on with this just a little longer, I'll burst out of my suit! Ha! No, but it's such an incredible feeling! I haven't been touched like this by anyone in ten years. And back then it was my mother."

"You are so very lovely! No one ever made me feel like you do, honestly. You are a gift to me, from the gods, or the ancestors, or just pure chance, whatever. You are just... perfect! I want to be close to you, now and forever. "

He took her hand and put it to his chest. Her glittering eyes widened even another little bit.

"Keelah! You drive me totally crazy, you sweet, wonderful, lovely boy!" she cooed and returned the gesture, taking his hand to her heart. Then she blinked, smiled and pursed her thin little lips, pretending a kiss to him.

He pulled down the surgical mask for a moment, smiled sweetly and did the same. "How can one single girl be that cute, all by herself? Um, about kissing, I've had an idea earlier on."

He went rummaging through his plastic bag with disinfectants.

"Wha... what are you up to, now?", Ysa asked, puzzled.

He returned to her with a roll of cling film, unrolled and cut a sheet and held it up to show her.

"What do you think?"

"Hey! Yes! That could work! That's smart!"

He put the sheet over his mouth and slowly leaned in to her. Their lips touched, only separated by the thin layer of film. It was awkward at first, but they could feel each other's lips and then got lost in the moment. They shared the kiss and its marvellous feeling for minutes, only pausing to catch their breath. Their hearts were racing, their souls intertwining.

Later on, Ysa applied some antiseptic lotion to her face, just in case, and reluctantly put her helmet and faceplate back on, with a last regretful look into his eyes, sighing deeply.

They hugged and huddled together on the cot, caressing each other slowly.

"Your words really touched me, Colin.", she whispered, "Did you mean all of that? I can't believe you still want to be with me, after seeing my face. I know what I look like."

"Ysa, stop it! Please, can't you believe that someone loves you for who you are? I meant all of it!"

"You mean this, too? You said 'love'. That's a big word. It carries a lot of weight, especially for a quarian."

Colin didn't hesitate now. He had made up his mind.

"For a human too, you know. For me, too. You think it's too soon, to say it? But that's what I feel. It's so much more than just a little crush on you! Don't you think I know our relationship will be difficult? But I want to be together with you, always. You make me happy. More than that. I feel whole with you. Yes, I... I love you, Ysa."

"Okay."

"Just 'okay'?"

"I'm thinking."

"Oh."

"Hmmm. Do you really like everything about me? Is there nothing a little negative? Come on, there must be something that bothers you about me!"

"Ahm, well, your skin is really in a bad condition. But I think some more fresh air might help with that. Hmm, and you smell funny."

"You mean, I'm smelly? Oh."

"No, not like that! But it's like chemicals. Like this hospital, just a little more... intense. But it's not repellent!"

"Ha, you'll have to live with that. My suit administers a lot of chemicals to my skin, to keep it clean and sterile. I guess they didn't bother to make it smell nice."

"Don't worry! I totally can live with that. I mean, after a hard day's work, when I'm not washed and sterilized like now, you wouldn't want to smell what lingers under my arms."

"Yeah, I heard human sweat smells bad. But not as bad as a vorcha."

"You'd still drop dead."

They both laughed out loud.

"Hey! I bet quarian sweat doesn't smell like flowers, either, or does it?"

"No, it doesn't. Actually it doesn't smell at all. We don't sweat. We can't."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"Why? We're born that way! Maybe it's also because of our homeworld's arid nature. Sweating would be a waste of water. And our bodies can endure higher temperatures than other species. So we don't need to."

"Ok, I see. Sorry for yet another stupid question. Sometimes I just forget you're not human."

"Is that so? I take it as a compliment. Otherwise, I'd have to unleash the quarian knuckle on you." she chuckled.

"Glad to hear that." he laughed, wiping imaginary sweat off his forehead, "So, is there anything negative about me you'd like to complain about, other than sweat?", he asked, still chuckling.

"Well, the very fact that you fell for me in the first place, and even still want me now, after seeing me, clearly shows that you are a very weird person."

"Oh. So, you're basically saying that you wouldn't like to fall for someone who's weird enough to fall for you?"

"Ha, I'll make you the exception to that rule.", she giggled.

They fell silent for several minutes. Suddenly, Ysa spoke up, in a serious tone.

"I love you, too.", she squeezed him tighter, "There, I said it. And I mean it, too. No more words now."