Things haven't been the same
Since you came into my life
You found a way to touch my soul
And I'm never, ever, ever gonna let it go
Happiness lies in your own hand
It took me much too long to understand
How it could be
Until you shared your secret with me
Mmm mmm
Something's comin' over, mmm mmm
Something's comin' over, mmm mmm
Something's comin' over me
My baby's got a secret
You gave me back the paradise
That I thought I lost for good
You helped me find the reasons why
It took me by surprise that you understood
You knew all along
What I never wanted to say
Until I learned to love myself
I was never ever lovin' anybody else
Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret
Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret
Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret for me
Mmm mmm, mmm mmm, mmm mmm
All I Want For Christmas (Is You) is the property of Mariah Carey.
"You can't use that book, Hazel!" exclaims Paige, her low heels clomping against the hardwood floor of the stage.
"Says who?" demands Hazel.
"It gives you an unfair advantage," says Paige.
Manny stops punching numbers into her cell to stare at the both of them, friends she thought were tighter than a magnet against metal. Sure, there was the little situation with Oleander last year, but it took what, a day for them to make amends? Alex sits beside Manny, playing with a keychain, clearly bored.
"An interview book to help you think on the spot!" continues Paige. "I mean, that's so...so..."
"So something you wish you'd thought of," says Hazel, smirking.
Paige harrumphs.
"Mad because I didn't clear it with you, Paige?" asks Hazel. "It's not listed in the packet under the restrictions. I can make a decision on my own, as much as you probably don't believe that. Especially if that decision helps me become more articulate."
"It's not fair!" cries Paige.
"You and Jimmy think I'm totally dumb...that I'm not deep or anything."
"That's not true!"
Alex clicks her tongue, looks over at Paige.
"Getting some Starbursts from the snack shop," she announces, walking outside the auditorium.
"Getting as in stealing?" mutters Hazel, loud enough for Paige to hear.
"Not cool, Haze," chastises Paige.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to insult your lapdog," says Hazel.
The two best friends bicker for a bit more, ending when Paige shakes her head, walks away from Hazel, muttering under her breath. Alex, popping a piece of candy into her mouth, returns to her spot near Manny.
"You pay for that?" asks Paige.
Alex laughs. "No. Want the orange ones?"
"Ugh, come here," says Paige, dragging her to the backstage area.
Manny grins, dials her mother's cellphone number. She'd been due to arrive at the run-through five minutes ago to deliver her talent outfit, but she still hadn't shown up. The run-through itself is pretty boring, with it being mostly technical work while the contestants stand in place. Spinner, Sully, and Peter check lights behind her, since Mrs. Tellman called for an hour lunch break. Truthfully, she didn't so much care about the outfit as seeing her mother again. Seeing her always had a calming effect, which she definitely needed at the moment. No answer.
Hazel and Darcy sit on the edge of a stage, Manny joining them.
"Oh, magic interview book, tell us why pageant run-throughs are so boring?" asks Hazel, shaking the book like a crystal ball.
"Seriously. This is lame," agrees Darcy. "And I'm hungry."
"So am I, and I don' t want a snack...I want real food," says Hazel.
"Co-signing that," says Manny. "And Emma wants to eat with Spinner...oh, sorry Darcy."
Darcy folds her arms, pops her gum. Manny can tell she's fighting back tears.
"It was Spinner's decision," she says, frowning. "A very bad decision...but his. I bet he didn't even pray about it. He's going to regret it. Emma...for sure, will regret it."
Manny's not sure quite what that means, how to reply, but it turns out she doesn't have to. Ms. Santos approaches them, carrying a garment bag and a pair of modest black shoes. Manny walks over, immediately hugs her.
"Thanks for coming!" exclaims Manny. "Can't believe you got it done so fast."
"Your grandmother, master knitter," says Ms. Santos. "It's in the genes. You want to see it?"
Manny nods excitedly. Ms. Santos zips open the garment bag, takes out a demure, powder blue overstuffed blouse with puffed sleeves, lace around the collar, and a gorgeous, long grey skirt.
"So amazing!" gushes Manny. "Very Victorian."
"Yeah, turned out pretty well," says Ms. Santos, blushing. "It was your dad's idea to make it blue. I was thinking a cream color. And it'll look nice with your hair pinned up."
Manny's stomach turns. "Wait...Dad...Dad saw it?"
Ms. Santos nods. "He, of course, loves the fact that you'll be so covered up in this. He's kind of wary about the whole pageant thing, but I picked up that he might actually be interested."
"Really?" beams Manny.
"And he's excited...well, excited as he'll show...that you're coming home for Christmas. Started fixing up, moving your bed and all that," says Ms. Santos, smiling.
Manny grins, brushing back her hair. With all the drama considering the Toby situation, this was more than welcome news.
"Do you think I should invite him...to the pageant?" says Manny, timidly. "I know he doesn't like my acting...but he really hasn't seen my acting either."
"It's worth a shot," says Ms. Santos, shrugging. "Sometimes Joseph does surprise you. But maybe I should be there too. Come over for a fitting tonight, and we'll double team him."
"Thanks, Mom!" says Manny, throwing her arms around her mother.
Her stomach rumbles, and she looks up, embarrassed.
"They don't feed you here?" asks Ms. Santos, putting the outfit back in the garment bag.
"Well, some of the girls went out for lunch," says Manny. "Don't have a car so..."
"I could take you somewhere," offers Ms. Santos. "That Dot place you like."
"Cool. Can Darcy and Hazel come too?"
"Oh, your friends from cheerleading? Yeah, sure. Anyone else is fine too. Just not too many people."
"Thanks. I'll go hang up the outfit and bring it over after the run-through."
Manny takes the garment bag from her mother, goes to the backstage area, where she views Heather and an older version of Heather, a woman with heavy make-up in a fur mink, bustier top and skinny jeans, staring into a mirror. She pauses in the doorway, not wanting to interrupt their conversation.
"Heather, you know you can't wear bright red lipstick," says the woman. "Makes you look whorish."
"Yes, Mom," says Heather, staring down at the table.
"Have you lost that six pounds yet?"
"I lost five. Clogging helps."
"What if that one pound counts, Heather? Honestly, people pack on weight during the holidays, but you always manage to get a head start. You should really win a prize for that."
Heather touches her stomach, Manny seeing her eyes getting wet.
"You have to win this one, Heather," says Ms. Sinclair, sighing. "I mean, I can't keep supporting this if all you're bringing home is second place trophies. Know you want to be on Broadway and all that, but it's costing a lot for you just to get noticed. Could be using that money for Botox, Restylane..."
"Mom, you're gorgeous. You don't need that," comforts Heather.
"I used to be a model, Heather. Have to keep up appearances. So any threats for the title?"
Heather begins to wipe off her lipstick. "Maybe one girl."
"Somebody undeserving, I wager," says Ms. Sinclair. "You have to find some way to make yourself the frontrunner."
"I already tried psyching her out..."
"Well, it didn't work, did it? Heather, you don't put any effort into anything. Not school, not in getting a boyfriend...you really need to step it up if you want to have the best in life."
"Yes, Mom," groans Heather, a tear falling down her nose.
"Okay. I have a Lasik appointment in Cali so I can stop being blind..."
"You're not coming to the show?" whines Heather.
"I don't know yet. If I can't see the freakin' show because of the surgery, what's the point, right? I paid for all of your clothes, so why are you getting fussy?"
"Fine," says Heather. "I'll miss you, but..."
"Mhmm," says Miss Sinclair, checking her hair in the mirror. "I'll be seeing you...hopefully."
Miss Sinclair walks out of the area, brushing past Manny. Manny stumbles into the room, catching Heather's eye.
"You would hear that," says Heather, blotting her eyes with a tissue.
"I...I need to hang this up," stammers Manny, going to the costume rack.
While hanging it up, Manny casts a look in Heather's direction, watching Heather's hand shake as she wipes her tears away. She shouldn't feel any sympathy, should she? Heather has done some awful things. What she did to her and Toby? I mean, there's a reason she's so disliked at Degrassi, thinks Manny. Then, why is comforting her the only thing I want to do?
" It was probably so rewarding for you to see my mom lay into me like that," says Heather, looking at Manny with a bitter expression.
"No...no, it wasn't," says Manny. "Um, my mom's taking a couple of us to the Dot. Wanna come?"
Heather's brow furrows. "No...why? Angling for Miss Congenialty?"
"You need to eat something," says Manny. "There's no food here."
"I need to lose a pound!" insists Heather. "You heard her. I'll eat carrot sticks."
"Fine," says Manny, sharply, then softening. "My dad and I...he put me down a few months ago, so I know how that is."
"You?" blinks Heather. "The perfect little Miss Santos that basically has the title sewn up? The one that can do no wrong?"
"Ms. Dale...she told me I really needed to work on my scene, so trust me, I can do wrong."
"Wait a sec!" cries Heather. "You got help with your audition?"
"No...no," says Manny. "Just a suggestion."
"You're so lying!" exclaims Heather. "Just...just get out of here."
"The offer's still open," assures Manny.
Manny shakes her head, leaves the room. She walks to Darcy, Hazel, and her mother, all chatting happily about what they were doing for the pagaent.
"Anyone else coming?" asks her mother.
"Um...maybe," replies Manny.
II.
"Try it," encourages Spinner, kneeling down beside Emma.
"I can feel a cavity coming in by only looking at this," says Emma, scrunching up her nose.
Toby untwists a bottle of water, drinks some. They were all seated in the cafeteria of the community center. Emma thought it would be a good place for Toby to practice his lines, which he pretty much knew after their previous practice. In fact, he prided himself that he took Emma's direction really well. It helped that Emma had seen Manny practicing too. He's still thankful they're taking a break so he can eat.
"It's chocolate marshmallowy goodness," says Spinner. "I swear."
Emma slowly bites into the Ding Dong, chews for a moment.
"Mmm!" says Emma, holding her mouth.
"What...what is it?" asks Spinner, obviously concerned. "Oh man...I...I didn't mean to...man, give a girl junk food once and damage her teeth."
Toby and Spinner give each other an anxious glance, then stare at Emma.
"This is good!" cries Emma, smiling. "That science experiment about healthy breakfasts I put you and J.T. through, where I praised fruits and veggies...so out of my mind right now."
Spinner nods proudly. "I'll have you eating Twinkies in no time instead of tofu and sprouts. Going to get you another."
Spinner rises from the table, heads for the snack bar. Making sure he's gone, Emma retrieves a baggie of celery sticks from her purse.
"You're not going to share those with Spinner?" jokes Toby.
"Tried to offer healthy food to Sean, and he hated it," shares Emma, biting into a celery stick. "Don't tell Spin I'm eating these."
"Speaking of telling someone, you don't think Manny should know we're doing this?" asks Toby.
"We're going to tell her," says Emma. "At the end of the run-through. You're going to be her knight in shining armour, but she's at the Dot right now. Got a text from her."
"Okay," says Toby. "So you and Spinner? That's...not what I was expecting."
"Me either...but he makes me laugh. I haven't had fun since the shooting really. "
That makes sense, thinks Toby, finishing his water. Emma had spent the majority of the time being sad, dodging all the talk about the ravine, so her having a little fun with Spinner, he could get that.
"And this'll be fun," says Emma, glancing down at Toby's script. "I like that we're involved. You, Manny, me, and J.T...we barely do the same thing anymore. We're all doing this."
"Yeah...I kinda miss us hanging out too," confesses Toby. "I'm going to get some free water from the fountain."
"Free, but free of bacteria and pollution? I think not," says Emma. "I can buy you another bottle, Toby."
"No...no, that's okay," replies Toby, taking the script with him. "I'll read this some more. Don't eat all the Ding Dongs."
Emma hits him lightly, and he chuckles. Going down a couple corridors, he finally spots the water fountain. He turns the knob, drinks a little.
"Toby Isaacs," says a voice to his side.
He looks up. No, he thinks. The worst possible person-- Heather.
"I'm busy," says Toby, rolling his eyes.
"But Toby, I wanted to apologize," says Heather. "About me...outing you and Manny."
"Really?" says Toby, arching his eyebrows.
"Yeah," says Heather. "It wasn't my business to tell. Should've been kept secret until you guys were ready."
Is she legit? Heather smiles sweetly, and he can't tell. He knows Heather barely apologizes to anyone, so maybe this is sincere. There was no one around to put on a show for at least.
"Thanks," says Toby.
"So how are you and Manny?" inquires Heather.
Toby stares at the floor, scratches his head.
Heather gasps. "There isn't a you and Manny anymore? Aww, that's too bad, Tobes."
"It's...it's complicated," says Toby.
Heather glances down at the script. "Is that...is that her scene?"
"Yeah," says Toby. "I...might help her with it."
"But she chose Nate first," says Heather.
"He can't do it. That's what Emma said."
"Ohhhh," says Heather, knowingly.
"Ohhh what?" says Toby, slightly irritated.
Heather grins, moves closer to Toby.
"You know in this very, very, very dim hallway, you're kind of...I don't know, cute," begins Heather.
"What?" says Toby, softly.
"Can see why Manny would go for you," says Heather, touching Toby's face. "Silky, rosy cheeks, sweet brown eyes, that whole fresh-scrubbed, innocent thing you've got going. Very virgin...very safe."
"Safe?" says Toby, pushing Heather's hand away.
"Wow, I try and pay you a compliment, and you get all defensive. Gotta get out more, Toby."
"Like it's sincere," snaps Toby.
"Oh, trust me, it is," counters Heather. "Word of advice. When school actually starts, everyone, and I mean everyone, will be talking about you and Manny. It's break so nobody's around to clown you two..."
"Except you," interrupts Toby.
"I'm just honest. But I'm talking to you because you're more like me, Toby. Manny, her head's in the clouds. But you and me, we're practical. We look out for ourselves so we won't get hurt."
What's all this about? Didn't Heather know he'd thought about what school would be like for him and Manny, too? He knows it won't be smooth, that they'd get stares. So annoying.
"You already get teased enough," says Heather, touching his chest. "And you want Manny to go through that too?"
"People know we're friends," says Toby, weakly, inching back.
"Yeah, friends, but not lovers," points out Heather. "And her and Nate...let you in on a little secret. The agent saw their scene...she was blown away. Said their chemistry was so good they were sure to win."
Toby sighs. "Yeah, I bet."
"He's got the experience that you lack...sorry. Nate's first, and you're the safety guy or Emma wouldn't have asked you," says Heather. "Dependable, so easily duped. It kills me to say that, Toby."
It kills him to hear it, Toby holding the script tightly in his fist. It can't be right, though. Sure, Nate was her number one choice, and she could win with him, but Manny wouldn't use him like that.
"I'm not listening to you," says Toby, trying to move past Heather.
Heather grabs his arm.
"You bought her dress...I saw it," says Heather. "She kisses you to think things are going well. Then you buy her things, and she dangles them in our face, telling us what a lovesick wimp you are and how you can't compare to Nate. I heard her tell Emma to find you after Nate bailed. You're a back-up, Toby. She'll do anything to win, get seen by this agent. It breaks my heart."
This has to be lies. All of it. Toby finds it hard to catch his breath, stares Heather down. Heather pats his shoulder.
"And I just broke your heart, didn't I?" says Heather. "You had to know, though. I feel she should drop out of the running for that, don't you?"
Toby walks briskly down the hall, leaving Heather, his ears burning. No, absolutely not, but it keeps creeping into his mind, his heart. It feels real when they kiss, when they dance, when they're around each other. It can't all be a lie. Lies don't feel like this. They shouldn't feel like this.
III.
"And then I did a knee touch and split my pants," says Hazel, to a chorus of laughter.
Ms. Santos sips her coffee, puts it down. "Poor Hazel."
"Well, I...wait, I forgot my most embarrassing stunt," says Darcy, blushing. "Manny, you go."
Manny blows out a deep breath. Can't tell Mom about semi-formal last year, or the video this year, so...
"Falling at the gymnastics meet," replies Manny. "What was supposed to be my moment of glory turns totally gory."
"It wasn't that bad," assures Ms. Santos, hugging Manny to her side.
The Dot is busy, with some of the other pageant contestants there as well. In twenty minutes, they would all have to head back, much to Manny's disappointment. She likes that her mother is getting along with her friends, and Darcy and Hazel do seem to genuinely like her mother.
"Okay, I remember!" says Darcy. "It involves Spinner...so of course I forgot. Jerk. Anyway, I was on top of the pyramid, and I saw him doing the Monster Mash during the Homecoming pep rally. Keeled over laughing, and thus, a toppled pyramid."
"Oh no," laughs Ms. Santos. "Was Spinner your steady?"
Darcy looks down, sniffles. "Yes."
Manny twists her fork uncomfortably.
Hazel rubs Darcy's back. "Well, it's his loss. In happier news, Manny's approaching steady status with a certain someone."
No, I'm not, thinks Manny. I wish I was.
"Yeah!" says Darcy, brightening up.
"And she won't tell me," says Ms. Santos, playfully pouting.
"Come on, guys," says Manny, turning red.
The door to the Dot opens, Nate coming in with Derek and Danny, the two of them running for the smoothie machine. Nate hangs back, heads over to Manny's table.
"Hi, everyone," says Nate.
"Hey, Nate," say Hazel and Darcy, breathily, at the same time.
"Hey," greets Manny.
"So, Manny...due to circumstances that are favorable, I can perform with you," announces Nate. "Unless I was replaced."
Manny smiles widely. "See you tomorrow at dress rehearsal?"
"Still got my suit," says Nate, waving good-bye, strutting to the counter.
"Is that him?" asks Ms. Santos, elbowing Manny.
"No," says Manny, avoiding eye contact.
"I'm never going to hear about this guy, am I?" sighs Ms. Santos.
"It's Toby!" informs Hazel, happily.
Manny's jaw drops, and she shakes her head at Hazel.
A look of recognition crosses Ms. Santos' face.
"Toby? J.T.'s friend?" says Ms. Santos. "He came over a couple times. Manuellita, that's..."
"Strange? Odd?" supplies Manny.
"No, it's charming," says Ms. Santos, giving her daughter a warm smile. "And I really like him."
Manny reaches over, hugs Ms. Santos, and Ms. Santos kisses her forehead. Over her mother's shoulder, she sees Heather, arms stroking her stomach, come in.
"Excuse me," says Manny, releasing her mother.
Manny walks to Heather, with an anxious smile. Heather smirks.
"Hey...you came," says Manny. "We're almost done. But we'll wait for you to finish, go in late."
"I'm never late," says Heather. "But of course, you were late once. Don't you hate it when your monthly visitor doesn't come?"
"Lame pregnancy jokes," says Manny. "Thrilling."
"So is talking to your ex, or did you two even date more than once?" snaps Heather.
"What?" says Manny.
"I got rid of your little back-up."
"Back-up? Huh?"
"Don't play coy. It makes you look like more of an airhead than you already are. Toby...he was doing your scene. Not so sure that's happening, chica."
What does that mean? Toby...Toby offered to do the scene? How did he get the script? Oh no, thinks Manny. Knowing Heather, it's much worse than she's letting on.
"What did you say to him?" asks Manny.
"Can't tell you," answers Heather. "It's our little secret."
Manny's lip trembles. That sounds so bad, she thinks. So awful.
"What'd you do?" whispers Manny, an ache in the pit of her stomach.
Heather guiltily stares at her for a second, but bumps her to the side, walks to the counter.
"Ready to go back, Manny?" asks Hazel, coming up behind her. "Hey, what's up? You look...sad."
"Hazel," breathes Manny, burying her tear-stained face into Hazel's shoulder.
IV.
Sean bounds up the stairs of his apartment building, nearly knocking down a woman carrying grocery bags in his ascent.
"Hey!" cries the woman.
"Oh, sorry...ma'am," says Sean. "Emergency!"
He makes his way up, fumbling to get the keys out of his jeans pocket. Jay had called fifteen minutes ago, claiming a leaky pipe was flooding his place, the place he'd worked so hard for. And he couldn't help but hope Ellie wasn't there. She stopped by a couple times, to have a more private place to work on the pageant edition, or to talk to him, conversations he enjoyed immensely, conversations he was surprised were actually happening. A year ago, they weren't in contact, and now he's checking to see if she's not getting rained down on?
Nearing the door, he hears music coming from behind it. Cheery, happy Christmas music, music when there's not a flood. Stinkin' Jay.
"Okay?" says Sean, running a hand through his hair.
Jay opens the door ceremoniously, a Santa hat on his head.
"Ah, the wrench monkey has arrived," says Jay. "Thought I heard your heavy boots trumping around out here."
Sean punches Jay lightly in the gut. "Some emergency."
"Dude...," begins Jay.
"What are you doing? This music. Watching the Charlie Brown Christmas special in here again?"
"I wouldn't be so mean if I were you," cautions Jay. "And Snoopy's tight, man. Drives that tricked out plane."
"What's going on?" asks Sean.
"Not allowed to tell," says Jay. "Go in, enjoy yourselves, tell me all about it, you know the drill. Hogart's going out to find some sweet candy for himself, and I don't mean candy canes."
"Whatever," says Sean. "And when are you coming back?"
"Oh, I ain't coming back. You won't want me to come back."
Sean gives him a confused look. Jay grabs him, supplies a noogie, and jogs down the stairs. Peeping into his apartment, the music grows louder.
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you.
Sean clears his throat. This is strange, he thinks. Very strange. The main room and the kitchen appear the same, and why did Jay say all those things? The music seems to be coming from his bedroom, so he walks to the door.
What he sees he's not prepared for. Colorful, plastic flowers line the walls on fake, green garlands. Posters of beaches were taped right above his bed, and the sheets were changed from a simple dark green to a light blue. Red and green candles flicker from his bookcase and the nightstand. The room smells of fresh fruit, someone obviously having spritzed the air.
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you...
You baby
It looks like paradise wandered into his bedroom, with a few Christmas touches. Two stockings with S and E in glitter at the top of them hang from his desk. Tinsel adorns the headboard. There's a present with a red bow on top of it on his bed. Sean stares up at the mistletoe above his head, then finally at the girl who seemingly did it all, fiddling with the radio.
Ellie grins shyly at Sean, her red hair weighed down with a floral headpiece of white and red flowers. She wears a glittering, but simple black, long-sleeved nightgown. Saan wipes his mouth, hoping he's not drooling.
"Suddenly not so mad at Jay," says Sean, eyeing Ellie up and down.
Ellie grins, walks over to him, kisses him passionately under the mistletoe. Sean stops kissing her, clutches her face.
"Ia Orana," says Ellie, giggling.
"I...um, have no idea what you're talking about," says Sean, laughing.
"It's Tahitian for hello," says Ellie. "That's all I know."
"Um, Tahitian?" replies Sean.
Ellie backs up, pulls him with her.
"This is our own personal Tahiti," explains Ellie, gesturing to the whole room. "In December. Only pretend it's not thirty degrees outside."
"Wow," says Sean, smiling. "You went all out."
"With help from Marco," admits Ellie. "A lot of help from Marco. You can sit."
Sean nods, amazed at all the work they'd done. Marco, he wasn't close to him, but definitely had to give the guy props. And El in that nightgown? Beaming, he stares down at the gift as he sits.
"Uh-uh, no gifts yet," says Ellie.
Sean holds up his hands. "You're the boss."
Ellie goes to a small desk, retrieves two coconut glasses with umbrella straws.
"You didn't," says Sean, chuckling.
"Don't get too excited. It's Hawaiian punch, which doesn't fit the Tahiti theme," says Ellie, shrugging.
"I never turn down Hawaiian punch," comforts Sean, taking his glass.
"Or chocolate milk," says Ellie, tapping her glass with his.
They drink, Ellie looking nervously around the room.
"Something wrong?" asks Sean.
"No...no, everything's good," says Ellie, though Sean picks up it's said more to herself than him.
"So what's the special occasion?" prods Sean. "Not my birthday."
Ellie smiles. "It's Christmas and...I think it's time for your gift. A bit early."
"Yeah, like I'm going to turn down an early gift," says Sean, taking her hand in his.
Ellie takes off her headpiece, grabs the gift, presents it to him.
"Proceed, Cameron," says Ellie.
Sean unfurls the bow, takes the lid off the box. It's a picture of Ellie, hair down, in a black shirt, black skirt, with red leggings, and black boots, reminiscent of her style last year.
"Hmm, exactly what I wanted," says Sean, leaning in to kiss her.
"Um," says Ellie, backing away. "A bit more symbolic. The gift I want to give you...is free, but it's pretty priceless too. I can only give it to one person."
Sean bites his lip. Symbolic, free, priceless? Wow, that's some present. And she can only give it to one person? Sean's eyes bug out, his jaw drops.
"El!" he exclaims.
"You said I was wanted," says Ellie, glancing into her lap. "Show me how much I'm wanted."
Sean swallows a lump in his throat, grins nervously. Yes, she's very much wanted.
"This is why you're wearing a nightgown," says Sean, nodding.
"Yep," says Ellie.
"Ellie, you sure about this?" asks Sean, hugging her to his chest.
"I love you, Sean," says Ellie, staring up at him.
Sean stands, starts to unzip his jacket. Ellie scrunches back to the center of the bed. She looks so innocent, thinks Sean. So beautiful. But I can do this. It's awkward the first time, then it'd be less awkward once they got into it.
He tosses his jacket to the floor, joins her on the bed, starts to kiss her neck. Ellie presses him down, kissing his mouth.
"Okay," says Ellie, tearing her mouth away from his. "I should unbutton something, you think?"
"Um...um, yeah, or I could do it," says Sean, catching his breath.
"I'd rather do it, I guess," says Ellie.
She unbuttons the top of her nightgown, revealing a black bra. Sean smiles down at her chest, then apologetically looks into her face.
"We good to go?" says Sean.
"Sure...yeah," says Ellie, starting to kiss him again.
They kiss each other intensely for a few more moments, Ellie moving her head to the side after awhile.
"Shouldn't you be on top?" says Ellie.
"I can...I can be on top," says Sean, starting to shift his body.
While moving, his elbow digs into Ellie's ribcage.
"Oh...oh, sorry," mutters Sean.
"It's fine," soothes Ellie. "So I'll just kind of turn this way..."
After a couple more awkward movements, Sean is on top, peeling off his shirt, where it joins his jacket on the floor.
"Do you have a condom?" asks Ellie, suddenly.
"Yeah," assures Sean, fetching his wallet from his jeans.
"What kind?"
"Trojan, I think."
"Can you...like check?"
Sean raises an eyebrow. "Mmmkay?"
He glances down, sees that yes, he's right.
"I'm right," says Sean. "Ready?"
"And I'm on the pill...to let you know," informs Ellie.
"Okay...good," says Sean, kissing her again.
It all feels so amazing. Her neck, her skin, this moment. Yet, occasionally, he does feel her shiver, and is it him, or are her eyes getting misty?
"Ellie?" says Sean. "You alright?"
"Yes," says Ellie. "Why?"
"You're shaking a little."
"Relax," says Sean, stroking her hair.
Ellie nods, sniffling. Sean can tell she's on the verge of tears, slides away from her. Ellie rises, buttons her nightgown, hugs herself.
"Ellie...it's fine," says Sean, cuddling her to his side.
"This is all wrong," says Ellie, standing and pacing the room.
He watches her, so beautiful in the candlelight, but so scared. Was it something he did? I'm always making mistakes, sighs Sean inwardly.
"I shouldn't have...," begins Sean.
"No, no, it's not you!" exclaims Ellie. "It's Mom."
"Your mom?"
"I wanted to prove to her, to you that this is permanent. That we're permanent. The concept is too difficult for her to grasp."
Sean clears his throat. "Wait, so you're sleeping with me to spite your mom?"
"No, Sean...I...," protests Ellie.
"That's what it sounds like, Ellie. It should be about the two of us, not her," says Sean, raising his voice.
Ellie smirks. "I can't win with anybody. Gosh, if I like Jimmy, Hazel gets mad. If I like Craig, Ash gets mad. If I like you, Mom gets mad."
"I didn't know you had so many choices," says Sean, retrieving his shirt, putting it on.
"Sean, come on," says Ellie.
"No, you come on," retorts Sean. "Ellie, you seem really confused."
"I am not," insists Ellie. "I'm upset because my mother hates my boyfriend."
"Nope, you're upset because you have to hide your boyfriend from your mom," says Sean. "I don't want to sneak around, or for you to prove stuff to yourself. I'm not confused at all."
Ellie goes to the bookcase, starts blowing out the candles.
"Ellie, stop...I'm sorry," says Sean, making a grab for her arm.
"Wouldn't want your place to burn down," says Ellie, blowing out the last one. "That's one nice thing I can do for you. Trust me, it sucks."
"El..."
"Sean, you're acting like I'm this total malicious cow," says Ellie. "Like I have a vendetta. I care about my mom, I care about you, and I'm stuck. Wanted a relationship this year that didn't totally stink...got it, and I can't be happy about it."
Ellie finds a sweatshirt, her coat, and her pants, starts to get dressed.
"Ellie, we can try," says Sean, viewing her.
"I've already been through the emotional gamut with Craig, Sean," says Ellie. "This is the part where I leave, so I won't do anything I'll regret."
Sean crosses his arms, looking on as Ellie leaves the room. He flops down on the bed, the cold of the sheets touching his neck.