I'm insane. Why am I back? I'm in the middle of my finals! Didn't make my Dutch final so well, which is a shame, but hell, who cares, I made it, handed it in, nothing to be done about it. Still have a week more to go. I won't update next Friday, that's for sure, because I have my last final and then I get in a car to France almost immediately after to stay with my grandmother, but I'll make sure to update that weekend if the WiFi in her house decides to work xD and then my updates will be a bit more random, because that's when vacation starts for me! So yeah, then I won't be sure when I'll be posting, because I'll probably be writing more than one chapter every weekend, but I keep that up I think, because I like having a schedule. And even though I know exactly how this story is going to go, I'm still not sure how many chapters are left until it's finished! It's so weird, I can't tell at all.

Ah, on another note, as everyone probably has noticed, Rem in my story is male. I know that most people say Rem is female, I am well aware, but for me – I don't know why, blame bad translating or the Death Note Live Action Movies – Rem has always been male. That's the way I read the manga and even the way I saw the anime, while knowing that Rem is a female. But in this story, Rem is male, because hey, this is fanfictions and to me, I always imagined Rem as a male, so I decided to keep with what felt familiar to me, but it's kind of different? I don't really see Shinigami as male of female being I just see them as supernatural creatures, but yes, I do refer to Rem as a male, so I should count it. And I do not mean to insult or annoy anyone with that, but that happens. When I was reading the manga, I also thought for a short while that Mello or Near (it was one of the two, but can't remember which one) was female, so hey, just balancing the scales a bit. Anyway, I found this important to explain, so now I did. Wow, this intro has been going in for way too long, so let's get to the chapter, shall we?

**I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.

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26. Books & Airplanes

I never understood how some of L's cases got solved, but never explained. Who did it? Sometimes we had no idea. Which either meant that the person was dead or there was some special reason to keep them hidden.

With Light, it was kind of both. Kira was gone. Not dead, but this Light wasn't Kira. He didn't deserve the public shaming. And even though Light didn't seem to mind, Yagami did. And it was a noble decision to make. Light would not be stated as Kira. And of course, who would believe us? Shinigami's descending from whatever world they came from, leaving notes with a deadly power that drove people to insanity? No, nobody would believe us, not really. The messages were already out. L solved the Kira case. Immediately the number of crimes started to rise, first slowly, but then rapidly as the criminals realised that no one would be killed anymore. The rest of the world just kind of… forgot. It became a cool story, something odd that happened. People still speculated about what could have happened, had it really been a person, or a supernatural source? They would never know, that would be their reality.

Ours was… quite different.

'I understand,' Ryuzaki said slowly. 'But I would suggest waiting until your son has been officially imprisoned. You never know what will happen and it would be difficult to explain why a dead son is still alive.'

Yagami nodded, already content enough that he could tell his family that Light had been killed by Kira. That's how he wanted them to remember him. How they should remember him.

Light now being the kind sensible Light, was sitting with us at the table, but with a safeguard in place. Ryuzaki had cuffed himself to Light, just to be sure. Which meant that there weren't any one-on-one conversations between me and Ryuzaki anymore. 'I don't think I would be able to go to back to my ordinary life, not after knowing what I did.' Even though he couldn't see Rem, his eyes seemed to search for him. 'Which means that Misa will lose me either way.'

Ah, yes. Ryuzaki hadn't planned on telling that part of the story to Light, but Matsuda and his airhead forgot and told him anyway. Kira would be thrilled to hear this news, Light seemed almost disturbed. I wasn't sure if it was the 'Misa'-part of the story that disturbed him, or the 'L will die'-part, though.

Ryuzaki decided to ignore Light's remark. 'We'll leave this afternoon with a private jet. Me and Light shall be handcuffed to the airport and in the jet, but at the airport in can cause unnecessary attention, so I'll ask you all to just keep an eye out for Light.' He didn't seem to care that the boy he was talking about was sitting right there.

I wasn't sure if Ryuzaki would give me chance to talk to him later, so I said it now. 'Ryuzaki, I don't even know if I'm allowed to go to the US, doesn't that clash with my witness protection program?'

Light was the only one who looked completely lost and confused. The other knew now, they had gained access to my report once I was locked up for being the second Kira.

Ryuzaki smiled faintly. 'I took care of all the travel documents, that included,' he assured me, before sighing. 'We will be there for only two days, so don't pack too much. And tell no one where you are going. Not your family, not your best friend, not some random person on the street.' He glanced over at Matsuda when he said that last one. Then he added: 'Even if it's just the location, or the country, for that matter, it can be dangerous. The FBI is letting us inside one of their buildings and that should not be taken lightly. Understood?'

We all nodded, Matsuda found it important to add 'yes, sir!', which caused Yagami to sigh.

Ryuzaki closed his eyes for about one second before opening them and looking at no one in particular. 'Then you are excused for now. We meet at eleven in front of the door.'

Matsuda stood first, the Yagami, both reported that they were going home to gather their luggage, Yagami added he would prepare a suitcase for Light. I stood, too, ready to go to my room to pack for myself, Ryuzaki had given me a small, shining grey suitcase, but Ryuzaki stopped me.

'I would like for you to stay a bit, Olivia,' he said, his choice of words forced and not like him.

Which immediately made me want to be on guard. 'What?' I asked carefully.

Watari came in as if on commando and handed Ryuzaki the key to the handcuffs. Ryuzaki opened them and removed them from his hands, giving the key back to Watari.

Not I knew what he wanted to do, so I back away a little. 'W-w-why?' I asked. 'What are you doing.' I backed away even more, but then I hit a wall and cursed.

Ryuzaki came closer, pulling the handcuffs – and so Light – with him. 'I need to take care of some business and I would like to do with in private, so I ask of you to take care of Light for a while. I can detest to the fact that he is quite harmless.'

I shook my hand in front of my face. 'No way, Ryuzaki! I need to pack, too!'

He was already the hand I was waving in front of my face and began putting the handcuff on. 'Well, you can do that later.' With a click the handcuff closed.

'Ryuzaki!' I brought up my now chained hand to slap him, but he grabbed it.

With a faint smile he said: 'I won't be slapped again.' I heard it in his voice, that that had some hidden meaning, but I didn't get it, which made me feel rather stupid.

Ryuzaki put his hands in his pockets then and left the room, together with Watari. Then, just a few second later, the familiar voice of the building's security system said: 'Doors locked.'

Ah, fudge. 'Really!' I stormed to the door, but even though it was an automatic door, it refused to open. 'So handcuffs wasn't enough!' I shouted at the microphone in the corner of the room, even though I knew that Ryuzaki wasn't listening. 'You have to actually lock us up, too? Shit,' I cursed again. Then I looked back at Light, who was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. 'No offense,' I said to him with a faint smile.

He gave me a smile back, but it was forced and looked worn out. 'None taken,' he said as he walked back to his chair, pulling me back a bit.

I felt guilty as I said in the chair closest to him, although I didn't know precisely why. Because I had thought so badly about him? In the end, I had been right, though. But this man, no, this kid, this teenager, was going to be locked up for something he didn't do. No, I reminded myself. We would take the death notes with us and make sure that he touched one before being locked up. Our version of mercy. We lock the monster up, not Light. But Light, well, that monster once was Light, so was there really a difference?

My thoughts were interrupted by a soft chuckle.

I looked at Light, looking just a tiny bit annoyed. 'What?' I asked.

'You looked like you were having some weird thought just now,' he said, giving me a more sincere smile than ever.

Which made me wonder… 'Light, can I ask you a question?'

The mask slipped over his face, he was on guard now. 'About what?'

And instead of saying what I wanted to say, I let these words slip out of my mouth: 'Wow, wow, calm down. I just want to ask you something, no need to get so defensive.'

Now his face seemed even more on guard. 'You have always been able to sense it, haven't you?' he then asked.

'Huh?' I asked, not following. The, I got it. 'Ah, well…maybe?' I smiled awkwardly. Boy, this situation was weird. 'I always felt like you were putting on a show or something. That was actually what I wanted to ask you about. You seem… less forced now.'

Light's face went thoughtful, and he made a soft 'mmm' sound before answering. 'Well, I guess… In a way, it seems hardly necessary now. Putting up a perfect appearance for the perfect future and the perfect life.' Another worn out smile played on his lips. 'It's all useless now.'

For some reason, I was the one that was saddened by those words. 'I like you better like this,' I said in all honesty. 'I wish I had realised sooner that you weren't bad at all.'

The smile faded. 'Before I was, you mean.'

I didn't want to answer that, so I just kept quiet.

Light was the one who decided to change the subject. 'So,' he began slowly. 'You and Ryuzaki, huh?'

Because I panicked, I rapidly asked: 'How did you know?'

Light laughed before I could realise what I'd just said. 'I didn't have to. You just told me.'

My cheeks felt hot and I couldn't look at his face. 'I didn't say anything,' I murmured. Then I added, a bit louder: 'Nothing happened, really.'

Light remained silent. When I had the courage to look at him, he had a thoughtful expression on his face. 'I've always been able to keep my emotions under control pretty easily,' he then said, looking at me, looking calm, almost as if he was at peace. 'Another thing that came with that, is I can pick up on emotions easily.' He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair a bit. 'Ryuzaki is harder to understand, but you? You have always been an open book to me.'

I wasn't sure what to say about that. 'I'm not sure how I feel about that,' I admitted after a short silence.

Light shrugged. 'You can do with that what you want, I was curious and I think your answer was enough.' He looked at me with a look that he had never given me before. 'It's complicated, right?'

And because I didn't know what else to say and hey, it was a nice flee-route, I said: 'I guess, yes.'

The silence was back. I sighed, but that didn't help much either. 'Whatever I think about Ryuzaki,' I said after a long while, not completely believing that I was actually having this conversation with Light, of all people, 'Ryuzaki isn't the type to have people around him. He is, in a way, a lonely hobo.'

That made Light laugh, but he looked to sad and the laugh was too slow and tired-sounding to be sincere. 'All great and precious things are lonely,' Light then said. Then he added: 'John Steinbeck, I believe it was in East of the Eden, but it could also be Of Mice and Men.'

I gave him a little push. 'As if you don't know,' I said teasingly. 'I bet you even know the chapter, no, the very page that quote was on.' Light was a genius, after all. And yes, this subject was more comfortable. 'Of Mice and Men?' I said, switching to English only for the translation of the title, then back to Japanese. 'I've heard of that one. Never read it, though.'

Then, Light said: 'You can have my copy.' As I studied his face, curious by the sudden gift, he closed his eyes. 'Not as if I'm going to need that old book one day.'

There was a long silence, a silence that I was supposed to fill, but I didn't know how. Talking with Light like this was awkward, because he wasn't putting in the usual effort. Normally, a conversation with Light was a perfect conversation, just because that was who he was. But now? It was forced and sloppy. More like… More like a conversation between me and Ryuzaki. 'Are you sure?' I asked after the silence became too much to bare.

He opened his eyes to look at me. 'I'll make sure to tell my father.'

Another silence. Then I decided to return the favour. 'I'll make sure to write you a letter about what I thought of it once I finished it.'

An empty promise. We both knew Light would no longer be there once I finished that book. And would Kira really be interested in my opinion.

Light smiled, nodded and closed his eyes again. He looked like was wanted to sleep and yes, he did look like he needed it. Not surprising. I would be tired, too, if I spent my days handcuffed to an insomniac. 'Your hair,' he said after a silence so long I thought he had fallen asleep.

'Hm?' I said, softly, because he already sounded half asleep. As he said it, though, I found myself touching my blue strands. I hadn't dyed it for a while, but still, the majority of my hair was still blue, so I guessed he was talking about that.

'I hate it,' he said with a teasing smile before completely falling asleep.

And even though I would never be sure if those words were true or not, those were some of the most sincere words he'd ever spoken to me.

XxX

Ryuzaki was back within an hour, but my body was sore because I had been sitting still in an attempt to not wake Light up. Which I succeeded in magnificently, as a matter of fact.

I was sent to my room to pack after that and Ryuzaki didn't come to talk to me. Just how I didn't come to talk to him. I wondered if Light would ask Ryuzaki about me. I wondered what Ryuzaki would answer. And then I wondered why I was caring about that at all now, right now, at a time when I really shouldn't. There were other things, more important things.

'We are leaving tonight, yes?' Rem asked me.

And for some reason, that guy started to annoy me more and more each day. Most probably because his presence meant Ryuzaki's possible death. 'If you'd paid more attention, you would've known for sure,' I said. Then I added: 'Not that it matters, because you'll be following me anyway.' I threw my pyjama in the suitcase. 'Or are you going to kill L before we can leave?'

Rem was silent. 'Maybe I won't,' he then said.

I turned around. 'Excuse me?' I asked.

'Maybe I won't,' he repeated. 'If Misa's lifespan doesn't decrease, I shouldn't have to.'

I turned around to look at the white Shinigami 'Misa is not coming with us, though,' I said, confused.

Now Rem was the one who looked confused. 'What?'

I rolled my eyes. 'Do you really not pay attention? Misa has been transferred to a mental institution. She follows lessons there and gets a lot of attention. She can even continue to sing. From what I've picked up, her fans support her. After all, they think she's there because of her family's deaths and the stress that comes with being an international star. She'll remain there until the doctors say it's okay.'

Rem looked actually surprised, which confused me. Had he really not known? Had he not paid attention? What had he been so busy with, that he hadn't noticed? 'Rem?' I asked carefully.

Rem backed away a bit. He opened his mouth to say something, but then shut his mouth and left the room. Something was off. Something wasn't right. What was going on?

"Another thing that came with that, is I can pick up on emotions easily," Light had said earlier this day. If only I could, that would've made everything so much easier for me.

XxX

'Matsuda, can you please, please, please, stop playing with the chair?' I asked as Matsuda put his chair forward for the fifth time.

Airplane seats weren't normally as luxurious, but I hadn't expected Matsuda to play with the seats. 'I'm not playing,' Matsuda said, 'I think it's broken.'

'Jesus Christ.' I unbuckled my seatbelt. I leaned over to his chair, pulling his hands off the handle. 'Let me,' I said.

It took three seconds, then I realised that this position, hovering over Matsuda, with his breath in my ear, must look very weird for the other. Before I could pull away, however, hands pushed mine away. 'Let me,' Ryuzaki said, sounding oddly annoyed.

I heard Light chuckle and as I sat back in my chair, I could see him staring at Ryuzaki with his head slightly tilted to the side. When he saw me looking, he shrugged, as if I knew exactly what that was supposed to mean. I didn't.

The jet was so small that Ryuzaki would walk through almost the whole jet without unlocking the handcuffs, so the cuffs were now an obstacle in the pathway. 'Don't touch the handle,' Ryuzaki ordered after he'd fixed Matsuda's seat and went back to sit own.

'How long is the flight?' Yagami asked.

'Around ten hours,' Light answered, probably knowing that not because he paid attention at the airport, but because he calculated it. Geniuses were frustrating sometime.

'We should all get some sleep,' Yagami suggested.

'Agreed,' Ryuzaki answered, but he had his laptop in front of him and didn't look like he was going to stop and rest soon. I think with 'agreed' he meant that we should all go to sleep. He would stay up the whole flight.

Rem wasn't in the jet with us. Maybe he was afraid of flying, maybe it went to fast. I'd already noticed that the Shinigami's tied to the owners of the death note had some sort of freedom. For example, Ryuk wasn't here either. But he clung to Ryuzaki way more than Rem clung to me. And he talked a lot more. I wondered what kind of conversations Ryuk and Ryuzaki had had when I hadn't been around.

Matsuda was the first who fell asleep, after that, Light closed his eyes and dozed off, too. I tried after that, really I did, but the only memory I had on a plane was when I went to Japan for the first time and because of that, and the memories that could possibly come with it, I didn't think I would sleep very soundly. But my eyes were closed, so I knew that Yagami thought that I was asleep when he said: 'She's still so young.'

He'd said it almost like a whisper, too afraid to wake any of us up. I knew that I shouldn't keep faking sleep, but I wanted to hear if he was talking about me. I wanted to hear if Ryuzaki was going to react. I was selfish like that, sometimes.

'She's Light's age, but already she has had more misery than me,' Yagami added when Ryuzaki didn't say anything, which confirmed that he was talking about me.

'I think you two both have had your fair share,' Ryuzaki said. 'But life isn't fair and it isn't fair to look at life as such.'

'Did you hurt her?' Yagami asked suddenly, asking what he probably had wanted to ask from the very beginning. 'No, are you going to hurt her?'

A silence. 'Probably,' Ryuzaki said after a while. 'Depending on the circumstances, I'd say probably. Around seventy-eight percent, actually.'

A long, deep sigh. Yagami sounded really old all of the sudden. 'I suppose that's not something I can protect her from.'

'It's not your job to protect her. She has a guardian and she has herself. She is one of the strongest creatures I've met,' he said, 'although a bit… unpredictable.'

I knew exactly what he was talking about. Our kiss. Or kisses, I should say. Looking back on it now, it seemed like a stupid thing to do. But I'd wanted to, by god, I had wanted to so badly. Curiosity was one of the biggest factors, matched with a desire that I hadn't realised was there yet. And a much bigger, deeper feeling that left me gasping for air and still scared me.

'She seems to love you a lot,' Yagami said, and I couldn't help but notice the word 'love'. Not 'like'. Not 'admire'. Love. Was I really an open book, like Light had said? Really?

'Hm,' was Ryuzaki's only reaction.

'What? You don't believe me?' Yagami asked.

'Oh, I believe you more than most people,' Ryuzaki said in all honesty. 'I just think that whatever miss Upson is experiencing now, is a teenage crush. It will fade soon.'

I tried not to frown. Was that what he thought? That would mean that kissing me was like taking advantage of me. Not a very Ryuzaki-thing to do. So, did he really believing that?

'So, you don't love her? Not even a little but?' Yagami asked him, sounding seriously troubled now.

'Hmm,' Ryuzaki mused and I could almost see the face he was pulling. That cute thoughtful face where he looked up to the ceiling. 'I suppose the correct response would be that I do love her,' he said slowly and my heart began to sank. That sounded like the beginning of a 'no'. 'But the only thing I can say for sure if that I'm not quite sure on that department.'

It wasn't a 'no'. But it wasn't a 'yes' either. It was a 'I don't know'. I wasn't sure how to feel about that, but at least my sunken heart didn't break. I was okay. Maybe because I knew that maybe in these next few days, he would be gone. But even after that, he wasn't going to stay around for me and I knew that he wasn't going to bring me with him, so what difference would it make? Whether he loved me or not, we would be separated anyway. So what was there to know? Whatever was the case, rejection was unavoidable.

Yagami sighed again. 'I understand. Thank you for telling me honestly.'

It took another long silence before Ryuzaki said: 'Thank you for listening.'

And those four words did break my heart. Because it hadn't been a forced compliment, it hadn't been something that he had to say. It was something that he thought, something he decided to say out loud. Now I wish I had really been asleep, so this moment would've been really pure. But I was almost certain that Light wasn't asleep and maybe even Matsuda had woken up, so had this been a private moment? Probably not. And Ryuzaki could probably tell whether we were sleeping or not, because of our breathing patterns or something, so this moment meant nothing. Still, those four words calmed me down and I was able to fall asleep with my head filled with those four words. Thank you for listening. Who was going to listen to him once this case was fully closed?

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That's everything for this chapter! I'm actually really nervous for the next chapter and this chapter made me nervous, too. I haven't really written much scenes with Light in it, so I wasn't really able to grasp his personality.

Ah well, hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! See you next time!

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I'm replying to reviews from both chapter 24 and chapter 25, because I didn't reply last time.

bored411: I have updated! And sooner than I thought I would. Hahaha, I'm crazy. xD

DevilsTune: Thank you! I always try to make my characters as fleshed out as possible, but it can be difficult sometimes. And thank you for pointing that out, I'm going to try and keep that in mind, but I'm quite the airhead, so forgive me if I keep messing up ;)

Mlle Colza: hihi, your review made me very happy! I still haven't really had the time to think about the translating, but I do trust you, I think you can do a fantastic job! I'll message you again after my exams with a final answer. And with fanfiction like this, I always have that, too, that I find it an odd idea that L come that close to a person so I tried to hold it off as long as I could, but even though I knew in the story, it would be the best timing for Allison, maybe I didn't considering the timing for L enough… And whether or not they'll both be saved, I won't tell (insert evil laugh here), but I'll tell you that I am a sucker for good endings. And yes, Allison is distant from everybody and close to L, that was the contrast I was trying to creature. She has an age gap with the Task Force members, for one, but she's also a girl who never really wants to get close to anyone. L is different, she admired him for so long and now he's there. I think if I had the chance to meet my favourite actor or something, I would want to be as close as possible with him as well xD

MichaelisHearts: Hahahaha, I understand so well! There was a time when, before reading a death note fanfic, I always read the last chapter to assure that L was still alive xD, but since this story isn't finished yet, you can't do that, so I'll just say that I'm a sucker for happy endings and leave it at that. And pssh, who needs sleep when you have fandoms, right? ;)

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