Author's Notes: Song is "Scraping the Barrel" by Alestorm. Thanks to all who have followed this lovely story! It's been a wonderful adventure and I never thought it would turn out this long! I must admit I've learned quite a bit about my views of each character and their personalities blossomed in ways I never could have imagined. I guess it comes with being a writer and lover of words. Now please enjoy~!

Disclaimer: Chapter One.

For many a-year we have travelled the seas,
Singing songs about pirates and all their misdeeds!
Stories of treasures and great undead foes,
Just a day in the life of a man that I know.

Epilogue

"You wouldn't wear a dress on the ship and yet you won't stop wearing them here?!"

Yup. Arthur was livid. Eva ignored the blistering comments thrown at her as she casually sipped a soda. They seemed to always end up in the living room when it came time for the random questionings. Thankfully, Alfred was in the kitchen grabbing some food.

"Is there a problem?" Ivan asked, genuinely confused, "I thought the color was fine…"

"No no," Arthur huffed from across the room, "it's just… hard to explain."

"More pirate things?" Ivan nudged in for an explanation.

"More pirate things," Arthur grumbled.

"What's wrong with wearing a dress?" Eva flashed a sly grin at the Englishman. Oh he was going to go ballistic.

The pirate captain would have, but the "gentleman" side was in full swing of Arthur's moods. "I'm not saying it doesn't look… nice," Arthur was searching for words to clear up the air.

Was that a blush on his face? Oh dear.

Eva really didn't like the "gentlemanly" approach to the situation. It was just so… embarrassing and awkward. Why had Arthur settled for such a mannerism? The pirate side was much more appealing for arguing.

She glanced down at the dress that Ivan had gotten her a while ago. It was a light lavender sundress—nothing special except a couple of embroidered sunflowers on the bodice. Her fingers traced the white scar inching down her exposed collarbone until it was hidden under the lavender folds.

Ivan was watching her. He reached over and took her hand away from the thin mark. "How did this happen?"

Eva thought for a few seconds, "A boy got me…"

"A boy?" Ivan's eyebrows furrowed.

"Yes," Eva replied meeting his eyes, "While we were fighting our way out of Kingsport."

"Oh," Ivan breathed. He processed the information for a moment and then slowly nodded.

"You were the girl in the tavern."

"Да."

Ivan's fingers lingered on the scar for a few moments longer. He suddenly turned toward Arthur, the stirrings of a threat on his lips, "You did not protect her?"

"I—well," Arthur cringed as he met the dark look, "I didn't know at the time…"

"Yea, I bet you had a party finding out," Eva added.

"It certainly was a surprise in the middle of a battle!"

"I'm sure a naked woman on a ship was a surprise."

Arthur's face turned beet red, "I never—!"

The room seemed to darken a little. Ivan's attention slowly centered in on Arthur as the first vibes of one his death auras appeared.

"Naked?"

That might have hit an overprotective nerve… or two. Or five.

"Totally. Luckily I was only naked in the captain's quarters," Eva threw more into the story, "Alone. With Captain Kirkland."

"WHAT happened in the captain's quarters?"

Eva glanced over at the door. One very angry looking American had just entered the room at a very bad point in the conversation.

Arthur fidgeted in his seat trying to settle the sudden hostility, "No no no! It wasn't like that at all!"

It was kind of strange seeing Alfred and Ivan with death glares not aimed at each other. It was like two massively destructive clusterfucks of pure horrific death combined into one just waiting to explode.

Eva rose from the couch and meandered for the door. Letting the boys work things out seemed logical. Arthur could manage. It wasn't like he didn't still have the pirate somewhere inside to get him out of this. Right?

"Eva tell them nothing happened!" Arthur pleaded as the threatening auras slowly suffocated the room.

Eva turned and looked at the horrified Englishman and smiled faintly, "It never would have worked between us anyway love."

And then she was out the door to let Alfred and Ivan rage all they wanted.

~*~*~
"Would you hurry along already?" Arthur snapped for the umpteenth time that day, "We're going to be late for our reservations!"

The Englishman frowned as Alfred rolled a large cooler across the driveway. "Hey c'mon, I thought this was supposed to be a fun trip?" the American shot back.

"It might be if we were to actually leave!" Arthur retorted. And if the two superpowers hadn't spent all of yesterday trying to murder him. He still wasn't sure if Alfred believed he hadn't seen Eva naked. Ivan certainly didn't.

Eva leaned out the car window looking bored. She tapped the half rolled down glass as Alfred hauled the obtrusive cooler into the back, smashing only god knows what in the process.

"Hey, we'll get there in plenty of time," Alfred chuckled merrily.

"You're the only one we're waiting for…" Eva commented without a single glance of remorse Arthur's way. She was wearing another dress today—this one a pastel blue—but he didn't dare say anything about it. Why bring the murder intent back his way?

"We'll leave you behind," Arthur huffed as he walked around the SUV.

"Dude, it was my idea to go fishing. Ya can't leave me out of it!" Alfred looked horrified for a second. He immediately put on a puppy dog pout trying to catch Arthur's attention.

"Be careful~" Ivan chortled from where he stood on the front porch waiting to get out of the driveway himself and head back to the airport. Why the Russian wasn't going, Arthur didn't know. And quite frankly, he figured that Ivan would probably be more tolerable company at this rate, even if the man did freak Arthur out a bit. Maybe it was a good thing he wasn't coming along. One tower of overprotective death hovering around Eva was enough for the Englishman.

Arthur opened the driver side door and looked back at the American, "Are you finished yet?"

"Nope~!" Alfred replied as he turned to go back inside, "Got one more thing to grab~!"

"Then bloody hurry up!" Arthur snapped. He got into the driver's seat as Alfred disappeared into the house. He would be damned before letting Alfred of all people drive.

"What else does he need?" Ivan asked out loud.

"His brain," Eva replied without missing a beat.

Arthur let a small smirk cross his face as the others laughed. That was probably the most accurate statement he had heard all day.

Alfred was actually back outside sooner than Arthur anticipated. The twit was carrying something under his arm, but Arthur really didn't care by this point. As long as Alfred got what he needed finally, he didn't care. He wouldn't care. He just wanted to get on the road.

"Alfred… what is that?" Eva asked as he came around to the front passenger side.

"Our next adventure~!" Alfred grinned as he opened his door and hopped in.

Arthur looked at what Alfred placed on his own lap as he sat, "Our next what?"

Oh hell no.

Bloody.

Fucking.

I will kill you.

NO.

"I didn't forget the book this time Artie~!" Alfred stated with a mischievous grin.

"Oh god," Arthur heard from the backseat. He stared dumbfounded at the American. How the hell had he gotten the book this time!? Arthur had specifically locked it in a small trunk where he was sure Alfred wouldn't find it until he left!

"Where are we going this time?" Eva seemed to be nervously entertaining the idea. Maybe it would be one big joke the American was pulling. Just maybe…

"We're going back to see some motherfucking real DINOSAURS!"

The expression on Alfred's face left nothing to the imagination. He was bloody serious.

"For heaven's sake NO!"

Arthur didn't realize until later that Alfred flying face first into the pavement outside the vehicle had actually been him tackling the American out the open door.

No.

Just… no.

There are no more tales to be told!
No more stories from battles of old!
Now it seems our journey has come to an end!
We are scraping the barrel my friend!