A/N
"And here we…go."
~Joker, The Dark Knight
So I was going to update last night (like what 1 fuckin' Am?) but fanfiction was being a stupid fuck-tard and not letting me log on, or even reach the website because too many other fucktards were probably looking up some M-rated bitchin' awesome stories like mine to jerk off too. (seriously who is awake at 1Am and has nothing to do so they just surf the web looking at naughty stories?)
Oh yeah, that's right, I do that all the time…T_T *Awkwardness of being forever alone with nothing but smutty stories of my fantasies is now evident*
Well ,so yeah, can you guys tell im pissed? Because,if not, then please, just go sit in a dark corner for a while and think about your life…
So, Im irritated and it doesn't help I pulled a muscle in my back, so now im on bedrest. FML. Oh, well more time for more updates I guess. ~bangs head against hall~
Kendalls' POV
When I first opened my eyes, everything was blurry and distorted. I couldn't see anything but white…all white.
Am I dead?
Then something large and dark came into view and I shut my eyes, because they were feeling heavy. I blinked slowly, once or twice, I cant seem to remember, then I slowly opened my eyes as my hearing started to return. It was slow, and heavy set, everything coming back slowly. Another figure appeared in my view and another on the other side of me. I felt something grip my hands very hard as the figure on my left came into view.
Chocolate eyes, brunette hair, pale skin.
I blinked and felt a tiny, uncontrollable smile come onto my face and I let out a hoarse whisper.
"Logan..." Logan smiled at me, but then I remembered. Remembered everything.
I gently pushed him away, but then looked at Dak. He smiled at me, too, but I pushed him away, also. The hurt was evident on their faces, but I looked past them, and tot my mom.
"m-mom. Mom." I croaked again, and I watched my mom avert her gaze from whoever she was looking at, with a worried expression may I add, and turn to me. She hurried past Logan, shoving him aside gently, giving me a good view of who my mom had been arguing with, to see it was a woman in the suit, and the Hartigs.
She rushed to my side and grabbed the hand that Logan had abandoned.
"Oh, thank goodness, sweetheart, you're awake! How are you feeling?" I nodded slowly.
"Fine. Little nauseous." She kissed my forehead as Katie rushed to my side.
"Kendall! You're up!" I laughed and ruffled her hair.
"Kendall, someone is h-" My mom was shoved aside as Mrs. Hartig stood by my bed.
"Finally, you're awake. Look, we have the agent here-" I frowned at her.
"Do NOT shove my mom, again." She paused for a moment, mouth open like a fish, before she cleared her throat and continued, letting the adoption agent come forward, moving Katie aside.
"Like, I was saying, the agent-"
"Don't shove my sister, either!" I glared at her and Mr. Hartig became startled behind his wife, who went a little pale.
"Please, please, Kendall, just sign the papers. We've been waiting for you to wake up so we could take our daughter home." I slowly sat up and frowned even deeper as I gave Mrs. Hartig a cold glare.
"She is NOT your daughter. Not yet, any how. She is still mine, even if I give her to you. She will always be mine. I love my daughter, and my sons. I love them all." I turned to my mom, and leaned over to grab her hand, but instead I let out a small shriek as I did. Dr. Long appeared behind Mr. Hartig, along with a nurse as my monitors went off, signaling my blood pressure had risen.
She slowly moved everyone aside, before pushing them out of my room for a moment as she checked my monitors, and the nurse adjusted my bedsheets, and then closed the blinds to change my catheter. It uncomfortable, but I had to do it.
Once that wase done, Dr. Long made me slowly lie all the way back and she checked my stomach, which to my surprise, had huge stitches up and down it, in two different places. I whimpered and looked at her.
"W-what are these from?"
"From the surgery we had to perform on your heart, and to remove your uterus so no more complications with your body happens. After a bit of bed rest, along with some medications I'll have you set up on, your body should return to its normal healthy self." I sighed and touched my heart, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of dread fill my gut.
"What happened to my heart? Will it always mess up?" she shook her head and I felt relieved.
"No, it should be fine, but im going to give you some prescription medicine for a while." She slowly sat me up, so I wouldn't rip my stitches, and checked my eyes and ears. Then she checked my heart, making sure it was beating correctly, and then my lungs. I smiled when she was done, and then she ruffled my hair.
"Everything seems fine. You've been asleep for nearly four days, so we were all a bit worried you had lost a bit too much blood, or your heart was affected too much by the surgery." She smiled and patted my shoulder gently.
"Okay, so do you want me to let them all back in again?" I sighed and looked towards the covered window.
"Yeah, might as well get all this drama over with."
She sighed and nodded.
"Alright, well if it gets too much for you, just press the call button and ask the nurse to escort everyone out., okay?" I nodded and she hugged me, before leaving with the nurses. A moment later, everyone rushed back in.
"Kendall, can we talk about this now?" Mrs. Hartig emphasized with a huff. I sighed as the adoption agent pushed the papers into my hands. I looked at the nurse, who stood by the door.
"Is there anyway I can see my children?"
"Later, okay?" I nodded and took the pen that Mrs. Hartig shoved into my hands. I took it slowly and shakily, looking down at the contract that I was going to sign.
That's when everything stopped.
My heart, my brain, and time it felt like. I looked around the room, looking from each face. Dak's, filled with nothing but tense nerves and the sadness in his eyes. My moms, her filled with worry and confusion as I sat there, not signing these papers I was willing to sign months ago. Katies, that had nothing but small tears, and its because she would probably never get to meet her niece and nephews.
Logans hurt worst of all. Depression, regret, and nothing but pure sadness, evident with the tears that spilt down his cheeks, was in his eyes. It was etched all over his face that he was holding himself back.
Then, I looked at the Hartigs. Excitement, worry, but more excitement than any expression was clear on their faces, as if it was painted on. But, I felt sick to my stomach. The smiles on their faces seemed almost, well, vile. Like they would kill just for me to sign these papers.
I sighed and slowly pressed the pen to the papers as Logan sprang forward and grabbed my hand, making a large mark on the paper.
"Kendall! Kendall, please…don't." he whispered, pressing my hand to his cheek and letting his cold tears wet it. I let him sit there for a moment, before I gently pulled my hand away and looked away from his desperate gaze.
"Kendall, please, I agree, I can see it.. You'll regret this for the rest of your life." Dak whispered as he stepped forward, Mrs. Hartig glared at him.
"Please…please, don't. I can see it in your eyes you don't want to, Kendall. You don't have to do this, please." Logan begged.
"Hush, you stupid boy! Don't you realize what this could do for my life?!" Mrs. Hartig screamed at Logan. My head whipped towards her and I sat forward, grabbing the hand that swung back to hit Logan. She looked at me in surprise as I gritted my teeth.
"Don't you ever come near my friends or family, again." I threw the papers at her and she stumbled back in surprise.
"My daughter is mine. My decision to give her andmy sons up was the worst thought and idea I've ever had. You will never have her. And if you come near my friends or family again, you will regret it." I emphasized with gritted teeth. Mrs. Hartig went pale and her mouth hung open a little as I threw her wrist away from me, glaring at her.
"You disrespect my family, my friends, and then threaten to hit one? I don't think you deserve my daughter, or anybodys child. You will never be a good mother." Mrs. Hartig looked at me in shock for a moment before her face curled up and she began bawling. She pushed past her husband as she ran out the door. Mr. Hartig stared after her before turning to me.
"You bastard! Do you know how many disappointments she's been through? How could you just give up on us all of a sudden?!" he yelled at me as he ran after his wife. It was silent for a few minutes after they left, until Logan and Dak collapsed against me.
"Oh, thank God ,Kendall! Thank God!" dak cried. I patted his back as Logan kissed my cheek.
"Thank you." He whispered. I pushed both of them away and glared at Logan.
"I didn't do it for you." I hissed. Logan looked hurt for a moment before he smiled widely.
"But still…you kept them." I rolled my eyes, but when I looked into those thick chocolately eyes, I felt my heart race a little. I turned away and looked at my mom.
"How long have you guys been here?"
"A few days!" Katie cried. I chuckled and smiled at my mom.
"Look, go home, get some good rest and good shower, catch a shower. I'll be here when you get back. Dr. Long will release me in a few days."" My mom clapped her hands.
"Can I go out and buy some baby onesies?" She whispered. I nodded and she hugged me, kissing my forehead, and sighing.
"Its been forever since I bought baby clothes, I guess I don't feel like a grandma just yet." I laughed this time and brushed a few gray hairs I spotted behind her ears.
"Thank you, mom. You've been a huge help." My mom smiled, before ushering everybody out of the room, including Logan and Dak. They both looked at me for a moment, and at that moment, I couldn't decide if it was the confused chestnut eyes or the chocolate eyes that made my heart stop.
XXXXXXXBIGTIMEBABIESLOLXXXXX XX
After everyone left, the nurse allowed me to get into a wheelchair and wheeled me down to the nursery. I watched all the babies we passed before she pushed me into a different nursery. This one was filled with tinier babies and incubators and more machines. I was a bit nervous, but then she pushed me into a different room and I smiled when I saw all my babies together . A nurse hands me one of the babies, and I smile when I see its one of my sons.
I rub the little, almost L-shaped birthmark on his shoulder and smiled,leaning down to kiss him and brush away his brown hair. He opens his eyes and I'm startled to see their a pale shade of green.
Hes so beautiful.
I stand slowly, with the assistance of the nurse who wheeled me in, and I set him down, before I glanced at my other two kids.
They all look completely identical. Except for the birthmarks on my sons shoulder, it's a little hard to tell who is who at the moment.
"Wow, those birthmarks are crazy." The second nurse says as she lifts my crying daughter and shows me a birthmark on her hip. I'm shocked to the very bone when I see its almost shaped like a heart.
I take my daughter from the nurse and she almost instantly quiets she her little fist rubs against her eyes and she blinks sleepily at me. Her eyes are a beautiful shade of pale green also, just like her brothers'. I kiss her and press our foreheads together.
"I will NEVER give you up." I whispered before I kissed her again. She whimpered but fell back asleep in a few moments. I sat down and smiled at her, before I looked at the nurses.
"Can they come to my room and stay with me?"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The doctors and nurses allowed me to keep my babies as long as I was allowed to be shown how to feed them and take care of them when they cried or woke up. I basically knew it already, but some things I didn't know I was surprised by. But, I made sure to pay close attention to what they were showing me.
They placed my babies in this small, glasslike cribs on wheels and sat them all around my bed. I rested one of my sons by my side, leaning on my side as he slept, letting his tiny fingers curl around my large one. I brushed my fingers against his tiny K-shaped birthmark on his shoulder before I kissed him. I slowly lifted him, supporting his weak head as I settled him into his crib. I put the blankets over him and sighed as I looked at all my babies.
I smiled before I rolled onto my back slowly and dozed, before falling into a deep sleep.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I was walking back and forth, bouncing one of my sons as I feed him. It was only around 10 Am, but Logan had called me earlier to let me know he was coming in earlier than everybody else, to help me name our kids. I didn't want to be around him alone, but I don't think I cant stand calling my kids, Son #1 and Son #2 for the rest of the week.
I settled my son back into his bed as the door opened and Logan walked in. he gave me a sheepish smile, but I rolled my eyes and climbed back under the covers as he sat down in a chair beside me.
"How do you feel?"
I glared at him coldly.
"im in a hospital, ive been woken up since 3Am this morning and Im hungry. How do you think I feel?" he swallowed hard and looked away.
"Yeah…Sorry. Okay, well, um…." The tension was awkward. I sighed and uncrossed my arms.
"Sorry, logan…my hormones are still a bit off…kinda why I'm on testorone." I gently pulled at my IV and Logan nodded, before he reach into the small backpack he had and produced a book, which clearly said A thousand baby names on the front.
"Logan-" I groaned, but he shushed me.
"I'd like to know some things about the names we pick." I ran my fingers through my hair.
"fine, lets start with the boys. Any ideas?" Logan nodded and I watched a small smile appear on his face.
Oh, jeez…
"Well…its stupid but do you know their birthmarks? I figured we could go on that." He whispered as he gently rubbed the belly off one of our sons. I watched him smile behind his pacifier and fall asleep again.
"Okay, sure. Name one, has to be an L, I guess." I shrugged. I really sucked at names. Like, horribly. I couldn't even think up a password for my laptop once.
"Well, what names do you like?" He smiled. I swallowed hard and averted his happy gaze.
Logan, I like the name Logan.
I mentally slapped myself and told my brain to focus.
"Lucas. I like Lucas." I swallowed harder and Logan flipped through the book.
"Lucas means Light." Logan smiled. I nodded and pointed at him.
"Your turn. You chose his middle name this time."
"Lucas…Lucas…Lucas Dominic?" Logan shrugged. I sighed and looked at Lucas.
"Lucas Eric?" I shook my head and Logan frowned.
"Okay, okay, Lucas Owen?" I sighed.
"It might sound good…If he had your last name. Lucas Owen Mitchell." Logan looked surprised.
"Do…do you want them to have my last name?" I shrugged again.
"I just figured my kids might as well have their fathers name."
"I thought you wouldn't want them, too because..." He whispered quietly. We were quiet for a few minutes.
"Lucas Roosevelt Mitchell?" I snorted.
"Wow, are you really going to do the Mitchell weird middle name gameplan?" Logan frowned, but then laughed.
"Hey its not my fault my parents deiced my middle name would be Hortense." We both started laughing, but then wiped our eyes when our daughter whimpered. She whimpered a bit more before falling back asleep.
"Lucas Robert Mitchell?" I suggested. Logan made a face.
"It sounds better with Knight. Lucas Robert Knight." I shook my head.
"Well, whos last name will the kids take?" Logan slowly took my hand and smiled.
"Take yours. I don't mind, really." He looked a bit dishonest about it, but he continued to egg me to make me name them after me.
"Fine. It's Knight." I whispered. Logan sat back, smiling at himself.
"Good, so Lucas Robert Knight it is." I smiled a little, but quickly blushed and looked away as Logan opened the book again.
"This time its my turn to pick first names. K…K…what names begin with K besides Kendall?" he frowned.
"Kendall is an awesome name." I pouted. Logan laughed and poked my cheek, making me turn away and blush deeper red again.
"Kaleb is a nice name." he smiled. I nodded, approving it.
"I like it. Okay, so I choose his middle name. Ummmm…." I stared at the ceiling in thought, and to avoid Logans stare.
"Or we could just make all their initals the same. L.R.K." Logan shrugged. I sighed.
"Up to you." I shook my head.
"I don't like it. Not enough creativity." Logan nodded and then leaned back in his chair.
"Kaleb….Kaleb what does it mean?" Logan quickly flipped back to the K's.
"Faithful. Bold." I nodded and continued staring up in thought.
"Kaleb… For some reason I like the name Edwin. Kaleb Edwin Knight?" Logan snorted.
"And you say My middle names were weird…" I punched him lightly in the shoulder.
"Kaleb Connor Knight?" Logan smiled.
"That one, that one I like right there." He then pulled Kaleb close to him and took his fist in between his fingers and kissed it.
"Hi, Kaleb." Kaleb cooed for a moment before blinking and staring at his fingers again while it sucking his pacifier.
"now, its her turn." Logans eyes lit up.
"Abigail. Lets call her Abigail." I blinked.
"Wow, you came up with that quickly." Logan blushed and looked away.
"I…really like it, okay?" I eyed him.
"Okay, now whats the real reason?" Logan sighed as he gently rubbed Abigails head.
"I had a dream…and don't laugh! But, I had a dream…we had two sons, and a little girl named Abigail and we lived on the beach in this beautiful house and we were married and stuff...Like that would happen." He grumbled.
Ouch, that hurt. I rubbed my chest, where I could actually feel the stinging pain there. I couldn't tell if it was from what Logan said or the surgery as I slowly took his book and tried to find Abigails middle name.
"Abigail means 'fathers joy' how odd." I whispered, before I flipped to a random D page.
"Abigail Danielle Knight?" Logan nodded, but didn't look at me.
"Its pretty, it suits her. Lets keep it." He said softly. We didn't look at each other for a few minutes, before the tension and awkwardness was killing me.
"Logan-" I started, but he beat me to it.
"kendall, I think…I think theres always been some kind of unsettled anger between us."
"What do you mean?" I gently squeaked. Logan sighed.
"Do you remember that night you forced yourself on Carlos?" I hung my head as tears trail down my nose.
"I still feel the guilt, Logan. I still do."
"you didn't just hurt him, but you hurt me, too. You cheated on me with him. Not just once, but you hurt him and me mulitple times by kissing him, touching him, doing things you should've been doing to me in a loving manner instead."
More tears and pain followed after that.
"I gave you everything I could Kendall. I gave you my virginity, my heart, my feelings. Everything you asked for. We've been friends for years, and boyfriends for a few years until now. And even after all that, I did it all over again. I gave you sex and let you back into my heart again, when I shouldn't. I don't regret it, but sometimes I wish we could go back in time and fix that. That anger and bit of hatred never got settled between us, Kendall."
I covered my hands as I began to bawl.
"You hurt me first. Me, but I still let you back in, just because I knew I loved you too much to let you go, Kendall. Why wont you let me back in?"
I bawled harder, wetting my hands as I curled up slowly, but Logan didn't stop.
"Did you ever even love me like I loved you,Kendall?" I dropped my hands and cried.
"Yes! I loved you so much and that guilt of what I did will always eat at me, Logan! I'm sorry! I tried to help you, because I just loved you so much! I wanted you to go to medical school, I wanted to get married, I wanted to wait and have kids, but you didn't give me a chance, Logan!" logan seemed shocked but he settled down again.
"After all that happened, Logan, I did hurt you, and I should've groveled at your feet instead of seducing you. I did love you, I loved you so much, I was willing to give up my dream of having kids just so you wouldn't suffer. But even though, I apologized, Logan, you still never apologized to me and realized some part of this is your fault,too."
He stayed quiet as my tears fell rapidly off my face.
"You never gave me a chance, you just left me, Logan. I can't forgive you for walking out on me, like so many people have. You promised me you wouldn't, and yet you did., not like the Logan I once knew. I know this is my fault, I know I hurt you in the past, but this is now. You hurt me so badly, though, because you left me in a time of desperate need for your help. I don't think I can just forget that all, Logan, but I understand now that you still haven't forgotten anything either. I just don't feel like I can let you back in." Logan sighed as I bawled again.
"So this is both of our faults, is what youre basically saying." I nodded as I curled up again. Logan nodded for a moment, before he sighed.
"Well…I guess we just…leave it at that."
And with that, he stood and left, closing the door behind him in a heavy slam that startled Abigail. She began crying, so I hurried and scooped her up before she woke up Lucas, or Kaleb. I snuggled into her cheek as I noticed Logan left his backpack here. I bent down and picked it up, holding her close as I reached in and pulled out the bouquet of roses sitting in it, along with a note that read,
Thank you for all you've done. I appreciate it, Kendall. I hope you come home soon, so we can enjoy the company of our newborns.
I love you.
XX, Logan.
I sat there and slowly cried, burying my face into the whimpering neck of my daughter.
"Oh, Abigail, what have I done?" I whispered.
A/N
Did you like the names? I tried so hard! I'm sorry if you didn't like them, or the ending to this chapter. Will update as soon as possible, since im on fallbreak this week XD
PEACE MO'FUCKERS! ~Just kidding I love you guys~
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