Sorry for the very long absence, I had the worst writers block. If you've stuck with my on this story, I thank you. It's really been fun to write and explore. I hope to be able to keep up with it better now until the end (now that it's almost summer). So this chapter came out of literal thin air but I had got to wondering where on earth Karen had come from. Apparently this is what I came up with lol. You'll notice a lot of internal dialogue in this chapter, I thought it showed how far they had drifted from each other and how much became unsaid between them. So much gets lost in interpretation when you're not honest. Enjoy xoxo : )

Fitz was finding himself feeling pretty guilty about having Olivia here again, there was something about her presence and the way he needed her that was all too familiar. He hoped and prayed her and Carter wouldn't cross paths. That was truly the last thing he needed right now. He had just finished walking Mellie's father to the residence so he could see his grandchildren and he thought he'd take a few moments for himself. The press conference Olivia had set up would be in the next hour and he headed for Mellie's side of the closet for some liquid courage. He was certain she had kept some of the hooch still hidden in here somewhere, even though she had promised she got rid of it all after Jerry died.

"It's got to be in here somewhere" he said walking into the closet "If I were Mellie…."

Fitz rummaged through he things for a good fifteen minutes before he heard the familiar slosh of the mason jar. She had tucked it away truly where he never would have known. His fingers met the cool glass and he fished it out from the drawer. Unscrewing the lid he noticed a handwritten note tapped to the top.

It's you and me

— Love Fitz

'She fucking kept this?' he thought as tears formed in his eyes remembering when he had written it for her and tapped it on their bathroom mirror.

"You always find a way to bring me back to you" he mumbled

"You're staying in Sacramento again" she asked softly looking down at her hands toying with her wedding rings. Fitz had been staying away more and more, she was starting to miss him. Or was she, when he wasn't working he was drinking and that wasn't the Fitz Mellie wanted to be around. She had pushed Andrew away, she barely had friends here in California, and she couldn't stomach spending time with her young son. She shuttered as a flash of Big Jerry looming over her crossed her vision.

"What do you care" Fitz said walking back into the closet to grab more clothes. Mellie could feel him slipping away from her and she couldn't lose him too. She was pretty sure he had started screwing around on her. Although she found a way for herself to justify it because she still had a hard time being intimate with him, she just couldn't deal with them living apart.

Mellie stood and walked to the nightstand, shakily downing another glass of her daddy's hooch. She traced a finger over her string of pearls laying on the surface, sucking in a deep breath trying in vain to find her confidence. She slid off her silk robe and paused at the mirror to see herself in her soft pink lace negligee. "You can do this" she whispered under her breath and followed Fitz into the closet. 'You know what he needs, you know what to do'

"I miss you" she said softly and waited for him to turn. She caught him rolling his eyes before they turned and fell on her in the doorway.

"Is that so" he asked raising an eye brow at her. Fitz was completely taken aback, he couldn't even remember the last time he had seen his wife even remotely close to this state of underdress. 'Fuck she's beautiful' he thought and he felt a familiar twitch in his pants

"Yah" Mellie said tilting her head and tracing a finger across her collar bone as she leaned into the door frame 'You know what he likes'

Fitz didn't know what to do, he thought he might be dreaming. Where had this Mellie been the past 2 years? He was about to ask her, when he realized he didn't want to break whatever spell had befallen her with yet another argument. He dropped the ties he had been holding and walked to her. He put his hands on her sides and felt her take in a shaky breath. Her eyes bore in to his bare chest, afraid to look in to his eyes.

The hand once tracing her skin was now on his chiseled chest. She closed her eyes and coached herself 'This is Fitz, your husband, the man that loves you' Fitz's finger was under her dimpled chin turning her face towards him, she took in another haggard breath.

"Mel" he whispered, hoping her beautiful blue eyes would open to him. He could feel her nerves and fear he questioned. 'What does she have to fear' he wondered. "Mel" he said again his lips lightly touching hers.

"Fitz" she responded softly, opening her eyes. The hooch and pill she had taken were finally kicking in and helping her relax. She cringed slightly that she needed such things to be open and intimate with him 'whatever it takes' she repeated in her head

"Beautiful" she heard Fitz mumble

"Hmm" Mellie questioned, wondering if he had meant to say that out loud

"Hi beautiful" he said, louder this time. Before setting his lips against her soft lips. He moaned softly as he deepened the kiss, pressing his body into hers. He couldn't remember the last time she let him kiss her beyond a peck.

Mellie's hands moved from Fitz's chest to the back of his neck, pulling him closer to her. She was surprised how much she was enjoying this. She parted her lips allowing his tongue to slip in and slide against hers. 'It's okay because you want it, you want him' A moan escaped her lips as his hands began to travel across her body. One hand was cupping her breast, massaging it as the other grabbed at her ass pushing her core closer to him.

Fitz couldn't believe it, was this really happening after all this time. He could taste hooch in her mouth, but he wasn't going to complain if thats what it was going to take to touch his wife. 'Take her here before the spell breaks, or take her to the bed and take my time' he thought in his head as his hand snaked up her thigh and to her core. Mellie pulled out of their kiss and he found her eyes again, giant blue saucers, stormy and lustful. He slipped a finger between her lips.

"So wet" he said, his lip curling up into a grin. 'Fuck me she's so wet' he said to himself and felt himself harden.

Mellie shifted and reached for the waistband of his sweatpants, tugging them down. 'Move things along, get him inside you… you can do this' she said to herself.

Her soft hand ran across his shaft and Fitz grunted. Mellie moved and quickly draped her arms over his shoulders and motioned for him to pick her up. 'Ah Mel, not like this' he thought wanting so much more than this. But he went with it and grabbed her thighs lifting her up and she wrapped her legs tightly around him.

'Not like this' he thought again wanting to get this nightgown off and his lips on her flesh. He started to walk towards their bed and he felt her stiffen

"Here is fine honey" she tensely said 'No Fitz, just here, just do it'

Fitz looked into her eyes and saw fear again. 'Why Mel'

'Why are you doing this Fitz… just fuck me…just fuck me like those intern whores and get it over with before…."

"My wife isn't some cheap screw" he said winking at her. Mellie pulled herself closer to him, burying her head in his neck. Fighting the tears, fighting the fear, fighting her insecurities. 'He loves you, he wants you' a voice quietly said in her head 'Let go'

Fitz carried Mellie to their bed and set her down. He found the hem of her night gown and pulled it up over her head before tossing it aside. He laid her on the bed and climbed on top of her hovering over her. Her eyes were closed again and he sighed 'What is with her'

'I want this, I want him, I miss this' she said to herself before letting go and opening her eyes.

She took his face in her hands and looked deep in his eyes, holding his gaze for a long while before pulling him in to a kiss.

Fitz stared into her beautiful blue eyes and watched the fear and unease melt away, she was kissing him hard with earnest. He knew she was giving him the okay to continue.

He left her lips and trailed kisses down her neck to her collar bone, remembering how she was touching it just moments ago. 'On to her glorious breasts' he thought smiling to himself. He kissed down between them before heading to one, toying with her nipple between his teeth causing Mellie to let out a small squeal. He looked up at her and she ran her fingers through his hair tying to suppress a giggle. 'Fuck I love that sound he thought, returning his attention to her other breast. He left her breasts to nip at the flesh over her pelvic bone, knowing he would her more of her Melodic giggling. And sure enough she squirmed and giggled beneath him.

"Fiitzz" she said swatting at him playfully

He flashed a devilish grin at her and caught a knowing look in her eyes as her chest began rising and falling faster. He knew everything about her glorious body, everything that would cause her to moan and scream out his name. Fitz slid between her thighs and began kissing and bitting at the insides. Spreading her legs wider he could see the glistening wetness he had felt before and licked his lips. 'Fuck I miss her pussy' he thought taking in the wondrous aroma before setting this tongue to work. 'Christ, this is as far as we've gotten and I'm already more turned on then any of the random women I've been with the past few months. My wife is incredible' he thought as her taste and moaning and writhing body made his dick pulse. 'I have to stop doing that…she has to know… maybe she's worried I'm judging her against them… she's only ever been with me. Idiot. Fitz you're an idiot' he repeated and then pushed those thoughts aside completely devoting his attention to Mellie and her growing orgasm.

"Oh god" she groaned as he sucked on her clit 'This man is everything… how can I be turning this away' Her back was severely arched and she kept pressing her hips into his face as he devoured her. "I'm so close" she managed to mumble and he did exactly what he does best to push her over the edge causing her to collapse back onto the mattress. She tried to catch her breath as Fitz kissed his way back up her body, knowing he would move inside her as soon as he could.

Fitz moved towards his nightstand.

Mellie swallowed hard 'Omg he's not having it… he's leaving… fuck what did I do… what do I need to do'

'Wait this is Mellie… I don't need a condom… Shit I need to stop screwing around… wait do I need a condom? Does she..' His train of thought was stopped as he felt Mellie's soft hand snake up his thigh

"Fitz baby" she cooed 'What do you want me to do to turn you on… what do those whores do for you… focus on him… take the focus off you and your worries'

"Condom?" he asked turning his eyes back at her with an awkward half grin on his face "I wasn't sure where we were at with that" he said the uncertainty loud and clear in his voice

"Oh" she responded and bit at her lip 'I wasn't even thinking… oh god do I even want another…. I barely…' "I don't know Fitz…" she said shifting uncomfortably, she could feel the moment between them slipping away. 'You'll know this one is his' a small voice echoed in her head and she fought back the bile threatening to climb from her stomach.

Mellie lurched for the arm he still had reaching for his nightstand and pulled it towards her causing him to flip over on his back. Fitz stared at her wide eyed and bewildered. She moved to straddle him before leaning over his chest and whispering in his ear "We don't need it"

Fitz reached up and grabbed her face, pulling her in to a passionate kiss. She shifted over him and found his still engorged member. 'Thank god he's still ready' she thought as she grabbed him and slid him inside her. Her head snapped up away from him upon feeling him enter her. 'I forgot how good it felt' she thought as her hands moved to his chest for support. Mellie ground her hips against him letting the ecstasy and pleasure replace her doubts and worries.

"Fuck Mels… you feel so good" he groaned as his hands grabbed her hips, pushing her closer to him and deeper inside her 'Fucking hell I'm going to cum if you keep doing that' he thought as he felt her inner muscle clamping and releasing him as she moved. He still hadn't been with a woman who could match Mellie's skill. He looked up from staring at where they were joined to see her devious grin.

'You know exactly what he wants' "You like the way I fuck you honneeeey" she said surprising herself even at her words. 'Liquid courage indeed' she chuckled to herself. Fitz let out another groan, Mellie only swore or talked dirty when she was in bed and it was so erotic. Especially with the change in tone of her voice. He loved with the southern twang came out.

"Yah baby" he said grabbing her back down against him and kissing her hard. He flipped them back over 'I've got to take control back or I will lose it' He smiled down at her and kissed her again. Her fingers ran through his thick hair and then down his body raking his sides. 'Everything about her touch is fire' he thought as he started moving his hips into her. He could think of a million positions he wanted to fuck her brains out in, but something told him to stay like this. 'The intimacy'

"Ohhh Fitz" she moaned as her legs moved up and wrapped around him, pushing him in deeper. He could feel her getting tighter with each thrust. Without her even having to say, he started thrusting harder and faster "Yeess" she purred and her fingers sunk deeper into his flesh

"Cum for me my queen" he said into her neck taking one last hard suck on her skin before moving to watch her beautiful face over come with pleasure

"I'm….I'm…." she was stuttered and moaning "I'm…. fuck Fitz I'M CUMING" she yelled as her orgasm overtook her. Fitz slammed into her once more before releasing his seed deep inside her, coating her walls. He continued moving his body over her, gliding now that they were both covered in a thin layer of sweat.

'God damn I love this woman' he thought trying to catch his breath. He slid out of her and flopped on the bed beside her. 'Where the fuck did that come from'

'You did it… you CAN do this… it's fine… it's Fitz. Your Fitz' she thought 'Mine… you'll always be mine'. Her thoughts were getting hazy now, the alcohol, drugs, and ecstasy drifting her gently to sleep. She felt Fitz shift on the bed and hoped he wasn't leaving.

'You've got to do better by her… you promised… don't be like Big Jerry…" he shook his head and reached for the covers bringing them up around his wife. He pulled her body next to his and wrapped his arms around her

"I miss you" he whispered into her hair.

Mellie's heart caught in her throat and she prayed he wouldn't notice the tears streaking down her face.

"Oh shit Mel" Fitz said finding his wife once more in the bathroom. Her head was resting on her forearm as her tiny frame sagged against the toilet. Things had been slightly better between them since that night and he hoped she'd be okay with him comforting her. He sank to the ground next to her and rubbed her back with his hand. She groaned before moving into his arms, burying her face in his chest.

"Why does it have to be like this" she whined. Fitz kept rubbing her back with one hand as he moved hair off her tear streaked face. He wished he had something he could tell her to make it better

"Oh my sweet baby" he said "Or should I say babies?" he asked playfully jostling her. Mellie's red swollen eyes looked up at him and she had a pout on her face. Fitz planted a kiss on her temple and pulled her back into him

'Don't ever stop holding me'

"I had Mary get you that test just to be sure" he said after a long while. Helping her up of the cold floor

"FITZ" she yelled glaring at him

"What" he snapped back 'oh yay more yelling, there's the bitch again...'

"I don't want anyone knowing" she said exasperated "You're the governor… nothing is private… nothing is sacred" she mumbled more to herself than to him. 'I'm not even sure I'm ready for this… I don't need everyone bugging me about it'

"Sorry Mel, I thought you'd want to be sure. We can trust Mary" he said placing a hand on her shoulder. She was gripping the counter and swaying. 'Fuck me not again'

Mellie was at her knees again clutching the rim of the seat. Fitz sighed, he hated seeing her like this. He bent down and pulled her hair back, holding it for her. After she finished he helped her up again and waited while she brushed her teeth.

"I'm sorry" she said softly

"Don't worry about it… I did this to you. I can help you through it" he said offering a smile

"No… well that too." she said making a face just now realizing Fitz had not only heard but seen her throw up "I didn't mean to yell at you… I don't… I don't want us to be like that" she whispered, finally looking at him. Her blue eyes were sad and she looked broken. He waited for her to come to him but she didn't move. He walked towards her and wrapped her in his arms. He kissed the top of her head.

"Couples fight… it's fine Mel."

"I'm sorry I've had trouble… " she stammered. 'How do I tell him without telling him. I can never tell him' "Something changed in me… I don't know what it is. I'm trying"

"Mel we've been over this, I don't judge you for your body changing after Jerry" he said holding her tighter

'Wrong Jerry' she thought cringing

"It's you and me" He said pulling her back to meet her eyes again

"You and me" she repeated