Chapter 26

The church was large, beautiful, and old. Sam hadn't in many churches. Once this summer, when it was very hot, the Lutheran church on Sutcliff had opened its doors to anyone needing to escape the heat. It had been smaller, but the same basic design, narrow with lots of wooden benches and a stage of some sort opposite of the doors. A man in a black shirt had said a few words from there then they passed out water bottles, sunscreen and hats. Sam had stayed about 3 hours, before she got too restless, dove off the nearest dock and took a short swim.

"Sam?" Alexis' voice brought her back to the present.

Sam turned silently.

"Let's find a seat."

She nodded, but hung back as Alexis moved toward the front of the church. Alexis looked back and seemed to understand. "Okay, we'll sit back here." They slid into the third bench from the back of the church. Sam felt Alexis' fingers intertwine with her own. She didn't pull away.

More and more people filed in. Most sitting in the front half, but a few others, Sam noticed stayed toward the back. A blonde woman with two little girls sat opposite the aisle. The older girl was curled up against her mother with a tear stained face, the younger one…Georgie…Sam remembered from the party, was little more than a baby, and didn't seem to know that she should be sad. She climbed on her seat and waved happily as people walked by. Sam noticed they smiled at child as they passed.

Georgie met Sam's gaze suddenly and broke out in a grin. She clamored down to the ground and walked straight to Sam. "I Georgie!" She announced loudly.

"Oh, no…" The blonde woman stood suddenly, disturbing the eight year old.

"Hi Georgie." Alexis smiled.

"Lexis!" Alexis reached down and lifted the child awkwardly.

"I think your Mama wants you."

"Thank you Alexis, I'm sorry…she's really too young, but…"

"She'll be fine, Felicia."

"Mac wanted me to sit up front, but we couldn't find a sitter and she's going to be running around."

"You're welcome to join us…if you'd like, between the two of us, we could at least keep her in the pew."

"Would you mind? Sam?" Sam was startled that the woman knew her name. She looked up and shook her head. She and Alexis pushed down, Alexis handed Georgie back to her mom, and Felicia sat and arranged Maxie against her again. Georgie squirmed from her mother's lap and stood back in front of Sam.

"Sad." Georgie declared, then looked at Maxie and pointed. "Maxie Sad. Mommy Sad. You Sad." Her mouth turned into a distinct frown. "No sad." She insisted.

Sam turned away, a sob caught in her throat. Alexis rested her arm around her and allowed her a refuge to hide from the toddler's unblinking gaze.

The music started then, distracting Georgie, but Sam stayed where she was. She heard people standing then sitting, music playing and people talking, but she tuned it out. Finally Alexis whispered. "It's over Sam, it's time to go."

"Are you joining us at the Quartermaine's Alexis?" Felicia asked as they stood.

"I don't know."

Felicia nodded. Georgie now slept on her shoulder and Maxie spotted her Father. "Daddy!" She cried.

Mac picked her up easily. "Were you good for mom?"

"I was, but Georgie wasn't…she wouldn't sit still and kept waving at people."

"Maxie, you know Georgie's too young to understand." Felicia scolded. Maxie frowned and turned her face back to Mac.

"Daddy is Robin coming home now?"

"I'm not sure Pumpkin, maybe…it's up to her." Mac looked at Alexis. "Everything okay? You guys need anything?"

"We're fine Mac thanks…"

"We'll see you at the reception? I know Robin wants to talk to Sam."

This was the first Sam had heard of that. She wondered if Robin was angry with her. The way she'd run away, leaving her alone with Stone. She wasn't sure if she wanted to see Robin…if she could see Robin…but she knew she wanted to be away from these people. She tugged on Alexis' hand.

"I don't think so Mac. Give Robin my love."

At least a million people wanted to talk to Alexis as they tried to exit the church. The lawyer, Ned, Dr. Hardy, some guy with a beard and the creepy guy…who it turned out was Lucky's father, but Alexis politely excused herself. Letting Sam lead them outside.

The cold air hit Sam's lungs painfully. "Sam we need to get you something to eat…you have to eat."

Sam screwed up her face and shook her head. "You haven't eaten in days." Sam wanted to say that she wasn't hungry or that her stomach hurt, but she couldn't force the words out.

Alexis put a hand on each of Sam's cheeks. "This is serious Sam. If you don't eat, they are going to take you away."

"Alexis." The man with the beard interrupted.

"Kevin…" Alexis looked nervous.

"Let me give you a lift to the hospital."

Alarms exploded in Sam's head. She took a step and began to run, but Alexis held her steady. The man knelt down in front of her.

"Sam, my name is Dr. Collins. I promise, no one will hurt you, and that you can go home with Alexis, but I need to talk to you for a while in my office. Is that okay?"

Sam shook her head violently… "All you have to do is say no, Sam."

Sam glared at him then turned angrily on Alexis…she'd told him.

"So what will it be Sam? Just tell me no, and we'll do this another time."

"Kevin, she doesn't want to…"

"You've already canceled twice Alexis, this is getting to be a crisis situation, we can't put it off any longer."

Sam had stayed in Dr. Collins waiting room for a few minutes, while he spoke with Alexis privately. Sam heard a beep from the receptionists desk and the woman smiled at her. "You can go in now Samantha."

Sam sat down next to Alexis in the Dr. Collins office. It looked more like a living room than a doctor's office. Big over stuffed chairs, a couch, coffee table. He sat behind his desk making notes. His receptionist came in and offered Alexis some tea, and Sam some yogurt.

Sam gave Alexis a sideways glance. "Just try it Sam…please."

Sam's stomach was on fire, almost everything made her sick, but the yogurt seemed harmless enough. She took a spoonful and swallowed carefully. She rested the spoon in one hand and the container on her knee. She let a full minute pass, before she tried again.

Alexis smiled, relief etched on her face. Sam felt guilty. She wasn't used to anyone worrying about her. "Sam I need to make a few phone calls, but I'll be back for you. Okay…"

Sam realized Alexis was going to leave and grabbed desperately at her hand. She didn't want to be alone with this man.

"Sam if you want Alexis to stay, you need to tell her."

Sam opened her mouth, but the words wouldn't come. Alexis' stared daggers at Kevin. "I didn't bring her here for you to torment Kevin."

Dr. Collins raised an eyebrow and Alexis backed down. "I'll be back." She stood, kissed the top of Sam's head and left them.

Sam slammed the container on the coffee table, pulled both legs to her chest and buried her face in her arms.

"Sam, has this, this inability to speak every happened to you before?" Sam raised her head slightly. "A nod will do…"

She shook her head. "Okay…" He scribbled something down. "Judging from what Alexis has told me…this started shortly after you found out about Stone's death."

She hid her head again. He had no right to talk to her about Stone. "People deal with grief differently Sam…and believe it or not this, they call it selective mutism, is one of the ways. But the thing is Sam, you can speak."

Bullshit, Sam thought, you are full of crap. "I don't mean to imply you are just being stubborn…it's more than that. You have worked hard tosupress your grief, it's so raw, but until you express it…" He stops, she knows he's already frustrated with her.

"Sam look at me please." She raises her head slowly, her jaw tense, her eyes slit. "It's not going to help much of anything for me to sit here and talk to myself. So let's try something else." He reached to his desk. "Alexis said you write her notes. Can you write the answers to my questions…you don't need to show me." Sam stared blankly, untrusting. He set the notepad down and showed her another, larger pad. "How bout I talk and you draw?"

He offered her the pad with one hand, and colored pencils with the other. "It can be anything…I don't need to see it." Sam tilted her head. Drawing was okay…she wasn't good, but she couldn't accidentally say the wrong thing, someone looking at it, wouldn't have access to her thoughts or feelings. If nothing else she could occupy her hands while she ignored him. She accepted the pad and picked up a blue pencil. She couldn't think of anything at first…she just scribbled. As he talked the scribbles turned into the sea, she added a dolphin, a shark, and some random fish, then storm clouds and lightning and a ship sinking.

A bell went off. Sam looked up. "That's all for today Sam." Kevin smiled. "Keep the pad. I want to see you again tomorrow, tonight draw one picture for me, and one or more for yourself."

Sam stood up and rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe this quack was getting paid to watch her draw.