Chapter Twenty-Six

WOO HOO! NEW CHAPTER!! Thanks for all your reviews and I promise the next chapter will be up VERY SOON!

MUCH LOVE and keep those lovely reviews coming!

-Harry

I entered the dark house and searched with small pats of my hand for the lamp I knew to be on the front hall table. Finding it, I pulled the chain and flooded the empty house in a warm glow. I glanced around and immediately felt the loneliness around me. It nearly engulfed me, but I was resigned to not let that happen. This was my home, our home and it would be again if my plan worked the way I wanted it to.

As I removed my coat and hat, I noticed the pile of unopened mail that had scattered on the floor in the absence of Sarah and Mrs. Crewe. I reached down and gathered the pile in my hands and went into the sitting room. I turned on another lamp which revealed the room to be in perfect condition, but for the hint of dust from lack of use in the weeks that I now knew Sarah had been gone.

I put myself to work starting a fire to warm the room.

My conversation with Lights and my decision to finally put aside my fears and go after my wife, had brought my spirits up higher than they had been since before the fight. I lifted the slip of paper from my pocket with the information he had given me on the next voyage to New York and put it to memory. It was a week away yet, but I had a determination now to forget all of the bad that had transpired between Sarah and myself and make it right. Hockley, Rose, and the barmaid were pushed out of my mind and I put my focus on my wife and son. I had every intention on crawling back to her on my hands and knees, promising and vowing to never mislead her again. I would proclaim my love to her over and over again and promise to prove it to her every day for the rest of our lives.

A warm fire now blazed before me in the hearth and I sat back on my knees admiring my handiwork before rising and fetching the pile of envelopes. Shuffling through them, there was a letter from my aunt, another four from my parents, two for Sarah from Polly and then I came to the last, postmarked from New York City. There was no return address, but it was addressed to me. One quick look at the envelope I saw that it had been forwarded from the White Star Line office and curiosity getting the better of me; I opened it and immediately wished that I hadn't.

Mr. Lowe,

Harry…as troubling as it may be to receive this letter from me, especially since I have failed to contact you until now; I felt that I must tell you that our secret is no longer a secret. Though the person who knows has promised not to reveal the truth to anyone, I still felt compelled to tell you. He is Cal's brother and he has given me his word that he will not tell a soul about finding me…

I stopped there. For confirmation my eyes drifted to the bottom of the page and I saw Rose's signature in elegant lettering. The letter was dated a week before Taylor Hockley had arrived here and obviously gone against his word. It was almost as if Rose knew he would do it, and the letter in my hand was a warning.

I released a sigh and put the letter aside.

It would do me no good to think of what might have happened if the posts' timing had been better and I had received the letter sooner, but I couldn't help but think it would have been better if I had received it before his untimely arrival. Sarah would have learned the truth on my terms, not his and she wouldn't have left me…

No, no, that wasn't right, I stopped myself. I had to face the knowledge that I probably would have never told her the truth about Rose, for I was too ashamed and as time went on it would have gotten harder and harder to deal with if it had been revealed.

Her leaving had been just and I knew that now. I told her our marriage was over. I was angry and unrelenting toward her. What choice did she have but to go back to her family? I couldn't say I wouldn't have the done the same thing if I had been in her shoes. After what I had said and the way I had acted, I deserved to not have her here. But, I was going to do everything in my power to make it up to her.

Sarah-

The sheets were soft and warm against my skin; the soft patter of a passing rainstorm tapped against the windows, and all around me the house was at peace. The atmosphere was perfect for a peaceful slumber, but I just couldn't seem to fall into the rhythm. Tried as I might, sleep and I hadn't found one another, and as the minute hand of my clocked tick towards the third hour of trying, I had lost hope.

Kicking the sheets and quilt off of my tense body, I sat up in the bed and reached for the lamp. Switching it on, the room filled with light and I squinted against it, whilst reaching for my robe that had been flung across the foot of my bed. Slipping it on over my thin nightgown, I crossed the room and went to my door, letting myself out into the dark hallway.

A quick glance into the nursery showed me my son, fast asleep in his cradle with Kathleen's adjoining door opened slightly to hear him if he awoke. As I shut the door, I pushed away the slight yearning I had that he would be awake and in need of me. It would have been the distraction I wanted. Though I knew it wouldn't have lasted, a slight curb on my troubles would have been welcomed. Instead, as I walked down the stairs, tying the belt of my robe tighter around the middle, the revelation Nan had ever so graciously informed me of earlier that evening pushed itself to the front of my mind.

I made it into the parlor and sunk into the soft cushions of the sofa, sighing as I began to visualize all of the trouble the news was going to cost. Nan hadn't wasted a moment in making sure her entire household was not to refer to me as Mrs. Lowe and that I would herby be known as Miss Wilkes once more. I was too distraught to argue. I felt betrayed, but did not know where to place the blame. It wasn't Harry's fault, it certainly wasn't Taylor's, and as angry as I was with her, I couldn't place the guilt on Nan either. Aunt Isabelle, even with her mad reasoning, had done the right thing in wanting Harry and I to marry. It was obvious now that she hadn't considered everything when she had come to the conclusion. So with good reason, I placed part of the blame on her, her and lack of good decision making…though I wasn't entirely innocent.

As much as I loved my son, I knew I could have spared myself all of this trouble if I had acted with more maturity. Growing up the way I had, I knew what my destiny in this world was, but when my eyes first found themselves set on that handsome man in the small Southampton shop the day before the Titanic sailed, I suddenly and selfishly wished for more. That compounded by the sight of Rose being forced to marry a man she didn't like, let alone love, I was scared and my innocent infatuation with Harry blossomed into a feeling I had never known before. I knew if I were with him, he would save me from Rose's fate.

I now knew I wouldn't have suffered the way she had. Not if Nan's plan had worked, which I had no doubt that it would have. This year, or perhaps next year even, I would have become Taylor's wife and our families would be doubly united just as Nan had wanted. Rose with Cal, and myself with Taylor. She would have been miserable and I believe I would have been quite the opposite. Even with Rose faking her death and Cal preparing to marry another, Nan's wish for Taylor and I could have still come true, but much to chagrin I had married another. And from the moment she had figured out there was trouble with Harry and I she had made it her mission to finally bring Taylor and I together. She didn't know that he loved me, that I loved him, she didn't know what had happened between us, all she saw was the possible joing of our two family's and that was all that mattered.

Oh God, how was I ever going to explain this?

My anger towards Harry had long since become more of a slight irritation. The issue of Rose had sat too long in my mind for me to stay infuriated, but I was still hurt. He had left me, insulted me, even after I told him I was willing to try to make it work and I had no way of contacting him to inform him of this matter.

I shook my head, already feeling the exhaustion of the problem begin to set in and my eye caught a silver framed photograph on the mantle. I rose and went to it.

My eight year old self stared at me, a slight smile on my young face. Next to me sat a nine year old Rose. We were dressed the same, in lace net and silk dresses, wide brimmed hats, our little hands clasped together as we looked at the camera. Even a perfect stranger could see the closeness between us and it had been strong. That was my assumption, at least. Apparently, I thought as I set the picture back down, I was wrong.

Rose's betrayal was just another distraction in my already tumbled life. I had not given myself to really stop and think about what her actions had done to all of our lives. How could she be so selfish? How could she have made such a life-altering decision and not tell me... me, who loved her as strongly and as dearly as if she were my own sister? I trusted her above anyone, there was no one in whom I believed in more and yet, when the time came she betrayed that trust in choosing to allow me to think her dead. I grieved for her, missed her, felt indescribable guilt and all the while she had been living in New York, safe, well and alive.

And, then it dawned on me that it was because of her lies and deception that my life began to unravel right before my very eyes. Harry had only been trying to protect me, I knew that now. But, it was because of her lies that I turned from my husband and to another man.

My husband... no, that wasn't true any longer. Harry was not my husband and never had been. But, had I have known about Rose's deception, perhaps I wouldn't have felt so desperate at the time I married Harry.

I remember how scared I was, how alone I felt when it seemed everyone I loved had gone away. Rose was dead, or so I thought. Harry was gone, even Nan betrayed me when she banned me to Russia with Aunt Isobel. I had even tried to commit suicide as Rose had, until Harry found me and stopped me.

Anger surged through me as I thought of it all. I would have married Harry when I learned I was pregnant, but once again, because of Rose's lies, my so called marriage was built upon nothing but lies in spite of the joy surrounding us. It was only a matter of time before it fell apart and that's exactly what had happened. When I discovered Harry's betrayal, everything I had put my trust in was gone and it started by Rose's selfish decision to keep the truth from me.

I stared down at the photograph and picked it up once again. I gripped it hard, looking down on the two of us. Before I realized what I was even going to do, I flung the frame across the room into the far wall, shattering it into tiny pieces. Bitterness, hot and vile rose in my throat. I had to get out of this house; I had to get away from the feeling of betrayal all around me, if only for a little while. The room was closing in on me even as I stood there. There was only place I wanted to be, only one place where I felt completely safe and loved... in Taylor's arms. I needed him so very much in that moment, to comfort me, to hold me and to reassure me. He was the only person who had never lied to me, or betrayed me for any reason. He had always been there for me, always strong and true and that was what I need now, more than anything.