(26) Sympathetic Water Fiend

"So any news on these condom things?" Peter asked as I levitated yet another brick up to him.

"Not yet," I scanned the ground for another one.

It had been a few days since we had come back to Hogwarts. We were quickly reminded of the recent tragedy. The banners in the Great hall were alternating black & Hogwarts flag but there were no House flags over each table right now. We'd get them back at the spring break just around the corner. All four of us Marauders had managed to piss off Argus Filch by blowing up a box of Dungbombs by his office. We would have been fine if we had only noticed Peeves lurking in a bookcase. Peeves tattled on us naturally & we all were now stuck in detentions again for the second time in a row. (The first time since we got back was Sirius & I doing a double detention for using a curse that was apparently illegal on Bertram Aubrey, a very gormless git from Hufflepuff, which blew up his head to twice the normal size—oops!)* Anyway, I tried not to worry too much that Sirius was now sharing his detention with Remus polishing suits of armour throughout the castle. It was for the best right?

Peter & I had to put the finishing touches on the lesser damages around the castle, such as this broken garden wall by the Herbology greenhouses. I flicked up another brick & Peter put it into place. Sirius & I were the only ones with wands since we were now Aurors & at war. It was the only reason I had my wand, but it was frustrating still since I had to wait for Peter to manually replace each brick as he got them. A teacher oversaw our detentions to make sure Sirius & I didn't use our wands. McGonagall was with Sirius & Remus while Slughorn was with us. He was currently nodding off on his seat. I don't blame him for being tired. Peter jumped across the archway to the next wall.

"Ouch!" I rubbed my head. Peter dropped down beside me. I looked down & saw a small box. Getting on one knee (which I'll regret within a minute) I picked it up.

"Uh um Zephyra has a thing for dolphins," Peter stammered. "I dunno. I thought maybe..."

"Peter..." I had opened the box. It was beautiful. A golden dolphin biting the tip of its tail & along the back was a row of tiny diamonds. I held it up. "This is a wedding ring."

We heard a thud & looked towards the large planter where a Fireseed tree was smoking. A Ravenclaw man of either 6th or 7th year was about to collect some Fireseeds but noticed us in what was definitely a marriage proposal pose. He had tried to make a discreet escape, only to knock over a large wooden bucket. He smiled sheepishly, shrugged apologetically & walked quickly away. Great. Now the whole castle's going to think Peter & I are gay & hot for each other. Kill me now!

Harry burst out laughing for a full minute.

"Give me that thing!" Peter wrenched the ring-box from my hands as I leapt to my feet & took a few paces back away from him.

I said as loudly as I could, "So when are you going to ask her to marry you?" I hoped that sodding Ravenclaw heard.

Peter swished his shoulder-length ponytail. "I was thinking when summer started, or maybe spring break. Still deciding really. But maybe we can use 7th Year as our engagement & then get married when we graduate. Here's hoping."

"Good luck with that," I took a few steps to the wall, promptly tripping over a brick.

"You ok?" Peter snickered.

"I'm fine," I massaged my ankle.

Peter stared long & hard at me. "Honestly though, how are you?"

"Fine, Wormtail," I gingerly tested my foot on the ground. "It's just a brick."

"Not that," Peter shook his head. "You've been ...well...really off all year."

"What?" I all but snapped.

"Everyone's noticing it, Prongs."

"Noticing what?"

"People are saying how they rarely see you & if they do, for once you're not showing off or beating up some snake," Peter began. "In the start of our first term, you looked like death. You even play Quidditch differently now. But the most noticeable thing is how you treated Lily. At first, Jim you were even more horrible to her than before. Now you're just starting to be nice to her again."

"Things change," I shrugged. "But remember I was quite sick on that last week of summer."

"I know," said Peter. "But I'd thought it would have worn off in the first month. You're only starting to look better now, Jim. When the war was announced, you looked worse than at the start of first term."

"I sort of had a second bout," I replied vaguely. Technically, it was true. "You do know our training is all doubled up right? It's a lot of work, doing schoolwork & those patrols."

"I guess so," Peter didn't seem convinced. His eyes wandered down to my hands hanging by my sides. "Then you ...just when you were getting better, someone...I can't imagine the horror of being crucified."

I watched a dumbledore fly into a carnivorous daffodil, only to be eaten. Peter didn't know the half of it. I wasn't just crucified, I was violated again though not as badly as the first time. "It wasn't pleasant. Sirius & Lily both helped me a lot."

"So you are talking to Lily now?" Peter asked.

"Oh yeah," I said. "We're friends now. Finally. You know she's hated me for no reason for years."

"Mhm," Peter snorted derisively. "Maybe, just maybe mind you, perhaps you'll marry her soon after all."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Hurry up or you'll get left behind," Peter teased, climbing back up the wall to finish putting in bricks. It was with great effort I didn't aim one for his head. I know he didn't intentionally hurt me. He doesn't know.

We spent nearly three hours repairing the wall. Our detentions lasted a week. I had seen little of Sirius outside of classes & dorms, but what spare time we had was used to catch up on homework. Beyond that, Sirius was with Remus for hours at a time in detentions. It's for the best, I keep telling myself.

On our first free weekend when the last detention was over, Sirius brought me to our secret room. "I've missed you," He kissed me, surprising me.

"They can't keep us separate forever," I said.

"Nope," He held me tightly for a while. "I've been meaning to ask you," he began after nearly ten minutes of just holding me. "How are you holding up?"

"Fine now that detentions are over," I answered. "Damn Peeves. I'll get him!"

His hands slid down my back to my tailbone. "I mean, how are you holding up?"

It took me a moment to understand that he was asking about Orion. This was it. He wanted to know if I was doing well enough that it was safe for him to leave me for Remus. I didn't want this now. Not yet. Just one more day please! But I knew it was the best time to do it. We've been separated for nearly a week. A week Sirius had spent with Remus & they had probably gotten closer then. "Oh, um, I'm fine. Haven't really thought about him for a while." That was actually true.

"Good," He pushed me away at arm's length & inspected both my arms underneath. "You haven't scratched in a while either."

"No," I was slightly surprised. I haven't done that either but I knew I'd start again the moment he crushed my heart. Just get it done Sirius.

He pulled up my left wrist & kissed the underside spot of the crucifix scar. "He's out of the hospital. I don't want him hurting you ever again." He pulled me close once more, kissing my lips while returning his hands to my tailbone, pulling me closer.

"Damn it, Sirius!" I pulled away after a moment. "What are we doing?"

"I thought we were having a moment while I was warning you about Orion."

"What of Remus & Lily?" I flat out asked him, for once totally ignoring the name of my rapist. "Sirius we have to talk about this."

"There is nothing to be said."

"There is EVERYTHING to be said!" I pulled out of his reach. "None of this was supposed to happen! We never planned this. You were just to help me heal, but to actually—Sirius! I'm falling—fallen really—in love with you. That was not supposed to happen!"

"You're right in saying I was supposed to heal you & we never planned for anything more," Sirius began. "But you're wrong in saying it wasn't supposed to happen. If it wasn't meant to be, we wouldn't love each other."

"Sirius."

"I told you when we started this, you're not the first rape I've handled," he cut me off. "In the beginning, it was just going to be me taking care of you like I did to her. But I never really loved her & she knew that."

"Why am I any different?"

"We have much more in common & we've known each other our whole lives. I for one, am not surprised this happened." Sirius took both my hands. "I will never stop loving you or Remus," He put a hand over my mouth. "I'll never leave you even when Remus & Lily become more to us than friends."

"I don't see how it could work," I said. "One of us is a wolf."

"Shh," Sirius kissed me again. "Relax. Your heart is safe with me. I won't hurt you." I felt ourselves going down to the floor. "Unless of course you say something to me like what you did over Christmas, but that's an extreme & a good reason."

"Hey," I held him up above me. "I am truly sorry for that."

"I know," Sirius lay over me again.

We spent nearly an hour alone there. I didn't know how this would turn out but I decided then & there to stop worrying about it. I stroked his back along the spine. "So, when am I getting my pineapple treat?"

"Oh, I forgot about that."

Sure he did! Later that night, Sirius left me alone in the dormitory with the box of pineapple condoms. The word 'condoms' was written on the box so I'm assuming that was what they were. Sirius took his half of our two-way mirror that worked similar to a muggle telephone, winked & promptly went downstairs claiming he had a lot of homework to do.

I opened the box at last but sure enough, there was no candy in it. Opening a package, I pulled out a long material tube-like thing. I stared at it.

"You know what to do," Sirius said through the mirror. "If you still can't get it by the time I'm finished this Stealth essay, I'll come help you."

I rolled my eyes. Merlin's sake, he wasn't joking. However he had forgotten to tell me one particular detail. "Sirius?" I glared at the mirror after ten minutes & as many ruined condoms strewn about on the floor.

"Yes darling?"

I glared some more. "They're the wrong size. Too big. You should have checked the size before getting this box."

"Put the mirror down." I did so. "No no not down on the desk. I mean down. Let me see. Don't worry. I'm behind the tapestry down here. No one else will see." Merlin's sake, I hate this guy!

"Why am I in love with you?" I snarled, shoving the mirror down.

"No idea," Sirius teased. "You're not in the right position."

"Sorry," I muttered sarcastically, moving the mirror around. I felt really stupid holding a mirror down there.

"Still not right. Nope. Wrong angle."

We did that for a few minutes before I gave up on him. "I don't know! What do you want Sirius?"

And then he told me. "I wasn't even talking about the mirror." Sirius laughed. "I meant YOU! If you're not erect, the johnny won't work."

"I hate you." Sirius was laughing so hard I could hear him just fine without the mirror. "Will you shut up?"

"Just give yourself a wank or two, then try it."

"I prefer sorcery," I muttered. "Quick twenty-four hour sterility charm & it's a hundred percent guarantee. This thing's only ninety-eight percent!"

"Hey you didn't believe me so now you have to suffer the consequences," Sirius said. "Wank it & put it on."

I gritted my teeth. I was never more NOT in the mood then in that precise moment when I apparently needed to be. Finally, after several more minutes, I managed it. Not realising Sirius had come in, I tried the next condom. But I let go a little too soon & the thing snapped me like a band. "TABRENACK!" Clutching myself with both hands, I fell to my knees, eyes crossed & watering.

Harry clapped one hand over his mouth, biting into his fingers. "Oh it can't get any worse than that!" Still biting into his hand, he continued reading through tears of laughter.

Sirius burst out laughing. "When I say suffer I didn't mean literally!" Several more obscenities of three different languages (English, Canadienne & French) flew from my lips.

"What happened?" Remus dashed into the room. I'm going to kill that Merlin-damned mutt! "Wh—wh…eh?"

"Obviously it can!" Harry had to take a moment before the pain in his sides faded.

"Jim's trying to wear a condom," Sirius explained casually. "He's doing it wrong." Remus closed his eyes & sunk his upper fangs into his trembling bottom lip to keep from laughing. "He let go of the edge too soon. It whacked him." Remus fell face first on the floor sobbing for a very different reason from what I was crying about at the moment.

"I can't get it off!"

"Why don't you just roll it off?" Sirius whined sardonically.

"It hurts!"

"You really want one of us to help you?"

"I can't even—!" Remus sobbed, rolling onto his side while pounding the floor with his fist.

"OK OK OK!" I gasped. "I believe you! Now help me get it off!" Anti-pregnancy charm for the win, salopes! OH YEAH!

"Aww do you want one of us to kiss it better?" Sirius teased.

"OFF NOW!" Sweet Merlin. The pain. The pain! I started puffing, trying to work through the lingering sting.

"Oh alright," Sirius sighed dramatically as Remus rolled onto his back still sobbing, hiccupping so much he could hardly breath. Sirius came for me. Wait a minute. Are we really going to do this in front of Remus? I mean this was bigger than sneaking a kiss in front of Lily by eating pineapple. Sirius put a hand down onto me & I have no idea what he did really. While keeping his back to Remus still dying on the floor, Sirius promptly jammed his fingertips up between my legs. I unwillingly yelled as I felt an explosion so sudden & fast, that it was over before I realised it. "That's all you had to do," he whispered very softly, I barely heard as I gasped weakly. Sirius then easily peeled the demonic contraption off. He winked but his back was towards Remus so the wolf didn't see. That being said, considering how hard that monster was laughing, I doubt he even noticed anything. I crawled into my bed with my back towards both of them. "I got it!" Sirius promptly held the quite used condom up for all to see. Remus laughed, if possible, harder than before.

"Ahhh if I die any time soon I'll die happy," Remus gasped. "Best moment of my life! EVER! Oh! OW! OW!"

I turned over to glare. Remus was half-sitting up clutching his sides. Still holding the used condom, Sirius doubled over crying. "Same here, Moony. Same here."

"Perhaps I should put you down right now," I threatened from my bed. They only laughed harder.

"How'd you get it off?" Remus finally asked, his voice still high as he was short of breath.

"How does any muggle boy get a thing like this off?" Sirius wiped tears, then quickly explained. I was horrified. He told Remus!

Remus stared at the condom, then at me. Next, he pressed both hands to his Lycan symbiont as he giggled like a schoolgirl. "Oh Moony! Stop it! Stop wiggling!" Remus doubled over again. "Symbiont's squirming! It tickles!" Remus went to his knees, sobbing. "Oh stop! It hurts! Can't laugh anymore! MOONY STOP!" He massaged his ribs, trying to get the symbiont to settle while trying to stop laughing at the same time. "Can't breathe!" Sirius was in a similar predicament & he, unlike Remus, didn't have a large squirming wormlike thing inside him to distract him.

"You ok?" Sirius clung to Remus, sobbing with laughter.

In a shrill giggling voice, Remus answered. "Moony's wiggling so much! It tickles & hurts!" He doubled up again. "Oh Jim! What were you thinking? Sweet thoughts of Lily?"

"More like murderous thoughts of Sirius since this is his fault!"

"Is not!" Sirius held Remus up as the wolf collapsed in another fit.

"Ohh Jim!" Remus hiccupped. "Is that what poor Lily will hear some day when you claim her for a mate?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I bellowed. Remus & Sirius were both gasping for air. "Sirius! Get rid of those," I glared at the wolf. "Those JOHNNIES!"

"Ohhh!" Remus barely managed to glare, but he was still laughing too hard.

I gave up. "When you've quite finished making a laughing-'cock' of my bits!" I furiously turned away from them again. "Never again. NEVER NEVER again!"

Harry had crossed both arms over top of the album & was sobbing hysterically for several minutes. When he had quite calmed down, he opened the album to the cat-scratch James & lifted the picture. "You're a complete twerp!"

"Excuse me?"

"Condoms Dad? Seriously?" Harry spluttered out laughing again & had to wipe away fresh tears. "Even I knew what those were & how they worked since I was in primary school."

"Please tell me you haven't used one yet?"

"No."

"You are getting to that age."

"I'm thirteen!" Harry defended. "Fourteen in a few months."

"Hey Sirius has been at it since nine."

"Then why did you curse me with a pervert for a Godfather?" Harry glared. "It's bad enough I'm reading that diary."

"I told you to consider it our father-son post-mortem sex talk. Sirius can fill in any details when you rescue him"

"I already know about condoms Dad!" Harry buried his face in his hands.

"I'm just making sure," James snickered.

"Oh & I don't think I can ever face another Defence Against The Dark Arts lesson while Professor Lupin is teaching it!"

"Yeah he was quite a prat about condoms one night," James grumbled.

"So I've just read," Harry burst out laughing again. "I didn't know about an Anti-pregnant charm though. So, thanks for that. At least reading that bit of your writings wasn't completely useless."

"Oh shut up!" James glowered. "I heard you laughing." Harry turned away, snickering. "About that charm, it has to be done on all partners involved & it only works if there's a girl."

"Well duh, guys can't get pregnant."

"Technically, if you're a seahorse, that wouldn't be entirely true."

"Dad!" Harry whined. James just laughed. Harry ignored him & asked, "How exactly does a werewolf work? You've mentioned a symbiont. Called it wormlike."

"It's a large mass of lupine cells," James explained. "It's a bit like a large tumour, malignant in a very dangerous way. But unlike cancers, you can't cut it out. Separating the wolf from the host is death to the host. Once infected, you're in it for life. That's why it's so hard to find a cure for it."

"So if we cut out Moony from his heart, Professor Lupin dies?"

James nodded. "Harry, if you're finally at the condoms, well, you're going to read something about me just after. I hope you understand it had to be done."

"What?"

James shook his head. "Never mind. You'll understand. I hope."

"Ah, broke up with Sirius."

"No."

Harry blinked, but James didn't seem to offer any more information. Harry packed away his bag & headed for the castle as it was getting dark. He passed by the Dark Arts classroom & glancing in, saw Lupin at the front desk looking over some papers. Harry went in. "Excuse me sir?" Lupin looked up at him. Harry sighed before going on. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure," Lupin said. "Doesn't mean I'll answer it." He smiled to show he was teasing.

"Right, um well, what...what was the best ...moment of your life?"

The reaction was instantaneous. Lupin fell sideways from his chair, sobbing with laughter. "Oh Harry! HARRY! Believe me dear, you don't want to know!" He gasped for breath. "Oh! Ouch!" Lupin pressed a hand to a spot just below his heart. The Lycan symbiont was contorting with laughter. Lupin wiped tears from his eyes. "I haven't thought of that for ages. It's what I think of when I have to drive a Dementor off & don't feel like barking at it. Dementors won't usually attack a fellow Dark creature," Lupin quickly explained. "But anyway, yeah it's pretty good."

"What is?" Harry pressed.

Lupin looked long & hard at Harry before sobbing with laughter again. After several minutes, he finally pulled himself together. "It's your Dad really," Lupin began & through many tears & spasms, he managed to explain. "Nothing can ever beat that for me."

"Yeah I don't think I can top that one either!" Harry laughed. It was even more funny hearing it from Lupin's point of view.

"Hey you asked!" Lupin defended. "Oh what an tool he was that night! I told Lily. She & I had always been friends. She thought it was hysterical too."

"YOU TOLD MUM?" Harry gaped at him. Lupin just laughed harder, keeping one hand pressed firmly on Moony. "What is wrong with you?" Harry shook his head.

"Hey, anything to make James madder about that condom!" Lupin burst out laughing again. "OUCH! Stop it you stupid wolf!" He doubled up, still laughing. When he finally sat straight, Lupin went on. "My Lycan symbiont was wiggling so much, it was tickling me from the inside." He wiped his eyes. "It did that back then to. It sort of hits my heart when it does that. I wonder if this is what feeling pregnant is like. Guess it's the closest I'll get to that feeling, eh?"

"I don't know you!" Harry marched from the room as Lupin roared with laughter.

The next day, Harry, Ron & Hermione had Care Of Magical Creatures. Hagrid was worrying more than ever about Buckbeak, which pleased Draco Malfoy. This only angered Harry. It was Draco's fault this whole mess happened in the first place & Harry would be damned before seeing anything bad happen to the Hippogriff if only to wipe that grin off Malfoy's face.

On the way back to the castle for lunch, Harry saw a huge round disc the size of a dinner plate in the water & it took him a moment to understand that he was staring into one large eye of the Kraken who was rolled onto one side, staring up at the sky. Harry went down to the lake to get a closer look. His father had mentioned that these animals were in fact quite dangerous but Harry found it hard to believe. The Giant Squid never hurt anybody. It was quite tame. Harry looked towards the castle, trying to envision the parts that had fallen off into the lake.

The Kraken rolled over completely, then appeared as if to sit in the water, all eight arms coiled around its head that was turned sideways as if keeping one eye on Harry & the other on its territory.

"Shouldn't you go under?" Harry said. "You're going to dry up." The eye winked. Oh. No, it didn't wink. As Harry couldn't see the other side, it was most likely that the Kraken had just blinked. It lifted the tip of one tentacle as if inspecting a particularly large suction cup, then went back to eyeing Harry. "I was sitting here for several hours yesterday afternoon but you didn't come up to see me then." Harry reached out to pet one slimy arm. "You really should sink. Don't you have a girlfriend somewhere or a boyfriend?" The Kraken turned a very dark shade of grey, nearly black. "Are you blushing?" Harry laughed. "So you do have someone somewh—" His face went serious as he stared between two coiling legs at the opposite shore. A black Grim was drinking water. Padfoot! "Get that dog!" Harry pointed but the Kraken sat there, useless. It didn't care about the dog & probably didn't know what a dog was. The dog disappeared into the forest. "You really should have grabbed that dog," Harry complained to the Kraken. "It isn't what you think."

Again the Kraken winked...blinked. It coiled its legs around, splashing water over itself & then settled as if waiting to hear a story. Harry stared at it. Glancing around, he noticed that he was alone with the Squid & in a rather secluded spot by a high wall. No one could sneak up on them even with an Invisibility cloak. Harry sat down on the grass & suddenly started talking to the Giant Squid. He was there for most of the lunch break as he ended up telling the whole story to a buffet of seafood waiting to happen. By the end, Harry was crying. "The worst is, I can't tell anyone. My Dad was too ashamed of Orion to tell anyone & I won't mention it of course. You're just a fish. Well sort of, you know what I mean. I guess. But yeah, it all comes down to that dog & I don't think he's to blame anymore. I don't know what to do with him or with Dad's diary. I wish I could forget he was raped!"

Oddly enough, the Kraken had sat there, coiling its legs back & forth to keep wet, with one eye on Harry the whole time. Harry suddenly felt his hair get wet. He looked up to see that the creature had stretched out one leg & put part of it over his head, a giant suction cup dumping water all over Harry.

"Hey!" Harry tried to pull away. The Kraken retracted its leg & Harry shook off as much of the cold water as he could. "I have to go have a hot shower now no thanks to you!" He stood up & watched as the Kraken finally pushed off & dived out of sight.

After catching up on homework that evening, Harry went to bed without reading. The long anticipated match between Gryffindor & Ravenclaw was the next day & he needed to rest his burning eyes.

The match was intense. Everyone was focused on his new broom, the Firebolt. Harry tried not to think of Cho Chang while he desperately tried to get the Snitch before she did. For having an inferior broom, she was still an excellent flier.

But then three Dementors appeared below. Harry didn't even think & made Lupin proud with his newest spell. The game was won & it turned out that there were no Dementors at all, but only Malfoy being stupid.

The party lasted so long that McGonagall had to shoo them to bed but Harry was still wide awake with the excitement so he attempted to finish the diary that night.

* Taken from book Half Blood Prince, Chapter 24

(AN: Ripped off Independence Day there with the dolphin wedding ring. Also Star Trek Deep Space 9 will clue you in on how I'm "sort of" making the Remus/Moony thing, based off the Trill symbionts.)