Break Each Others Hearts Again
AN: Oh. Hi :) I can't apologize enough for the wait. And thank you to all of you that have pm'd me trying to get something out of me :) haha this is for each and every one of you. I hope someone is still reading this. This chapter turned out longer than expected. I hope it's not too shit. Let me know what you think. And I promise that I won't make you wait so long for the next one :)
Part one.
Quinn flicks her hand through each piece of clothing on the rack, aimlessly looking at stuff she knows she's not going to buy, before stopping and looking at an eye wandering Puck.
"Are you even looking for a present, or did we actually come here to find you another piece of ass?"
Puck snaps from his staring, eyes widening at Quinn's words. "Whoa. You know, when you talk like that, it makes me wish you weren't so loved up with Lopez."
Quinn shakes off the mention of Santana's name, her heels clicking across the floor of the store.
Puck knows his hit the right button, chasing after the blonde. "Hey! I still haven't got a present yet!"
"Well maybe you should actually go look for one!" Quinn throws back at him, before stopping in her tracks.
"Quinn?" The man asks, sizing her up and down. "Quinn Fabray?"
"Hey George?" She smiles awkwardly at Santana's eldest brother.
"Wow. Little Quinn Fabray, you're all grown up now huh?" Quinn tenses with the whole ordeal. This was Santana's eldest brother and he had no clue.
"Sure am. How have you been?" She tries to keep conversation out of politeness.
Puck's eyes widen when he notices whom Quinn is talking to. Shit. He quickly grabs the nearest thing off the rack and heads towards the blonde.
"Got it!" he interrupts, causing them both to look at him. Quinn smiles widely. "We better get going huh, Beth will be waiting." Puck suggests.
"It was nice seeing you again George. Merry Christmas." Quinn bids goodbye, sighing with relief as Puck drags her away.
"They don't even know about her Puck." Quinn can't help but be saddened. He was practically like a brother in law to her and he had no idea.
"That's her choice babe." Puck pays for the toy and escorts Quinn back to her mothers.
Quinn wonders what her girlfriend is doing right now. If she's okay.
...
"She's gonna love it!" Beth gushes, shoveling another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. Giving the Latina a toothy grin with ice cream oozing through.
"I hope so!" Santana smiles at the little blonde.
"I get to come too right?" Beth asks, stirring her ice cream.
"Of course! What would I do with out my right hand woman? We'll just have to convince your Nana to let me take you out again." Santana winks.
"Nana likes you. Grandma Judith is just trying to be on Mommy's side. But it's okay, because I'm on your side!" Beth winks back.
"Hey. You know there's no sides right?" Santana uses her responsible adult voice.
"I know. But I don't want you and Mommy to break up." Beth drops her head, jamming her spoon into the mixture.
"Hey! Look at me. We're not going to break up. And If anything does happen. You know I'm always going to be here for you, okay?" Santana reaches out, taking Beth's hand in her own.
"And I'll always be there for you." Beth grins, finishing off her ice cream.
"Come on. Your Mom will be on her way back soon." The last thing she needs is to turn up at the same time as Quinn. Because a) Quinn didn't know she was in town, let alone with her daughter. And b) Santana really didn't really feel like getting rudeboxed just yet.
She holds out her hand for Beth. The little blond jumps to her feet, taking Santana's hand as the walk out to the car. The cool air hits them as the head out to the car park, waiting for cars to pass by. She's sure to keep a firm grip on Beth's hand, protectively.
"Santana?" The Latina freezes at the sound of a familiar voice. She turns to find long curly hair and tanned skin. "It is you! ¡Dios mío . Primita . Where have you been?"
Santana doesn't have time to think before her cousin has her arms wrapped around her. She can feel Beth's hand tighten around her own.
"Carmen." Santana smiles as she lets go of her.
"What are you doing back in Lima?" Carmen asks clearly in awe at the sight of her younger cousin.
"I – uh, just visiting some friends." She hadn't planned on this. Not yet anyway.
"You're going to go and see Abuela, right?" Carmen dives straight into the touchy subject. She was never one to beat around the bush.
"Oh, I don't think-"
"Santana, she's sick. I know she misses you. Please, just go and see her." Carmen presses the matter, kissing her on the cheek. "I want to see you again soon Primita."
Santana doesn't know what to do. She looks down at Beth, still holding her hand; smiling sadly up at her.
...
Quinn walks into her mother's home, finding her daughter coloring on the floor in the living room.
"Hi mama!" Beth greets her with a toothy grin.
"Hi baby. How was your afternoon?" Quinn kisses her forehead, placing her bag onto the couch.
"Oh it was okay." She lies, grinning to herself.
"Just okay?" Puck winks at his daughter. She cocks his head at him with confusion. He smirks at her until she realizes that he knows.
"Yup!" She grins at him. Quinn watches the two of them, shaking her head at whatever it is they're on about. She never could read there unspoken language and she wouldn't even try.
"Well, I better love you both and leave you. Finn wants some help chopping up some wood and these guns could use a work out." He flexes his arms, causing Beth to giggle.
"Bye Daddy." Beth rushes to give him a hug. "She says thank you." She whispers into his ear.
"Be good for your Mother, I'll come see you tomorrow okay?" He tells her. She nods, kissing his cheek.
"Later Q." He nods, leaving his two girls to be.
"You okay if I go lay down for a bit before dinner baby?" Quinn asks. She's not tired. She just needs space. She needs to figure out where she's going to go from here. She needs to go and think about everything she's been trying not to think about.
"Course Mama. I'll come get you when dinner is ready." Beth smiles, continuing her coloring.
"You're amazing, you know that?" Quinn brushes her fingers through her daughter's hair, kissing the top of her head.
"I know." Beth replies. Quinn shakes her head, laughing to herself. Her daughter is becoming more and more like her girlfriend with each day.
She trails the stairs up to her old bedroom. Nothing much has changed. She pulls out a few boxes of her old things that her Mother had packed away. Her old year book is the first thing she finds. She skims through the pictures. Landing on a spread on the cheerios. She runs her fingers across the smiling girls stacked in a pyramid. Her at the top, with Santana and Brittany below her.
Sometimes she thinks she'd give anything to go back to those days. Go back to when they were innocent and carefree. Go back to when she would lay in the bed she's sitting on, cuddling with Santana while watching movies and gossiping. When their biggest worries were practices and rehearsal. Acing exams and being popular.
She lays on her back, pulling a pillow to her chest, wishing like anything that it was Santana. That they were back here, hiding from their worries.
She reaches for her phone on the night stand, scrolling through her contacts list.
...
Santana sits in Finn's car that she's borrowed. She can see the house. She feels as if she's literally down memory lane. The house hasn't changed a bit. The tree she used to climb as a kid stands tall on the front lawn. The lights are on. She can almost smell the food. She can see the shadows through the window. Thoughts race through her mind. She doesn't know if she can do it. She doesn't know if she can face them.
Her phone starts to vibrate against her thigh. She pulls it out, seeing Quinn's name across the screen. Shit. Should she answer? Would it be all too much at once? Would it change her mind?
Fuck it.
She hits the answer button, bracing herself.
"Hello?" She cringes at the questioning tone in her voice. Of course she knows who it is.
Quinn fails to reply. She hadn't expected Santana to answer.
"Hi." She sniffles.
Santana sinks into her seat, head hitting the head rest with frustration. It shouldn't be like this.
"How are you?" Quinn asks, trying for conversation.
"Holding up. How's Beth?" Santana hates to be so short with her, but she hadn't expected this. Not right now.
Quinn hates having to force conversation. "She misses you."
Silence.
Santana doesn't know what to say.
"So do I." Quinn's voice is soft. Almost weak.
She can hear Santana sigh. "Qui-"
"You don't have to say anything. I just want you to know." Quinn cuts her off.
Santana's heart eases, "I miss you too. Can, can I call you tomorrow?" She asks.
Quinn can't help the smile that breaks on her lips. "That would be nice."
"I love you." Santana reminds her, trying her best to keep it together. She can't break. Not now.
"I love you too." Quinn replies before Santana disconnects. She takes a deep breath, pocketing her phone and taking the keys out of the ignition. This is it.
...
She digs her hands into her jacket pockets, pulling it around her tighter as she walks down the road towards her Abuela's house. She kind of wishes Quinn was with her right now, but she knows she needs to do this. Not for Quinn, but for herself. She freezes at the door. Knuckles hovering over the wood. She can hear the commotion inside. Seven years ago she would have burst through the door, yelling at her elder brothers. Squeezing her Abuela with a hug.
"Fuck." She whispers, rapping her knuckles against the door.
The noise doesn't die down. She can hear footsteps as a shadow emerges towards the door. She doesn't know what to do. What to say. Who it will be. Fuck. This was a bad idea.
The noise from inside gets louder as the door opens. She stands frozen, until her brother's eyes reach her own.
"Dios." It's barely a whisper on his lips as he eyes her with disbelief.
Six years had past since George Lopez had laid eyes on his baby sister. Six years since he'd heard a word from her. "Santana?"
She's thankful he's quiet. The last thing she wanted was everyone to find her outside. She's thankful it's George that opens the door.
"Si." She nods. She doesn't know what to do. What to say. How he's feeling. Fuck, how she feels for that matter.
He grabs her tightly, wrapping his arms around her, making sure that it's actually her. She freezes, until he starts to cry into her neck. She always hated when the males in her family would cry. She didn't want to feel guilty. She pats his back. He's bigger than she remembered. "I'm sorry." He pulls back, wiping at his eyes.
"Come in." He tells her, holding her by the shoulders.
Her fear kicks in again, looking back inside. "Are you sure?"
He nods, still wiping his face. "Mami needs you. She needs us all."
"Abuela?" She dares to ask.
George shakes his head, "I'll take care of her."
"Papi?" She questions.
George fails to answer her, "Lets get you inside, it's cold out and you feel like you could use a decent meal."
George leads her inside, closing the door behind them. This was it. She's never been so terrified in her life. She can hear the clutter of plates and cutlery. The smell of her Mami's cooking. The laughter from her brother. The giggles of children. It all seemed to surreal.
But the minute she enters the room, there's nothing but silence. There's a gasp, followed by the drop of a fork. She's red. She can feel the heat pouring from her skin.
"Look who I found outside." George boasts, presenting his little sister.
"Holy shit! Tana!" Ramon, her brother scoots his chair back, rushing to his baby sister's side, practically bear hugging her off the ground. She tries not to laugh too hard. She knows that this isn't exactly the happy family reunion. But she's missed her brothers. "Little sister, where have you been?" he puts her down, giving her a once over.
"Hey." She smiles shyly.
"God I've missed you." He hugs her again. He's much leaner than George is. Anyone would think he and Santana were twins. They definitely got the good end of the Lopez genes.
"Come, meet my partner, Vicky?" He calls to his girlfriend. Vicky is absolutely beautiful. Ramon always had good taste in women. She comes over towards Santana, holding a miniature version of Ramon with the most beautiful green eyes Santana has seen.
Vicky extends her free hand. "It's lovely to meet you Santana. Your brother has told me so much about you." Santana takes the hand, wishing she could say the same.
"And this here is Lucas. My son." Ramon boasts, kissing his son's forehead. He shies away from Santana, burying his face into his mother's neck.
"He's gorgeous." Santana admires. She always knew her brother's would make beautiful children.
"Takes after his father, you know." Ramon jokes as Vicky rolls her eyes.
"This is my wife, Cindy." George interjects, with his arm around his wife's shoulder. "And our two, Joshua and Emilia." George points out to the children, whom Santana guesses to be around five and four.
"So nice to meet you." Cindy greets. Cindy seems like a lovely person. She's welcoming and Santana is sure that she can hear the reassurance in Cindy's voice. She doesn't know how much they know about her.
Santana knows she's avoiding eye contact with the two women she's ignored for the past six years. The sound of footsteps hurling down the stairs catches Santana's attention. Santana's eyes widen at the sight of her not so baby sister. It's almost like a splitting image of her younger self.
But Gabriella Lopez isn't as excited as her brother's. She has no idea what she's walked in on. She looks to her family, "What's going on?"
Santana doesn't know what to do.
"Your sister's home."
It's the first time she's heard her Mami's voice since she was kicked out of her home. Since she was labelled as a disgrace. Her chest tightens at the sound, looking to her mother with confusion. Hurt.
"Sit down everyone. Ramon, get your sister a chair." Maria Lopez instructs her second born son with that fierce tone Santana inherited.
"Oh, I-I'm fine." Santana stammers. She hadn't planned on this. She doesn't know what she planned on exactly.
Her mother doesn't look at her. "Ramon, that chair!"
Santana bites on the inside of her lip to keep from yelling or crying, or something. She takes the chair Ramon offers her.
As they serve up their meals, Santana notices how distant Gabriella is towards her. She expected this from her mother and Abuela. But Gabriella was a unkown subject. She wonders if this was a good idea. Her Abuela hadn't even looked at her yet. She tried not to stare at how much the woman had aged. She tried not to think about why she was in a wheel chair. Maybe her age had caught up on her? She didn't want to think about the possibilities. She just didn't want to think.
The entire room is silent apart from the clinks of forks and knives. There's way too many giant elephants in the room.
Santana can't help but wonder where her Papi is.
"So sis, what's new?" Ramon finally breaks the silence. Santana looks around awkwardly, seeing the interested faces of her brother's and their partners.
"Still in New York." She answers, shyly.
"New York! The big apple huh?" Ramon gushes, shoveling a mouthful in.
"Yep. What about you?" She feels more relaxed when she focuses on Ramon.
"Vicky and I are in Cali. I own a club out there. You'd like it." He winks, causing Santana to smile. She always loved how laid back and carefree Ramon was. She wishes she could have stayed in touch with him. With all of her siblings. But it was too hard,. It was all too hard. And they were better off without her.
She's about to ask George about his life, when her Mother's fork drops to the table and her chair screeches back against the wooden floor. She leaves the table, and heads to the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of wine.
George let's out an exasperated sigh, leaving the table to follow his mother. "Mami! You know you're not supposed to have that." Santana over hears, wondering why.
"You don't tell me what I can and cannot do!" Her mother yells back.
"I shouldn't have come." Santana stands from her chair. Ramon shakes his head, wiping his mouth before trying to stop her. But Gabriella beats him to it.
"You're just going to leave again? That's what you're good at!" She almost spits it at Santana.
"Gabi?" Santana gasps, frowning at her baby sister.
"Don't call me that! It's your fault Mami's like this. It's your fault Papi left!" She lashes out, standing to challenge her sister.
"Enough!"
Santana and Gabriella freeze, both turning their heads towards the eldest woman in the house. Santana's heart aches at the sight of her Abuela. At those fierce eyes that had once disowned her. But something was different this time.
"Sit down! All of you." Her voice is low and eerie and each and everyone of them do as their told, including Santana.
Santana resumes her dinner, trying her best to keep her eyes on her food, but every now and then she steals glances of her Grandmother, trying to search for an answer.
...
Dinner is finished in silence. Her brother's partners clean up, while George tends to Abuela and Gabriella watches the children.
"Come with me." Ramon tells Santana. She follows him outside into the night air. He pulls out a packet of cigarettes, offering one to his sister. She takes it. Frowning at her brother.
"We're a little old to be sneaking around don't you think?" He winks at her, offering a light. She sparks it up, basking in the relief.
"You've missed out on a lot." He tells her, noticing the way she watches their family inside.
"I'd apologize, but I don't know what for." She replies, exhaling a cloud of smoke.
"She misses you, you know. They all do." Ramon takes a drag.
"Gabi?" Santana asks, watching her little sister sit in a huff, fiercely texting on her phone.
"She's just pissed at you for leaving her with them. She's trying to be you again. Captain of that cheer leading squad, popular boyfriend and feisty as fuck." Ramon shakes his head, stifling a laugh.
Santana sighs, eyes locked on her sister. "That wasn't the real me."
Ramon admires the woman his sister has become. "I know. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. I tried to change their minds." He confesses.
She finally turns to him, asking the question that's been on her mind since Gabriella lashed out at her. "Where's Papi?"
"He left her."
"What? Why?"
"They kept trying to blame each other for what happened with you. Mami hit the booze pretty hard and he just couldn't take it."
"Because of me?" Santana doesn't believe it. They kicked her out. They disowned her. This wasn't her fault!
Ramon sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "Abuela's sick Tana. Like real sick. We don't know how long she has left. She asked for you a couple of months ago, but no one knew where to find you."
Santana feels guilty. She doesn't want to, but she does. She hates it, looking in at the three women who used to mean the world to her. And two out of the three to ever break her heart.
The door opens and Santana instinctively puts out her cigarette at the sight of her mother.
"Who has a lighter?" She asks. Ramon gives her his, deciding to leave Santana on her own for this one.
Santana doesn't know who she's looking at. She doesn't know this woman.
"New York huh?" He mother finally asks, lips wrapped around a cigarette. Santana's lost for words. "I thought you would've been a star by now. A voice like yours." Her mother elaborates, exhaling.
"Just dreams." Santana feels weak again. She feels like that sixteen year old girl all over again.
Silence casts itself between them.
"What are you doing with yourself then?" There's no sincerity in her mother's voice. Just question.
"I-I'm a waitress."
"Anything else?" It's almost challenging.
"I'm in love." Santana challenges back all too quickly. Maria looks down at her estranged daughter. She never would have imagined this day would come. Where Santana, her Santana would claim to be in love. She knew her daughter had built walls. She herself could never tear them down. But to hear that someone else might have been so lucky, was definitely a shock to her.
She tries to hide it.
"Are you happy?"
Santana doesn't expect the question.
"More than I've ever been. Quinn makes me happy, as does her daughter, Beth."
Maria frowns at the names. "Quinn?"
"Yeah. Quinn Fabray." Santana replies, trying to pick her mother's reaction. But just like Santana, Maria could always keep a straight face.
"You should go inside and see your Abuela. She want's to see you." Maria informs.
Santana looks at her mother in disbelief. She should have known better than to expect some sort of apology. She tries to keep the tears at bay as she does as her mother asks, walking past the woman and heading inside.
Maria feels her daughter brush past her. It's not until the door closes behind her that she lets her tears fall. Breaking inside and out. Her baby was home and she still couldn't make it right.
...
Santana finds her Abuela sitting in the kitchen. The same kitchen Santana had left in tears the day her Abuela disowned her. The woman she respected most in this fucked up world.
It's eerily quiet.
The older woman sits in her chair, staring out the window. "A-Abuela?" Santana inches closer, finally standing next to her. She's trying not to shake. A warm hand reaches into her own.
"Santana?" The thick Spanish accent asks. " Dios respondió a mis oraciones. " (God has answered my prayers) she whispers. Santana wants to cry. Her knees become weak. She drops to her knees, bowing her head next to her Abuela.
"Me miran." (look at me) Abuela instructs. Santana looks up to her, tears welled in her eyes. She feels her Abuela's fingers tighten on her jaw and a hard slap across her cheek.
She gasps at the feeling, eyes squiting with confusion. "Abuela?" her hands clutching at her cheek.
"You should have fought harder. You should have made me see." Abuela tells her, taking Santana's head into her hands. "Perdóname nieta" (forgive me grand daughter) she whisperes against Santana's forehead.
Santana pushes her hands away, scrambling to her feet, fiercely wiping at her tears. She doesn't want to give in. Doesn't want to be weak.
"Why?" She demands through teary eyes.
"Santana!" Santana snaps her attention to her mother, standing at the door.
"No! Tell me why? Why should I forgive you? Both of you!" She yells with an accusing finger. Her Abuela begins to cry. Santana has never in her life seen her Grandmother shed such tears. It almost breaks her. But she shakes away the guilt. "You disowned me! You told me I was a disgrace!" she spits the words at them.
George hears the commotion. He knows it's not good for his Abuela. "Santana that's enough!" He tries to step in until Ramon catches his shoulders, protecting his sister.
"Leave her! She needs this." He challenges, knowing that his brother knows he;s right.
"You know what? I'm glad I left. Glad you kicked me out! Because I found love. You told me I couldn't. That it was wrong. But i've never felt so right about anything else in my life! Quinn and Beth love me the way you were supposed to! I found a real family! One that accepts me!" She doesn't hold back. Finally releasing the pain she's carried for so long. She can't take anymore tears.
She pushes past her mother, heading for the door.
"Santana!" Her Abuela shouts. That demanding tone. That tone that every one of the Lopez family answers to. Santana shakes her head, turning to challenge her Abuela again.
"Show us." She wheels towards her grand daughter. "Show us. Bring your family here for Christmas. I want my family together for one last Christmas Santana."
Her brother's stare at her with question. Even Gabriella is interested in what her sister will say. Maria silently prays that maybe Santana will agree.
"Yeah. Maybe." She shrugs, exhausted. She leaves the house without a goodbye. Her feet hit the pavement. She doesn't stop. She runs, keeping her speed up. Past Finn's car. Past the trees and houses that remind her of her past. She doesn't want to stop running. She can't.
Finn and Puck share a beer out on the deck when Santana screams past them, up the stairs and into her room. Both men looking to one another with confusion.
...
When Kurt and Blaine arrive home from the day out, Kurt knows something's wrong. He treads the stairs carefully, up to Santana's room. He takes a moment, fist hovering over the door. He knocks twice, waiting for a response. He knows she's either too upset or tired to throw out some snarky comment. That's when he knows that it's bad.
He tries the door handle, feeling it turn in his hands. He eases the door open, finding the room in darkness. He doesn't say a word. He knows she doesn't want to talk. So he climbs up onto the bed. Settling behind her and wrapping his arms around her tightly, holding her while she sobs into her pillow.
"I am so proud of you." He whispers, feeling her body shake under his arms.
TBC