Remind Me

Hikaru tried to keep his emotions intact. He tried not to act on impulse, as his first impulse was to throw a raging fit and to expression himself loudly, just to scream, and get it all out.

He couldn't do that, he needed to stay calm.

He wanted the happiness back. The happiness that was there for a split second. The happiness he felt when he saw his wife for the first time in eighteen months. That little shard of happiness he felt when Haruhi urged him to hold Hiroshi, while he slept. The happiness he felt as she laid her head against his shoulder.

That was peace. The peace between them was what he wanted back. He didn't want to deal with this anymore. He didn't want to deal with the stress, or the fear anymore. His heart had sunk into the pit of his stomach and had never gone back up. His skin was constantly hot, and he couldn't cool down.

He knew the people who had taken her away from him so many months ago, were still out there. He couldn't relax. He couldn't let his guard down. They were capable of taking her before, what made anything different now? How could he know that they'll ever be safe?

If he knew why they had kidnapped her in the first place, maybe he could find a way to fix it, or solve the problem, but he couldn't. Haruhi didn't even know why she had been kidnapped, or maybe she did and just didn't want to tell him.

Now, to add to his already overloaded stress level, Kagami was pregnant and from what he was told, it was his child. At that thought, he squeezed his eyes shut so tight he was on the brink of tears.

He didn't remember the night, he didn't even remember the evening on which he had been drinking. He just remembered the morning. He remembered waking up beside Kagami, both unclothed, on the morning after his and Haruhi's wedding anniversary.

That made it worse.

It couldn't have been on any other night.

It had to be their anniversary.

He rubbed his head in frustration. He tried to breath out the knot in his chest but it wouldn't give. For five minutes, he didn't want to be an adult anymore. He wanted cry and complain, but he couldn't, as that would be childish and this whole mess was really his fault.

It hadn't taken him long to walk up the stairs, but he had spent more time than he should have just standing in front of the door to the new nursery. His fingers clutched the door knob and he slowly creaked it open as he heard his wife talking to herself.

He was about to question his wife's mental state until he noticed that she was talking to the baby as she was fixing his shirt. Hiroshi made an odd gurgled screech when she did something he didn't like, and screamed joyfully when he saw him standing in the doorway.

It was out of joy that he saw him, or Hiroshi just liked to hear himself scream, one of the two.

Hesitantly, he stepping into the room, watching his own steps even if he was sure there was nothing in his way. Haruhi turned her head after hearing his shoes against the floor, but she turned around again, averting her attention to the baby who was thrashing his arms in distress.

His stomach tightened. "...Haru?"

Haruhi cleared her throat, and straightened out her shoulders as Hiroshi threw himself over one, laying his pudgy cheek against the crook of her neck. "...Hmm?"

Hikaru stared at Hiroshi, but the baby said nothing. "I-...about Kagami-"

"I know. I heard."

"I know, but..." He exhaled, biting his lip. "That-... I didn't mean-"

She swallowed the forming lump in her throat. "Did you know about that before hand but you just didn't tell me?"

"No! I mean... I didn't know. I had no idea." His voice cracked, rubbing his shoe into the new rug. "I wanted to tell you about her but, well I-... I didn't really want to talk about her but..."

Haruhi shrugged, turning around, feeling Hiroshi grip her hair in his tiny fist. "I get why."

He sighed, furrowing his brow in self-disappointment. "It's not what you think... It was only one time, and, it was a mistake, Haruhi. I didn't want to have anything to do with her, but-"

She turned around again to set Hiroshi down in his new crib, despite his complaints and wanting to be held more. "It's okay, Hikaru. I'm not mad."

Hikaru looked up, his lips parted in confusion. "You should be."

Haruhi was silent. Her forehead creased as she rubbed the knuckle of her finger under her eye. "No, I know. But it's okay, I understand."

"Understand what?"

"Did you expect me to be gone for so long and be with so many other people, while I left you here alone?"

He narrowed his eyes, looking almost offended. "What? Did you just expect me to give up on you and automatically leave to be with another woman? Just because you wouldn't come home? Is that what you thought I was doing this whole time?"

Haruhi turned around, kneading her fingers together tightly in awkwardness. "...No, I just-"

"It was a mistake. Kagami was a mistake, and we only were together one time." He spoke, his voice hardening. "But you thought that just because you weren't here that I'd hook up with the closest girl I could get my hands on?"

Haruhi frowned, puckering her lips. "I didn't even say that. I meant that it would be wrong for me to think that you should have been alone, while I wasn't."

"It isn't wrong to think that, because I should have been alone." He stepped up to her, hearing his own heart beat in his ears. "I should have been, but I wasn't, and that was my mistake. You should be upset because I was with someone other than you."

"But I was with someone other than you too but you're not mad about that."

"Because it wasn't your fault."

"But that shouldn't matter." Her voice remained quiet, almost timid as though she was afraid to raise her voice, and to make eye contact with him, and that didn't go unnoticed by Hikaru. "If it was a mistake than it wasn't your fault either, and I have no right be mad at you for it."

"Haruhi, Kagami's pregnant." He threw his arm out towards the door, with his eyes slanted. "With my kid. I was only with her one time. I was drunk, two months ago during our anniversary!"

Haruhi flinched at his outburst, but still her voice neither rose or changed and she barely moved a muscle. "...You were with Kagami that day?"

Hikaru's chest tightened, and his shirt began to feel too tight for his skin. "...I was drunk before she came over. I don't remember ever doing anything with her. I just woke up next to her the next day... It was an accident."

She nodded, licking her lip. She slowly stepped up to him, and hesitantly touched his hand. "And it's okay, Hikaru. It was just an accident and it's not your fault."

Without thinking, Hikaru ripped his hand from her grasp and slapped his palms over her cheeks, tilting her face up to meet his gaze. "You're broken. Who broke you?"

Haruhi just stared at him, not quite sure how to answer that question. "You're the one broken."

He blinked, his cheeks loosing all tension. "...What?"

"Isn't that what you meant by not being able to live without me?" she muttered, grimacing as her fingers lightly brushed his that were against her face. "I saw your wine collection in the cabinet. The maids said you'd finish a bottle of wine by yourself in an evening."

He scowled. His eyebrows waggled as he thought of what to say. "...That was after... I didn't start drinking until two months ago when I thought I'd never seen you again."

"Was me not coming home really a reason for you to start drinking?" Her eyes glistened, and she tried to keep her tone steady. "You've never had that kind of problem before. If I was gone for so long but you've only recently started it, what made you pick it up?"

His eyes slanted and his hands moved from her face, down to her arms, and he didn't take into realization on how hard he was holding her. "It was because you were gone. After a year the police started thinking that I had something to do with your disappearance, then everyone said you were kidnapped, then you were being held for ransom, or you got hurt and didn't know who you were anymore."

He gripped her biceps harder as he pulled her against his chest, looking down at her with eyes that burned with forming tears. "Then everyone said you just up and left, and got into a car accident. Everyone thought you were dead, we went to your funeral, you have a headstone with your name on it in the garage. Then you were bought like some sort of mail order bride. You have no idea how many woman came to me claiming they were you, or how many times they said they found you but didn't."

Haruhi still didn't say anything, so he continued.

He loosened his hands around her when he noticed his fingers were pinching into her flesh. "...I didn't do anything because I still thought you'd come home. But when you didn't I gave up. I was upset with you because I thought you really did leave. I thought I did something wrong that made you walk away so I wanted to forget about you..."

Haruhi tightened her lips, and her eyelashes fluttered in attempt to rid the tears that were shimmering over her vision. She swallowed, though still speechless.

Hikaru's hands fell from her arms completely as he saw her shoulders trembling. He looked down at her and played with the tips of her hair, lightly running his fingers through her hair like blades to soft streams of water.

"...But I don't now," he murmured, gently resting his forehead against hers. "I want you back. I want everything to be the way it was before. I don't want to feel like I'm standing in front of a stranger when I'm with you, and... I don't want you to flinch anymore when I touch you."

Clenching he teeth, she rubbed under her eye and moved her hair off her shoulder. Hikaru stared at her with a look of empathy before moving his arms around her shoulders again, pulling her to him, letting her forehead repose against his chest. His fingers caressed her hair as she rubbed her face into his shirt.

He glanced over her head to see Hiroshi staring at them both through the bars of the crib with a pacifier in his mouth. He spit it out instantly once he looked at him.

He looked down at the floor and tightened his already secure hold on his wife, and kept tightening her arms until he felt her arms wrap around his waist. He swiped her bangs away from her face and laid his lips raw against her forehead, still stroking her hair.

"I just want to love you again, Haruhi."

But I don't know how...

Haruhi ignored that as she was more hurt by that than he probably meant for her to be.

"...So what are you going to do about it?"

"...About what?"

"About, Kagami."

"Oh..." His brow knotted. "I don't know."

"You can't ignore it."

"I know, but..." Hikaru looked up again towards Hiroshi who was gripping the crib bars in his tiny hands, and peaking at them curiously, as though waiting for them to pay attention to him again, and as he looked at the baby longer, the words died in his throat.

"We'll figure something out."

"Oh thank god you're here! He's been complaining all day and I can't get him to stop."

Hikaru stared wide eyed at his sister-in-law as she just opened the door, looking mussed in usually neat areas and exhausted everywhere else. "...Kaoru?"

Mokoto groaned. "Yes. I hate him being on bed-rest. It's so annoying."

Giving her an odd look, Hikaru pressed his finger to her shoulder until she turned to let him in, and he instantly began shrugging off his jacket. "Ducktape."

She sighed, shutting the door close, then swiftly locked it. "He's still being doped up on pain pills, and I know he almost died, but... I kinda wanna kill right now."

Hikaru scoffed, petting her head as he passed as though it was a sign of modest in-law comfort and empathy. "I need to talk to him, though, is he in bed?"

"He's on the couch but..." she paused, scratching her neck. "he doesn't want to talk to you right now."

"Is that why he ignored my phone call?"

"That's why he's been ignoring everyone's phone calls."

Hikaru made a face. "What for?"

"He's upset with you."

He rolled his eyes, stepping into the entry hall. "He's always upset with me these days. What did I do now?"

Mokoto tipped her shoulders, not sure how to reply. Hikaru looked at her, waiting for an answer until he realized he wasn't going to get one. He turned around as she started patting her stomach. He ignored a few of her grumbled quibbles and walked to the living area where the couch was.

"Moko!" Kaoru called out in a whine. "Moo, moo, come back. I'm lonely."

"I'd come to you but you'd get mad at me..."

Hikaru rested his elbows on the edge of the couch, looking down at his brother who laid there, with his arm thrown over his face. His mouth twitched upwards as he tried not to laugh at him.

"Kao, Kao. My poor baby twin..." He stuck his lip out, not continuing until Kaoru raised his arm and looked at him. "You look so sad and defenseless."

Kaoru looked at him and frowned. "Mokoto! I told you not to let the stray dog in."

Hikaru glared. "You've gone delusional too."

"No honey, that's not the dog. He's your brother." Mokoto walked around the couch, petting his hair. "You know, the one who made you mad? He's here."

"I know, I'm not that high," Kaoru looked away from his brother and turned over, as carefully a he could just so he could avoid eye contact. "Tell him I don't want to talk to him."

"I'm right here and I can hear you, Kaoru."

"Moko, He's still here."

Mokoto looked at Hikaru as she made her way to sit on the couch next to her husband's head. "I told you he didn't want to talk to you."

Hikaru took a deep breath, leaning his head back to groan. "What did I do wrong this time? Good god, I can't do anything right apparently."

Kaoru turned his head, laying his hand on his wife's slightly bulged stomach as his head rested against her shoulder. "Moko, could you give us a minute? I thought after becoming adults I was done with my life lectures, but I guess not. We'll only be a minute I promise."

Mokoto rolled her eyes. She looked down at his eyes and instantly understood. She squeezed his hand one more time then stood up. Kaoru winced as she moved out from under him, but tried to hide it as he moved to the side of the couch and propped himself up against the arm of the couch.

Swallowing his pain and resisting to complain about it, Kaoru's eyes averted away from his disappearing wife while he rolled his head back to his brother, slanting his eyebrows.

Hikaru for what seemed like the hundredth time, sighed. "You're giving me the look. Whatever I did, I'm sorry."

Kaoru shook his head. "'Sorry' isn't going to make this better, Hikaru."

Hikaru narrowed his brow. It took him a minute to figure out what he meant and when he did, his front half collapsed against the head of the couch. "Who told you about Kagami?"

"Kagami did."

"...Oh." Hikaru stood up and rubbed his hands into his face. "Kao, I know. I screwed up and you told me to stay away from her, but it was an accident, I'm taking care of it."

"No, I'm not talking about her," Kaoru shook his head again, pressing his finger to his chin. "That was your mistake and I'm not going to stress about it. Hikaru, I'm too old to treat to worry about you twenty-four seven, I can't do it anymore."

"...Yeah, I'm almost twenty-five, pretty sure we had this conversation when we both graduated high school."

"No, you don't understand, I can't revolve myself in your life anymore," He admitted, pressing her hands together. "But when you involve me on your own I can't help it."

"You know Mokoto and Haruhi were kidnapped by people we don't know anything about, and those people are still out there," He continued, his voice toneless and raw. "I can't do a lot right now, and I have Kagami doing almost everything. If something were to happen, I wouldn't be able to do anything about it."

Hikaru moved around the couch and gently sat down on the opposite side of the couch, avoiding his twin's feet. He grabbed his hand. "I know, Kaoru, and I've blamed myself for this since it happened. I'm...stupid more often than I realize."

"You told Kagami where I live, Hikaru."

"I...what?"

"You told Kagami where I live with my wife who's five and a half months pregnant and who was kidnapped two months ago," He hesitated to rub his face again. "Hika, you can't tell people where I live. Those people threatened Mokoto, I can't have-"

Hikaru just shook his head, puling his hand away from his twin. "I never told Kagami where you live, Kaoru. I know what that feels like. My wife was missing for almost two years and was taken by the same people, I don't even tell people where I live."

Kaoru's forehead creased with a confused scowl. "Kagami came over yesterday to deliver the beautiful news that she was pregnant with your baby, and when I asked her how she knew where I lived, she told me you told her."

"That's insane because I've never told her anything," The muscles in his jaw twitched. "She must have gotten your address from one of the maids."

"Your maids hate Kagami and they know I hate her, too"

"Then she must have gotten it from my address book. I don't know, but I wasn't the one who told her."

Kaoru laid his head back, closing his eyes tightly as he let his head sink into the pillow behind him. "I was hoping it was you who told her. Now have no idea who knows where Mokoto and I live. All of Tokyo would know where I live, the press will flip when they know where A famous designer lives, and those people who took her away still know she's here."

"I feel sick, Hika. I can't sleep."

Hikaru pinched the top of his nose, as his other hand moved to his twin's again. Their fingers slid between the other's instantly. "I know, Kaoru. I'd tell you that it's going to be okay, but I have my own problems and right now it's hell."

"...How did Haruhi take it?"

Hikaru turned away. "...She said she wasn't mad."

Kaoru nodded, holding on tight to his brother's hand. "You know If I did what you did, Mokoto would be pissed."

"Haruhi's never been the jealous type and even if she was never kidnapped, or was ever held hostage in three different places, I don't think she would have said it bothered her that much, but all she's said to me was that I was broken and that she wasn't mad. It was an accident and it was all my fault."

"But..." He stared at his lap, his eyes fogging with deep curiosity. "She hasn't told me a lot about what's happened to her, and with her weird behavior I think she's keeping something from me on purpose."

"I don't know, Hikaru. I can't help you this time."

Kaoru turned, laying his head back down, pulling his hand away. He tried to get comfortable, but no position felt right. He turned to his brother again, showing an expression that was nearly unreadable.

"What did you come here for, Hika?"

Hikaru shrugged. "God forbids a big brother to visit his injured little brother?"

Kaoru looked away, "No, I guess not, but... You wanted something, didn't you?"

Hikaru gave his brother's leg a small pat before standing up. His lips casually brushed against his twins cheek. Kaoru curled his nose and wiped the lingering sensation away off his face, but Hikaru just grabbed his face and gave his other cheek a longer, wetter kiss.

"I did, but I think I figured it out."

Hikaru stare at the pregnancy test he held limply between his fingers. He squinted, turning it over, flipping it with a flick of his wrist as though he wasn't sure what he was looking at.

Or maybe because he was hoping it wasn't true.

Kagami, who sat on the chair opposite to him, licked her lips and fidgeted oddly in awkwardness of the intense silence. "Hika, I know we haven't talked about it, and that we didn't plan for this to happen but..." She placed her hand over her stomach. "It isn't the end of the world."

He looked towards her, with his eyes unchanged. "Are you sure? Usually it's sometimes wrong."

Her shoulders flinched and she looked away towards Hiroshi who was sitting on the floor, clutching a disembodied duck toy. "It's not. I got tested at the clinic, I took that test two days before."

"Maybe it's... faulty."

Kagami rolled her eyes. "Hikaru, you already have Hiroshu, you know how this works."

"...I just knew I had Hiroshi a little over a week ago, now I'll have another kid."

"It isn't that bad, is it?" Her voice cracked, as her eyes darted back to Hiroshi who decided right then to let out a squeal and fall over. The duck toy rolled out of his tiny grasp as he fell onto his back. "Babies are so cute and besides..."

She continued to stare at the baby. "Babies don't determine someone's feelings. Just because they have a baby together doesn't mean they have to be together."

"Yeah," he breathed. "I'm married, Kagami. I'm with, Haruhi."

"I know."

But do you love her...?

The side of her upper lip twitched upwards in disgust while she watched Hiroshi slammed his hands on the floor as he crawled across the rug to the pile of toys that looked as though they were just dumped there for his use and amusement.

She grimaced as he rubbed his small fist into his face, sniffling. She cleared her throat and laid her hand on her stomach again. "I know you didn't necessarily ask for this, Hika... I won't force you to be apart of our babies life if you don't want to. I know you have, Hiroshu."

"Hiroshi."

"It's not any better."

"And I don't expect you to... do this by yourself." He grumbled, as though it was difficult to get the words out. "I'll help you. It was my fault, so I'll do everything you need me to for you."

Kagami smiled, crossing her leg and getting more comfortable. "Haruhi has no idea how lucky she is."

Hikaru didn't reply.

While that didn't go unnoticed by anyone, Haruhi and one of Hikaru's older maids were standing by the doorframe, and the entrance to the living area, mostly watching Hiroshi play by himself.

The maid raised her lip and hissed through her clenched teeth. "She's got him wrapped around her little finger, Mr. Hitachiin. He's a fool."

"That's rude, Aiko, she's hasn't done anything wrong."

"Mr. Hitachiin, forgive me, but look at her. She's giving him the eye."

Haruhi shrugged. "It's nothing." Her throat clogged up at the word. She took a deep breath and turned around, not saying to much more. "...I... I'll be back. Tell Hikaru to watch Hiroshi."

Aiko blinked, spinning on her heel so her eyes could follow her. "Where are you going?"

"Out. For just a little bit."

"Where to?"

She looked over her head, giving the maid a nerve-easing smile. "Don't worry. I'll be back."

Aiko followed her until she reached the front door. Haruhi grabbed the keys to one of Hikaru's cars and left after grabbing her hoodie. She hadn't said where she was going, but Aiko didn't push to ask.

Until she remembered what had happened before.

And then she was gone again.