Part 26

It was here at last, the day Gillian had hoped for and feared would never happen. The day Cal could go home. After his second surgery, he'd improved so quickly even the doctors were impressed. So after only four days in a regular room, Dr. Slaungard was ready to release him.

Or so he said. The previous day, Slaungard had told her to be ready around noon. As much as Gillian had prayed for this day, she now wasn't sure she was ready for it. She'd frantically contacted the recommended rehab, informed Emily so she could have the house ready and collected all of their belonging from the room. Now at half past four, there was no doctor or paperwork in sight. Normally she considered herself a patient woman, but today she felt like screaming she'd worked herself into such a state. The opposite was true for Cal. She would have expected him to be acting like a caged tiger, but he peacefully napped as she fretted. Having a system full of heavy duty painkillers probably had something to do with the difference.

Finally, Annette entered the room with a fist full of papers. After a half hour of reading and signing, it was over. With some help from Gillian and the transport team, Cal transferred to a wheelchair for his journey to freedom.

"Ready?"

"Let's go, luv, before they change their minds." Cal grinned up at her.

Out the door they whisked. Down the hallway, they came to an abrupt halt when she saw most of the ICU nurses gathered at the nursing station. Damon, Missy, Steve, Eva, Wayne and all the others stood waiting with huge grins on their faces.

Damon stepped forward, "We just wanted to say goodbye to one of our success stories."

"Thank you," Gillian hugged each of them in turn. "I don't know what I would have done without you guys."

"It's been a pleasure knowing you," Eva kissed her cheek. "You're an inspiration."

"Take care of your lady and that pretty daughter of yours," Damon shook Cal's hand. "I've never seen two people more devoted."

Cal tried for a fatherly scowl, "Stay away from my daughter." But his grin couldn't be suppressed. "I will. They mean everything to me."

After a round of hugs, kisses and well wishes, Cal started to get antsy. "Thank you for all you've done. But, no offense, I hope I never see any of you ever again."

"And we don't want to see you back here again. Go home and get well."

"I will. Thank you. Chauffeur, drive on."

After a short stop at the pharmacy to pick up all Cal's prescriptions, they were finally on the way home. Cal simply enjoyed lying back, looking out the window and breathing non-hospital air. Gillian couldn't help but smile every time she looked at him but she just couldn't…

"What's wrong, darlin'?" came the soft query from the passenger seat.

Gillian swallowed her first impulse to deny any problem, to declare 'nothing'. If they wanted to survive as a couple, she knew her old habit of hiding her problems and feelings from him wouldn't work. Not for long. She no longer had the line and the rules to screen herself from him.

"I'm scared," she acknowledged.

This brought him up straighter. "Of what? Of me? Of us?"

"No, no, not that. It's just that…well…what if something happens?"

He reached over for her hand. "What are you afraid will happen?"

"Oh, I don't know," starting to feel a little silly. "What if you get sick or have trouble breathing…or anything? There's no call button at home."

"I don't understand."

"At the hospital, if your blood pressure went up or an alarm went off, all I had to do was push the call button and a nurse would be there in just a couple of minutes. Like when you had the fever…"

He shook his head slowly, "I don't remember any fever. I kinda feel like I just woke up a couple of days ago."

"That's part of the problem. You don't remember what it was like. You don't…"

"I'm sorry," he brought her hand to his lips. "I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. But I really don't remember."

"I know, its not your fault." She sighed. "I'm just afraid that something will happen and I won't know what to do. I'll make the wrong decision or not make it quick enough and you'll be the one to suffer for it."

"You're not alone now, Gill," his hand slowly slid down her cheek. "I'm awake and you don't have to make all the decisions by yourself. And we're only a phone call away the doctor. If it ever comes down to it, and I don't think it will, there's always 911."

She took her eyes off the road to risk a glance at him. "How are you feeling? Really?" A quick grin. "I'll know if you're lying."

A smirk, then his focus turned inward. "Weak. Tired, though I don't know why, I just slept for two hours. And if I hadn't just taken a dose of mega-drugs, I think I'd be in a shit load of hurt."

"Thank god for drugs then."

"Thank god for drugs," he agreed. "Doesn't really kill the pain, just makes it kinda distant. You know its there but you don't care. You know, if this…if you think…don't take this wrong…I could hire an aide if you don't want to be saddled this old broken down…"

"No," she protested vehemently. She wanted no one else touching him, helping him. Perhaps she was being selfish, but how could she trust his care to someone else after they've already been through so much. Unless… "But if you don't want…it might get…intimate…"

"I can't think of anyone I'd rather get intimate with," he reassured her with a cheeky grin. "If you're willing…don't feel like you have to…but I'd prefer you. I feel…I don't know…if we can do it together, I'm still independent…does that make sense?"

"It does," she squeezed his hand, pulling it to lay on her thigh. "Thank you."

"There's stuff we have to talk about, yeah. This, for one," his hand drifted up her thigh. "And about everything happened in the last month that I don't remember. Not now, not when you're driving. I want both of us to be able to look at each other. I don't want to have to hide what I'm feeling any more. I want you to see it all."

"Oh, Cal," she blinked rapidly. "I want you to see, too. And I want you to see all of me."