...And here's the aftermath.
Warning - Very sad, contains character death.
26) Tears (c)
He woke with tears on his face, and an IV in his arm.
He didn't remember a thing, which suddenly seemed not so bad when he noticed the bandages covering his torso – not to mention the pain flaring throughout him when he attempted to sit up.
He groaned and froze, squeezing his eyes tightly shut as he tried to deal with the pain. Finally, after several agonizing minutes, the agony ebbed away and he opened his eyes again, breathing shallowly.
His eyes flitted around the hospital room, taking in odd details that he was positive meant something to him – a pineapple on a bedside table, a coat on a chair, dozens of cards, flowers, and even balloons everywhere – but somehow, none of them rang a bell.
Just then, someone walked through the door, only to stop dead in shock – and a flash of recognition passed through him, gone almost before he acknowledged it, and he hesitantly whispered, "Dad?"
The man in the doorway stared at him a moment longer, then slowly walked forward, pressed the call button, and sat down in the chair pulled close to the bed. "Shawn… How do you feel?"
Shawn – yes; that was his name – frowned, confusion filling him. "I – I don't know… I – Gus?" Suddenly panic filled him, though he still didn't know why. "Gus, where's Gus?"
"Calm down Shawn, you're going to hurt yourself." His father – he still couldn't remember a real name, just Dad – leaned forward. "Just lay back for now, okay?"
Something about the man's gentle tone seemed horribly off, but Shawn didn't know why, any more than he knew why he was here in the hospital panicking over somebody named Gus…
The name, even just thought, caused another flash, and suddenly he had a vivid mental image of a man frowning at him…
"I don't want to go in there, Shawn. I have a bad feeling about this."
"Oh, you always say that, Gus! Come on, we'll just be in and out! I swear it by my new watch."
Shawn shivered violently, a sudden pain wracking through him. "Gus, where's Gus…" He was no longer aware of his father next to him calling his name, or his own body thrashing in his hospital bed, or even the nurse rushing in and hastily preparing a sedative, his mind instead in a world of memories, jumbled pictures and sounds.
"Shawn!"
"I missed you, Shawn."
"Shawn, stop it!"
"Leave me alone."
"I'll slap you!"
"I don't want to go in there, Shawn…"
crack and there was blood everywhere, and Gus wasn't moving on the ground…
"Gus!"
-xxx-
He woke with tears on his face, and a room filled with people.
None of them were talking, all sitting or standing uncomfortably around the room, looking at cards or out the window or at the floor, none of them looking at him or each-other. He recognized his father, but the two other men and women were completely unfamiliar faces.
Shawn watched them for almost a full minute before speaking. "Where's Gus?"
As one, their eyes shot to his, but he didn't meet any of their gazes, looking frantically around the room. "Where is he?"
His father was still in the chair, and he leaned over. "Shawn, calm down. You can't have another panic attack. Calm down. Breathe."
Shawn swallowed hard and tried to follow his dad's instructions, breathing slowly and deeply, but it was hard, because he didn't even know the man and every second that went by was one more that contained memories of Gus
standing at gunpoint, eyes wide and
not moving, still staring at Shawn in shock or something but he should be running
towards the man with the gun, because he was already lying still on the floor, bleeding and Shawn reached out his arms to snatch the
"…watch is mine – hand it over, loser!" and he did toss it over, far over Shawn's head, still annoyed that he'd lost, so it hit
his stomach but he didn't care, pulling the gun free and shooting it point-blank into the man's face
was unrepentant, and he simply shook his head, "It's not really broken Shawn, it just bounced off a wall – I'm not going to buy you a new watch
on his arm was responsible for all of this; he'd rip it off but he had to dial, he needed to get help for Gus
was out of reach, and he was getting dizzy and he couldn't really see, but Gus was even less okay
"…Shawn? I said, are you okay?"
Shawn blinked, then nodded. "I – I'm fine. But please, where's Gus?"
The woman by the door chewed her lip, "I'm sorry Shawn, but we can't really tell you; the doctor said…"
He snapped. "I don't care what the doctor said, and if you won't tell me where Gus is, just get out, got it – whoever you are!"
He knew he'd made a mistake the moment the woman blanched and whispered, "Whoever I am?"
Shawn squeezed his eyes tightly shut, took a deep breath, then turned to his father. "Dad, where's Gus?"
His father looked at him seriously, ignoring the woman in the background, who was slowly whispering, "Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god…" and being comforted by the other woman. The tall man by the door looked very uncomfortable and sad, and the last man was staring straight at Shawn, a stiff expression on his face.
"What year is it?"
"Dad, where is he?"
His father – what the hell was his name? – sighed. "Answer my questions, and I promise I'll tell you."
Shawn gritted his teeth but nodded stiffly.
"What year is it?"
The answer came naturally. "2008."
His father nodded. "What's your name?"
"Shawn."
His father swallowed. "Your full name, kid."
Shawn nodded, and opened his mouth – then paused. Wait, what was his full name? It took a minute and he had to watch the look of growing worry on the other's face, before the answer suddenly came to him. "Spencer. Shawn Henry Spencer."
His father let out a sigh of relief. "Good. Okay. Do you recognize any of us? Can you give us names?"
Shawn looked over the group again and opened his mouth, then paused for another long, significant moment. "…Well, you're my dad."
"What's my name?" The man's voice was tight with tension, and something that made Shawn instinctively defensive.
"I – look, give me a break, okay Dad? I just want to know how Gus is, we can do the whole psych eval later."
His father groaned and rubbed his eyes. "Shawn, do you even know who Gus is? Why are you so worried about him?"
Shawn blinked in surprise. "Of course I know who he is. He's like my brother. And who wouldn't be worried if they saw their brother just get shot right in front… of…"
He trailed off.
crack, and then Gus fell, with a yell of pain and he was already bleeding; it had hit him in the chest near his heart…
Shawn suddenly looked up and his eyes met the steely blue ones of the man standing at the foot of his bed, staring at him. His heart sank like a stone, and his mouth formed the word, "Gus?" but no sound came out.
The man at the foot of his bed slowly shook his head, and tears sprang to Shawn's eyes before he even understood why.
Then he was shouting, screaming at them all to get out, get the hell out and he wanted Gus, Gus wasn't – where was Gus, just get out and leave me alone where is he, he can't be…
-xxx-
He woke with tears on his face, and a broken watch on his wrist.
And when he looked around he felt a stabbing pain in his chest that had nothing to do with the gunshot wound in his stomach and had everything to do with the fact that Gus wasn't there.
And he cried, memories flashing in his head, memories that he didn't understand but longed for and missed and knew would never be again,
"Shawn…"
a fist bump
"Oh yes! I beat you again: take that, Mr. 'I can beat you at any video game'"
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom, Shawn?"
shared grins
"I swear I will hurt you, Shawn!"
"Shawn!"
"Shawn?"
"Let me out of here, Shawn!"
"So where were you this time?"
"Are we – are we in Mexico?"
a swift hug
crack of the
blood and a still body
Shawn couldn't get to him in time
"I don't want to go in there, Shawn…"
Shawn cried silently, aware of nothing but the tears and the voice repeating in his head,
"I don't want to go in there…"
"I don't…"
"Shawn…"
-xxx-
He woke with tears on his face, and no best friend.