Crazy... undesirable... worthless... they're all lying, all of them! They're toying with you, because that's all you're useful for...
Nina stifled a groan and pressed her head against the back of her seat in her compartment on the Hogwarts Express, closing her eyes as she did so. It was coming back... the Voice. Nina had neglected to pack in her weekly potion when she left for Grimmauld Place, and as a result she was suffering the consequences. The stress and confusion of being around George she had built up over the past few weeks, plus the addition of her upcoming O.W.L.s, had all amassed to bring forth a stirring beast inside of her; one that she hadn't encountered since her second year. She was battling her paranoia and delusions harder than ever now, and the constant dark monologue inside of her wasn't easing any tensions.
"—and then—get this, Blaise—Granny turns to my mum and says, 'I hear reincarnation is making a comeback'! Ha! Get it? Oh, come on, that was funny!" Nora, who was sitting beside her as per usual, said loudly, her cheeks stuffed with Pumpkin Pastilles as she spoke to Blaise. He didn't look up from the Quidditch magazine he was casually skimming.
"Don't talk with your mouth full," Blaise replied.
"Mmph, sorry," She tossed a few of the sweets to Nina, who caught them with her well-refined Chasing skills. "Here, you must be starved."
Nina eyed the pastilles longingly, flashing a smile at Nora. "Thanks." As she fumbled with the translucent wrappings, however, she instantly flung them away from her, squealing as she did so. Nora and Blaise both jumped—her best friend doing so rather dramatically—in their seats.
"What?"
"Is something wrong?"
Nina gaped in horror at the treat, and even from its distance on the floor she could see them, wriggling and curling disgustingly; an infestation of maggots had been mere seconds away from being inside of her mouth.
"B-bugs…" she whispered in shock. "Maggots… Nora, don't eat that!"
She smacked away the remaining pastilles in Nora's hands, and the treats puttered to the floor, hundreds of maggots trickling from them as they crumbled on the floor.
"Bugs?!" Nora cried, suddenly looking sick and regurgitating her chewed-up food into a nearby napkin. "Eugh! Where?"
"I don't see any…" Blaise muttered, examining the Pumpkin Pastilles thoroughly.
Nina shuddered at the sight of them, squirming still. She ought to warn the conductor about the infestations… or at the very least wash her hands after touching the biscuit. "I'll… be right back."
As she turned to leave, Blaise called out to her, but she ignored him.
"I'll just be a minute, no need to worry." she said, closing the compartment behind her and starting down the hall.
Filthy... you're filthy... pointless... so stupid... look at you...
"Nina! Hello, Nina?"
She swivelled around, but she was still alone in the hallway.
"Hello?" she called tentatively. The voice sounded familiar... she had heard it so many times before. "Lee? Is that you?" she asked, still searching for the source of the voice.
"Why're you so confused? It's just me." the familiar voice—she could have sworn that it was Lee—called out to her again. "I know about you and George, Nina. What kind of monster would betray someone as nice as Neville, huh?"
So... stupid... filthy... worthless... yes, you are... look at you... stupid, stupid...
Behind her, somebody laughed. She turned again, and found a dark figure lingering at the end of the hallway. She froze. No way... it couldn't be... him?
"They know... they know..." the Shadow Man told her, slowly drifting towards her. "I know... and they know, too..."
"DON'T LOOK AT HIM! Quick, look away, LOOK AWAY!" Lee shouted.
"No... you're not real..." Nina muttered, pointing at the dark figure. "Dumbledore—"
"LAIRS! ALL LIARS!"
Ugly... stupid... worthless... she knows it, too... she should go kill herself...
"Dumbledore wants you dead! The only reason you're still alive is because we've been helping you!" Lee cried desperately. "Hurry, now, Nina... he's coming for you! Run away!"
With one last horrified glance at the shadow lingering at the end of the hall, Nina turned on her heel and bolted away from him, sprinting as fast she was possibly capable of. She shoved past a group of sixth years in her desperation to get away from the horrible screams and voices ringing in her ears, but it was to her dismay that they had followed her.
Unworthy... unworthy of love... so stupid... thinking she's so great...
"Wait—" Lee said suddenly, though no matter where she looked she couldn't seem to find him. "Nina! Jump out! Jump out of the train, that's the only way to get away from him!"
"What? Lee, no way!" she said, watching the darkening countryside zip by at high speed. "I'll die if I do that..."
"Nina? Who are you talking to?"
She was getting so tired to turning around and finding nothing, but this time a familiar, comforting figure stood before her.
"Neville!" she cried out in relief. "Neville, thank goodness... Lee's been saying all kinds of crazy stuff to me. You wouldn't believe it."
"Lee?" he questioned, raising his brows. "Really?"
"See the window? Right there?" Lee called out to her again. "JUMP! JUMP! GO, NOW! DO IT! JUMP OUT! We can protect you!"
"It's bad... it's getting bad again..." she murmured, rubbing her temples. "I can't even hear myself think."
"What's he been saying?" Neville asked her.
"Telling me to jump... jump out the windows... won't I die if I do it?"
Neville laughed. "Nah, you should go for it! A real witch would survive. Come on, we can protect you."
"Neville?" she whispered, taking a step away from him.
"Come on, it'll be fun," He grabbed her hand and tugged her towards the nearest window. She was taken aback at how warm his hand was... this really was Neville, wasn't it? "Go on, open it! I bet you a Galleon we'd be able to fly if we jump together. "
"Nina!" Lee's disembodied voice called out to her again. "Make it quick! He's coming... he's coming for you!"
"Y-you really think so?" she asked, and Neville flashed her a reassuring smile.
"Of course. Go on, then..."
With a grunt, Nina slid open the window, and a rush of wind billowed into the hallway. Behind her, Neville let loose a carefree laugh.
"Come on!" Neville laughed, grabbing her hand and leading her towards the window. "I'll be right behind you. Ready?"
He's coming... he's coming for you, Brimstone... better make it quick if you want to save your pathetic skin...
Her face prickled as the cold January air blasted her. With one hand on her back, Neville led her closer to the window, and a rush of adrenalin pulsed through her veins as she gripped the sill.
"Nina?" a voice from behind her said. "What're you...?"
She ignored it. Couldn't it see that Neville and her were about to jump? Every fibre of her being was telling her to do it... like it was something she had to do. She lifted one leg and placed it outside of the train, and from all around her there were alarmed cries and squeals.
"Yeah!" Neville yelled encouragingly amidst the screams. "Jump already, you worthless bitch!"
Nina swung her other leg over the ledge and watched in awe as the snowy ground roared along under her feet. She grinned. What fun! If she jumped, maybe she really would be able to fly...
Seconds before she slipped off of the windowsill, a firm grip secured itself around her abdomen and pulled her back at such a force that she was back in the train hallway, well away from the window.
"NO!" Lee roared. "He's gotten you, Nina! He'll kill you!"
Not that you don't deserve to die... you may as well let him slit your throat...
Nina struggled in the substantial grip of her captor, desperately reaching for her pocketed wand. She screamed and flailed her arms in frantic attempts to punch him; to get away from him.
"Stupefy!"
In an instant, Nina's body had gone limp, and her sense of panic nearly vanished completely as she entered a daze, her head lolling at her side.
"Dude, what the fuck?" her captor snarled.
"What?"
"Whatever... just help me get her upright..."
"I can take her..." a third voice offered.
"No," her subduer said sternly. "I can carry her."
Another person helped her listless body into the first person's arms, and she noted in her serene state that the voices—good and bad—were all starting to fade away.
"... as well fetch... Longbottom..."
"... Pomfrey?"
"... kay?"
"—ina... hold on..."
Swiftly and surely, everything melted away.
The next thing she knew her body was enclosed in a cocoon of warmth and comfort, and as she made to open her eyes a faraway, white ceiling came into view, bathed in afternoon sunlight.
Hospital wing, she thought, lazily scanning the room. On either side of her were several blurry figures, all watching her intently.
"Nina? Can you hear me?"
She hummed in confirmation. What had happened? The last thing she remembered, she was talking to Nora and Blaise in their compartment on the Hogwarts Express. She continued to stir feebly, and a hand on either side of her helped her into a sitting position. Her head throbbed in pain, causing her to gasp and clutch it.
"That'll be the stunning spell," the voice of Madame Pomfrey said gently as she tapped her wand to her forehead, and instantly the pain eased.
"Come on, Poppy, you have to admit it was pretty well executed." Fred, who was lounging at the end of her bed, said.
"Under the circumstances, I suppose so," she said begrudgingly. Turning back to Nina, she grinned in a maternal sort of way, easing Nina's worries. "If you want to be alone, just say so. I'll be just over here."
"'kay..." she whispered. Looking round as Pomfrey bustled away, she found the faces of Fred, George, Neville, Nora, and Lee surrounding her, all watching her nervously. She sighed.
"You haven't been taking your potions." Nora said sourly.
"I was afraid I'd end up here because of something like that." Nina said quietly, looking anywhere but her face. "So, did I try to kill somebody again?"
"If you count yourself, then yes," Fred said grimly.
Nina looked at him, surprised. "But... really? On the train?"
"Blaise and I figured out you were hallucinating when you said you saw maggots in the Pumpkin Pastilles I handed you." Nora told her. "There were none, Nina."
"How do maggots lead to...?"
"Well," Nora continued, her eyes rolling up to ceiling as she recalled what had happened. "We decided to split up and look for you, and Blaise heard down the train from some sixth years that you had run past them talking to yourself. Then when he made after where you had gone, he came across the compartment that these two—" She gestured towards Fred and George. "—were in. Then they all went together and found you about to..." she trailed off, looking disturbed.
"What?"
"You were about to jump out a window."
It all came back to her in a flash, causing her to gasp. "Oh, I remember now!"
"R-really?" Fred blinked.
"Yes! It was you two," She pointed at Neville and Lee accusingly. "You were both telling me to jump! Neville, you said you'd go jump with me, remember?"
Lee's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his skull. Neville was staring at her as though he had just watched her cut off her own arm.
"I... I was sitting with Luna at the other end of the train..." Neville said quietly. "I never saw you on the Hogwarts Express."
"Don't be silly, I saw you!" Nina said angrily. Why were they all looking at her like she was crazy? It had really happened! She had seen and heard them all so clearly... there was no way it could have just been in her head. "When you grabbed my hand... you even felt warm, Neville,"
Everyone but George was looking at her with expressions of utmost horror, and she felt her heart plunge towards her naval. No... this wasn't like last time. She wasn't crazy! What she had seen and felt and heard were all real, she knew it with every fibre of her being.
"It was real..." she whispered, and her face burned in shame as her eyes stung. She shook her head and squeezed them shut. There was no way she would cry... she had promised herself that she wouldn't cry anymore.
"It was lucky," Fred continued hesitantly. "That we got to you in time. George pulled you back in just before you... y'know."
"I want to be alone." she said suddenly.
She was answered by silence. Then, as if on cue, they rose in unison.
"I'll come visit you tomorrow if you want," Nora said, forcing a grin and heading forwards the door. "Sweet dreams, babe."
"Bye." Fred and Lee said together, making after Nora.
"You can... er... always talk to me if you want," Neville muttered. She noticed that he looked oddly distant and detached, as though deep in thought. "I'll bring you your homework tomorrow, okay? See you..."
Finally, only George was left at her side. For a moment he said nothing, and Nina stared focused at the crinkles that formed in the blankets, examining them thoroughly.
"Orchideous."
An assortment of blossoms sprouted from the tip of George's wand, instantaneously brightening up her curtained section of the hospital wing. He laid the bouquet on her night table, reached into his pocket, and placed a small object on her knee.
"It's on the house," he said before turning and exiting behind the rest of her friends. It was only after he had left that she finally glanced at what he had given her, and as she picked it up and twirled it in her fingers she felt oddly warm in the face.
It was a Combusting Confectionary.
It seemed that the Hogwarts High Inquisitor was more than displeased with having a schizophrenic freely roaming her halls. This became very clear to Nina when she received a letter from Umbridge while in the hospital wing describing in full detail her permanent ban from playing Quidditch for the rest of her school career and why she had lost her position as captain. Apparently, the mentally ill were just as bad as half-breeds and Muggleborns in her eyes.
"Well," Fred said, reading the letter over her shoulder as she gazed at in horror. "If this doesn't give you a reason to hate her guts, I don't know what will."
"May as well join the club." said George, popping an Every Flavour Bean into his mouth. "Oh, and speaking of clubs, our next meeting is this Thursday."
Nina felt her stomach flip over. "Madame Pomfrey says I can't leave for at least another week." she muttered, tossing the letter over the edge of her bed dismissively.
"Well, according to Harry we're learning Patronuses, and if that's the case there's no way in hell I'm letting you miss it," George said.
"We're picking you up two nights from now, and make sure to be dressed," Fred said, smirking at her lilac pyjamas and bed-worn hair. "Anyway, dinner's about to start."
"Okay. See you in a bit, then." She smiled to herself.
"See you," Fred and George said at the same time, striding out of the hospital wing together.
Nina grinned and snuggled back under her sheets. It was refreshing to hear silence again. Madame Pomfrey had lectured her for a good hour about not missing doses of her potion, and she couldn't help but feel a little guilty about it. She had left in such a hurry before the break that she had neglected to pack everything she needed, and felt that she would be able withstand a few missed doses.
But she couldn't. Maybe her condition really was worse than she thought.
She heard her curtains slide open and awoke from her daze to find Neville hovering above her, the homework she had missed clutched in his hands.
"Potions... Care of Magical Creatures... and some Transfiguration, too." he said, setting it on a pile on her night table. "Doing okay?"
"Sure I am," she said, gesturing to the chair on her left. "Wanna sit?"
He did so, and a silence fell upon them. Nina frowned; something seemed off.
"Neville? Is everything okay?"
"Mm... well..." He shrugged. "I don't know. But I've been thinking a lot about what happened."
"Oh?" She couldn't ignore the sinking feeling that had come across her.
"You're really sick, aren't you?"
Nina said nothing. Admitting it to Neville would mean admitting it to herself, too.
"My parents..." He seemed to be struggling with his words. "I told you that they were tortured into insanity, right? By one of You-Know-Who's followers?"
"Yeah," She nodded. "I'm sorry about that, by the way."
"And in relationships," Neville continued slowly. "Only two things can happen, can't they?"
More silence. Then Nina said, "What do you mean?"
"Marriage," he said. "And breaking up,"
"Neville..."
"And I don't think I could marry you, Nina." he said. "Not now... not ever. My parents..." He inhaled deeply, collecting his thoughts. "They're... detached from me; from the world. I'm always taking care of them. And..." he trailed off. His words seemed to be cutting him from the inside.
"You don't want to have to take care of another nutter." Nina murmured.
He looked at her, his eyes almost pleading her to release him, and Nina felt a twinge of hurt in the pit of her stomach. Yet she found that what he was asking of her was completely understandable; she didn't feel so much as an ounce of anger towards him.
"It's okay, Neville," She placed her hand on his shoulder, gripping it firmly. "Thank you... for loving me."
He nodded, still not looking at her. "Get better soon. I'll see you 'round?"
"Yeah." she said hoarsely, smiling weakly. "See you."
Once again, she was alone.
"Expecto Patronum!"
There was something oddly comforting about being in a room pull of patronuses, their silvery-blue light rippling on the walls and steel suits of armour lining the Room of Requirement. After all that had happened—all the guilt, pain, and hurt—George felt a blissful happiness for the first time in a while. He was standing in a circle with Nina, Fred, Ginny, Luna, and Lee, and everyone but Fred, Luna, and Lee were having immense trouble conjuring their patronuses.
"Well, she looks cheerful," Lee told Fred quietly, pointing at Nina.
"Longbottom and she ended it just two days ago, idiot. Of course she's a little bit down." Fred said in an undertone.
"How—the hell—are you—doing this?" Ginny growled, her face screwed up in concentration.
"Just let it all go, Gin," Fred chuckled, his squirrel monkey patronus attempting to groom his hair for bugs.
"They are pretty cool, aren't they?" Lee said with a grin, his own silvery parrot roosting on his shoulder. "Hah! I look like a pirate!"
Ginny giggled, and in her joy she exclaimed, "Expecto Patronum!"
A brilliant stallion erupted from the end of her wand and proceeded to gallop along the edge of the Room, Ginny chasing after it fondly.
"What about you, George?" Luna said dreamily, gazing after her hare patronus, which glittered in the firelight of the nearby torches.
"I dunno what to think about." he said.
His twin raised his eyebrows, glancing from George to Nina, who was still struggling to produce her corporeal patronus. Rolling his eyes, George closed his eyes, his wand hovering in front of him. Happy... what made him happy? There were too many things.
There were the obvious things, of course. He first thought of how he and Fred and once skived off of Charms class and discovered someone's hidden stash of dung bombs behind a portrait of a wheezing old woman. There was the feeling of elation when Ireland had won at the Quidditch World Cup the previous year, and staying up late to explore the castle with Fred.
But there were many more, much less simple things, too, including her.
"Expecto Patronum!"
A large, fuzzy creature burst from the tip of his wand, and for a moment George was almost convinced that a house cat was his patronus. When he kneeled down next to it and examined it more closely, however, it was to his delight that the creature's head, which reared back to stare at him just as curiously, was much too narrow and bony to be a cat's. It's soft, beady eyes hid behind a wisp of a mask, similar to a bandit's.
"D'awww, it's so cute, George," Ginny teased, grinning as his patronus clambered clumsily onto his shoulder. "Raccoons are pretty clever and silly, though, so I guess it fits,"
"This little guy is supposed to protect me from a Dementor?" George chuckled as his patronus nibbled on his ear.
To his left, Nina giggled, and George used his wand to will it towards her. The raccoon floated effortlessly through the air and wriggled into her open arms, nudging her face with its long muzzle.
"Give it a go, then," George said to her, and she hesitantly raised her free wand arm.
"Just something happy... right?"
"More than that," He started towards her, his patronus disappearing into a wisp of silvery air as he did so, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's got to be the happiest you've ever been."
"Ever?"
"Well, something close, at least,"
"Happy... h-happy... okay..." She closed her eyes, pointing her trembling white wand to the ceiling. "Expect-to Patron-num..."
A weak stream of light emitted from the end of her wand, but quickly flickered away into nothingness.
"Don't be nervous, it's just... y'know... the embodiment of your soul," he said.
"That's what I'm afraid of." she whispered, lowering her wand. "What if it's something ugly? Or horrible? What if..."
"Listen a minute," he said gently. "Just listen to me. It isn't going to be ugly or horrible, okay?"
"But how do you know?"
"Because you're not an ugly or horrible person, Brimstone," George muttered. "Close your eyes and think happy. And whatever you do, don't open them. Ready?"
"Yeah... okay..." She closed her eyes slowly. "Happy..."
He left her for a moment, watching her struggle. Peering behind his shoulder, he noticed how everyone was ignoring their little corner in the Room of Requirement, too fixated on their own patronuses to give them a second glance. Turning back to her, her brows furrowed in concentration and her cheeks rosy from his close proximity to her, he leaned closer to her face.
"Keep them closed..."
He tilted her chin upward with his finger and brushed his lips against hers. Their lips were connected for no more than a second, but George felt his blood pressure spike nonetheless. Upon withdrawing from the kiss—their first—he was greeted with her large brown eyes, staring back into his own with a sense of shock.
"I told you not to open them." George snickered.
She blinked. She seemed incapable of speech.
"Hey," He pointed his wand to the ceiling. "Expecto Patronum!"
The silvery raccoon rocketed from his wand, scurrying through the air and perching itself atop of Nina's head, rubbing her affectionately. She returned George's grin and followed his movements.
"Expecto Patronum!"
This time, something did erupt from her wand. A large-eared, bushy-tailed creature tumbled clumsily to the floor, slightly smaller than George's raccoon and sporting the same ringed tail.
"Is that...?"
"Not a raccoon," Nina said knowledgably. "The facial markings are different. It's a red panda."
"Huh," George allowed it to scramble up his pant leg and cuddle up to his chest. "It's kind of cute, isn't it?"
"I think it likes you," She smiled bashfully.
"I think you like me." George replied.
"So maybe we might like each other, then," She pointed to his raccoon, which was still perched atop her head.
"Brimstone," He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close to him, their patronuses gazing at each other curiously. "I think you might be onto something."