Chapter 26

Avery shook out his wrist, which had been growing sore for the past couple minutes. Why in the world was he copying this book? What possible purpose could this have? Didn't they have computers? Printing presses? Why did they need human hands writing this down?

And why so many of them? Most of the chairs at the long tables were filled with bodies and heads, all looking back and forth between the blank page and the filled one.

The book itself was arranged like a salad. Half of it was some other language. The other half read like snippets from a literary journal written exclusively for Ph.D.s in big-word-ology. Then sometimes it read like an old fable, with metaphors and clichs. Maybe it could make sense if he took the effort to try and understand it, but they weren't giving him that luxury. Surely no one would buy this tripe, so they weren't couldn't be for commercial purposes.

So why were they copying this down? Why, why, why? How did this brainwash him? How did this indoctrinate him? How could he be affected by something he didn't understand?

Cotton said, "Getting bored?"

Avery shrugged. He couldn't let on he was anything but happy to be here.

"It's okay if you are. Most people are at first." Cotton nodded to the chalkboard at the head of the room, "Usually we have a teacher up there. Not sure where she is today. Maybe she got caught up. She makes the work go faster."

Avery didn't care. He was tired and hungry, and he kept coming back to what the people in the group told him, how wrong he was. He did feel stupid for being so angry for no good reason. Maybe this wasn't all smoke and mirrors. Mostly, he was sad because he wanted to please Jennika. And he wanted to find out more about her.

Avery said, "So you know that girl, Jennika?"

"Ah, Jennika, yep. Everyone knows Jennika," he smiled.

"What does that mean?"

"She was the first one born into the... advanced training program, I'd guess you'd call it. Both her parents were married when they entered Cabalco, which is unusual. They had a child here even more unusual as most of our associates don't have time to form relationships, let alone cultivate them. So that means she's grown up without any influences of the outside world. Meaning she's a pure soul. That makes her something of a celebrity here."

Avery felt self-conscious being the only two people in the room talking. His instinct was to whisper, but no one else minded it. "Really?" Avery said. "Why?"

"Well, the way she is means she's the perfect product. She's what we're all striving to be like to be clean of the outside world and its influences. She is fully immersed in the program. She can see with eyes unclouded. That's why she has trouble in some of the confessional lessons. She has no sins to confess."

"I see," Avery said. "So she's never seen the outside world?"

"Nope, but why would you want to, really? Well, someone like you might get homesick, but she wouldn't. She's had... twenty years of life here," Cotton pondered. "So, really, she knows nothing else but us. Pretty incredible."

Avery couldn't help but agree.

Cotton said, "I consider myself very lucky that I'm betrothed to her."

"What?" Avery's mouth dropped.

"Oh, it's not official yet, by any means. I'm sorry, I spoke ahead of myself. This is a rather unusual situation. Let me explain."

He put down his pen. "Usually, we don't have couples join together while in advanced training or afterward. It interferes with the process, and it's not good for the whole. People become focused on their individual needs rather than the group. Usually it's not even an issue. Once people get here, they dedicate themselves wholly to the training, that they forget about their individual needs anyway. That's the way it should be. The group is always stronger than the one."

"Anyway..." Avery prompted.

"Anyway, yeah, Jennika and me. Our leaders have indicated to me that we'll be matched soon. It was a bit strange to me, but I was too ecstatic to even think of questioning it."

"'Matched' meaning you two will be married?"

"Sure, although I like to think of it more as a joining. Two units becoming one, so they are stronger. Like the group."

"So the leaders created an arranged marriage with you two."

"Yeah, you could think of it like that. It's more like match-making. Sometimes people can't see what's in front of their faces, so the leaders help that along. It's rarely done. They only step in when they see two people who would benefit the group if they were together. I have every confidence that their decision is right, though. Not just for my own desires, but I agree that it would be mutually favorable to everyone."

"Why is that?"

"I would be her perfect partner. I must be, otherwise, why would the leaders choose me for her? I've advanced through my education with stellar marks. My class has risen faster than any other pupil. I know every aspect of this place. All the techniques. I don't mean to sound prideful, but they've told me they expect me to be running the program soon. Jennika will only help bring the people together. The one to lead them and the one to emulate."

"Like king and queen," Avery muttered.

Cotton laughed, "I never thought of it that way. That's cute," he smiled. "Not so totalitarian though. I like being a leader, a figurehead. I've had years to learn and absorb all the lessons, but its not just that. I've dedicated my life to helping the people here. I've got ideas for new reforms and new ways of spreading our influence. Sorry, I don't mean to sound so immodest. But these are the facts. Anyone can verify them for you."

"No, I get it," Avery said.

"Mm-hm. And my reward for taking this position is Jennika. It's perfect. Couldn't be better."

"Does she know about this?"

"Of course."

"She does?"

"Yes. I've discussed this with her more than once. I've told her my intentions."

"And?"

"She agrees it would be a successful partnership. She supports it. She's as dedicated to the system as I am. How good would it look for the program's stars to become married?"

Avery looked off to the side, wondering what else he could ask. "Do you love her?"

"Of course. She's perfect. I idolize her. She would be my perfect partner. I'd love to see her by my side every day. And she returns this feeling."

Cotton answered Avery's next question before he even asked it if they were so in love, why hadn't he seen them together yet? Jennika wasn't acting like someone in love, she was acting like someone hunted all her life, like a mouse.

Avery couldn't shake the feeling that everything he had said about Jennika was off. Cotton was either lying (which he doubted) or was oblivious to what Avery saw.

"Pestis cruento vilomaxus pretiacruento."

This was not praying. This was giving thanks. Their hands clasped on the dinner table, with hot steaming trays before them, plates below their chins. Their eyes were closed, and they were chanting in weird words. But this wasn't praying. Oh no, far from it. Just giving thanks. Of course, he had no idea what he was saying, so maybe he was giving thanks. Maybe he was reciting the Gettysburg Address.

The words they were chanting, everyone had already memorized. Everyone had them memorized when they came in here, so Avery had to follow along phonetically. He sounded like that one kid in the Christmas pageant who never remembered his lines.

With an 'In pache requiesce fortunato', the prayer was finished, and Avery opened his eyes, expecting to see a feast. It could have been garbage, and he'd lap it up like pizza.

Before him were communal plates of rice, chicken breast, and steamed vegetables. Decanters with a clear liquid, probably water, sat between the serving plates.

People helped themselves, placing conservative amounts of food on their plates. This wasn't quite what Avery was expecting.

Cotton caught him as he was about to ask. "Not quite what you were expecting, huh?" He already had a forkful of rice held up. Jennika, on Cotton's right, gingerly sliced and ate her chicken.

"Well, I thought you said... we had great feasts?"

"Oh, we do feast. Not all the time though. As we're still growing, we don't quite have the money for the finer things. A large meal every day would break our budget. It takes a lot to maintain this many people. Plus we're on foreign soil, conversion rates and shipping and so forth. Plus, if we feasted every day, we'd get fat and lazy. Can't have that!" he laughed.

Definitely not. At the pace that Avery had been tugged around today, he'd barely had time to think. Hauled from one station to another, with no time to relax, no time to think about what he was doing. It felt a lot like college, but with fewer breaks, and not so much homework.

"It's these long tables that fool you. Don't worry, though, if you think this is a pretty bland meal. We aren't fed the same thing day after day. We do feast, on occasion. Meanwhile, we get the food that gives us all the vitamins and carbohydrates we need. Very basic, but efficient."

Avery plopped food on his plate once the spoon was free. It made him appreciate the food in college a lot more. As he cut off a bite of dry chicken, a man in a brown robe with a hood that covered his face walked into their row. He stopped behind Jennika and whispered in Cotton's ear. He tilted his head up, chewing and nodding thoughtfully.

"Mm-hm..." Cotton said. "Workshop?" Cotton wiped his face off with the napkin in his lap. "I'm sorry, I have to go. Bit of a thing popped up. No problems."

He tapped Avery on the shoulder as he backed out of his tight-fitting space. "I'll see you soon, Avery. You know where your next class is? Same place your first one was. And after that, bedtime. I'll see you tomorrow." He leaned over and planted a light peck on Jennika's temple. She smiled slightly, but didn't look at him as he left.

Avery spooned in more rice and chicken, which tasted not much better than the water. Only the hunger made it desirable.

He also realized this was the first time he'd been left alone today. No one was talking to him, no one was trying to hold a conversation and tell him how great the Cabal was. And what's more, he was here with Jennika, who also had no one to talk to. Not that she was talking in the first place.

Even though he'd already knew that she was Cotton's girl, he still wanted to get to know her. Her origins intrigued him. Here was a girl who knew nothing about the wonders of life. If someone told her to make a wish, she wouldn't know what to wish for.

But he couldn't find anything to say. Her eyes stared down sorrowfully at her meal.

Avery tried to think of lines to open a conversation with. 'You're beautiful'. No, he was trying to talk to her, not hit on her. And who knows what wrath that would incur from Cotton. 'Pass the salt'? 'So you like it here in the cult'? 'Come here often'? 'What's your sign'?

Arrgh, didn't this get any easier? He needed something to open the doors, to get them familiar, to let her know he wasn't a creep.

Jennika shifted in her seat and placed her left hand on the table. There was a bandage over her palm, with a blotch as red as her hair.

"Jeez, are you okay?" Avery exclaimed without even thinking.

"What?" she whirled around.

"I mean..." he stammered. "Your hand."

"Oh. I cut myself accidentally. I scraped the scissors across my hand." She lifted up her wrist to show.

"Oh, that must have hurt." Avery sympathized.

"Uh, a little," she squeaked.

"What were you doing with the scissors?"

"We were constructing cardboard boxes for shipment. I was trying to cut the rope from a new bundle, I wasn't paying enough attention, and..."

"Oh. Accidents happen," Avery shrugged.

"It was my fault," Jennika said.

"No, it wasn't. It was just an accident."

She shook her head, her bangs wisped over her eyes. "I misjudged the scissors. I thought they were closed, and I hurt myself. I made a mistake."

"Well, that's fine. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are a way of life."

"I'm... I'm not supposed to make mistakes."

"Why not?"

"Because... I'm perfect."

Avery rolled his eyes and snorted. Then he realized that she didn't mean it in an egotistical way. She really believed she was supposed to be perfect and who around her would tell her she was wrong?

"Well, you're still human, right?" Avery said.

She smiled, for the first time he saw. "Yes."

"You didn't have any alien parents or anything?"

"No, everyone raised me."

"Yeah, but you still had some parents that gave birth to you."

"Yes, but they didn't raise me."

"What? Oh, you're an orphan."

"A what? Oh, someone without parents. No, I don't suppose I am, really. Because everyone raised me."

"What does that mean? 'Everyone raised me'?"

"Everyone took care of me." Apparently, she didn't know how to explain it any better.

"You mean the leaders here took care of you?" Avery said.

She nodded, "Up to the point when I was old enough to walk and talk. Then, I was given the same treatments as adults."

"You mean, like a trainee? Like us?" Avery pointed to himself.

"Yes. Everyone received the same education, so I needed to as well."

That made sense. But it also sounded like the councilship didn't know what to do with her, so they treated her like an adult. How would a five-year-old react to that?

Avery said, "So you had to do everything we do? With the exercises and classes and everything?"

"Yes."

"And all at an adult level?" Well, of course. He didn't see a day care center around here. Jennika must have really thrown them for a loop a perfect opportunity to exploit someone from the start.

"Yes. Before that, I don't remember. I don't think it matters," Jennika said.

"You didn't get to run outside and play, or get toys or anything?"

"No. Well," she thought, "I did have some exceptions because I was a child. Nothing big though."

"So you've never been anywhere else, but this? You've always stayed inside?"

"Yes. I've always stayed in the walls. I will until my training is complete."

"How long is your training supposed to last? Haven't you been training all your life?"

"They want me at the same age as everyone else before they graduate me."

"That's when they'll send you on assignment or something?"

"Yes, or I might stay here with Cotton."

That was the far likelier prospect of the two, given what Cotton said earlier. "So you probably won't go anywhere unless Cotton goes," Avery said.

"Yes, but that probably won't happen. He wants to lead the program."

"Isn't there anywhere you want to go? Any place you're curious about?"

Jennika stared down and picked at her food. She was silent. Avery knew she heard him.

"You should probably hold your tongue," she said, so quietly Avery almost didn't hear her.

Avery was about to ask why, then he realized it wasn't just her that was quiet. It was the whole room. People all around him were looking. He'd gotten too entranced in finding out about Jennika to notice.

She had asked him to hold his tongue so he wouldn't say something he would regret. And he likely would have, something that would contradict their beliefs, or reveal himself, or blow his cover, or confess his undying affection for her.

He went back to his rice and chicken. Dinner was not a usual time for conversation here, and he had made a major faux pas. He had to shut up or he would be under their microscope.

Entry 2: I'm writing this under the covers right now, really because I have no choice. I'm too worried about being caught. I don't know if they send people to check on us or not, to make sure that we're sleeping, but I can't take that risk. And it's too dark to see what I'm doing anyway. It probably looks like I'm jerking off. I can't see what I'm writing, I have to gauge when the paper runs out. That'll probably mean this will fill up fast.

Focus. I'm very tired and sore. I have to be quick before I fall asleep. First thing we did was exercises, then prayer. They didn't call it that. They spoke in tongues, and bowed their heads. Said a lot about how we were special, meant to the lead the world or something. Tuned it out. Weird language too. Very cultish. Then discussion group. Mostly we talked about a guy on the train I told off. I yelled at him just because I was feeling irritable and didn't want to be bothered. Guess they're right. I wanted to hurt him in some way. I didn't know why. It was my pride that made me want to hurt him. I felt incredibly guilty

Wait a minute. I'm thinking. Why did it matter? Here they're making it out like I killed a man. He was just an irritating guy on a train. No one needs to make me feel guilty over that. No one asked him to sit by me, or start invading my space. I was reading my book, clearly indicating I did not want to be disturbed, and he kept bothering me. What an obnoxious little fuck. And they try and make me feel guilty about it. They are the ones who are wrong. Them. They weren't there, and they were throwing all these arguments at me like I was the bad guy.

Is this how they do it? They break you down and then build you back up in their own image. Is that how they did it with Jennika? Walker was right, they are insidious. You never see them coming. I can see why this diary is so important. I need to keep analyzing what they're doing and see the flaws in it, otherwise, they'll get me. I almost didn't make an entry tonight, I was so tired. I need to keep criticizing them so I don't fall in with them.

By the way, Jennika is one of the girls I know here. She was born into the cult and is supposed to be betrothed to Cotton, my advisor. I can't imagine how thick she is with the cult's teachings. I'd expect her to have absolutely no identity, to be as enthusiastic as Cotton is. But she seems sad all the time. I'd expect her to have no soul with the way they work. Or maybe the cult's only engineered their program for those who come from outside, and, for her, it worked in reverse, and she's invulnerable to their teachings. But she can't escape them either. That'd be a horrible life. The rest of the people want to be part of it, that's the difference. I can see Jennika's special in some way. Somehow she doesn't fall for it. She's like a doll that needs mending.

I've got to keep focused. Nothing other to report. No word on a project, secret or otherwise. Just writing books, like we're a personal sweatshop. No one seems threatening, no one with powers like Walker had. Jennika and Cotton are figureheads. Other than that, I know nothing. I think I still have a firm cover, but I'm getting paranoid about slipping. Who knows what little mistakes I might have made and didn't catch? I need to remember not to make waves, and not to listen to what they say about me.