Note: This been a month so I thought I'd post.
Thick Skin & an Elastic Heart
The diner noise buzzes all around Haley, but it only sounds like a distant humming in the back of her mind as she stares down at her vibrating cell phone. It's the fifth time he's called today and she's ignored all of them. If they had just scratched an itch, burned enough tinder to satisfy the flame burning between them, maybe then Haley could answer the call. But the memory of Jax's eyes locked with her own as they came together like their bodies were made to meet is what paralyzes her. They didn't hook up, make the beast with two backs. They made love… Fuck. A realization Haley can hardly think let alone speak. She's never been the kind of girl who wanted that sappy shit, but in her gut she knows that's what they did. There's no other way to describe it.
A baby starts to fuss in a booth nearby, another waitress shuffles past Haley with a tray full of hot plates, but all of it barely makes it on her radar as she stares blankly at the cell phone that trembles in her hand. How is she supposed to face him again? Or, meet his eye and speak? Knowing how they've seen each other, so intimate and exposed. The heat that has been simmering between them wasn't laid to rest. No, now it's bigger and more alive than ever. Does she love Jax? The answer feels immediate and clear… Yes – as if it isn't even really a question at all. The certainty of her answer unearths the deeper dilemma. Does she want to love him? Is she ready for that? Unlike the swift response she got last time, this time her internal truth is quiet.
"Take the call or put it away. The witch is starting to notice and getting pissed."
Nicki's voice rips Haley from her internal debate. Shoving her cell phone back in the pocket of her apron, Haley's eyes shoot over her shoulder to the back counter. Haley doesn't have to ask Nicki who she means by witch. Anyone who works at Stevie Dee's understands. Frank, their boss, may have grown soft with age, but his wife Bertha just gets crankier every year. The kind of woman who's never owned a cell phone and has no intention ever to. The kind of woman who has little patience for employees using such a device on her clock.
"Thanks," Haley sends over Nicki's way's before her eyes sweep over the bustling diner trying to figure out what table she was working last.
Her friend had been pretty pissed at her for the guys killing their good time the other night. But somewhere between the ride home she got from Tig and whatever happened afterwards, Nicki's ruffled feathers have settled back down. Haley feels like Tig is way too old for Nicki, but Nicki seems infatuated and Haley's always known her friend has Daddy issues. Not that she's one to talk.
"Wanna tell me what's got you spooked?" Nicki asks, standing shoulder to shoulder with Haley, their back to the far counter where Bertha can't see their lips moving.
Feeling a nervous itch rush through her, Haley tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, and offers a rapid shake of her head.
"It's nothing." Haley dismisses.
A bell rings from behind them, one of the cooks signaling another order is ready.
"Whatever, I'll get it out of you sooner or later. Meantime table ten is asking for you personally." Nicki concedes before she turns from Haley to grab the orders she's been waiting on.
After dropping off her latest order at a table nearby, Haley is so wrapped up in her own thoughts she doesn't realize she recognizes the blonde head she's approaching until she reaches the table and comes face to face with Wendy. The sight of Jax's ex-wife feels like a bus Haley catches sight of just before it runs her over.
"Wendy," Sputters out Haley's startled lips.
A warm smile forms on Wendy's face, brightens her eyes as their gaze meets. "Hey Haley," She answers back.
"Hey… Wendy," Haley knows she should say something better in return, continue the flow of the conversation, but she freezes and an awkward silence settles in.
Unlike most of the club, Haley likes Wendy, but knowing she spent the night with Wendy's ex-husband buried inside her leaves Haley feeling tongue tied and unsure of what to say. Out of anybody she could have run into today, Wendy is not someone Haley is prepared for.
Sensing the awkward tension that's settled between them, Wendy's gaze and smile drop as she speaks up again.
"I just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing. We haven't seen each other since I heard about your brother…" Her sentence trails off. As if she's trying, but unsure of where Haley is at with all of this.
Swallowing hard, Haley forces a subtle nod, trying to get a handle on the uneasy feeling inside her that's making this painfully awkward. Because she can tell she's not convincing anyone.
"I'm doing alright. Not much else I can do about it." She answers honestly.
Haley knows Jax and Wendy are separated, pending divorce, and their marriage was in shambles long before that, but still she feels overwhelmingly guilty standing before Wendy. Trying to make nice while the thought floats in the back of her mind that she just spent the night with Wendy's ex. A man she knows Wendy still loves.
"You always were tough," Wendy acknowledges, the corner of her mouth curling ever so slightly into a smile.
"Haley, I'm having a hard time getting in touch with Jax and I really need to speak to him. Do you know if he has another number he's using? A prepay, something?" Wendy asks with an edge of desperation in her voice, suddenly switching gears.
The edge laced in Wendy's voice coupled with her question puts Haley on guard. Normally she would be quick to help, but everything feels different now. The last thing Haley wants is to get mixed up in whatever is going on there. And she can't help but fear Wendy learning the truth. Standing before Wendy now, in a weird way, Haley can't help but feel like the other woman. Something she wore she'd never be.
"I don't know. I don't really think I should get in the middle of this." Haley hesitates trying to remove herself from the equation.
"I'm pregnant." Wendy blurts out.
And as quickly as the words leave Wendy's lips it feels like all the air in the room goes with it.
"What?" Haley manages to spit out as her head begins to spin.
Momentarily covering her face in hands, Wendy's hands fall back to the table as her gaze drifts off and her head slowly shakes with thought.
"I know, right? …That's what I said." She answers with a heavy sigh unable to meet Haley's eyes.
All the noise in the diner suddenly feels overwhelming loud and chaotic, and her legs feel like jello that could give out at any moment. Moving to the opposite side of the booth, Haley quickly drops to the plastic plump seat before her legs buckle.
Haley stares blankly at Wendy, but her mind is racing with this new twist.
"I thought you and Jax were separated." Haley states, her stomach suddenly feeling queasy at the thought that she might have not only slept with Jax, but they had done it while he was supposed to be reconciling with his wife. The thought of Jax lying by omission makes her stomach flip.
A quick nod from Wendy eases some of Haley's nerves.
"We are, but Jax was in a bad place after your brother got locked up. One thing led to another and…" Her sentence trails off with a shrug of her shoulders.
One thing led to another, Haley can sure understand that, but sitting across from Wendy, Haley doesn't know how to take this news, but she is sure of one thing.
"You've gotta tell Jax."
Wendy stares absently at the linoleum table top, but her head nods with acknowledgement.
"You know, when I found out I didn't know what to do. I thought about getting rid of it, but after thinking about it… I don't think I can do that… I think I might want to have this baby. I'm not an idiot, I know how Jax feels about me. I know I won't be able to count on him for this. I think I'm ok with that. I think I can do this on my own. My mom did... " She rambles, uncertainty clear in her voice, and the way her eyes never meet Haley's tells her Wendy is saying this more to herself than anyone else. As if she's still trying to work it all out in her mind.
Haley's heart goes out to Wendy as she carries one. Hearing the worries that are waging war in her mind helps Haley to step outside of her own predicament. Makes Haley see things could be a hell of a lot worse. She could be pregnant and alone. As much as the thought of Jax having a kid with Wendy hurts her heart, she also can't help but feel bad for the blonde sitting across from her. Can't help, but feel like in some way this is the world keeping her and Jax apart, because after the way Haley was made, she would never allow herself to be the thing that kept Jax from his child. Reaching out, Haley gently takes her hand, drawing Wendy's attention back to her.
"It's gonna be ok Wendy, but you gotta talk to Jax. He needs to know. You won't know anything for sure until you talk. I think he's at the garage today. Maybe you should head over there." Haley offers, trying to help Wendy the only way she can.
A sad smile surfaces on Wendy's face. "Thanks Haley. I appreciate it… And would you mind not telling anyone, just until I can talk to Jax." She asks, a sudden uncertainty filling her eyes.
Releasing her hand, Haley easily nods. "Of course." She reassures, giving Wendy her word, before the blonde slips from the booth and disappears from her view line.
It's only when Nicki fills the spot that Wendy just sat in that Haley realizes she hasn't moved and isn't sure how long she's just been sitting there, trying to come to grips with the fact that Jax may be having a baby with Wendy.
"What the hell was that?" Nicki pries, shaking Haley loose of her thoughts.
Haley's eyes lift from the table top she's been dazing off on and finds her friend's waiting gaze. "That was shit hitting the fan."
Jax leans on his lower back, trying to stretch his back after being hunched over the engine of a car all morning. He's been trying to get this damn cage to run again, but it's been giving him the fits the whole way, but he knows that isn't entirely the machine's fault. His mind has been else where all morning. Stuck on a certain girl who seems to have bewitched him and taken over his thoughts. Fishing his phone out of his back pocket, Jax punches in the number he knows by heart and brings it up to his ear. The line rings and rings, five, six times before it goes to voice mail again and Jax hangs up.
She's avoiding him and he knows it. This is his sixth try today. When Jax woke up alone, he brushed it off. Tried not to let alarm bells go off. He got it. They were at the clubhouse, staying in bed with him as morning settled in would have been risky, but as the day drags on and she still hasn't taken or returned his calls, her silence has begun to speak louder than words. It lets his doubts creep in and guilt find its way in his heart. He starts to wonder if he made the wrong choice. Starts to wonder if she wasn't ready and he should have put a stop to it. Starts to wonder if he hurt the one girl he swore to put first.
Wiping the sweat that's collected on his brow with a grease blackened hand, Jax spots his mom charging his way from the office. She doesn't even come to a halt before she gives voice to the venom that is brewing in her eyes.
"The damn junkie just pulled up." She informs him in a heated huff and a look that tells him to handle it.
Jax lets out a low grumble, this is the last thing he needs today. And he's not sure which part irritates him more, Wendy or his mom's reaction to seeing her.
"She has a name." He breathes out in a voice that makes it clear he's exhausted from this fight before it's even started, as he shoves his phone back in his pocket.
Gemma cocks a hip as her eyes narrow. "Well seeing as she's not your wife anymore, I can call her whatever I damn well please. I don't want her here." She sets her son straight.
"You been looking at that phone all day and now she shows up, there something I need to know?"
Wiping his hands on an old rag, Jax moves around the mouth of the car and slips past his mom.
"No, I'll handle it." He answers, not wanting anyone to go digging around his business, least of all his mom.
Making his way toward the front of the garage, dread hits Jax just as the image of his ex-wife walking up the asphalt does. He hasn't seen Wendy since he showed up at their house in a moment of weakness and made another bad decision in a long list of them. He had dipped out before the sun was up, and hadn't called or taken her calls since. A dick move he isn't proud of. He knows he shouldn't treat her like some croweater, that's not what she is, certainly not anymore, but they've done their dance, and digging that shit back up for a little comfort had been a mistake.
He meets her halfway outside of the entrance to the garage. Jax starts on approach before she even has a chance to get a word out, because he already knows whatever she has to say it's not something he's going to want to hear. Especially when his mind is already preoccupied with Haley and the mess they just got mixed up in.
"Hey Wendy, you know now's not really a good time. Got this carburetor I'm trying to rebuild before tonight."
A look of disbelief washes over her face as he shoots her down before she can even start.
"Then when is a good time Jax? You won't take my calls, won't call me back. You leave me little choice, but to come here." Wendy shoots back at him, the patience wearing thin on her breath.
"We've got nothing to say unless you're telling me you signed the papers. What happened between us was a mistake. I shouldn't have gone there-"
"I'm pregnant." She cuts him off.
Jax had begun to shoot her down, create more distance when two little words send his reality flipping on its axis.
"No," His gut responds on a quick breath.
"No…" His head slowly shakes.
"I'm afraid so. Four tests and a visit to my doctor makes it pretty clear." Wendy corrects him.
Jax's mind is racing, a million thoughts rushing by so fast he's having a hard time grasping on to any one in particular as his numb stare rapidly turns cold on his ex-wife. In the chaos of the moment he tries to remember if he had wrapped his shit up that night. He usually does, but that hadn't seemed nearly as important then as it does now.
"And what are you planning to do about that?" He asks, getting straight to the point. Her visit suddenly so clear. His mind putting all the pieces together, calculating her moves.
Wendy looks genuinely offended when the question hits her, before a rage filled fire drowns out the astonishment.
"I'm having the baby." She throws at him with spite, an answer that the sick feeling in his gut knew was coming.
Shaking his head in disbelief, Jax lets out of heated huff.
"If this is true, we were together one time after being separated for months and you expect me to believe that's my kid. I don't know what you're trying to pull here Wendy, but it ain't gonna happened." Jax sets her straight, anger edging in his voice as his jaw tightens. The wheels are spinning in his mind as his heart races. She's trying to trap him. Every survival instinct inside of him feels certain of it.
Wendy lets off a huff of her own as this conversation rapidly turns bitter. "Despite what you think of me, I haven't been with anyone else. Having my marriage blow up in my face didn't exactly make me eager to jump in the ring again."
Jax shakes his head in disbelief. She sure spits it out with conviction, he'll give her that, but he's still not buying it. Because it's a reality he doesn't want to hear. At twenty-six, he's not ready for a kid. Hell, he wasn't even ready to be married. And with everything going on between him and Haley, the last thing Jax wants is Wendy and her kid fucking it up.
"And I'm just supposed to take your word for it. You're not getting a dime from me until I see proof. Until then I got shit to take care of it." Jax concludes, turning from her to signal this conversation is done.
"I will be back." Wendy insistently throws at his back. The determination to go this alone, raise this baby on her own, forgotten in the heat of anger. A passion no one can quite pull out of her like Jax.
"Then you better bring proof." He hollers back over his shoulder.
Storming back into garage, trying to keep his temper unwraps as heated breaths flare his nostrils. Jax spots his mom standing next to the open office door, the look in her pointed glare makes it clear she didn't miss a word.
"The junkie is pregnant?" She interrogates him, the lack of amusement on her breath revealing her true feelings about the idea.
"Stay out of it." Jax growls as he moves back to the car he had been working on. His mom the switch that threatens to really set his temper off.
Haley is tugging a night shirt over Kenny's head when she hears a knock at the door.
"I get it." Ellie's high pitch voice hollers as she leaps off the couch and races for the door like a big girl.
Beating her to it, Haley wraps an arm around her niece and gently pulls her back. It's only eight at night, but Haley always feels overprotective and cautious when she's watching the kids. She couldn't love them more if they were her own and with her brother gone she feels more responsible for them than ever.
"I'll get it baby girl. Help your brother finish getting his shirt on." Haley instructs, making sure Ellie listens and goes back to Kenny before she turns for the door.
Unlocking the deadbolt, Haley pulls the door slowly open where she comes face to face with Jax. The apprehension in her belly tells her she already knew it would be him. Knew she couldn't avoid him forever. A slow forming sexy smirk lifts the corner of his mouth with the sight of her, sending her heart pounding like a jackhammer.
"Hey Hales," He calls, but when she doesn't return the smile and only acknowledges him by returning his name, his grin slowly falls. Her heart aches as his sweet gesture disappears and a seriousness sets in his features.
Scratching the back of his neck, Jax's eyes drift from hers. "Can I come in?" He asks with a heavy breath. An awkward tension suddenly thick between them.
"Yeah," she nods, stepping back from the door.
She feels like an asshole for treating him like this, but Haley doesn't know how to make it stop, doesn't know how to act around him now. How to look at him, be around him, and not be inundated with memories of his touch, swear she can still taste him on her lips.
Jax barely makes it through the doorway before the kids spot him.
"Jax!" Ellie squeals with delight before running full speed his way, Kenny a few steps behind.
Quick on the draw, Jax snatches Ellie up as she lunges for him. Tossing the little girl playfully up in the air, earning giggles of praise in return, before he holds her close. Her arms try to wrap around him in a hug, but barely reach across him. Ellie has always adored Jax, but ever since Opie got locked up she's been clinging to anything that reminds her of her dad. More affected by his absence than her younger brother.
Haley snatches Kenny up from Jax's legs and moves to finish drying his hair when she feels Jax grab her arm. As she turns back and their eyes catch, Haley can tell the look in her eyes must be uninviting as Jax quickly releases his hold on her.
"Can we talk?" He asks firmly, but keeps his distance.
Seeing the pain in his strong eyes hurts Haley more. She doesn't want to push him away. Even though their new level of intimacy terrifies her. Even though she's not sure how to act around him now, he's the last person she wants to hurt. Reaching for his hand, Haley feels a jolt as their skin makes contact. Fighting to keep control over the feelings he can incite inside her, she gives his hand a gently squeeze, returning his affection as she holds his gaze.
"Let me put the kids down first." She answers. Her touch sending a subtle grin back on Jax's lips, one she finally returns as he responds with a nod.
Running a towel over Kenny's hair a few more times, Haley finds Jax seated on the couch with Ellie snuggled on his lap.
"Can you watch her while I put little man down?" Haley asks, stirring Jax from the episode of Sponge Bob he and Ellie are engrossed in.
Smiling down at Ellie who soaks up the attention from someone so closely linked in her mind to her dad, Jax gives a quick nod.
"We're all good here." He reassures.
Haley brings Kenny over to Ellie and Jax to say goodnight, lowering the little guy so his big sister can give him a hug and Jax can ruffle his damp hair, before Haley carries him into the room he shares with his sister.
The sound of a quiet melody carries from the back of the house as Haley sings Kenny to sleep while she rocks him in a chair all the Winston babies have been lulled in over the years. When Haley emerges she finds Ellie already dozing in Jax's arms by the time she scoops her up to take her to her bed.
Placing her against the sheets, Haley pulls the blankets up to Ellie's shoulders before tucking the fabric in around the frame of her body.
"Snug as a bug in a rug." Haley recites the sweet little jingle she remembers from her childhood. Though she can't quite remember who said it to her since Honey was never one for sweet sentiments.
Ellie smiles up at her aunt as Haley leans down to place a quite kiss upon her forehead, but as she pulls back, Haley catches sight of a tender sadness hinged in Ellie's eyes.
"What's wrong, baby?" Haley asks with concern.
The little girl lets out a heavy sigh. "I miss Daddy." She admits as tears prickle her eyes.
The pain that's blinding in her niece's eyes feels like a knife slicing into Haley's heart. Her throat instantly tightens with a surge of emotion, but she forces herself to be strong, be the adult. Reaching out, Haley tenderly brushes Ellie's cheek.
"I miss him too." She admits with a heavy heart. "But I know he wants you to remember that he loves you very much, and he is going to come home just as soon as he can."
A small smile lifts Ellie's face, but still doesn't quite touch her eyes. It's a sight that weighs heavily on Haley.
"Do you remember how much a love you?" Haley asks her niece with a mischievous grin that reminds Ellie of the game they've played many times before.
A light returns to the little girl's eyes as she raises her hands, holding them about a foot apart.
"This much?" she asks with a toothy grin.
"Not even close." Haley smiles.
"This much?" Ellie asks again holding her hands a little further apart than before.
"Nope," Haley answers with a shake of her head.
"This much?" Ellie giggles softly spreading her arms as wide as she can.
With a warm smile shining down on her niece, Haley shakes her head no, before spreading her arms as wide as she can. Stretching her fingers out until her arms look like wings ready for flight.
"This much." Haley answers as Ellie breaks out in quiet giggles of delight.
Leaning down, Haley plants a few quick kisses along the edge of Ellie's face.
"I love you and your brother so much and I always will. Now try and get some sleep." Haley instructs, smiling down upon her sleepy niece before she rose from her bed and slipped out the open door.
Jax rises from the couch as Haley emerges from the hall. She only catches his eyes briefly as he flashes her a charming grin, the kind that is disarming and leaves women putty in his hands. The kind he's given her since childhood when he wants to set her at ease while Haley gathers up cups and plates off the coffee table left over from dinner, before bringing them to the sink. Jax follows Haley with a smooth swaggered step with the ones she wasn't able to juggle. Haley can feel his eyes roaming over her for every step. Something she might normally find annoying or invasive, but with Jax she has to fight the urge to find it amusing. There's still too much unsaid between them for her to start falling for his charms.
"You're good with her. She really needs that right now. Kenny is too little to get what's going on, but Ellie is missing her dad a lot." Haley acknowledges as she places everything into the sink. Thanking Jax for being there, especially when he doesn't have to be.
Placing the cups down in the sink, Jax turns to her, needing to get this off his chest.
"I don't want you avoiding me, not because of this Haley. If you regret it, if you feel like it was a mistake, then let's deal with that, but don't shut me out." Jax insists with a sensitivity that shows he's trying not to spook her.
Haley turns to meet his gaze, her lips mute as she searches his orbs. The look in Jax's eyes calls to her somewhere she can feel inside, but can't quite pinpoint. She's drawn to him, now more than ever. Loves him, even though it terrifies her to admit that. The sight of him makes her heart race, and feel in a way no other man has made it come to life.
But she's terrified of hurting him. She's terrified of doing what she always does, ruin a good thing, and make him a casualty of her carnage. Wendy surfaces in Haley's mind, the elephant in the room and also the easy excuse to push him away. Even if it's not the real reason she's keeping her distance. Wendy's pregnancy complicates things, but the fear of hurting Jax is what really has Haley slamming on the breaks. Haley thinks she could navigate the predicament with Wendy if only things were different, she were different.
"You talk to Wendy?" Haley asks casually as her gaze drifts from his and back to the sink as she turns on the faucet and grabs a sponge. Avoiding his statement and everything it entails entirely.
Jax's eyes narrow with disbelief, before hardening from an anger he hasn't begun to process. The mere mention of his ex-wife sends his thoughts downward spiraling all over again. Makes the foundation under his feet begin to crack and break away.
"How do you know about that?" He questions her through a tight jaw. Already suspecting Wendy's been meddling.
"She came to see me at the diner." Haley admits as she rinses off a plate, placing it in the drying wrack, before grabbing another.
A deep grunt huffs off Jax's chest with her response, sending Haley's eyes shooting his way.
"She doesn't know about us. That's not why she went there. She thought I might be able to help her get ahold of you." Haley explains, trying to diffuse the situation.
Jax's lip snarls as he shakes his head in disbelief and anger.
"She's full of shit." He spits out. Still unable to come to terms with the very real possibility that his life is about to change forever.
Drying her hands on a dishtowel, Haley finally turns to Jax fully.
"Is it possible? Were you with her again?" Haley asks.
Needing to know for herself as much as him. Haley can already imagine the way Gemma must be spinning this for Jax, but Haley isn't going to let Jax off the hook so easy, just because the truth is inconvenient. Even if the thought of him with Wendy again leavesa bitter string in her heart even though logically she knows she has no claim on him.
Jax shakes his head as he avoids her eyes, denying the reality of the situation.
"It doesn't matter. It's not mine." He seethes on a low gritty breath. Refusing to entertain the notion, despite admitting by omission the possibility is real.
His rejection of this baby stirs something fierce inside Haley. Maybe it's because she knows her dad tried to deny her at first. Maybe it's because she's had a boyfriend try to weasel his way out when she thought she was pregnant once. Maybe it just hits too close to home. Whatever the reason, it sends Haley moving to Jax. Her hand reaching up to touch his prickled cheek as she draws his gaze back to her own.
"Don't do that. Don't be that guy. I love that you're not that guy." Haley pleads with him, her eyes begging him to not let this situation transform him into a man that he is not. To not let an inconvenient truth strip him of the honor so engrained in his heart.
Haley watches Jax's eyes soften as he hears her out. Their eyes hold with a palpable intensity as the word love slips from her lips and hovers between them. All the passion and longing they feel becomes alive and pulls as their eyes hold. Begging for another kiss, another release of the hunger so desperate between them. Just when Haley thinks she can't fight it a second longer and the look in Jax's eyes conveys he's about to lean in and find her lips, Haley pulls her hand away and takes a step back.
Running a hand through her silky locks, Haley's eyes roam the room, anywhere but him. Trying to kill the heat. Too threatened by the flame she knows awaits her if she meets his eyes again. Too scared she's not strong enough to fight it. She's never felt this way before. She's still learning how to keep control over her heart that's finally decided to wake up.
"Are we ever going to talk about it?" Jax it brings up as Haley pulls away from him yet again.
Haley shrugs her shoulders as she slowly turns back toward him.
"It was a mistake. It didn't mean any..." She starts to sum up unapologetically like she would if he were anyone else… but he isn't anyone else.
"You once told me you push men away. Is that what you're doing here?" Her eyes dart to Jax with his question and she sees an intense vulnerability wash over his baby blues from her choice of words as he stares at her, before his face quickly sets in an emotionless mask, guarding himself from her brutal indifference.
Knowing she's hurting him instantly strips Haley of her bullshit. All the walls she's so good at putting up between her and men burn to the ground with the fleetingly sight of Jax's pain.
"I didn't mean it, I'm sorry. It isn't true." She confesses on a heavy breath as her eyes lock intensely with his own.
Jax can see she isn't ready for this and he probably isn't going to get a straight answer right now, so he concedes for the time being. Knowing she's likely to shut down or bolt if he presses too hard and this isn't something he wants to force out of her.
"I gotta get back to the clubhouse. We're heading out on a run tonight. Gonna be gone for the next few days. When you figure out what you want, you know where to find me." Jax says, putting an end to it.
He may love her, but he isn't gonna stand there while she takes cheap shots, trying to deflect his bullets either. Jax knows what he wants – Her. Now Haley needs to figure out what she wants.
Watching Jax turn for the door, Haley's heart kicks in and she finds herself lunging at him.
"Shit, Jax, wait." Haley blurts out, burying her face in the opening of his kutte, against the soft fabric of his navy reaper sweatshirt as her arms wrap desperately around his waist.
Her heart pounds as she clings to him, and a fear she hasn't felt since a child fills her heart at the thought of him heading out on a run. There's always an inherent heighten danger once the guys leave the protection of Charming. They'll be passing through multiple territories, areas that aren't dominated by the Sons. It's a danger that Haley normally brushes off, compartmentalizes, all the families have to, but suddenly she feels like she has so much to lose.
"Be safe," She implores him as her hands slips under his kutte to dig into the more forgiving fabric of his sweatshirt.
A cold shiver runs down her back with the other undeniable threat that comes with every run. A threat that has her fisting his sweatshirt as she buries her lips against the soft cotton covering his chest, suppressing the urge to come onto him, show him that her love is better than any run pussy. Because, like all the other women tangled up with a leatherback, Haley knows what happens on a run- stays on a run. And no one is expected to be loyal on the road.
Jax's arms wrap around her in return as he lowers his lips to the crown of her head. "I'll be careful." He answers before placing a quick kiss upon her head.
Pulling back just enough to find his eyes, Haley feels Jax's hand cup her cheek as their pupils lock. Her heart pounds against the look in his eyes, the way it calls for her. A heat washes over her from somewhere deep inside, radiating off her to the point where she wonders if he can feel it in his touch. This time Haley doesn't pull away as Jax's face dips down to hers. His lips crushing her own in a searing kiss that nearly bruises her lips. Releasing all the hunger and need so desperate for payment between them.
Breaking the kiss, Jax steps back from Haley. "I'll call you when I get back." He tells her, the intense want still blinding in his eyes.
"You better." Haley answers back. Her heart still pounding as Jax's nods a confirmation before he turns from her completely and moves for the door.
Jax's eyes scan the clubhouse, he's only been here a handful of times since making patch. The guys usually don't ride this far south, but since they were in the neighborhood the San Bernardino charter seemed like a good spot the rest their tired bones for the night. Jax's eyes lock with a pair of sapphire blue that seem to have made him her target. Her hips sway seductively as she moves in for the kills, in a skirt that's so short it would take little effort to hike up around her waist and get at what's waiting underneath, her top barely containing her huge tits. She offers Jax a sly smile on arrival as she wraps an arm around his shoulder and takes a seat upon his lap. That Cheshire grin Jax is notorious for surfaces before he can think twice of it.
"What do you say me and you find a dark place to get to know each other better?" She purrs into his ear before pulling back to meet his eyes as her tongue darts suggestively pass her lips.
Normally Jax wouldn't miss a beat before giving this pretty little thing the go ahead, but tonight all that shit hanging over his head starts pressing down hard on him to fuck with him. Wendy, the kid- that would be enough to get his brain in knots, but would only serve to push him faster into this little sweetbutt's arms for a little distracting comfort.
The woman poised upon his lap, wanting and ready, is sexy and she knows it. Soft and curvy in all the right places, but her eyes aren't honey colored, there are no flecks of green twisting her iris. She isn't the woman haunting him day and night. She isn't Haley. And even though he knows Haley would probably never find out, now that he's had a taste of the woman he loves, everything else doesn't look so tempting anymore. There's only one forbidden fruit he's dying to take another bite out of it.
"Maybe some other time Darlin'." Jax answers, before rising to his feet, and placing the sweetbutt back on hers. The woman scoffs incredulously as if personally offended, before storming off, but Jax doesn't notice, he's already headed for the door.
Jax takes a deep pull from the cigarette held between his lips, pinched by his teeth. His brow furrowed, gaze intent, but on nothing in particular as his mind moves a mile a minute. Moving so fast he struggles to stay on one thought long enough to come to any conclusion about it. Wendy, the baby, Haley, everything is moving in a different direction, pulling him to the point he feels like he could rip apart. Jax wants to deny there's any possibility this kid could be his, it's so much easier that way, but the nagging sick feeling in his gut tells him this could be legit.
Wendy's far from a saint, but try and pass somebody else's kid off as his? She'd have to know he'd ask for a test, proof. And she didn't flinch when he did. Looked pissed, but not scared. Her certainty terrifies him. He didn't want to be married, but he did it anyway and look how that turned out. Only thing Jax knows for sure, he isn't ready to be anybody's dad.
And he doesn't know what to do about Haley. It seems like lately its one step forward, two steps back with that girl. He knows she loves him. He can see it in her eyes, the way she comes at him, he knows her too well to miss it, but she's scared. Scared of everything that has nothing to do with him, scared what they have turn bad. She's become this contradiction. He knows she can love. He's seen her capacity for it with Ope, Donna, and especially the kids. He's usually on the receiving end of her love, but now, it's like she's driving stick and doesn't know how - she can't switch gears without the car stalling.
She doesn't know how to let him in. Let him be a part of her heart in that way. And he isn't going to be the guy who pushes her into something she isn't ready for. Even if she wasn't the kind of girl who could get his ass handed to him for doing the wrong thing… Which she is. Then there's the part of him that wonders if everyone is right. If there's a reason she's off limits. That perhaps he should spare her the heartache that comes with being an old lady. Maybe he should let her find a path that leads somewhere else. Because after everything she's been through maybe a little quiet normalcy would do her good.
The noise in Jax's head is so loud he doesn't even hear Bobby take a seat beside him until his brother gives him a quick pat on the back to let him know he's there. Looking over, Jax offers Bobby a nod of acknowledgement before taking another pull from his cigarette. Bobby lights up a cigar and begins to puff on it.
"You alright brother?" Bobby speaks up, eying Jax carefully.
"Yeah, why?" Jax answers, eyeing Bobby with equal inspection. Trying to decipher where that loaded question is coming from. Trying to determine how much of his inner turmoil is leaking out.
"Just checking in. You got a lot of shit going on the past few days. Ex-wife, baby, and I don't know I've ever seen you turn down pussy. Just want to make sure all this shit going down aint got you turned around a bit." Bobby lays it out there. Giving it to Jax as straight as he can.
"You got something to say, just say it." His eyes glued upon Bobby, awaiting what is to come next. Ever since the club got wind of his situation with Wendy, He's been waiting for someone to give it to him straight.
"Guess I'm wondering where you at… I saw Haley sneaking out of the clubhouse the other morning, leaving your room. Probably crashed there after the party, I know. Just making sure that's all it was. I don't think I need to tell you why it would be a bad idea getting mixed up with her. Especially with the shit you got going on with your ex."
Unreadable poker face, a skill Jax has learned from the best of his brothers, but his gut feeling tells him there may be hints of the truth leaking from his eyes. Jax hates lying to Bobby. It doesn't sit right with him, but he also knows he can't admit the truth, even if Bobby already knows it.
"You're right, she just crashed there. You don't have to tell me. I wouldn't cross that line." Jax lies, trying to put Bobby's suspicions to rest as guilt takes a hold in his heart.
Authors Note: It'll keep this short. This is a turn of events some of you saw coming, some of your dreaded. It does have a purpose. I always felt having Abel made Jax more introspective, less of just a soldier. Abel is why he found John's books. So however you feel about Wendy being pregnant, I do hope you continue to read, but if you need to vent about it… I always read your comments and PM's. Also, the last part of this chapter was inspired by the talk between Jax and Bobby in season 1, episode 4. Full credit to SOA for that. I own nothing.
Quick Q… This is something I've toyed with - This story is getting long. Longer than I imagined. And it's about to reach a breaking point of shorts. Would you all prefer I end it there and start a sequel/Part2 whatever you wanna call it? Or, continue on as is? Would you all even read a sequel?