26; back in your head
It was the first Saturday of July.
I was lying on my back watching the ceiling fan in Ansem's office spin wildly above my head. I threw my hands over my face and groaned loudly in frustration, as the memories of the past two weeks began to repeat over and over in my head.
"…Tell me what happened, Roxas." Ansem finally said, crossing his legs and folding his hands over his lap.
I removed my hands from my face and turned to look at him for a long time before I could muster the energy to start speaking. "Well …"
xXx
I had just returned from the hospital with Axel.
According to Aerith, his hand still needed a bit more time to heal so he was stuck wearing the hand brace for another week or so. On our way back to my apartment. Axel decided to stop at a corner store to pick up some cigarettes and something else; I don't know, I didn't pay too much attention to what he was saying.
I was currently browsing the front of the store without much interest, lazily eying the magazine rack when something caught my attention. I leaned forward, and peeled back the current issue of Blender magazine and pulled out a copy of Seventeen's July issue. There on the front cover was my sister grinning for the camera. I looked slightly to the upper right part of the cover and read the accompanying text.
Rikku Ardenwell: Exclusive interview with the heiress as she dishes on her life in the past year. Full interview on pg. 54.
I looked back up at Axel who was done with buying what he needed. He was just about to leave when I walked over to the counter and put the magazine down. The guy ran the magazine up, as I took my wallet out to pay for it.
Axel looked at the magazine, then at me. "…Feeling menstrual, Roxy?" He asked jokingly.
I simply glared at him, pocketed my wallet and grabbed the brown paper bag off of the counter as we left the store. When we finally got back in, I sat cross legged on the sofa and took the magazine out of the bag while Axel went into the kitchen briefly. He came back and sat down on a chair by the window, looking around for the ash tray that usually sat on the ledge.
"So are you going to tell me why you bought that magazine?" He asked me, as he broke open the pack of cigarettes and felt around in his pocket for what I presumed was a lighter.
"They did an interview with my sister." I replied, looking down at the magazine, and then opened it.
He flicked the lighter on, and leaned forward to light the cigarette, "About what?"
"I don't know." I said as I continued to flip past pages of nonsense. I finally landed on what I was looking for. The entire first page of the interview was covered with a black and white picture of Rikku standing underneath a willow tree in the backyard of my parent's house, looking off into the distance. Halfway into the page, the story began.
Rikku: Heiress, fashionista, sister, daughter, dreamer, believer.
Opening up about the tumultuous year that her personal life has been.
Rikku Ardenwell answers the door to her quiet home with a grin on her face and a welcoming aura surrounding her. She's dressed casually for the day wearing dark blue denim skinny jeans, a lacy white tunic and white opened toed ballerina flats. Her long blonde is hair swept up into its signature ponytail and safely secured with a long white silk scarf.
As any good hostess should, she is quick to offer me something to drink; a cup or coffee, tea, or anything else I would prefer. She has also prepared a side tray of assorted pastries for us to snack on whilst we talk. When we finally get settled into chairs across from one another, I turn to her and ask her, "So, you're ready to finally talk?" She laughs lightly at my question, her green eyes crinkling slightly and hidden dimples become embedded on the skin of her cheeks. "You wouldn't be the first to ask me that question."
facing the music
"A lot has happened to me in the last year." Rikku starts as soon as I prompt her to talk. A lot is surely a broad enough term to discuss what the Ardenwells have gone through in the past year. From her older brother's frequent hospitalizations, to her father's shocking decline in health and her private life in shambles, Rikku has endured a lot.
The seventeen year old is small, almost fragile enough to break at any given moment. At five feet and an inch, she's not exactly the most menacing or threatening person you'll encounter but she's got bite and will surely tell you what's on her mind if you ask her. "When everything started falling on top of another I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't keep my head above the water. Every day, it always felt like I was asking myself what was wrong with me, why was I feeling this way? I mean …I think about how I got through it all, you know? It sort of feels like it never really happened to begin with."
She says, "I'm not one for tabloids, but every once in awhile, I'd seen some crazy outlandish headline about my family or someone that was close to me and I used to get so angry over that stuff. After awhile, I realized it was stupid to take it to heart. I mean, its pointless spending all your time worrying about what they say about you in magazines. As long as I knew it wasn't true, I was fine with that, you know?"
The vicious tabloid reports alone would probably have been enough to debunk anyone's confidence as Rikku lightly touches on, but she knew she had to be strong for herself and for her family. "The saying goes, 'any publicity is good publicity' and I don't agree with that at all. Since when is having your private life laid out before the eyes of others in some trashy magazine good publicity? No, it's stupid. But then again, some people just love attention. So even if they're out there denying every 'false allegation'—(she uses air quotes)—about them, truth is, they're probably just happy that someone is talking about them or notices them."
on her father
In spring of this year, Rikku's father was hospitalized for severe heart problems. "I was a total mess that day. Watching …him go away to the hospital and not knowing if he was going to be alright was more than enough to knock me out of my right mind for a few days. I think that I went through one of the most traumatic things that a child could experience. Losing a parent is …it's almost like losing your world, I believe." Rikku says, looking off distantly as she remembers the accounts of that day.
"I stayed with my brother Cloud and his friend Leon for a little while until I felt ready enough to return home. My grandmother Yumi came up to stay with my mother while no one was in the house. It was nerve racking for us all but we got through it …me most of all. I was so afraid of losing him; I didn't know what I was going to do."
She smiles, "But he's okay now and that's all that matters. He …I think after this experience, my father has become a new man. My family has grown closer due to this ordeal and while I'm not exactly happy that he had to go through so much, I'm thankful we were able to grow as a family due to it."
Rikku starts to laugh, "But he's still so stubborn sometimes. His doctor's say he should take it easy and I always have to chastise him for doing so much strenuous activity. He acts like he was never in the hospital to begin with. Just between you and I, he still thinks he's twenty."
the ex-girlfriend
It's no secret that Rikku didn't get along with her brother Sora's ex-girlfriend, Kairi Moretti. The feud between the blonde and auburn haired beauties has been dished out all over the pages of magazines to come. In the battle of she said, she said, there's always two sides to one story, and so I prompted Rikku to discuss hers. "I'm supposed to be truthful in this interview, aren't I?" Rikku asks, keeping a poignant gaze at me.
She looks down at the tea she's drinking, and then sets it off to the side and clears her throat. "I don't think Kairi's the sweet and innocent girl that most people think she is or make her out to be. And I never really thought she was right for my brother and I stand by my opinion. He deserved better."
She crosses her arms, reclining in her chair. "I'm not going to sit here and lie and deny what you've heard me say about her, because I don't believe in being fake. Yes, I've called her a control freak and manipulative and …some other things that were less than appropriate, but I will say this. Now that she's out of the picture and my brother's life, I'm really happy. I'm really protective of my brother's, just so you know. And I don't want them dating …people who aren't right for them."
the popular topic
"A lot of people are always asking me about Roxas, and it's unnerving and disheartening, really." She admits, looking a bit somber. "He's my older brother, and I love him to death. So when someone says something to me like, 'Oh, Rikku, is your brother going back to rehab again?' or something that's just cruel by all accounts like, 'Time is ticking, where's the coffin, Rikku?', it's like …it takes all that I am to not lash out and start scream something at them like …you know, it's not like that. Roxas is a great person if you really get to know him."
Roxas was hospitalized once at the end of last summer in 2007 and the beginning of this year in January for what was widely reported exhaustion. But, many tabloids have reported that the hospitalizations were due in part for suicide attempts and drug overdoses. When I asked her what her reaction was to the news of her brother, she grows quiet for a moment and then looks up at me, her expression thoughtful.
"You know, I think …everyone has the same kind of base reaction when they hear that someone they love isn't doing too well. You …feel helpless because you can't do anything to help them …and then you feel desperate about the situation …you know, you're always wondering if it's going to get better or worse? Roxas has had it hard, and I don't think people understand that. They'll say something like, we have all this fame and money and everything else that they can't imagine how hard it must be to live my life because I've got it so great. What they don't understand is that things go on behind closed doors. Things that the public will never hear or understand. We're all human and we all have problems, and we all need our privacy to deal with them on our own accord and I wish people could understand that just because someone is famous doesn't mean they're invincible. It's hard."
Roxas also garnered a lot more media attention this year for his involvement with Organization XIII's leading man, Axel Ramirez, which many tabloids have reported that the two of them have a relationship that transcends the boundaries of friendship. Rikku laughs loudly at the mention of Axel and turns to me and grins, "Can I set the record straight?" I nod when she asks the question, "Axel and Roxas are just friends, alright? Roxas isn't Axel's boyfriend. It's kind of strange talking about him like I've known him for so long, though. I won't deny it; I'm still a crazy Organization XIII fan."
She laughs a bit, "But seriously, He's just a really good friend, that's all. He's been helping my brother out a lot this year. I'm glad that …you know …Roxas finally has someone close to him outside of the family to talk about stuff that's bothering him." She points a finger at me and leans forward, "So you got that, America? Axel is not dating my brother, so lay off!"
the future
Fresh out of high school, Rikku has been spending her summer preparing herself for bigger endeavors to come. "I'm going off to London at the end of this year to start my career in fashion. I've always been interested in that sort of stuff and while New York City is great and whatnot, I'd rather go off and start somewhere else where I'm not so …you know, well known. Someplace where I can go and make my way my own way. It's interesting actually …I can't say too much, but I'm in the talks with some people and I might wind up turning my whole adventure in London into a reality television sort of thing. It sounds really cool, and I'd really be up for it actually."
As she wraps up talking about her plans for later this year, we move onto the next hot topic; one that many young eligible men would love to question her about: dating. Rikku laughs at the mention of dating, a hand flying to her mouth to cover it. "I'm not seeing anyone right now, no."
She shakes her head, "I'm happily single and want to stay that way for a little while. I mean …I just got out of a relationship with Gippal (Bashe) …and I'm not really ready for another highly publicized relationship as ours was. I want to take some time for myself and just …breathe and get my life oriented in a way that I want to. I'm still young, you know? I've got forever for that sort of stuff."
last words
As our interview comes to a close, Rikku takes me out to an expansive back yard boasting impressive greenery and gardening. We sit underneath a willow tree – the exact same one she is seen pictured under on the front page of the interview – and she turns to look at me, her green eyes soft.
"I like to think of this place as my own secret little …alcove or …grotto or something. You know someplace where no one else would ever think about coming? Just somewhere that I know about." When I ask her why she likes to come here, she takes a moment to respond and then turns to look at me.
Her eyes are full of resolve and she looks confident before answering, "We all need to escape one in awhile, you know?"
The article ended there, and I let my eyes linger on the article briefly before I closed the magazine and pushed it off to the side. I sighed, falling over onto the couch and pressing myself into the cushions and closed my eyes. Axel was probably looking at me, but I didn't really care. He knew I wouldn't talk no matter how hard he tried to pry. My mind began to race again, and I began to block the world out as I started to think.
I …
I've …changed a lot.
I've heard it from various people but I never really bothered to actually see it. And now I did. I really had changed. I was still surly and sarcastic as Axel liked to put it, but gone were my days of holing up and keeping everything inside. I was actually learning to be truthful with myself rather than force away feelings that I didn't want to feel or acknowledge. But where was I going with this change? I wasn't putting it into any use like I should have. I was still being selfish and …and …
…Reading the article on Rikku made me realize a lot of things. Everyone, or so I felt, was moving ahead and I was staying here in this same place while they all went about and lived their lives. Sora's got his restaurant business, Rikku's going away to London soon and then Cloud …well …I'm not entirely sure what my brother does anymore. But, I'm guessing that he's got his life in order to a point where he's comfortable now. And then there's me.
…It's always been like this though.
Sure, I was taking over my family's business in a matter of months, but still, it's not what I envisioned I'd be doing for the rest of my life. …Alone that is. Working alongside my father was all well and good, but what about when he moved on and he wasn't here anymore, then what? What was I going to do then?
I don't want to spend my life just working for something I didn't even bother to create. Something I really have no interest in. I want to be free to choose what I want to do with my life. I haven't felt free in so long, and I just wanted to feel free to live my own life and do what I want.
That's …that's all I've ever really wanted to do my entire life.
With whatever happened to me in my childhood, I always felt like Xemnas held some unknown control over me, forcing me into submission. Then when Hayner came around, he gave me a taste of what freedom was like. Being with him was like being in an entirely different world completely. I can't explain it, but he made me feel like there was nothing wrong with me, that I had no limitations. The sky was the limit and whatever I set my heart into, I could do it. And then he goes away. He goes away and leaves me alone to fend for myself again.
…And then by stroke of sheer fucking luck, I meet Axel.
Axel with those crazy green eyes, infectious laugh and even more alluring personality. Axel who I couldn't stand. Axel who gets on my nerves. Axel who I want to punch in the face. Axel who seems to invade all aspects of my privacy without even trying. Axel who never seems deterred by my bad moods or snappy nature. Axel who I can't ever tell the whole truth to. Axel who would kill me if he left. Axel who cares too much about me. Axel with the piercings and tattoos. Axel who always seems to know what to say. Axel who drives me in-fucking-sane. Axel who smiles too much. Axel who always tries to get me to smile and laugh, although he's never seen anything but a sadistic smirk of mine. Axel …who I lo—
...Axel who was leaving in June.
…June. Right, June. As the days of June came to an end, I became less love sick and more so desperate over anything else. The love sickness gave way to something else. In the beginning of the month and earlier on it was more or less me trying to get over my initial feelings for Axel that gave me problems, but now whenever I started thinking of him leaving it started to hurt.
I tried to rationalize with myself that he'd be back in a month and it wasn't that long, but I couldn't. Every day when he left and Sora came home, I'd feel that ache again and it made it so hard to breathe at times that I had to go lay down for the rest of the day and just stay in my room like some hermit.
I guess you can say I began to I shut down.
Shutting down to the point where I became an emotional mess again and it was starting to worry Sora because he thought I was reverting back to my old ways. That wasn't the case at all, though. I was just stressed out. Stressed out to the point where my temper was rising once again and I could do nothing to curb it. I took it out on Axel more so than anyone else, though it barely fazed him at all. I had to remind myself; he'd been there, seen it and dealt with it for quite some time now, it was nothing new to him.
Although it didn't faze him, he definitely took notice of my changing attitude as the month ended. And as expected, as he always did in the time that I had know him, he would step in and finally rectify the situation.
xXx
It was Friday, June 27th.
The last day of the last week that Axel and I would be spending together, until he came back from Warped Tour at the end of July. I, like I had been doing for the past couple of days, was lying on my back with the acoustic guitar strewn over my stomach plucking at it lazily. I was staring up at the ceiling mulling the thought over in my head that I had failed beyond all comprehensible belief and I would never tell Axel anything that had been on my mind.
I wanted to shoot myself.
Axel, having left me to my own devices for the rest of the week, surprised me when he came knocking on my door that afternoon and knocked me out of my reverie. He still had the hand brace on his left hand. Even though after his last visit to the hospital when Aerith had given him the okay to finally take it off, he didn't want to chance anything that could jeopardize his playing at Warped so he had kept it on, which she had told him was fine.
I dully acknowledged him as he entered the room. He paused at my desk to look at the retarded goldfish, which, as usual, was hiding behind the filter. Axel poked at the tank and the fish jolted to life, swimming erratically and crashing into the wall by one of the plants in the tank. He laughed briefly and the turned around to look at me.
I didn't meet his gaze.
"Hey." He said. His voice sounded so distant after not hearing it for so long.
I didn't reply or look at him. I strummed at the guitar absentmindedly. Let's see, did anyone I know have a gun?
Axel sighed lowly, and sat down in the chair by my desk. "You know, it feels like forever since we last talked."
I finally said something. My voice sounded low and broken in my ears, "Maybe it has been."
He didn't reply for a good five minutes before looking up at me. "You're right, maybe it has been." He shrugged, "Thing is, Roxas, I'm no good with small talk. I came in here to talk to you for a reason."
I turned to look at him, and stopped strumming.
"We're going out tomorrow. Me, Demyx and Zexion …as a celebratory means of …enjoying our last full weekend in the city before we have to leave." Axel said, looking directly at me. "…I think …I'd like it if you came with us, Roxy."
I stared at him, my expression unwavering.
"…Rather, I'd hope you came with us, Rox." He tapped his finger on the arm rest. "…I know you refuse to tell me what's wrong and …I'm not going to pry it out of you because I know how you work." He grinned at me, "You either tell me, dance circles around me and let me figure it out on my own, or you don't tell me all together. And you're not doing the third option right about now. I mean …"
I lowered my gaze away from him, tuning Axel out for a few minutes to think. Last weekend in the city. That gave me more time if I didn't tell him anything today, didn't it? Maybe if I danced some more circles around him, he'd finally figure it out. I looked back to him. "I'll go." I whispered, barely able to hear my own voice over his loud rambling.
"…And we can go and—wait, what?" He asked, eyebrows going high.
I sat up and looked at him. "I'll go."
"…Seriously?" He asked, leaning forward. "I'm not trying to force you or—"
"Do you want me to go or not?" I asked again, my voice going no higher. "Because I'll stay home and—"
"No!" Axel shook his head, a grin I hadn't seen for so long unfurling across his lips. "No! No, no no no no! No staying at home, I want you to come!"
I didn't say anything about his ecstatic reply, rather just lowered my gaze again away from him as he seemed to grow happier by the minute. Had it really been that long since I'd actually bothered to start a conversation with Axel? It felt like forever since I had last seen that grin …smile no less.
When I looked back at him, he was smiling broadly as ever and I felt that dull ache in my chest starting up again. "You won't regret it, Roxy."
xXx
Won't regret it, he said.
I was going to make sure I didn't regret it.
Axel didn't exactly give me a dress code; he just mentioned that we were going to be out for a long time tonight, so I dressed with a purpose. For one, dressing with a purpose meant getting questionable glances from Sora who was still on edge with me. He didn't say anything too intrusive though. He just asked me where I was going and I told him out with Axel. The minute he heard that, Sora was out of my room and faint smile on his mouth and asked me nothing else.
…I didn't even want to know what he was thinking.
Dressing with a purpose also meant that I actually had to do something with my hair besides letting it do whatever it wanted. My hair has a sort of …self-spiking regime that it liked to stick to if I didn't do anything to it. Don't ask how it happens, it just does. Cloud has it, and Sora has it too. It's got to be genetic in some respects.
Anyway, it was times like these where I was glad I had received somewhat of the straight Asian hair gene from my grandmother. It made it a lot easier to get my hair to stay straight and stop sticking up. However, while the left side of my head had stick straight hair, my right side was proving to be more difficult with random pieces spiking up. It wasn't too noticeable to other people, but I was damn well near getting frustrated with it when it wouldn't do what I wanted.
The end product made me look more Japanese than what I already was.
Sora came into my room just as I was done. He was holding Soro in his arms, shaking her around as she tried to lick his arm. "Axel just called up; he said that he's outside."
I looked up at Sora from where I was sitting on my bed. I reached for my keys on my nightstand, checked in the back pocket of my jeans for my phone and lastly, my sunglasses. He followed me out of my room and into the main hallway. I took out my keys and began to unlock the door. I turned to look at him, "I'm not sure when I'll be home …but I'll give you a call when I'm heading back up."
"Okay. Have fun, alright?" Sora asked, jiggling Soro around in his arms as he walked me to the door, "…It's your last night together …make the most out of it."
He hung around while I waited for the elevator and waved at me when I got on. As the doors closed, I sighed and rested against the wall until the door chimed again and I was on the ground floor.
Axel was nowhere in visible sight, but from the way I saw flashes of light and heard the clicking of cameras outside of the front door, I knew he was here. The doorman opened the door for me, and I nodded to him. There weren't that many paparazzi crowded around the limo that was parked out front, about twelve in total from what I could see. I had my sunglasses on for good measure.
"Hey, Roxas!" One of them called out to me, turning a video camera on my face, "Going out on a date with your boyfriend and his friends? Give him a big kiss for us, will you?"
I didn't respond to any of their stupid questions and jibes as I advanced toward the door of the limo. The cameras exploded as soon as Axel pushed open the door to allow me to get in. The inside of the limo smelled like smoke, evident from the fact that Axel had a cigarette in his hand. The sky roof was down but did nothing to curb the smell.
I sat down across from Axel, and took off my sunglasses and looked around, "Where's …?"
"Demyx and Zexion?" He asked, as he stabbed out the cigarette that had previously been in his mouth. "Down at a movie theater by the restaurant we're going to. Dem wanted to go see Wall-E before we left …he's …really a kid at heart, I swear."
"Hm …" I said, looking up at the sky roof. The limo was moving again.
Axel rolled a window down and waved a hand around in front of him, "So what's with the hair?" He smirked.
I shrugged, "I got ready late." No, the truthful answer would be, 'I wanted to look nice for you tonight.' But of course, my name is Nutcase Roxas and I can't ever be truthful with Axel on even the little things.
He shook his head and leaned back, "Ahhh, Roxy. What am I going to do with you?" Axel dug around in his pants pocket and pulled out his phone. "They're waiting on us."
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"A little Spanish restaurant somewhere near Broadway down on 23rd …or somewhere in that general area. Zexion checked it out, said it looked nice." He answered.
I slouched down in my seat, looking back up at the sky roof. After riding downtown for some time, the limo eventually dropped us off in front of a quaint restaurant directly off of Broadway. Axel dully mentioned that they were inside, and sure enough, Zexion and Demyx were sitting at the bar inside of the restaurant. Zexion was the first to notice us, and Demyx followed shortly after.
"Hey! Bout time you two got here!" Demyx grinned. "We've been waiting—"
"A whole of five minutes." Zexion answered nonchalantly. "It hasn't been long at all."
"Shut up, I was trying to make them feel guilty." Demyx snapped, wrinkling his nose as he pointed over his shoulder. He turned back to look at Axel and I. "Well …"
"Did you get the table?" Axel asked.
"Yes, we were just waiting for you two to make your arrival." Zexion replied. He pushed away his drink, nodded curtly to the bar tender and drew a hand up to his mouth in thought. "I suppose we should alert the hostess we are ready to be seated now."
"Leave it to me!" Demyx exclaimed and wandered off.
Dinner was—surprisingly—a quiet affair.
When I mean quiet, I mean, it didn't involve Demyx making a scene or a spectacle out of himself. He was surprisingly well behaved for once—must have meant he was sober. I was quiet for the majority of dinner, listening to the three of them talk with each other and adding my own opinion whenever someone addressed me. It wasn't like I was exactly eager to talk; I had too much on my mind.
I kept thinking about taking Axel aside to talk to him, but I figured I'd do something stupid before I could even get the words out. Honestly, where the hell did stoic Roxas go? I want him back. He wasn't stupid when he dealt with his personal problems …because stoic Roxas didn't face his problems. Right …I forgot about that.
What should I call this Roxas? Nutcase Roxas? Teenage Romance Crisis Roxas? Psycho Lovesick Roxas? They all sounded like some trashy reject name for a Barbie doll. Ughhh, stoic Roxas …you were a good Roxas. Nutcase teenage romance crisis psycho lovesick Roxas …you make me want to kill myself all the more.
I sighed loudly in desperation, causing Axel, Demyx and Zexion all turned to look at me at the same time. Axel's eyebrows were raised and he looked like he was on the verge of laughing. Demyx shared a similar expression to Axel except his mouth was wide open as he was about to say something. Zexion didn't change at all, he just looked at me briefly with his arms crossed and then back to Demyx.
"Are we boring you to death with Warped tour talk, Roxy?" Axel asked, smirking as Zexion and Demyx carried on their conversation.
I looked up at him; pretty sure I was cross eyed from the way my vision refused to focus. "What?"
He shook his head, "You look a little out of it, you okay?"
I looked away from him and at our waitress who was coming over to our table, "I'm fine." I said. "Bills here."
Axel reclined from me and took the bill from the waitress. He surveyed it for a moment, passed it off to Demyx and Zexion briefly and then took out his wallet. "I've got this one, gentlemen." He pressed a card into the slot and handed it off to the waitress. He turned back to me, "Enjoying yourself so far?"
I shrugged, folding my arms over on the table and resting my head against them. "We haven't done anything."
"We will." He said.
The waitress came back with his card and he took it from her. That was our cue to all get up from the table and leave the restaurant. The limo was right outside waiting for us as it had been when it had dropped us off. Demyx and Zexion got in first, followed by me and lastly Axel.
"So where are we going now?" Axel asked, closing the door to the limo.
"Demyx is in charge of after dinner activities." Zexion replied, resting his arm on a ledge to his side and pressing his fist up against his cheek.
"Oh, you guys are going to love where I'm taking you." Demyx said with a wide grin spreading across his face. He turned around and rolled the window to tell the driver where to go. "We'd like to go to West 4th and 7th Ave, please."
"Am I looking out for a particular place for you, sir?" The driver asked.
"The Indo Scream." Demyx replied. The driver noted curtly to him and Demyx rolled up the window and turned right around to us.
"What is that? Some sort of club, Dem?" Axel asked, raising his eyebrows.
"You'll see." Demyx said again, "Just trust me, alright?"
xXx
I spoke too soon about Demyx.
Demyx had fucked up. Entirely, and completely fucked up.
I had a feeling that he was taking us to some sort of club, come on, this is Demyx we're talking about—Mr. I'm A Party Animal. True to my suspicions, it was one of those loud, side street clubs where you could hear the music from a mile away. As soon as we had been dropped off, Demyx excitedly ran out in front of us but instantly stopped short. Axel, Zexion and I stayed on the curb when we saw the same thing that Demyx had stopped for.
"…Demyx, what the hell is this?" Axel asked, crossing his arms.
Demyx turned around to look at us, scratching at his head and then grinned, "A club?" He asked.
The front door opened and loud thumping music interrupted the quiet of the street momentarily.
Two scantily clad men walked out, giggling and waved at us. "…A gay club." Zexion said monotonously, shaking his head as they directed their attention to him and waved some more.
"Hey! I looked it up and it got great reviews! It said it was stud muffin heaven and party central!" Demyx tried, knowing that he had fucked up but didn't want to admit it. "…Maybe tonight is just …guys night or something."
"I don't think so Dem." Axel said, pointing at the blonde.
He turned to look over his shoulder. "Come on! It might be fun!" Demyx grinned, "You know they say gay guys party the best!"
Axel sighed, titling his head backwards and then leaned forward, shaking his head. "You know what, Demyx? I don't have the energy to fight with you tonight." He turned to look at me, "Roxy, do you mind?"
"…Well, I'm already doing enough damage to my reputation by hanging out with you and genius over there."
Axel laughed, "Point made." He turned to Zexion, "Zex …I know clubs aren't really your thing."
Zexion waved a hand dismissively. "I'll survive."
Demyx wandered over to us and pointed a finger at Axel and Zexion, "Come on guys! We've been in worse!" He grinned. "And let's just have fun! I'm pretty sure there's gotta be some straight girls in that club. You know what they say about fag hags and …and …"
Axel sighed, pushing Demyx's face away from his own. "I said we'll go."
The bouncer didn't even bother to check our ID's, but ushered us inside without a word. One of the perks to being a 'celebrity' I guess. Inside the club there was terrible loud techno music, scantily clad men, and scarcely, some woman gyrating up on each other. Demyx managed to get us through the crowd. I held onto the sleeve of Axel's shirt so we wouldn't get separated. We ended up on the second floor bar that overlooked the entire club.
We all sat down at the bar at the same time. Demyx and Axel both ordered a shot of some light blue liquid and clinked glasses as they both downed it at the same time. I, in the meantime, sat down next to Zexion who was looking as positively bored as he was. Then again, Zexion always looked bored. Demyx hopped off his stool, pointed toward the dance floor and began shouting something at Zexion who shrugged and followed him.
That left me alone with Axel.
Axel turned to me and leaned in, "Roxy, are you going to dance?"
"No." I replied.
The fast techno beat that had been playing subsided into something that was a little less fast and a tad bit quieter. It didn't do much for my ears, but I could hear Axel better. "Aww, why not?" He asked.
"I don't dance." I said.
"So you're just going to sit here for the rest of the night?" He asked, making a pouty face.
"Yes."
Axel shook his head at me, and ordered something from the bartender. A few minutes later, he came around with our drinks. Axel had ordered the same blue shot thing from before and pushed a dark drink off to me. I pushed it back at him. He leaned over and whispered, "There's nothing in it. It's straight up Pepsi."
I sipped at it cautiously and found that he was telling the truth. Axel downed his second shot, shaking briefly and then put the shot down in front of him. He turned to look over his shoulder and then turned to me. I looked up at him and he smiled at me.
I hadn't realized my mouth had dropped open a little bit as I was sucking on my soda. I inhaled the wrong way and then started coughing as the liquid went up my nose. In an instant, Axel was patting my back as he asked for a napkin from the bartender. Why I was busy hacking up a lung and Axel was trying to rub my back to help my clear my airways, out of the corner of my eye I noticed someone staring at us from across the bar.
He was interested in one of us from the looks of it, but the way he was dressed led me to believe he was completely out of place in the atmosphere of a club like this. I blanched, reaching for my soda again and started sipping on it as I averted my eyes from the blonde man. Axel reclined back into his seat when he saw that I was fine. He tapped his hand on the top of the bar and took to looking around us again. I looked up again and saw that the man was still staring at us.
"Roxas, is that guy looking at us?" Axel asked, leaning over to me.
The man had just ordered a cosmopolitan from the bartender, and was drinking it while keeping his attention fixed on us. He licked his lips seductively. Axel moved a little and I saw the man keep his eyes fixed on him entirely.
"No, he's looking at you." I seethed, feeling my fist tighten around the empty glass the Pepsi had been in.
Axel waved a bit hesitantly at the man, "…Well then, that wouldn't be a first."
"Don't wave, he'll come over here." I snapped. I gritted my teeth as I released my grasp on the glass in my hand. My knuckles had turned entirely too white from holding on for so long. The bartender took the glass away from me and went over to attend to some other patrons.
"…Maybe he's a fan or I know him or something." Axel said.
"Right," I muttered to myself.
The man paid for his drink, and made a move to walk over to us. He was tall, maybe an inch or two above Axel and I could see his muscles were well defined beneath his tight white shirt. He ran a hand through his blonde hair—probably fake from the near platinum look it took on in the multicolored strobe lights—and took a seat down next to Axel. I grimaced slightly.
He grinned at Axel, producing two full rows of perfect white teeth. "I couldn't help but notice you from over there." He grinned, "And I saw you and your …" He looked to me and I shot him a glare, "…companion …doing the same."
Axel looked at me and then back at the man, "Actually, we were just trying to figure out if you were someone we knew."
The man leaned in, "This lighting is so harsh; sometimes it's hard to tell who's who in here." He extended a firm hand, "Luxord."
Axel looked at it and then held out his own, shaking it just as firmly. "Axel."
"And your …" He leaned over on the bar counter to look behind Axel at me. "Boyfriend?" Luxord asked, drawing his thumb up to his chin.
Axel shook his head, "No. No no no no, just a really good friend." He turned to smile at me and then looked back at Luxord.
"Ah …" Luxord nodded to me and I ignored him.
"He's not a people person, so don't get offended if he doesn't really take to you right away." Axel said as he ordered another drink from the bartender. It was a Pepsi. Luxord copied his gesture and got another cosmopolitan. "So…you don't really sound like you're from around here."
"I'm here on holiday from England, actually." Luxord said, a grin coming to his face. He leaned forward letting his hands drop down into his lap. "I've heard New York City boasts a rather interesting night life."
"Ah …" Axel said, taking a sip of his drink. He looked away from Luxord momentarily. "Well …"
"Yes?" Luxord asked, leaning in a bit further.
"Did you find it interesting?" Axel asked, sounding a bit perturbed.
"Oh, very much so." Luxord answered, taking a hand and draping it across Axel's thigh.
Red flags instantly went up in my mind and I felt my hand tightening up into a fist. Hold up there and PAUSE. If he didn't move his hand away from Axel's thigh...
Axel promptly smacked Luxord's hand away from his thigh. "Yo, none of that here."
"Oh? I was getting the impression that you might have liked that sort of thing." Luxord murmured in a voice that was poorly bordering on seductive.
"…You just met me like …five minutes ago." Axel said. I could hear the agitation seeping into his voice.
"What a bother." Luxord mused. "Guess I'll just have to find another interesting native then. It was …a pleasure making the acquaintance either way." He got off of the seat by Axel and quickly toddled off away from the bar.
Axel turned to look at me, "What the hell was that all about?"
"I don't know." I snapped, looking away from him. I was getting possessive now.
"Sheesh, this is why I don't do gay clubs." Axel said, "…I always get the weirdo's that aren't my type at all."
"Considering your history of love interests, I don't find that to be surprising at all." I said. Beyond possessive.
"Ouch." Axel muttered, "Low blow, Roxy."
"It shouldn't be when it's the truth." I was turning into such a little dramatic bitch.
He rubbed his head, "Well …" He bit his lip, "I'm going to go and check on Demyx and Zexion and see what they're doing. You'll be okay by yourself, won't you?" I waved him off and he lingered momentarily. "Does that mean a yes, no, what?"
I just looked at him and he shrugged and left me at the bar. I watched him peer off of the banister momentarily before darting off down the stairs and into the mix of gyrating men and woman. I sighed, hailed the bartender and ordered another Pepsi. A group of nearly naked men passed my line of vision and I shook my head and pressed my forehead into the crevice of my elbow, groaning loudly.
"I was wondering when I might be able to get you to myself."
I turned around to see Luxord standing behind me, a twisted grin on his face. He had his hands on his hips and his posture showed that he was seriously way too confident in himself. It rubbed me in all the wrong ways. I felt my stomach heave a bit and tightened my hand in irritation. I had had it up to here with all these men who were always showing interest in Axel and then turning around and hitting on me whenever Axel showed no interest in them.
"What the hell do you want?" I said, turning around in my seat. I twirled the straw around in my drink.
He laughed, "Everything, actually." Luxord came into my view as he walked up beside me. I turned away from him, and focused on slowly sipping at my drink. "I was waiting for your little friend to leave so I could talk to you. Imagine my luck meeting little infamous Roxas Ardenwell in such a scandalous place."
"Good job, you know who I am." I snapped, "Do you want a fucking gold medal or something?"
"…Perhaps we could settle on a rumor shaking tabloid picture instead."
"I'm pretty sure you could find some underage celebrity slut to give you what you want." I murmured. "Not interested."
"Oh …but I am." And as soon as he said that, his arms encircled my shoulders in an instant and he was trying to pull me off of the bar stool.
"Get your fucking hands off of me." I growled. When Luxord didn't budge, I reached for my drink and tossed the remaining liquid in the bottom of the cup in his general direction. While he was distracted, I elbowed him underneath his exposed arm, and with my right arm punched him in the face as hard as I could to get him off me completely.
Luxord promptly flew out of my line of focus, and stumbled away from me his hands flying over the front of his face. "You little—"
The next thing I knew, someone grabbed me from around the waist and I was being yanked off my bar stool. I tried to fight whoever it was but when I heard the familiar voice in my ear I stopped with my protest.
"I can't leave you alone for two seconds without something happening, can I?"
It was Axel. God, if he had that uncanny ability to always come at the right moment …
"He didn't do anything to you, did he?" Axel asked.
I shook my head, as he dropped me down to my feet. Before Luxord had a moment to retaliate, we were surrounded by three security guards and dragged off to a more discreet area of the club. After the accounts of what had just occurred had been told, the security guards brought in one of the bartenders who had been at the bar.
He explained to security what he had seen and that my reaction was completely out of self defense. Security promptly escorted—more like kicked—Luxord out of the club and apologized for the inconvenience. The minute Luxord was out of sight, Axel turned to me, rubbing his head and looking a bit stressed out.
"…I think you've had enough fun for one night."
And with that, he had us escorted out of the back entrance of the club. By the time we had gotten outside, my already shitty mood had decreased into nearly catastrophic. I walked away from Axel and over to the waiting limo and began yanking at the door. When it didn't budge, I kicked at the door. The driver got the hint as the locks popped open shortly after. I got in, and slammed the door shut. Axel followed a little while after, his phone in his hand.
"I'm taking him home. Yeah …yeah, that was us. Sorry …I'll see you guys …no, don't worry about it. Keep partying. Yeah …I'll see you when you get in. No, seriously, don't worry about it, Dem …go have fun." Axel got off the phone and sighed. "I'm going to take you home."
"I don't want to fucking go home." I snapped, "What I want is to go and find that asshole so I can beat the shit out of him."
"Then if you won't go back home, I'm taking you back to my place for a little while. You need somewhere to calm down at and I don't want you destroying this limo. We don't necessarily own it, all right?" He looked over his shoulder.
"I am calm." I seethed.
"No, you're not." Axel said, not at all fazed by my tone of voice. I flopped over in the seat, turning away and ignoring Axel. He rolled the window down and told the driver, "Take it home. West 20th street between 6th and 7th Ave."
"At your wish, sir."
xXx
I exploded as soon as I stepped into Axel's apartment.
He watched me silently as I went into a fit of hysterics that involved me screaming whatever that came to mind at the highest pitch that my voice could go. When that no longer did anything for me, I redirected my frustration or whatever I was feeling to the wall. Axel, however, stepped in to redirect me to his bedroom so I could punch the shit out of one of his pillows. He didn't need my hand ending up like his own.
I ended my tirade by silently fuming on the floor of Axel's bedroom, my legs drawn up against my chest with my forehead pressed firmly against my knees and my right arm hanging over by my eyes. This was …just a culmination of everything that had been building, and what happened with Luxord had been the one thing that tipped the scale.
Axel was cautious to approach me, making sure I had gotten everything out in my system out first before he even attempted to talk to me. "…Roxas?" He asked.
I looked up at him, my vision was blurred. I blinked a couple of times to get my eyes to focus. Axel was standing in front of me by the door of his bedroom with steaming mugs in both his hands. I lowered my gaze away from him, shaking my head. "I'm fine; I'm not volatile if that's what you're thinking."
I felt his presence close beside me and I opened my eyes to look at him. He passed a mug off to me. "Here."
I looked down into the cup. It was tea. I turned to look up at him. "Axel …" I started.
He looked at me expectantly. "It's nothing bad, come on, drink it."
I sighed, knowing very well that he would be relentless in bothering me to drink the tea. I blew on the tea for a few seconds, before taking a test sip. I blinked twice, then looked down at the tea and sniffed it.
"How is it?" He asked, drinking his own.
"It's …okay…" I blanched, holding a hand to my nose. It had cinnamon in it.
He exhaled deeply, "…Roxas."
"No …it's just …" I looked up at him and he was staring at me expectantly. I shook my head, "Never mind, it's nothing." I started to drink the tea, my head starting to swirl to the point where I could barely feel my hands anymore, my breath became labored and I was staring to feel lightheaded. I thought I was going to be sick.
He looked a bit worried, "Roxas …" He tried again.
Please don't fall apart. Please …for the love of God, don't fall apart.
"Can …you please tell me what's wrong?" He asked.
I looked up at him slowly at him for a long time. I was pretty sure he was talking again, but once again I was tuning him out. I started at his eyes, green and creased slightly, the worry reaching beyond his voice and into his expression. His eyebrows were furrowed, wrinkling at the crevice of where they met the top of his nose. He set the mug off to his side and leaned in a bit.
Roxas?
I wouldn't see him anymore …
I wouldn't …
Shit, shit shit, don't start. For the love of God, don't fall apart. Don't. I can't …
"Roxas? Are you—"
In an instant, I threw what little reason I had to the wind and leaned forward. I latched my hands around the front of his collar, yanked him forward toward me and crushed my lips on his. The last thing I saw before I shut my eyes was him looking a bit alarmed and trying to say something, but whatever he was trying to converse to me was lost between our mouths.
Axel and I stayed frozen like we were for what seemed like forever. Slowly, I felt his hands move to where mine were gripped tightly around his collar. He worked his fingers in under mine, and gently pried them from off of the fabric. I started to panic and all my fear from before just flooded to the pit in my stomach. I tried to fight for dominance with him, but eventually he won the battle and he pulled away from me. Before I had time to react, Axel had linked his arms around my waist and was pulling me forward into his lap.
I had really lost it, hadn't I? Honestly, before I met Axel I would have never done something so impulsive and stupid. I should really just call up Ansem and told him to put me away for life, maybe then I'd revert back into my old ways and I wouldn't have to deal with my stupidity as it was right now. I turned my attention back to Axel and glared at him. Curse him to the eternal depths of hell for bringing out my inner stupidity.
"Roxas …" He said when I tried to pull away from him. "Roxas, would you please calm down for five minutes of your life?"
"Spare me—" I began but he put one finger over my lips to shush me and I looked up at him.
His green eyes were soft and …there was something lying behind them that I couldn't exactly place. Using the same hand he had just used previously, he rubbed a thumb under my chin and whispered softly, "And you tell me that I don't know when to shut up."
And then my brain promptly left my body for the next twenty or so minutes.
It was like I had gone to hell and back. Like I was living in one of those stupid movie scenes where two people are staring at each other and then start kissing. You know the ones with the terrible soft rock ballad in the background, and there's all those odd camera angles and shit, and the two people gyrate their bodies on screen and basically start sucking the sides of each other's faces off and ugh …
But kissing Axel wasn't like that. It was nice. Alright, that's an understatement. I practically melted on him, that's what happened. I had ended up in his lap, his legs somewhat curled near the small of my back as I had linked my own around his hips. My arms latched forward onto his neck and he shifted me gently in an attempt to keep me from sliding backwards and away from him. He started out kissing me softly at first, little chaste kisses here and there, separating ever so often to watch my response to something. He'd often grin when I'd reach into his hair and push him back toward me whenever he made a motion to separate.
Eventually I somehow ended up turned over with my back on the carpet and Axel over me. Things got a little more heated at that point. There was a whole bunch of fervent groping, pulling of clothing and necking. …A whole lot of necking on Axel's part. I didn't really want him to stop …but I didn't really want to tote around love bites that Sora would be breathing down my neck about.
Also, you know how I had been wondering about Axel's tongue ring? When things got especially heated, and Axel got even more so daring, he slipped his tongue between our mouths and I nearly choked on my own tongue when he caught me by surprise. I promptly pulled away from him and started coughing. Okay, so maybe I wasn't ready for the tongue ring, we'd have to work on that.
…Other than that, things went smoothly and I spent a good half hour making out with Axel on his bedroom floor. Not exactly the way I pictured a love confession, but hey, it was something. And it didn't end as catastrophically as I thought it would. Thumbs up Nutcase Roxas, maybe you are useful for something.
When we both pulled away, I instantly lowered my face into the front of his shirt by the crevice of his neck, pretty sure that I would start blushing at any given moment.
"So …that was the problem." He said, rolling us over so that I was on top again. Axel pulled me closer to his chest, and reached underneath my shirt to begin stroking my back.
"…I tried to tell you before." I mumbled as I rested my head underneath his chin. "But you're so stupidly dense sometimes …"
"So I've been told." He laughed. I could feel the reverberations of his voice against my cheek. "Sorry, Rox."
I groaned, shaking my head. "…So …so stupid."
He rubbed my back for a little bit before he spoke again. "I got something for you."
"Do you have to get it now?" I asked. I was actually enjoying the way we were right now.
Axel balanced himself on his elbow and looked at me with a lopsided grin. "I'd like to …" He looked upwards, "Actually, I didn't think I'd have time to give it to you in person, so I was going to mail it …but …well I figure now is as good as time as any to give it to you."
I rolled off of him, "You ruin moments, you know?"
"So I've been told." He kissed me on the forehead and walked away from me and headed over to his closet.
"…Wouldn't it make more sense if I was giving something away to you?" I asked, getting off the floor and sitting down on his bed.
"Yeah, but I figured I needed to leave a little part of myself behind with you. I've got enough Roxas quotes to last me a life time while I'm on the road." His voice was muffled from the closet. He knocked something over and with a loud exclamation of, "SHIT!"
I sighed, running a hand through my hair as Axel shuffled through things in his closet. He really …hadn't reacted to everything how I envisioned it. I had this whole scenario in my mind where I would tell him how I felt and he'd get all silent and completely reject me. Nowhere in that scenario was there an impulsive kiss, Axel completely accepting things as they were and him giving me some …farewell gift. Maybe being around Axel for so much has made me more dramatic than what I already used to be.
Axel came back, his arms tightened around a long slender object in a guitar bag. "Here we are!" He laid it down beside me. "Well, go ahead and open it."
I unzipped the bag, and instantly blinked when I saw a gleaming white guitar staring face up back at me. "Axel …"
"I think it's time you step up from the acoustic, hm?" He asked.
I looked up at him, completely ignoring his idle banter about the guitar, "Axel?"
"Hm?"
"…Why did you kiss me back?"
He looked at me long and hard, before sighing. "Would you rather I didn't?"
"No …but …" I shook my head.
"You didn't expect me to react in that way?" He asked. Axel grinned, "Well …I'm dense, but I'm not entirely that dense. Your aversion to me, your clumsiness around me and the overall love sick puppy dog eyes that you gave me clued me in that you liked me in some way shape or form. I however, thought it might have been a passing crush or some sort. Sorry Rox, but you don't exactly give off the 'Hey guys, I'm completely and totally straight!' vibe."
"So you basically acted blind to everything?" I asked, frowning.
"Well …" He tapped his chin. "I …kept asking you what was wrong because some other part of my mind rationalized with me that it might not be entirely …you know …love sickness. Maybe you were stressed out by something else and you just didn't know how to tell me, you know? But …I guess I sort of knew that it wasn't just a passing crush when I saw how you acted around Luxord tonight. I may pretend like I'm oblivious, but I only do it because it's easier to observe people that way, Roxy."
"That still doesn't explain why you kissed me." I said, crossing my arms.
Axel shrugged, "Well …what if I was to tell you that …you were starting to grow on me a little." He shook his head, "No, wait. That's a lie; you were starting to grow on me a lot."
Something in my mind started to click and whirr as it pieced together something Ansem had told me during one of our sessions.
"…I've come to understand that he cares about you …perhaps beyond the bonds of what he really should."
"I know that it would agonize him …to hear that something had happened to you while he was away." Ansem looked back to me, a soft smile on his face, and his eyes crinkling.
…God, I've grown stupid. Why the hell didn't I pick that up earlier? Oh, that's right. I was too busy being love sick over Axel.
He sat down beside me, "You're cranky, surly and probably one of the most anti-social people I've ever met in my entire life, but it didn't deter me from liking you any less. Because underneath it all, I knew who's in there." He pointed at my chest, "And it's alright if no one else knows about it, because at least I do."
I covered my face again and fell over on the bed. "Don't start with the mushy crap, Axel, or I will punch you in the face."
He fell over beside me, and pulled me closer. "You're so cute when you're embarrassed."
"Call me cute again and I'll castrate you."
The front door clicked open and Axel closed his eyes, cursing under his breath. "Interruptions abound."
"We're homeeeee!" Demyx yelled loudly as the door slammed. "Axeeelll?"
He pulled away from me, and straightened his shirt, "You …might want to go check yourself out in the bathroom before Demyx and Zexion see you. Concealers on the top shelf."
I looked at him questioningly and his grin only intensified as he left the room. I walked over to his bathroom and turned the light on and closed the door. Besides my messed up hair and disheveled clothing, I noticed a bright red mark beginning to form on the side of my neck just under my chin.
He left a MARK. I was going to KILL Axel.
Concealers on the top shelf, my ass! I begrudgingly stood on the toilet so I could get to the top shelf, which Axel, being as freakishly tall as he was would have no problem getting. I flipped off the top and ran a finger into the powder and started to run it along the length of the reddened mark. I groaned when it didn't seem to disappear at all.
"Sometimes it helps if you moisturize the area first." Axel said, appearing behind me. "It plumps up the skin."
I turned around to look at him. He walked over to me and took the concealer out of my hand and sat it on the side of the sink. "And you know so much about makeup, because?"
"Well besides the fact that I'm an avid fan of eye liner, I've also been around gay make-up artists." He replied, "They're tons of them in the business; often give you make-up tips during photo shoots and shit."
"Are you sure you aren't one in disguise?" I asked, scowling at him.
He uncapped a small blue bottle and started to smear it over the concealer, "Positive. Besides, I'm a Roxas artist."
"I'm not going to even ask what that's supposed to mean." I watched as he rubbed the concealer over the moisturizer and he was right, the spot seemed to fade a lot better than with the concealer by itself.
"All done." He capped both of the bottles and put them away. "Well?"
I turned to look at him. "I'm going to kill you."
"I know." He said. "I'm just leaving my mark on you for weeks to come though."
"Possessive much?"
"I don't like others taking what's mine. Read my horoscope."
"I know, you're a Leo. Aggressive, possessive and you've got an ego that's damn well near close to endless."
"Glad you know these sorts of thing, Roxy. It makes my life a whole lot easier." Axel laughed, and tugged on me to follow him out of the bathroom. "Shit …it's late. Let's get you home."
Truth be told, I didn't want to go, but I knew I would eventually have to. I said my goodbyes to Zexion and Demyx and wished them luck as we were leaving. As soon as we were on the elevator, Axel was quick to steal another kiss from me, pinning me up against the side of the elevator and mounting me on the handle bar on one of the walls so that I didn't have to strain myself by standing on my tippy toes. This height difference thing was going to pose a bit of a problem.
He started talking the moment we stepped out into the humid June air and onto the sidewalk. "Call me when you get home, alright?" He smiled softly at me, "And promise me you won't stop thinking about me until I get back, alright?"
I looked at him, and then his smile broadened, so I looked away and sighed rather loudly. "You sound like some love sick teenage girl."
"Reminiscent of yourself, isn't it?"
"Would you rather I break your face in now, or later?" I snapped.
"I don't mind as long as it's you, Roxy." He grinned. I groaned and he broke out into his usual loud laughter. Axel was quick to hail a cab for me and opened the door so I could get in. He leaned forward, "East 80th between York and East End." He turned to look at me. "I'll call ahead for Sora and let him know you're coming back uptown, alright?" I nodded at him and he smiled at me.
"Take care, Roxy."
The cab driver revved the engine once and Axel stood back from the car. He kissed his index and middle finger, and saluted off to me once. I turned around to watch his fading figure on the corner of the street and sighed as I reclined back into the seat and he was no longer visible. I looked at the clock in the front. It was nearly one in the morning.
"…Excuse me?" I addressed the cab driver as soon as we were out of sight of Axel's apartment. "Can you take me somewhere else?"
"Where to?" The cabbie asked.
"…Kisaragi Body Modification." I said, "199 East 5th street. Between Avenue A and B."
xXx
I honestly don't know what possessed me to travel to Yuffie's tattoo parlor at nearly one in the morning, but there I was, guitar slung over my back and the hood of my shirt pulled over my head as I stared up at the neon sign above me. I paused briefly, and then entered the store. The bell overhead jingled dully and I let the door close behind me.
The first person I saw was a tall man of probably six feet or higher with golden eyes and long dark haired. In a voice that was void of emotion he told me that they were closing. I later learned that his name was Vincent because Yuffie came out from out of nowhere, yelling at him about letting people in the store at the hour that it was.
When she saw me standing there, she instantly retracted her statement and after some quick discussion, I found myself in one of the back rooms of the tattoo parlor being prepped for my second tattoo and possibly another piercing if I decided on doing it. Usually someone gets a tattoo on whim in the wee hours of the morning after they break up with someone, or something traumatic has happened to them. However, that is a normal person, and I am not normal by all accounts.
After flipping through the book of designs, I settled on a simple design on my right bicep. There was a kanji phrase that particularly stuck out in my mind. It meant, 'be born again' or 'start life afresh'.
After tonight …I think that's how I was starting to feel.
It took nearly two hours to finish, but when it was done, I was pretty satisfied. I'd leave tomorrow morning for me to bitch at myself for being so stupid as to get a tattoo at such an hour. Besides, Nutcase Roxas was winning this night a million times over. After the tattoo was done, I decided on getting two more piercings. The piercings I had been wanting for awhile now, but never really took the initiative to get done. Firstly, I got a rook on my right ear and a single lobe piercing on my left. By the time I was done in Yuffie's parlor, I was very well a bloody mess and my entire right side hurt like a bitch.
If you were to ask me why I decided to do what I did that night, I wouldn't have an answer for you. I'd been on some type of stupid high ever since I'd kiss Axel, and that had led me to act more impulsively than I would like, hence arriving at Yuffie's tattoo parlor to get a new tattoo and something pierced on both of my ears.
Thankfully, I was able to flag down a cab as I walked out onto the deserted street. It seems that even paparazzi have to sleep at sometime because they were nowhere in sight between the time I had left Axel's house to the point of returning to my own apartment at nearly four in the morning.
And then it hit me.
I had forgotten to call Sora and tell him where I was going.
When I took out my phone I saw I had seven missed calls and double the amount of texts from both Sora and Axel. I flipped my phone shut, and groaned. Yes, Sora worried about me, I forgot about that …and he was probably going to be in hysterics if he was still awake when I stepped across the threshold of our apartment.
I got into our building swiftly and up to our floor in less than two minutes flat. I tried to close the door as silently as I could, but it was so dark in the house I could barely see where I was going. I took off my shoes and tried to walk as silently as I could to my room, but the next thing I knew, Soro was up and barking up a storm as I entered the house. It wasn't long before Sora appeared, standing in the hallway, his robe on and his arms crossed. His expression was a cross between worry and pissed off.
"Where have you been?" Sora asked, walking over to me. "Do you see what time it is? Axel called the house at a quarter to one saying you'd be back up town shortly. Roxas! It's ten past three, where the hell did you go?"
"Sora, chill out, I—"
"I thought something happened to you!" Sora said again, walking toward me, his blue eyes still wide and hurt. "Don't worry me like that!"
"Sora, I'm sorry." I said. "I forgot, I was in a daze. I'm sorry."
Sora looked at the floor then up at me, "Where'd you go?"
"To Yuffie's." I replied.
He looked at me questionably as I walked away from him and down the hallway to my bedroom. He followed after me and watched me from my doorway as I took the guitar off my back and sat it up against my bed. "What's …that?"
"A tattoo parlor." I said.
"…What'd you do there?" Sora asked.
"Got another tattoo." I rolled up the sleeve to my right bicep and showed him where I had been bandaged up and carefully rolled my sleeve down afterwards. "And two piercings."
"…The last time you got a tattoo …" Sora stopped himself and then looked up at me, "Did something happen with Axel?"
I paused for a moment and then turned around to look at Sora. Before I could answer, my phone went off suddenly and I looked down at it. Axel's number was flashing across the front the screen. I hit the on button and pressed the phone into my ear. "I'm home."
"Where the hell did you go?" Axel's tired voice filtered in from the other line.
"I went down to Yuffie's." I said. "Wanted to get a tattoo."
"…You gave Sora and I both heart attacks." He murmured.
"I know." I said, looking at Sora and then I turned my attention back to the phone, and did something I hadn't done in probably over three years. I cracked a genuine smile. "Sorry."
xXx
"Well." Ansem said as soon as I was finished. He cleared his throat again, shuffling his papers and removed his glass. He massaged the bridge of his nose before he put them back on, "Well …"
"You never saw it coming." I said, crossing my arms.
"…I …" Ansem started, and then shook his head. "…am very ... perplexed, yes. But …" He got out of his seat and walked around the back of his desk. "Here. Axel left me with this. He said it was important that you read it. I had had a feeling something transpired between you two, though I would have never thought it would have been something of this caliber."
I got out of my set and crossed over to where Ansem was standing and took the envelope from him. I looked at the front, and noticed Axel's chicken scratch handwriting instantly. "Thanks."
Ansem looked over at the clock to his left, "My, we have extended our time by nearly a half an hour."
I shrugged, "I talked a lot this session."
"Which is always good." Ansem said, nodding his head. "Well, Roxas …I'm sure when Axel comes back you two will have quite a bit to talk about. Until then, do as he and I both want you to do. Take your life at the pace you have been for the past few months. A few weeks is not as long as you would think it is, and I'm sure the time will pass by before you even know it." He reached for the door. "I'm not going to be in the office next week so we'll meet the next week over."
I flipped the envelope over in my hands again. "Alright."
"Take care until then, Roxas."
xXx
Sora wasn't in when I got home.
He was still slightly upset with me from last weekend, but during the week, it had subsided and we were talking again. Soro was barking me as soon as I got in the house and closed the door. I paused slightly at the front to look at the living room, before turning down the hallway and heading to my room.
She followed after me as I shrugged off my shoes and kicked them out in front of me. Axel, the gold fish that is, was making faces at me the moment I entered the room. I tapped some food into his tank, and made sure he ate it before retiring to my bed. I sat down on the mattress, and looked down at the envelope. I carefully slid a finger under the sealing and flipped the top open and took the letter out.
The letter itself looked a little bit smudged, as if it had been written over and over again as if he had been in a rush and trying to figure out what he wanted to write at the last minute. There were various stray marks and cross outs on the paper, but still it remained legible.
Dear, Roxas …
Should I really write dear? This isn't even supposed to be a formal sort of letter …
I'll leave it at Roxas. Roxas,
Okay, so telling you to 'think about me until I came back' wasn't enough for me and seemed kind of cheesy and lame, so I'm writing you this letter …note …whatever the hell you want to call it. I don't know where to start. I know we didn't say all that we could have on Saturday night …and …
…Oh, fuck. I told you, I'm no good at this type of stuff, though you'll probably say, 'No, you only said you're no good at starting stories.' Well add letter-note-thingy's to the list also, okay? You can bitch at me about it when I get back. I'll gladly endure it. Anyway, as you're reading this, I'm probably on a jet to Texas with Dem and Zex. Who knows, we might have even landed already. I digress; this is supposed to be about you and I. Not about planes and Texas and …fuck it.
I want you to take it easy while I'm gone, alright? I've said it before, I know, but it's the honest to God awful truth. I know you have a habit of over analyzing things beyond what they are, because you always wonder if what you have is actually real. And this is real, alright? Believe that. This paper is real. What happened that night was real, what …we might become is real. Me going away right now or later …or whenever won't ever be the end of things. We've still got a shit load of stuff to talk about when I get back. And if you're patient, which I know you can be when you want to be, the month will pass by sooner than you expect.
Funny, I can hear you calling me stupid already.
I'm sorry this is the best I can do for you now, but when I finally got the inspiration to write this, it was a few hours before my plane took off, and I only had enough time to leave it with Ansem before we missed our …jet thing. I don't know how available I'll be while we're on the road, but you have my number if you really need to talk to me, call it. If I'm not around, leave me a message and I'll try and get back to it as soon as I can. Also, Roxas, you really drive me crazy. I just thought that you should know that. …So how am I supposed to sign this? Yours truly? Sincerely? Truly yours? Sexily apt to write letters?
…I'll leave it at love.
-Axel.
P.S. Take good care of Axel while I'm gone! I want to see the little guy alive and well when I get back.
P.P.S. Please try not to give Sora too many heart attacks. I know you're infamous for doing that.
P.P.P.S. …Um …What does P.S. mean again?
P.P.P.P.S. Postal note sex?
P.P.P.P.P.S. I looked it up. It means Post scriptum. Schnazzy, eh?
I got off my bed, and bent around to feel underneath the frame. I pulled out the shoe box I was looking for and popped the top open. I inserted Axel's note back into its envelope, carefully folded the back over again and looked at it for a moment. I looked down at the box and then placed the envelope next to the picture of Hayner, Pence, Olette and I at New Years, and stared at it briefly.
He now belonged with the rest of them.
Memories of mine that could not be forgotten.