A/N: It lives! All right, so having to rely on other people's computers just didn't seem to work out so well so I finally bit the bullet and bought a new laptop. Then it took a few days to get myself back in the swing. It was kind of hard getting back into it but here it is. Apologies for the lengthy delay. I hope to keep updated now that I have the means again. As usual, it's un-beta'd, so the numerous mistakes and fluctuating tenses are all mine. lol. I was tempted to go back and proofread and correct the entire story up until now but who knows when I would've gotten around to an actual update if I'd done that. So, I decided to fore go that thought and just get back to it.

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Chapter Twenty Six

"You did what?!", Sandy's surprised and somewhat angry voice echoes through the kitchen.

"I went to speak with Trey", Caleb calmly states again.

"Dad? Why would you do that without speaking with us first?", Kirsten asks. Disappointment clear in her voice and on her face. "Ryan's in such a vulnerable place. His family has hurt him so much, dad. I..."

Caleb cuts her off, "I apologize for not discussing it with you first but once I was informed that Mr. Atwood's body was going to be released I felt it would make things easier on the boy if he had some input from someone who might understand his feelings for the man. Someone he would be comfortable sharing the load with."

Sandy sighs but understands the intent. "All right, Cal. I get why you went but why wouldn't you okay it with us first, after everything that's gone on? I would have liked to have been the one to talk with Trey."

"I suppose that's why I did an end run around you. I wanted to see and judge this boy for myself. I made the mistake of prejudging Ryan. I didn't want to make the same mistake", Caleb admits.

Ryan's voice suddenly joins the conversation. "You saw Trey?", he asks as he slowly enters the room.

"What are you doing up, kiddo? We didn't wake you did we?", Sandy asks as he and Kirsten both spring from their seats to help him to a chair. He'd left Ryan sound asleep only moments earlier. He'd had some fitful moments of sleep so Sandy stayed to make sure it didn't escalate into a full blown nightmare. When his sleep finally seemed to settle into a peaceful one he'd gone in search of Kirsten, whom he'd found sleeping in their bedroom. He'd just crawled into bed with her, gently snuggling up to her, when the phone rang. It was Caleb, informing them that he was about fifteen minutes away and would be there shortly to discuss some things. He'd hung up before giving them a chance to question what things or to ask where he was coming from. Sandy had rolled his eyes at Caleb's expecting them to just hop to whenever he called. Nevertheless, he and Kirsten reluctantly roused themselves from bed and went to the kitchen to put on a fresh pot of coffee to wait for King Caleb to grace them with his presence.

Ryan just gives a shake of the head, not taking his eyes off of Caleb as he asks, "Is he ok?".

"He seemed fine. He was concerned about you", Caleb replies.

Ryan tries to hide a grimace as he takes a seat at the table.

"Oh, honey. You really need to get your rest", Kirsten says with a shake of her head. "You shouldn't be on your feet so much."

Ryan gives her a side glance, "I know. I just kind of moved wrong and it woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep".

"Do you need a pain pill?", Kirsten asks as she worriedly looks him over.

Ryan absently nods, too focused on Caleb to even try to hide his discomfort. "Why'd you go see Trey?", he asks him as Kirsten gets up to retrieve his pain meds and a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

Caleb risks a look at Sandy for approval and at his nod he tells Ryan the reason for his visit. "They're releasing your dad's body tomorrow and I thought you might like to have some of his input to help in making some decisions."

Ryan bites his lower lip and softly says, "Ok. What do I need to do?"

"Well, you need to decide between cremation or burial. Trey seemed to think that he'd prefer cremation", Caleb says and looks to Ryan for confirmation.

"Uh, yeah, I guess. If that's what Trey thinks", Ryan says as he shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

"All right. Trey also said that your grandparents are buried in Fresno?"

Ryan nods. "Yeah. I remember dad saying that once."

"So do you agree that he should be buried there?", Caleb asks. At Ryan's nod he continues, "Then what we need to do is pick a funeral home and to decide how you want to proceed. You can do a direct cremation, which would allow you some time to heal, if you want a service of any kind. The mortuary can store the ashes until you're ready, or you can take possession of them. If you don't want a service, they can also do a direct burial, in which they will proceed immediately and you won't have to do a thing". He looks to Ryan.

Ryan's eyes are cast downward as he chews his lip. They all allow him time to process before he quietly says, "I...it doesn't seem right not to have someone say something. I mean, everyone deserves that don't they? Even him?", he says as he raises his eyes and casts a glance around the table.

Kirsten reaches over and runs a gentle hand through his hair as she asks, "So you want to have a service", more a statement than a question.

Ryan looks down again and asks, "is that...would that be ok?"

"Kid, whatever you feel you need is what we'll do. Ok?", Sandy says with a squeeze of his arm.

Ryan nods and Caleb notices the furrow of his brow. He's clearly struggling with something in is mind. "What is it, Ryan?", Caleb asks softly.

His tone bringing Sandy's eyes to him. He doesn't think he has ever heard Caleb speak in such a gentle manner. He turns his attention back to Ryan. "Ryan? What is it?"

Ryan clears his throat. "What...what about...isn't there usually a, uh, a viewing...b..before...", his voice trails off as he looks to Caleb.

Sandy and Kirsten close their eyes. They'd been hoping that Ryan wouldn't put himself through that. "Honey", Kirsten says, touching his hand to garner his attention. "That is usually what happens but you don't have to do that."

Ryan licks his lips and sighs. "I...it's just that...I...the last time I saw him...I don't know if I want that to be the last memory of him". He shifts in his seat again. "I know he didn't care about me and Trey. I'm not going to pretend like I'm going to miss him but...he...he was always so angry and I..."

Understanding dawns on Kirsten. Her thoughts shift to the photo she saw of the crime scene, with Frank's vacant eyes, blood pooled around him. Maybe it would be better for Ryan to have that last horrific memory replaced by a more serene scene. Many people shy away from the idea of the last memory of a loved one being in a casket but for someone like Ryan, whose life was filled with violence at the hand of this man, it could understandably be a welcome sight. His stillness putting a calm final chapter to that part of his life. She casts a look to Sandy over Ryan's head and sees her thoughts mirrored in his expression.

Ryan's voice breaks through, "Is that even possible, though? I mean, they shot him in the head. The whole side...". His voice trails off as he motions to the side of his head, not able to finish out is sentence. Frank's head had jerked from the impact. There must've been a gaping hole in the side of his head from the exit wound.

Sandy sucks in a breath, not knowing what to say to that. Inwardly cursing Frank Atwood for putting Ryan through any of this. He's a teenage boy whose biggest worry should be about school and girls. Not trying to figure out whether his father's head was too damaged to have an open casket.

Caleb clears his voice. "I'm sure that they can...reconstruct any...areas...in order to make him presentable. If that's what you want, Ryan, I can find out. I'm sure they won't know for certain until they see what they have to work with, so we won't have an answer until tomorrow. I think I've got enough to where I can get started on things. If you don't object, how about I choose the funeral home and arrange for them to pick up the body and give them a preliminary plan, depending on what they find tomorrow".

"Ok. Thanks. And, uh, about the money...", Ryan starts but is stopped by a gesture of Caleb's hand.

"Don't worry about that now, Ryan. We'll work that all out after", Caleb states firmly.

Ryan nods. "I...I really appreciate your help", he says sincerely. Caleb nods back and excuses himself to go make a few more calls.

"Ok, honey. That's enough of this for today. You need to get some rest", Kirsten says as she stands, leaving no room for discussion.

Sandy stands up and helps Ryan rise. They start to turn him toward the stairs but he resists. "Would it be ok if I sit out on the patio for a while?", he asks. "I'll take it easy. I just need some...space". Being locked in a trunk, then a basement, followed by being cooped up in a hospital room and then his bedroom, with people hovering around him for what seemed like every second was getting to him. In some ways he welcomed it. When he was alone his thoughts drifted to places he didn't want to revisit but he really needed to feel...unconfined at the moment.

Sandy and Kirsten share a look and agree. They help him to the poolside lounger and settle him in. Kirsten gets him a blanket and sets a bottle of water beside him. "I don't want you to stay out here too long. We'll be right inside, ok?"

Ryan gives her a small smile and a nod. He blows out a breath once left alone and settles back in the seat, relishing the sun on his face.

Inside, Sandy and Kirsten settle themselves at the table, each keeping an eye out on Ryan. Sandy smiles and shakes his head and Kirsten asks him what he's smiling about.

He shakes his head again and answers, "How did a kid with a heart that big ever spring from a Frank and Dawn union? Even now, after all his dad did to him, he wants to do right by him." He sighs. "I should check in with Mark and see if he's tracked down Dawn. As much as I dread her showing up in his life again, especially now, it's only a matter of time before Ryan decides that maybe she should be a part of things."

"Who should be a part of what now?", a rumpled Seth interjects as he wanders into the kitchen and makes a beeline for the coffee pot. "..and where's Ryan? He's not in his room."

Sandy nods his head in the direction of the patio. "He wanted a little fresh air. We were making funeral arrangements for Frank".

Seth stops mid sip, eyebrows raising as high as possible. "What? Funeral? Why was I left out of the loop? He wants a funeral? Like an actual funeral? After what he did?"

"Seth", Kirsten says with a frown. "Keep your voice down and, yes, Ryan wants some kind of service. So you hold your tongue around him. Got it?"

Seth holds his hand up placatingly. "Ok, ok. Chill mom. It's just...don't pretend like you don't want to just stuff him in the ground or feed him to the fish or something".

"It's not about what we want, Seth", Sandy says. "It's what Ryan seems to need, so that's what we'll do. Caleb is checking on some details we'll need before trying to finalize anything and I'm going to check with Mark and see if he had ever found any leads on Dawn so I can be prepared if Ryan wants to find her to let her know about the funeral."

They fill Seth in on the rest of what was discussed and he suggests going out and seeing if Ryan's ok.

"He wanted some space, Seth", Sandy says.

"I won't bother him. I'll just see if he needs anything or wants to talk and if he doesn't I'll leave him alone", Seth promises. He heads out and pulls a chair next to Ryan. "Hey", he says.

Ryan doesn't look at him but returns the greeting.

"You need anything?", Seth asks.

"Nah. I'm good", Ryan says as he stares off in the distance. He knows Sandy and Kirsten must have filled him in. He sees Seth's knee start bouncing as he falls silent. Ryan watches him out of the corner of his eye for a few seconds, cataloging the ever increasing speed of the movement soon accompanied by the thrumming of his fingers. "Spit it out, Seth", half amused at Seth's rather impressive attempt at remaining silent. For him anyway.

"What? Uh, oh, yeah. Uh, you wanna talk...about...", Seth not so smoothly sputters out.

Ryan sighs and say, "Not really. I just want it all over with, ya know?"

Seth bobs his head up and down. "Yeah. I get that", he says in agreement. The knee bouncing resumes and also starts doing that thing he did up in Ryan's room, filling his cheek with air and then poking it with his finger.

Ryan gives him a side glance and shakes his head. "I know you guys don't think he deserves a funeral but he was my dad. He's the reason I exist, and he wasn't born a sadistic bastard. He was somebody's kid...he was...". He starts to say that he was loved by his parents but Ryan doesn't know that. Dawn and Frank didn't love him so whose to say his grandparents loved Frank at all. Maybe they were assholes to him and that's why he was so fucked up. He frowns, "I just think...shit, I don't know what I think. Look, if you or your parents don't want to go..."

"Dude, maybe you should have your head checked again", Seth says with a smirk. "That's not the way family works. Most families. Uh, this family...", no longer smirking. "Sorry, man."

"It's ok. I know what you mean", Ryan says softly.

Seth mentally takes a breath and tries again. "Hey, man. Honestly, I don't care what happens to your dad at this point but it's not really about him right now for us. Whatever you need, we'll do", he says echoing his dad's comments. He asks again if Ryan needs anything and Ryan tells him that he just wants to sit outside a little while longer. "Ok. I'll leave you to it. The 'rents will probably be out in a few to herd you back inside." At Ryan's nod he heads back inside, patting Ryan on the shoulder as he passes. He misses the small smile it brings to Ryan's face.

True to Seth's word, Sandy and Kirsten came out a short time later encouraging Ryan to return to his bedroom to get some rest. Ryan acquiesces, the fresh air, ocean sounds, and a breeze rustling the leaves on the trees was beginning to lull him to sleep. He almost wants to ask if he could sleep there for a little while instead of encased within the bedroom walls but he can already hear the reasons against it most likely having to do with him catching a chill and a reminder about pneumonia. Instead he allows them to guide him inside and up the stairs.

Once the funeral is done he can move on, and he might even get to see Trey outside of prison walls. It's almost over, he tells himself once he settles into bed and starts to drift off.