Glazed Feelings

Part 26

Rizzoli and Isles are the property of TNT and Tess Gerritson. I am only borrowing them for a little angst. I'm sorry this has been delayed, but I have been wiped all this last week. I am sorry for the delay. I doubt anyone is still reading, but I have decided to continue this into several more chapters through Jane's recovery, a new mystery, and a twist of an ending. If you find it tiring, just let me know and I will complete. Your humble bard, Deanlu

Maura gazed out the window of Jane's hospital room. It had been a few days since Jane's discussion with her mother over her work. The medical examiner had been in deep discussion with Korsak, Frost, and Frankie over her the concerns Jane had voiced. It had been agreed upon by all of them that the priority was Jane's recovery. Once they were sure she was on the road to health, then they would begin to tackle to insecurity problems. Interestingly enough, it was Crowe who had come in on the conversation one day and had come up with the idea of how to restore Jane's faith. Maura still remembered all of them being huddled around a conference table where AKON had set up at. Now that the immediate danger was over, most of the security specialists were gone except for bodyguards for Maura and Jane. It had been decided that until Jason Lemon was securely locked up in prison Maura and Jane would have a bodyguard. Lauren Talas would be kept on as well as Samuel Witiker. Both were well trained having come from a covert operation background. They could provide the security and discretion that was needed. Crowe had stated that Jane just needed to be placed in increasing situations of stress where she provided the protection of the person involved. Until she could finally recognize that she was capable of protecting them.

"In other words your saying let Jane take the lead?" Korsak said evenly as he looked at Crowe. Crowe nodded.

"I know we would be treating her like a rookie again, but I think if we treat it with respect and equality she would never recognize it as rookie encouragement. I also think one more thing needs to happen, but I am loath to mention it." Crowe said taking a deep breath and looking Maura in the eye. "She needs to see the department shrink or someone else she can trust. Jane bottles up a lot. She thinks we don't see it, but I do. She's not weaker for going to a psychiatrist. Hell, with all the shit she had gone through I am not sure how she is still sane. I think Maura she needs to see the shrink or she is going to drown soon." Maura let out a long breath and closed her eyes. She agreed with Crowe, but Jane would never do it. She would never share enough to unburden.

"She won't do it Crowe. She sees it as a weakness. Even if Maura was to ask in her best way there would be no way Jane would agree to it." Frankie was saying softly remembering another time. "I know Jane. She was the kid that stood up and defended me from four boys. Even when they had her on the ground beating the shit out of her she never cried, never called out. Afterwards, she wouldn't let me help her home. She placed a hand on my shoulder to protect me and walked right next to me projecting this sense of strength I had never seen before. Once home, even with ma screaming at her, she sat there and took it. She then went to her room and wouldn't let anyone help. I still remember looking in on her that night. The moon was showing through her window. Janie lay in the bed, her body covered in bruises, tears leaking down her cheek as she softly cried from the pain and humiliation. I've never forgot it. I never forgot either when dad took her to the hospital the next day. He came back and was shaking his head as he carried her inside the house. Once he laid her down he went to the kitchen to talk to mom. Jane had two broken ribs, four bruised ribs, and a dislocated elbow from where she had covered to try and protect herself. Doctor said she was lucky not to be half dead. She never cried and never talked to dad about it."

"Damn!" Frost said as he thought about his partner. "I'd follow her to hell and back. I already know she wears the biggest balls in this partnership." Frost sighed and hung his head. It was time for him to suck it up and start pulling his full weight as Jane's partner.

"Doc, I think you need to take Jane on that vacation. I think she needs to spend time recovering and sorting out her heart with you. Once she has that in place everything else will fall back to where it should be for her future. I agree with Crowe though, she needs to talk to someone." Korsak said staring at Maura. Maura nodded her ascent.

"I have the cabin fully stocked and ready to go. Jane will have time to recover and rest. However, I am going to start pulling some of this out of her. Maybe if we are alone and she can feel a little more in control everything will work out. Right now I need Jerry to find out why her fever remains high. The sepsis is gone, but Jane hasn't been able to shake the fever. I'm worried there is now a secondary infection somewhere. We will know more later today from the blood tests." Maura stretched and rose from the chair she was sitting in by Korsak. He grabbed her arm causing Maura to turn and look at him.

"I talked to Cavanaugh about you being gone. He said as long as you will review the autopsy notes and be available through skyping he will let you go. He feels real bad about everything. He says he should have listened from previous experience." Korsak said watching as Maura softened her gaze. She nodded.

"I can agree to that." Maura reached out placing a hand on the side of Vince's face. She noticed how worn out and exhausted the older detective looked right now. He seemed to have added several grey hairs, his eyes were not as attentive to conversations, and he seemed to be paler than usual. "Thank you Vince. Please go home and get some rest." Maura now noticed they all looked tired. It was as if this one case had sucked all the energy out of homicide leaving it a shell of its former self. "All of you. Go get some rest."

"I can't." Frost said firmly. "I have to be in court today for Jason Lemon's secondary hearing. His high flouting lawyer wants him out on bail. I mean to make sure that doesn't happen. Our friendly FBI agents plan to remove him from state custody using Homeland Security's authority. I want to make sure though he is dressed right for the journey and placed on the plane. I am not going to leave until it is in the air." Maura could tell Frost wasn't going to let any rookies screw it up this time. She was grateful to him for it. She had been on pins and needles since he had been arrested. Maura hugged Frost whispering a final note to him.

"Make sure he is trussed like a chicken please." Maura's soft words slid down Frost's hearing.

"With pleasure Maura, with pleasure." Frost said hugging the ME and leaving.

Now Maura stood gazing out the window waiting for Jane to wake. Samuel stepped inside the room helping Constance take a seat.

"Mom, you are supposed to be resting at my home." Maura said winking at Samuel as he left and then sitting next to her mother.

"Well, I can rest here as well as I can at home. Plus I have medical help nearby if needed." Constance said softly glancing toward the where the detective lay in the nearby bed. "What does Dr. Reynolds say about the ongoing fever?"

"It's Jane's body healing. There are no secondary infections. Her blood work is coming back normal. We just need to wait. The fever will leave eventually as Jane gets rest and past a certain point. He thinks maybe two or three more days. The worst is that today Jane has to get up for 20 minutes and move around. He is afraid she is too weak for it." Maura laid her head on her mother's shoulder. Worry was pushing her to her limits of strength these days. Constance for her part was thrilled Maura's head was on her shoulder. A few months ago this would have never happened had it not been for the resilient, stubborn detective that lay in the nearby bed. Jane had turned Constance's world upside down when she defended Maura. It had made Constance question everything after they had left. It had also finally opened the door onto the strict enclosed box that house the older woman's emotions. Constance had finally chucked the Beacon Hill snobbery book that she had used all her life and went with stark, plain emotion. She found out it was not too late to have a relationship with her daughter. So she jumped at the chance. Now months later, she could finally say she could see Maura for who she was not the image created for everyone on the outside.

"Do you know what struck me about Jane the first time I saw her?" Constance asked as she held her daughter. Maura looked up at her mother and shook her head.

"Her strength, it just seemed to emanate from her. It actually seemed to envelop anyone who was in her presence. I have seen many women darling. None have ever had a sense of strength that Jane does. The second thing that struck me was her protectiveness for others, mainly you. She knew I had injured you and did not back down when challenged. I like that in a woman. I like that in a partner for you. I knew then that when and if you got together Jane would be there through thick and thin." Soft tears dropping on Constance's wrist alerted her to her daughter's crying.

"God mother, I was so awful to her after Doyle was shot. I treated her like trash. I wanted her to hurt as badly as I did, so I handed her engagement ring she had given me back in the middle of the bullpen at work in front of all her co-workers. I was so cruel, so wicked. I know she loves me, but I think she will never take me back all the way." Maura's tears fell. Constance looked toward the bed where the detective lay seeing fully alert eyes and a finger placed across lips signaling the older woman to remain quiet. "It wasn't enough to just hand it back. I had to use words to thrust the knife deeper making sure she bleed as much as I felt I had and was bleeding. She will never forgive me truly." Tears continued to cascade down Maura's face as she buried her head into her mother's shoulder."

"You're wrong you know." The first words from Jane in a long while broke the emotional storm in the room causing Maura to look up into the deep, loving eyes of her detective. "I would and have forgiven you Maura. Completely. There are no words or actions you could do that would make me stop loving you. You never left my heart Maura, never vacated it completely. It's funny; I spent all my life building this wall trying to protect myself from love. Then you Maura, you just waltz right in and destroy it with just a touch. I'm still here love. I will always be here, even if you deny me. My offer still stands as it did that day I gave you the ring." Jane's eyes fluttered shut momentarily as her fever seemed to consume her a little. She felt cool hands on her face, soft lips meeting hers, and a rain of tears cascade onto her eyes.

"Oh God Jane." Maura's tears were without end. Months of holding back in anger and pain finally broke free. Jane's absolution of her sins had rent the chains around her heart, mind, body and soul. Never had Maura felt such emotional release it was dizzying and euphoric in nature. Jane's kiss pulled her in buoying her fragile emotional state grounding her in love and warmth. Jane broke the kiss pulling Maura into the bed and tucking her into her side.

"Mine" Jane whispered into Maura's ear as the doctor's warmth steeled over her making the pain cede again into the background and strengthen her body with energy she had not felt in days.

"Yes, yours…heart, mind, body and soul Jane Rizzoli…forever. I promise." Jane nodded kissing her lovers head while Constance looked on in amazement with tears flowing down her face. Images of what artists thought love was flowed through her mind, however, they all paled in comparison to what she had just seen, partaken in, and now stored in her memory for all time. This was love she realized as she watched the two young ladies care, encourage, and absolve one another's pains and mistakes.

There will be a second section posted tonight. Enjoy this piece and my forgiveness on its tardiness. Your humble bard, Deanlu.