Chapter 26

Daniel arrived before Abby had got her information and Tim brought him up to speed on what they were doing. Tony and Ziva were making sure the cars were ready to go as soon as they got the go ahead. Gibbs was with Abby who kept looking back at the CIA agent who looked nothing like a CIA agent.

"Just so you know, Tim," Daniel said, "I'm officially authorized to take Logan out if we find him. This is not an arresting situation. If I see him, I'm shooting him."

"Are you sure that's what you want, Daniel?" Tim asked.

Daniel smiled, and for the first time, Tim really saw him as a CIA agent, not his tour guide and friend from Morocco. It was a smile that was at once knowing and secretive...and merciless.

"Tim, you might not believe it, but I've had the same CIA training as anyone gets. I'm good at my job. I haven't had to use that training in a few years, but I've still had it. I've killed people before and never have I killed someone more deserving than Marc Logan. I'll be doing mankind a favor by getting him out of the gene pool."

Tim nodded, but he regretted seeing that change. Perhaps it had always been there and Daniel had hidden it, but Tim felt that he'd triggered the change by inadvertently asking Daniel to relive his experience. Tim glanced at Gibbs and saw a knowing look on his face. Tim tried not to blush at being so transparent and looked back at the computer for the millionth time.

Finally, his attention paid off.

The computer dinged a result.

Tim almost beat Abby to the monitor, even though she was closer.

"Back off, McGee. My space," Abby said, but she wasn't serious. Not completely.

"Sorry. Ladies first," Tim said, gesturing.

"Thank you."

Abby brought up the information.

"The house is part of the estate of Edward Logan... father of Marc Logan," she said.

"Is there someone who's paying the property taxes?"

"It's coming from a family trust. Automatic payments, every year."

Tim leaned forward.

"So he could have kept it all this time without worrying about being interrupted."

There was a brief silence.

"What do you want to do, McGee?" Gibbs asked.

Tim straightened.

"We need to find out. We're going down there." Tim looked at the screen once more. "But I need to pick up Tamara, first."

"What?" Tony asked. "What if he's not there, Tim? What if he's already dead? Is that really what you want?"

Tim looked at Tony, knowing that this had to be addressed, knowing that it wasn't normal. ...but nothing was in this situation. Not in the details.

"No, it isn't what I want, but it's what she wants. If it were up to me, I'd have her wait until we knew for sure, but it's not. She made me promise that I'd take her. I'm not going to lie to her."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow without speaking. He didn't need to.

"She'll have to stay in the car until we're sure it's safe," Tim said, "but she needs to be there."

"Your decision," Gibbs said.

Tim nodded and made another one.

"You guys can start down right now. I'll need to be out of sight anyway until we're sure we're ready to move in. I'll go and get Tamara and start down. If you see something..."

"We'll let you know," Tony said. Then, he looked at Daniel. "You coming with us or on your own?"

Daniel smiled. Again, there was the different expression that made him a CIA agent.

"Normally, I'd say that I'd go with you, but I'd better keep the illusion of separation. I'll leave now with you, but I'll take my car."

"Then, let's go. We'll see you down there, Tim," Tony said.

"Don't speed too much," Tim said. "Give me a chance to get there."

"We would not leave you out," Ziva said. "At least, not this time."

"Thanks."

Tim hurried out of the lab and ran to the elevator, ran to his desk to grab his things and then ran to the elevator again and outside.

"McGee! Wait!"

He turned around and saw Tony coming out.

"What is it, Tony? We don't want to waste any time."

Tony jogged over to him.

"I know. Just... be careful, okay?"

Tim felt a little confused. So he smiled.

"You'll be down there before I am."

"That's not what I mean," Tony said, looking serious.

Then, Tim saw it. That look in Tony's eye when the past was not where it should be (i.e., in the past). It might as well have been ten years ago right at this moment. Tim wrestled with whether he was irritated that Tony was choosing right now to start worrying about Tim's mental health again or touched that Tony was taking the time to be concerned. He took a breath.

"Tony..." He tried to figure out how to say this without sounding rude. "Tony...there are no shrapnel wounds on my back this time."

Now, it was Tony's turn to look confused.

"The scars are there, but they don't hurt me anymore. Hit me on the back and it doesn't do anything but get my attention."

The confusion turned to wary understanding. Tim continued.

"I'm not going to pretend that I won't be really upset if things don't go how I want them to, but it's not going to destroy me. I'm not the way I was five years ago, ten years ago...even three years ago. I'm healed. I have scars, but I'm healed. You don't have to worry about that anymore. You don't have to blame yourself for it anymore. Let it go."

There was a long silence where they both just looked at each other. For all the urgency, there was a need to let the moment linger.

And it did.

Then, Tony smiled, a little sheepishly, even.

"Don't take too long, McGee," he said, finally. "Otherwise, we might take all the glory for ourselves."

Tim smiled in return, knowing that Tony didn't want to continue the conversation and willing to let it lie for the time being.

"If you don't get to the car, I might beat you down there," he said.

Tony nodded and went back into the building. Tim took a breath and let it out in a whoosh. Maybe that could be the last of it. Probably not, but maybe. He got in his car and drove home as fast as he dared.

When he got there, he went up as quickly as he could and opened the door.

...to find Brianna Carew sitting in his living room beside her mother.

It was the first time Tim had seen her since Yemen, and he wasn't sure how he felt that she was in his home.

It was clear that she wasn't exactly excited to be there, either.

"Agent McGee...I didn't expect to see you here right now. What is it?" Tamara asked.

Then, she stood up, her expression changing to one of painful hope.

"Have you found him?"

"Maybe. We're headed down there right now, but I don't know if he's there or if he's alive or dead. That's what we're going to find out. Are you coming?"

There was no hesitation. Not even a second.

"Yes. I'm coming."

Bri stood up, too.

"Mom, this isn't going to be something simple. You should wait."

Tamara turned back.

"No, Bri. I have to be there. If your father is still alive, then, I need to be there when they find him. But you need to stay here."

"Just one thing, ma'am," Tim said.

"What's that?"

"You can only come if you promise to stay in the car until we give you the all-clear sign. Bri is right. This is going to be a dangerous situation and the last thing we'll need is to have to protect a civilian in addition to everything else."

"I understand," Tamara said, without any rancor and again without hesitation. "I'll do what you say."

"Mom, I should come, too, then."

"No. Right now, Bri, you need to let this happen and not be involved. I'll let you know as soon as I can."

Tim was surprised when Bri didn't argue, but he didn't say anything about that. He just walked over to Zahara who was standing silently, letting the discussion happen. He hugged her tightly.

"I might be home late," he whispered to her.

Zahara's arms were holding him just as tightly.

"As long as you come home, I will not care. I hope you find Levi alive."

"So do I."

Then, he let her go and Zahara remembered that she was still playing hostess.

"Brianna, would you like to wait here?"

Tim wasn't surprised when she shook her head.

"I'll get a hotel room, but Mom, you call me. No matter what."

She hadn't yet said a word to Tim. She'd barely looked at him. Her desire to leave his presence might as well have been shouted out.

"The others have already started down," Tim said. "We should go."

"Then, let's go," Tamara said.

They left.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Daniel drove down alone, following the NCIS team. He was trying to decide how he felt about this. Part of it was eager anticipation to have something be truly over. Part of it was fear of seeing the man who had hunted him again. Part of it was wondering if he was doing the wrong thing.

Then, he realized that he should probably tell someone that he was doing this.

Quickly, he called the CIA and asked to be put through to the director. He was on hold for ten minutes before he got an answer.

"Agent Worthing, I was told this was important. It had better be."

"I'm currently on my way to southern Virginia with the NCIS team," Daniel said succinctly.

"Logan?"

"We think so."

"How sure?"

"Sure enough that the team is going down, that Tim is getting Carew's wife. Not 100 percent, but pretty close."

"You're not on your own?"

"I'm in my own car, but I'm going down with the NCIS team."

"Good. You'll be glad to know that we are officially accepting aid from NCIS to track down our rogue agent."

"What?"

"Just in case it's needed."

"Do they know that?"

"If they didn't before, I'm sure they do now."

"Okay."

"Report in."

"Will do."

Daniel hung up and refocused on the road. Being sanctioned felt better, anyway.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Do you really think this will turn out well?" Ziva asked. "It has been long enough that Carew could easily be dead by now."

"Isn't that well?" Tony muttered.

"No," Ziva said. "Not if it will make Tim upset. I care more about his happiness than my own satisfaction. I do not want to see him have to grieve again. He has had far too many things causing him pain. He does not need another one."

"He's still alive," Gibbs said.

"Why do you say that?" Tony asked. "I know it's not because that's what you want."

"Because Jorgenson has been going down there still. Why do that if Carew is dead?"

Tony nodded, although he seemed a little disappointed. He would likely never forgive Carew for what Tim had gone through. Just as he would likely never fully forgive himself for contributing to Tim's pain in any way. Ziva knew it, but she was beginning to see what Tim had meant. Carew didn't need to deserve saving. Tim was doing this as much for himself as for Carew. Tony's refusal to let go had meant that he held onto his own pain as well. Tim had let his pain go and that meant that he could let go of the pain Carew had caused.

She wasn't sure she could do the same, but she was seeing more that Tim's approach was better than Tony's.

"When we get down there, would you like me to search the area?" she asked.

Gibbs nodded once. This was where things would actually get dangerous. While they were miles away from Logan, his previous actions hadn't really mattered. But now that they would be getting close to him, his previous actions were more frightening than they had been.

"What about that Agent Worthing?" Tony asked.

"He's CIA."

"Yeah? So? We can't just be running our own separate ops, Boss," Tony said.

"Tim will be running it. Daniel will listen to him."

"Right."

And they continued on in a tense silence.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"You must think there's something to this, Agent McGee," Tamara said.

"I do. I wouldn't have come to get you if I didn't. I think that we're going to find him today. I just don't know...what condition he'll be in."

"I'm not naive, Agent McGee. I couldn't be naive and in a relationship with Levi. It would never work. My eyes are wide open."

"I understand," Tim said.

There was silence for a few minutes, and then Tamara asked the question Tim didn't want her to ask. It was probably inevitable, but he would rather have avoided it.

"Bri seems as uncomfortable around you as you are around her," Tamara said.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Tim glanced over at her.

"You don't want to know," he said.

"I'm sure I don't, but tell me anyway."

"Why?" Tim asked. "She's your daughter. She's left the CIA. You know her already."

"Because I want to know what it is about her that has you obviously wishing she was anywhere else and has her obviously wishing the same thing."

"Well, she probably feels a little guilty," Tim said, seizing on the part he felt wouldn't ruin things.

"Why?"

"Because I was involved in saving her life...and that's not what she did for me."

"She tried to kill you?" Tamara asked.

"No. She didn't do that."

"Then, what, Agent McGee? I can tell you're trying to talk around it, but thankfully, you're much worse at avoiding details than Levi."

Tim smiled a little at that.

"Thank goodness."

"Yes. But what happened?"

Tim sighed.

"Fine. Ten years ago, your daughter was part of the team assigned to torture me, to find out just how long I could resist before giving in to questions asked of me. Your daughter and your son were both part of the team. I was taken more than once, given a drug that made me hallucinate and given electric shocks. I still have dreams about it sometimes."

There was a long silence. Tim glanced at Tamara. She didn't have much of a poker face. She was horrified.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. You asked. I didn't want you to know that."

"But you saved her. Why?"

"Because she was suffering. I don't have to like her to want to make sure she doesn't suffer. She told me once that it wasn't personal. And I can believe that, to her, it was just her job. However, it was very personal to me. I've been tortured more than once. And if I could, I would try to make sure that no one ever had to go through what I've been through. That includes your daughter. It also includes Levi."

"But you've forgiven Levi. I can see it."

"That's because he's made it possible," Tim said, glad that no one else was around to hear this conversation.

"And Bri hasn't?"

"From my experience with your daughter, she doesn't want to admit that what she did was wrong. It was her job. It needed to be done. Therefore, no forgiveness is necessary. No regret is necessary. If that's the way she's going to live with it, then, I think I'm justified in wanting to keep my distance."

"I agree. I'm aware of her flaws, Agent McGee. It's not that I've never known how cold she can be. I know it won't help, but most of it is a cover so that she can seem just like her father. The problem is that Levi hid behind absolutely nothing. Bri hides behind coldness and rudeness. Even cruelty, although I didn't know it went so far. She thinks it's the same, but it's not. Maybe in time, she'll see more to life."

"Maybe. If she wants to apologize, I'm in a state to hear it," Tim said, neutrally.

"Maybe some day," Tamara said.

"Maybe," Tim said. He had his doubts that Bri could change that much.

Tamara just smiled and looked out the windshield.

"You don't have to agree with me, Agent McGee. I live my life on useless hope, but sometimes, it doesn't turn out to be so hopeless after all."