Chapter 26

Everyone was relieved and happy once back in camp and in the tunnels. The minute they had all caught their breath, Kinch sent LeBeau to get Wilson and bring him along to treat the colonel. LeBeau hurried along, grateful to get away from having to see the blood.

Hogan had been unusually quiet from the moment of Henrik's death and still hadn't spoken a word. He wearily sat down on the bench and stared at a spot on the dirt floor, arms resting on his thighs, hands clasped between his knees.

"Colonel, you all right?" asked Kinch, concerned over the colonel's lack of response to what had happened. Hogan didn't speak or even acknowledge he had said anything. He just continued staring. Kinch, Carter and Newkirk all exchanged worried looks. Kinch slowly sat down beside Hogan and rested a hand on his shoulder; he felt the colonel flinch. "Colonel, you haven't said a thing since Henrik died. Don't shut us out, sir. Please tell us what you're thinking. It might help you to talk about it."

Hogan turned his head and looked Kinch directly; there was a sadness in his brown eyes that Kinch had only seen a few times before and unfortunately quite a few times since the rape. He was hoping secretly that Hogan wasn't going into shut-down mode over having killed the last of his attackers. He secretly shuddered as he recalled some of the things he had heard Henrik tell the colonel he intended to do to him with the worse being Russian roulette with a gun shoved inside the colonel as he repeatedly pulled the trigger. He knew the colonel had to have been terrified. "Talk to us, Colonel," he said softly.

Hogan turned his eyes back to the spot on the floor he had been staring at. "I have nothing to say. I suggest all of you just leave me alone right now. I need to be alone for awhile."

Kinch, letting out a deep breath, looked up at Newkirk and Carter who were worried as to what to do for their commander. Just then, LeBeau returned with Wilson behind him. The medic sat his bag on the bench beside Hogan. "LeBeau told me what happened, Colonel," he said, opening his bag and removing his stethoscope and a pair of scissors. "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut away your sweater as I don't want you moving that arm until I've had a chance to examine your injury."

Hogan didn't indicate he even heard the request. "Just go away, Joe. I'm all right. I just…I need to be alone right now if you don't mind." He massaged his forehead. "Just everybody get out and leave me alone. Please." The colonel's voice wasn't angry, tense, or even bitter. In fact, if anything, it was flat with no emotion whatsoever.

Wilson sighed. "Colonel, I'll be more than happy to leave you alone if that's what you want. But I am going to examine you and treat your injury first. Now, we can do this two ways. You can voluntarily let me do my job and treat you, or I can sedate you right here, right now, move you to the infirmary, and have put you in restraints if need be. But I will examine and treat you." The medic folded his arms. "The choice is yours, sir."

Hogan's eyes shifted upward even though his expression didn't change. Then, with a disgusted sigh, he rolled up his turtleneck, wincing from the pain in his injured arm. As Wilson placed the earpieces in his ears, he glanced at the others who were now changed into their Allied uniforms again with the exception of LeBeau. "Fellas, I'll let you all know how the colonel is when I'm done. But can you give us some privacy."

Kinch slowly got up. "Yeah, sure, Joe," he said motioning to the others. "Louie, you can change and clean up when Joe's done down here." As he ushered the others out Kinch glanced back at Hogan. "Do you want me to contact London, sir, and let them know what happened?"

"If you want to. I don't really care right now."

"Yes, sir." Kinch turned and disappeared with the others. When they had reached the radio room, Kinch sat down at the radio and prepared to put on his headset.

"What's wrong with the Colonel?" asked the Frenchman, concerned. "I would have thought he would be happy and relieved that the last of those filthy Bosches was dead. Instead, he looks so sad."

Newkirk shrugged as he stuck his hands in his pants pockets. "You'd think so, wouldn't you," he said forlornly. He kicked at a loose pebble in the dirt near the table. "Maybe he's still thinkin' 'bout what all that bastard Henrik told 'im he was gonna do to 'im when he got 'im alone that's got 'im shook up."

LeBeau appeared to shiver from the cold. "Just the thought of Russian roulette the way Henrik wanted to play it on mon Colonel was too horrible to imagine. I never thought somebody could be that twisted and depraved."

"Well, I'm just glad Henrik's dead," Carter said sticking his hands in his jacket pockets. "I don't even want to think about what he had planned for Colonel Hogan. It's too scary and horrible to even imagine."

"Yeah, well, whatever's botherin' the Colonel," Kinch began. "I hope he'll let us help." He then looked at the young sergeant and allowed a small grin to appear. "Andrew, you did good. We're proud of you."

"Sure are, mate," Newkirk agreed patting Carter on the back. "Knew you had it in you."

"Oui, Andre. You were manifique."

Carter hung his head and blushed. "Aw shucks, guys. I didn't do all that much," he said, embarrassed.

"Didn't do all that much?" echoed Kinch, amazed. "You made it possible for Colonel Hogan to kill that bastard in self defense rather than in cold blood which we all know he would never do no matter what. You might call it not much, but I call it everything. However, I suggest we never tell the colonel we arranged it this way so he could kill him. This stays between us and is never discussed again. Everybody agree?"

The others all nodded their agreement with the radioman. "Okay. You guys better go upstairs and get some rest. LeBeau, once Wilson's finished with the colonel you can come back down and clean up and change."

LeBeau looked around. "If it's okay with you, mon ami, I would prefer to wait here until Wilson is finished with the colonel." Kinch glanced at the others and noticed them agreeing. He smiled.

"Okay. But I'd better contact London and let them know what happened."

Wilson, having finished examining, cleaning, stitching and wrapping Hogan's wound, assisted the colonel with putting on his khaki shirt. He sensed Hogan was troubled by something that happened while they were on their mission, but he knew better than to ask. Hogan would talk about it when and if he was ready. "You're very lucky, Colonel," the medic said watching Hogan button his shirt gingerly moving his injured right arm. "The bullet went clean through and didn't hit any bone; there's also no sign of infection. As long as you keep it clean and follow doctor's orders, you should heal very nicely."

"Thanks, Joe," Hogan replied in the same bland tone.

Wilson folded his arms. "Colonel, it might help to talk about what's troubling you."

"Right now I don't want to talk. I just want to be alone if it's okay with you." Hogan carefully put his uninjured arm in his leather jacket with the other draped over his shoulder.

"If that's what you want, Colonel," the medic replied. "But whatever's troubling you, sooner or later you're going to have to talk about it and get it out in the open."

"We'll see," Hogan replied. "Thanks." He abruptly turned and walked away in the direction of the ladder leading towards the barracks up above. Sighing wearily, Wilson gathered his medical bag and headed towards the radio room hoping he would find the men still there. As he got closer to the radio room he slowed so as not to interrupt Kinch's transmissions. When Kinch finished, Wilson approached. The guys looked at him.

"How is the Colonel?" asked LeBeau.

Wilson sighed wearily. "The bullet went clean through his forearm. If he takes it easy he should recover fully." The medic's eyes suddenly narrowed. "I asked the colonel but he didn't want to talk about it, so, I'm going to ask you four. Did something happen out there? Something is apparently upsetting the colonel."

He men all exchanged uncomfortable looks. Finally, it was Kinch who looked at the medic. "Sorry, Joe. We don't think it would be right for us to say anything about what happened without the colonel's permission. I hope you can understand."

"Yeah, I do. But I'm worried about him. He is so depressed right now." He paused for a long moment and then turned his attention to the radioman. "Kinch, do you think you could talk to him? Possibly see if you can get him to open up about what's troubling him?"

Kinch looked around uncomfortably and shifted in his seat. "Yeah, sure. But why me? I mean, wouldn't it be better for a man with medical knowledge to talk with the colonel? I have no medical experience. I might not be the best man for him to talk to."

"Correction," the medic replied with a small grin. "You just might be the perfect one to get the colonel to open up. You were there with him tonight. Kinch, he needs to open up to somebody and I think you're the right person."

After mulling it over for a few seconds, Kinch shrugged. "Sure, if you think I can help him. I'll go right now. Is he still in the changing room?"

"No. Last time I saw him he was heading in the direction of the ladder leading to the barracks."

Kinch, removing the headset, got to his feet. "I'll go now. You guys wait here. The colonel may be more willing to talk without a crowd staring at him."

Newkirk rubbed the back of his neck. "I have some uniforms that need mendin.'"

"Oui. I will help you as soon as I clean up and change," LeBeau added.

"I think I can find something in my lab to work on," Carter said.

Wilson patted Kinch on the shoulder. "Good luck. I'm heading back to my barracks. If you need me, just send somebody to get me."

"Right. Thanks Joe." Kinch hastily walked away not waiting for Wilson to answer him. Walking briskly down the tunnels towards the entrance to their barracks, Kinch suddenly pulled up. Hogan was sitting with his back against the ladder, legs bent and arms folded across his knees, forehead resting on his arms.

"Colonel?" Kinch asked softly as he slowly approached his commander. Hogan didn't raise his head. As he drew closer, Kinch knelt down his front of the officer, the radioman reached out and gently placed a hand on Hogan's shoulder. Feeling the touch, Hogan's head shot up, and Kinch found himself looking into brown eyes full of pain.

"Colonel, tell me what I can do for you? There must be something."

Hogan sighed. "There's nothing. I just…that is I…" he blinked away the tears that were threatening. He would not cry in front of his men. He couldn't finish his sentence. Kinch sat down facing the colonel.

Kinch chose his words carefully. "Colonel, I heard some of what Henrik said to you. He was a sick, twisted individual who wanted to make you pay in the worst possible way. But you beat him. He's dead and you're alive. You survived and can now begin to move on with your life."

"Kinch, I was so terrified when Henrik captured me again. I have never been more afraid of anything in my entire life. Part of me was hoping you guys would show up soon; but a part of me was hoping you would have left and returned to camp. Especially when he captured you and LeBeau. I couldn't handle that. I felt I had failed again. Failed to keep my men safe from that animal. Do you have any idea what it's like to feel you can't keep your own men safe from danger?"

"Colonel, listen to me. You didn't fail at anything. And you shouldn't feel that way. Henrik was a clever man who had time to plan everything very carefully."

Hogan massaged his forehead. "Kinch, the things he had planned for me were unspeakable. I never knew anybody could be so evil. Hochstetter and the Gestapo aren't even that twisted. He wanted to…to…I can't even tell you. It's too horrible to speak of."

Kinch licked his dry lips. "You mean the Russian roulette?"

Hogan's eyes widened in horror. "You heard then?"

"Yeah, I heard. So did LeBeau, Carter, and Newkirk. As I said, Henrik was a pretty sick and twisted bastard to think up something like that. But you beat him. He can't hurt you anymore. You also protected me and LeBeau at the same time. Colonel, you stood up to him when it counted and you beat him."

Hogan seemed to mull over what he had been told. He allowed a slight grin to appear. "You're not just saying that are you? Just to make me feel better?"

Kinch grinned in response. "No, sir. I promised you once I would never lie to you and I'm not lying you now. You did protect me and LeBeau. You were willing to give your life for us. That tells me you were in command mode again."

"I just couldn't let Henrik get you and Louie alone. I couldn't let that happen. The things he might've done to you two would've been unspeakable."

"Colonel, there's no doubt in my mind you would not have let that happen. You would've found a way to stop him."

Hogan tilted his head slightly sideways and looked at his radioman oddly. "Speaking of that, Kinch, there's something curious about that."

"What's that, sir?"

"You shouted 'Carter now!'. What was that about?"

Kinch shrugged innocently. "I simply believed if Henrik thought we were up to something, it might distract him enough and give you a chance to shoot him. Luckily it worked."

"Then why don't I believe it?"

Kinch shrugged again. "I can't answer that, sir. But what I told you was the truth."

"Uh huh," Hogan uttered. He slowly got to his feet as did Kinch. The two men eyed each other. Hogan had composed himself again, and let out a deep breath. "Kinch, I know I sound like a broken record. But I want to again say thank you for everything. I don't know how I would've gotten through this without your words of wisdom and your encouragement. You and the guys have supported me throughout this entire mess and I appreciate it. I really do."

Kinch smiled. "You're welcome, Colonel. Try and get some rest. The rest of us will be up in awhile. Goodnight, sir."

Hogan turned towards the ladder and put a foot on the bottom rung and gripped an upper one. He looked over his shoulder. "Kinch, did you reach London?"

"Yes, sir. They weren't happy about things. But they did say they were glad nobody was hurt. Oh, I did tell them about what happened to you as you ordered me to."

"And?"

"They offered their apologies and asked if you were all right. I told them you were recovering. Then, they asked if you thought you could still lead this unit. I gave them your response."

"What'd they say?"

"Four words. 'Glad to hear it'. That was it. Sorry, sir."

Hogan sighed. "I didn't expect anything more from them anyway. Thanks, Kinch. Good night." He again turned toward the ladder.

"There's one more thing Colonel."

Hogan looked back again. "What now?"

"I contacted the underground, spoke with our contact and told them about Henrik. They're volunteered to have their people move the body so there'll be no connection with Stalag 13. I didn't give them any particulars other than we had to kill him and didn't have time to dispose of the body. They said for you not to worry about it."

Hogan simply nodded. "Fine. Thanks Kinch." Turning, he climbed up the ladder and into the barracks leaving Kinch watching him from below. Once inside his quarters, Hogan shut the door behind him and found himself collapsing onto the lower bunk. Burying his face in his hands he began to sob uncontrollably. It was a release for him; all the days of pain, torture, fear, shame, humiliation; all the feelings he had buried in order to function had burst to the surface with a vengeance and he didn't even try to stop it. It made his feel good to let it out. He eventually fell sideways onto the bed with the tears still coming, wetting his pillow. The nightmare of Henrik coming after him again was over, and as Kinch had said, Hogan had won. He had survived what had happened; but how could he put behind him the knowledge of what was done to him in the woods and again in his own quarters? That was the big question he had yet to answer.

It was later that Kinch, Carter, LeBeau and Newkirk climbed back up into the barracks with Newkirk striking the hidden mechanism and watched the lower bunk drop over the opening as the ladder rose at the same time. The barracks were dark, but the men were accustomed to maneuvering in the dark; and the other prisoners were used to Hogan and the men coming and going at all hours so they learned to ignore the sound of the tunnel entrance rising and falling. Once their eyes had become accustomed to the dark, the men all looked in the direction of their commander's private quarters, and immediately made their way quietly in its direction. As quietly as he could, Kinch opened the door just enough so the four of them could see inside.

Hogan appeared to be sound asleep on the lower bunk, a faint snoring could be heard. His form highlighted by the sliver of moonlight peeking through the narrow opening between the closed shutters. His face appeared peaceful. Kinch then just as quietly closed the door.

"I don't know about you mates," Newkirk said softly. "But it appears the end justified the means."