Chapter Twenty-Six

Except for the lone nurse behind a tidy desk, shifting through a magazine, the doctor's office was empty. It seemed that the doctor had cleared his schedule just to see Rose. The nurse was so engrossed in her magazine, that it took her a minute to notice the three people that had just entered the brightly lit room.

Rose took in the room, taking note of the shiny hard wood floor, the white painted walls, the comfortable looking chairs that lined the room for patients to sit in and wait for the doctor to see them and the nurses desk with a cheery vase of daisies in the center. She didn't even bother to fight the urge to turn around to leave.

She turned to Jack, her eyes pleading for him to take her far away from this place. "I can't do this."

Jack just laughed and held her tight, preventing her from going anywhere. "Of course you can do this, Rose. You're one of the strongest people I know. I know you can do this, we both can. I'll be right there with you. I promise."

Molly strolled up to the nurse's desk and cleared her throat, gaining the nurse's attention. "We're here to see Doctor Alman. Its a Mr. and Mrs. Jack Dawson. I am their friend Molly Brown. Tell him that I want to see him if you must. We're old friends."

The nurse sighed heavily as she reached for a clipboard. It was like even that little bit was too much work for her. Molly usually had patience with people, but hers ran thin when she ran into people like the nurse.

"Oh yes, here we are," The nurse scanned the clipboard. "He had cleared his schedule just to see the patient. I'll let him know that you're here."

"You do that," Molly made a face, showing her annoyance as the nurse disappeared into the office marked Dr. Alman. She turned to Rose and gave a reassuring smile, noticing the fear in the girl's eyes. "Not to worry, darlin'. You'll see the doctor, he is the best. He'll get you all sorted out.

"Doctor Alman will see you now," The nurse returned, holding the door open for the clients to enter.

Molly just nodded her head and led Jack and Rose into a dimly lit office with a beige carpet, brown wall paper, and fancy furnishings.

"Hello Molly," the doctor stood from his chair to greet them. Clarence Alman was a tall, middle age man with graying black hair and friendly gray eyes. He wore a white doctor's jacket over a blue sweater and black slacks. He stood from his leather chair to greet his clients. "It is always a pleasure to see you."

Rose felt herself relax a little, noting that the doctor kind of reminded her of Thomas Andrews, the man who had designed Titanic and had been like a father to her on board the ship. Maybe this won't be so bad after all, plus Molly seemed to trust him, which made her feel even more comfortable with the man.

Molly shook the doctor's hand vigorously, wanting to show Rose that she indeed trusted him. "Hello, Doctor Alman. It's a pleasure for me as well. I hope that you don't mind me sitting in on this session with my friends. I'm here for moral support, I too have been through the Titanic disaster."

"Oh, not at all. In fact, I encourage it. I find that the presence of a trusted friend relaxes the patient a great deal. "Come sit down, all of you and we can start our session," The doctor motioned for them to take the chairs stationed in front of his desk, while he sat behind it. "Now, tell me what this is all about."

At first, Rose didn't answer. She squeezed Jack's hand, making sure that he was still there and looked down at the floor, her mind reeling. She had no idea how she was going to explain the hallucinations at the lake from the other night. She didn't even know how to explain the dream that she had that very day before they had arrived here. What would the doctor say? Would he even know what was wrong with her?

Seeing Rose struggle, Molly decided to answer for her. Help her friend out a bit. "It's Titanic of course. Poor Rose is having a hard time of letting it go."

"Is this so, Rose?" The doctor turned to her, wanting to get her side of the story. "Is this all about Titanic?"

Rose swallowed down her fear and nervousness and nodded. "I have hallucinations and nightmares about that night...about the freezing water and the dying people. Sometimes I can even hear them screaming."

The doctor began to write in a notebook that he had open on his desk. "I see. Is this all that's happening? Or is there more to it?"

Again Rose remained quiet. She didn't want to tell him everything about what she saw in the hallucinations, but there really wasn't any choice. For the sake of her marriage and the baby that she carried, she had to tell everything or it really would drive her mad.

"The other night...Jack and I took a walk down to the lake. It was dark and the lake...it looked too much like the ocean. Not to mention, it was cold outside. Not as cold as that night...but still cold enough to send me back to the North Atlantic...all those dying people, they were there, screaming and floating...begging for help. I felt so helpless. But that wasn't all...among the bodies I saw…," She couldn't help the tears that were began to flow. Every time she recalled Jack's accusing dead eyes staring at her...it broke her heart into a thousand pieces.

The doctor handed her a handkerchief, sensing that it was becoming harder and harder for her to talk. "It's okay, Rose. Just take your time. Begin again when you're ready, there is no rush here."

Rose took a deep breath in order to get her tears under control before continuing. "Then I saw Jack. He was dead, but his eyes were opened and they were accusing me of not helping...of surviving..."

Jack gasped, horrified. He had no idea. "Oh Rose…," he wrapped his arms around her in another hug as more tears came. No matter what she had freaked out the way she had. "You should have told me."

"I couldn't tell you, Jack. You already thought that I was crazy. I didn't want you to think that I was completely insane."

"Rose, I never thought that you were crazy, or insane for that matter," Jack stroked her hair, trying to comfort her. "I would never think that of you."

"Then I had that nightmare today. We were in the cargo hold...in the Renault that someone had brought aboard. We had just gotten through consummating our relationship...then it grew so cold and Jack...he was beginning to freeze right before my eyes. I could see his breath in the air ad ice was forming in his hair. Then all of a sudden we're in the North Atlantic and he's dead. Again his eyes are accusing me of surviving...of letting him die..."

Doctor Alman shook his head. His eyes were brimming with compassion. This poor girl. "Those were horrible, Rose. I can see why you don't want to talk about them."

"What's happening to me?" Rose asked, ready to hear that she was completely insane and had to be admitted into an asylum somewhere.

"Nothing is happening to you, my dear. You are just suffering from a rather bad case of guilt," The doctor simply replied, closing his notebook and leaning forward to meet Rose's gaze. "The dead Jack in your dreams with the accusing eyes, it's really you, accusing yourself. Your brain picked Jack, the person you love the most in the world, and put him in your own role, accusing yourself of surviving. Of being unable to help all those people in the water that night."

Rose frowned. "I don't understand."

"Look, I can tell that you adore your husband. It'd destroy you if he hadn't survived the sinking right along with you. You know that as well. So your mind picked him to play a version of things that could have taken place and says that it was your fault that the ship sunk and it was your fault that Jack died and that you could have done something to stop it, but you didn't," The doctor explained, reaching over and placing a hand on Rose's shoulder. "But it wasn't your fault, Rose. The sinking of Titanic was a horrible accident. There was nothing that you could have done to stop it, just like there was nothing that you could have done to save all of those people. You are not responsible for their deaths. Do you understand me?"

"But I knew about the lifeboats...about there not being enough for everyone on board. Shouldn't I have warned them or something?" Rose sniffed, leaning against Jack as everything floated to the surface of her mind.

"That wouldn't have worked, Rose. Even if you had warned them, a lot of people would still have ended up in those icy waters," Molly grimly replied, placing a hand on the girl's knee, her heart going out to her.

"Plus, not enough lifeboats came back and when the few that did come back did, it was already too late. Almost everyone was already gone. We're lucky that we didn't die ourselves," Jack added.

"Rose, what I want you to do is to be firm and tell yourself that the sinking of Titanic wasn't your fault. There was nothing that you could have done for all of those people and that you are lucky that you and Jack had survived. I want you to tell yourself that and really believe it," the doctor smiled.

"Now?"

"Now."

Rose sighed, not sure if this was going to work, but it was worth a shot. She gathered up all the determination that she could muster and tried to be as firm as she could be "The sinking of Titanic was not my fault. There was nothing that I could have done for all those people. I am lucky that Jack and I had survived ourselves."

The doctor smiled, giving a satisfied nod. "How do you feel?"

Rose shrugged. "Not any different, really."

"Did you believe your own words?"

Rose shook her head. "Not really. I can't. I still think that I could have done something."

"Like what, Rose? Tell me what you could have done to save those people. What could you have done to keep them alive until the Carpathia arrived?"

Rose thought about it. She searched her brain for something, anything that would have saved all those poor souls in the water, but unfortunately she came up with nothing. There was nothing that she could have done to save them. They would have died anyway. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but there it was. She bowed her head with more tears flowing from her eyes. "Nothing. There was nothing that I could have done to help them. They would have died anyway."

"Exactly," the doctor smiled, happy that he was getting through to her. Some patients, it took even longer than this, but Rose was more receptive of him than most. "So answer me this. Is it your fault that the Titanic sank and that all those people had died?"

Rose sighed and looked the doctor squarely in the eye, for the first time, actually believing the words. "No it wasn't. The sinking was not my fault. It definitely wasn't my fault that all of those people had died. There was nothing that I could have done for them.

""Exactly!" The doctor grinned triumphantly. "It wasn't your fault. There's no reason to blame yourself. Rose Dawson, I declare you cured."

"Really? You think the nightmares and hallucinations will go away now?" Rose couldn't help being skeptical. Was it really that easy?

"Of course they have! There is no reason for you to blame yourself anymore. There is no reason for you to feel so guilty!"

Happy, Rose hugged the doctor, relieved that she wouldn't have to go into an asylum after all. "Thank you Dr. Alman. You don't know just how much you've helped me."

The doctor hugged her back and happily smiled, glad to have helped this girl and her husband. "I am glad to have been of service to you."