Chapter 26 - Disappointment and Affirmation
Kaidan had received his new orders. He was heading out to Horizon, one of the outer colonies. Anderson had filled him in. He was to oversee the installation of ground-to-air turrets, but more than that he was to be in place in case of an attack. Command believed Cerberus were involved, and they wanted proof. It didn't surprise him; Kaidan knew the depravities the organisation were capable of. He wondered where Sam was now, and hoped he was okay.
"Kaidan! Sorry, I'm late! Thought I'd never get my patient out the door!" Rahna gushed as she ran up to where he stood waiting outside the hospital, and hugged him.
He held her in return, guilt springing up. "Don't apologise. You're worth the wait."
Rahna gave him a radiant smile. "So, how long do I get you for?" She linked her arm in his as he led her to a balcony.
"I, uh, already have a new assignment. On one of the outer colonies: Horizon. There's been a lot of colonists going missing, so Alliance brass want us to get out there, provide defensive turrets so they can protect themselves." It was a half-truth that didn't give away his true mission. "I'm just waiting for my ride to re-fuel."
Rahna's face fell in response, and Kaidan felt awful. He knew she'd been looking forward to spending time with him.
"Kaidan, I miss you."
"I know, and I'm sorry, but this is important." Kaidan swallowed, hesitating. He'd made a decision before but, now it came to saying it out loud, he found the words sticking in his throat. "I was thinking… when I get back…. It's time for me to finally lay Shepard to rest. To start… moving on." Christ, his mouth was dry. Should it be so hard? He acknowledged his heart still wasn't ready, but the joy in Rahna's face warmed him.
"Really!? Kaidan! That would be wonderful!" She burrowed happily against his chest, and Kaidan suddenly remembered Terra - in the cargo bay, sweaty and emotional after finding Sam alive - and how he'd pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Rahna lifted her face to him and kissed his lips. He could only give her an awkward smile. His thoughts were telling him that Rahna's mouth on his hadn't evoked a single feeling. Nothing like Terra's - he'd felt an amazing sensation travel from his lips to every part of him, like she had sent a gentle electric current through him.
Then he ignored the memories. He was broken, Kaidan reminded himself. He desperately needed to feel something beyond this horrible hollowness that had lived inside him since Terra's death. Just maybe being with Rahna would fix him. They'd had something once...
The call came to tell him the ship was ready to leave, and he kissed Rahna's cheek in farewell. Walking away, Kaidan wished he didn't have the image in his head of him letting go of Terra, allowing her to fall away into darkness.
-x-
The Illusive Man's call was answered swiftly, as he'd expect – voice only. He didn't waste time with greetings. "Shepard's heading to the Citadel. She's hoping for a meeting with the Council," he warned the councillor on the other end. "I can't risk them seeing sense. I need Shepard cut off. Make sure she doesn't get a hearing, Udina."
"Of course. I'll press the Cerberus connection. They won't look past that. She'll get nowhere here."
"Good." The Illusive Man signed off, a shadow of a smile on his face.
-x-
Shepard felt relief at touching down in familiar territory. The Citadel. Where the original Normandy's journey had begun.
Before Miranda could object, Shepard quickly stepped off the ship with Garrus beside her, and they caught a cab to the Embassy where Anderson was waiting for her.
-x-
Anderson had spoken to Hackett. Steven was certain it was his daughter. But Anderson was more cautious. He just wasn't sure how much his friend was seeing what he wanted to see. Cerberus were slippery bastards. So he'd officially requested her presence, via message. She'd replied that she was on her way, and wanted an audience with the Council. He wasn't looking forward to telling her it wasn't going to happen.
The doors opened and there she was. Anderson reminded himself that he had to stay objective, but as Garrus Vakarian filed in behind her, it was even harder to maintain the possibility it might not be her.
"Shepard! Welcome back to the ranks of the living!" He managed to sound more casual than he felt.
They shook hands. Anderson nodded at Garrus behind her, noting that the turian looked like he'd seen better days, judging from the heavy-duty bandage that covered the right side of his face. "Garrus, good to see you again."
"And you, Admiral." Garrus then settled against a desk, seemingly content to leave them to their discussion.
"About time they made you an admiral," Shepard smiled.
"Hmph, it doesn't mean a whole lot when I'm stuck under Udina's superior visage. He delights in reminding me constantly of his position. Still, I wouldn't want his job. Dealing with political bullshit day in and day out is my idea of hell, and I get embroiled in enough as it is."
"So when do we get to see the Council?"
Anderson sighed at her inevitable question. "I spoke to Udina. He's refused to hear you out. Says your Cerberus association is…unpalatable…to the fellow councillors. They said they won't hold court with terrorists."
Shepard's disbelief was evident. "But I saved their lives!"
"And then you died. As far as they're concerned, you're an Alliance defector or a Cerberus fake. Either way, they won't even entertain your presence. I'm sorry." Anderson watched this woman walk to the balcony in shock, her hands gripping the railing like it was a lifeline as she looked out.
"I needed this, David," she murmured. "I needed something of my old life that gave me a purpose beyond being a Cerberus tool. I can't be an Alliance commander, and now I'm not even a Spectre."
That statement decided things for Anderson. He knew that somehow Cerberus had done the impossible: they'd brought Terra back to life. He had to place his hand on her shoulder in an act of reassurance and the need to be sure she was physically there. "Terra. Those are just titles, nothing more. I know it's hard for you to see past that. You've spent your whole life surrounded by them. But you have a ship, you have a crew, and you're still their commander, their captain. Use them, Shepard. Use the resources they've given you. Do what you do best, and protect the galaxy. We'll find a way to get you back with us."
She gave him a weak nod. "The Council knows about the collectors and the possible reaper connection?"
"Udina and the Council have spent the last two years convincing themselves that threat doesn't exist."
"But what about the evidence? Sovereign-"
"A ship they say could well have been made by the geth."
"The prothean VI on Ilos!"
"No longer functional. As far as the Council are concerned the reapers are a myth, created by Saren to get the aid of the geth. We know they're wrong, but I've been beating against that wall for the past two years, and I have nothing to show for it. Damn it, you should have all those titles you earned, you deserve nothing less, but my hands are tied. It's up to you now."
The door opened and Udina strolled in. "Anderson, we need to talk about- Shepard! What are you doing here?"
"You know the Commander wanted a meeting with the Council! You refused her!" Anderson railed.
"With good reason. There could be serious political ramifications. Anderson, I'll see you in private after you're finished here." Udina stormed out of the room.
"Have I just caused you problems?" worried Shepard.
"Forget it," waved off Anderson. "Besides, I asked you here. If it wasn't this, it would be something else. Udina has to flex his imaginary muscle somehow."
"Spirits, how I don't miss this place," grumbled Garrus.
Shepard shifted slightly, appearing anxious. "Anderson, can you tell me what happened to Kaidan Alenko?"
Hackett had mentioned she would ask. "He's a Commander now. An outstanding soldier. Enough to rival you, I don't doubt. He struggled a bit after you went down with the Normandy, dropped off the grid, used all his leave in one go. I was beginning to think he wouldn't return."
Anderson had wondered at the extent of Alenko's feelings for Terra that he would react so badly, but seeing her now, listening intently, he could see that it went both ways.
"Kaidan wasn't answering his calls or messages," continued Anderson, "then suddenly he returned to duty, raring to go, fully committed. He's impressed a lot of people, and there's a hint of another promotion coming his way."
Shepard wore a smile at his description of the soldier Anderson was certain she'd always seen – it was why he'd pushed to have Alenko under her command. Terra Shepard had a way of seeing potential and nurturing it.
"Where is he now?" she asked.
"I'm afraid you've just missed him," Anderson answered, regretfully. "He's heading for the colony on Horizon. He was originally sent to look for signs of Cerberus activity. We have several of our best heading out to do the same on other at-risk colonies. That is, until you convinced me that you're you. Now I know the collectors are the real threat, I'll be rescinding the order to any that haven't already departed. I only need engineers to get the defence turrets we're supplying, online."
Shepard nodded, and he thought he saw fear there. For Alenko.
"The odds of that particular colony being targeted next while he's there is low," reassured Anderson.
"Of course," breathed out Shepard. "Well, I guess I'll get going then. Got a team to build."
"You'll get it done, Shepard. I believe in you." They shook hands again, and she turned away.
Anderson felt useless as he watched her walk out. Her usual proud posture, the one she'd carried when she'd walked in, was gone, to be replaced by a burdened one. A lone soldier, fighting a huge threat. It wasn't fair, and he felt like he'd let her down when she needed him most.
And he had no idea how to remedy that.
x
"You okay Shepard?" Garrus murmured from beside her, as they walked along the Presidium.
She pulled herself out of her desolation. "I will be. I've still got you, right? But if you want to bail, I'll understand."
"Bail!? Not a chance, Shepard. You can't get rid of me that easily. So you're left amongst the Cerberus vipers…" he shrugged. "We stick together, I'll watch your back, and you'll be fine."
She gave his a suspicious look. "Am I still a pyjak in that scenario?"
"We're two pyjaks together, Shepard. With teeth. Big sharp fangs, in fact."
Terra frowned. "So we're mutant pyjaks? Hm, not sure that makes me feel any better."
"Stop being picky."
Shepard laughed. "Thanks, Garrus." She looked out at the idyllic Citadel, and took a shoring breath. She had to move past this set-back.
Time to deal with what she had. Time to accept her new family.
-x-
Rahna walked back into the hospital feeling more hopeful than she'd been in a long while. Kaidan Alenko made her very happy, and once he returned he would be hers.
"Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you back so soon! Your soldier not turn up?"
Rahna turned to her friend, Sabine, who was coming in behind her, and gave her a smile. "He showed. Of course he showed. This is Kaidan we're talking about. He'd never let me down. But he also had to head straight off."
"Oh honey, I'm sorry. I know you had things planned. What was so important he couldn't even catch a break?"
"Colonies are disappearing, apparently. I've not heard anything on the vids, have you?"
"No, but maybe it's a new development." Sabine frowned. "I have family on one of the colonies. Perhaps I should give them a call. Do you know where Kaidan is headed?"
"He said it was Horizon. I hope he'll be okay." She worried about him every time he left, but it was something she'd have to live with if she wanted to keep him in her life.
"I'm sure he will," reassured Sabine. "Your man sounds very capable."
Rahna couldn't help the huge grin, her happiness brimming over. "He's ready to move on, too. You were right, Sabine. I just had to be patient, keep up a gentle pressure."
"See? I'm a professional matchmaker!" Sabine joked. "I'm happy for you, Rahna. You two are meant to be together. Finding each other after all this time, in this huge galaxy? That's destiny."
"Destiny… You're right!" Her heart was thudding in her chest at that. "Oh, I can see it all now. Mrs Rahna Alenko!"
"Doctor Rahna Alenko," Sabine reminded her.
"Are you kidding? I plan to be continually pregnant with our gorgeous babies!" she declared, only half-jesting. The thought of being intimate with Kaidan was thrilling, giving him a son, a daughter, spending the rest of her life with him…!
Sabine laughed. "Steady on, Rahna! You don't want to frighten him away before you've got that ring on your finger! Anyhow, I better get back to work."
"Meet up with you after shift? I feel like celebrating!"
"Absolutely!" Sabine smiled.
Still giddy, Rahna practically glided back to her office.
x
Sabine shut herself in her own workspace and sent a message to the Illusive Man.
Alenko is heading for Horizon. Target is now pursuing relationship with Bahir.
She had no idea if it was pertinent, but her job was to advise any and all developments regarding Kaidan Alenko.
Sabine had no idea what a man who could have his pick of women, saw in Bahir, though. Rahna was like an over-grown child. Just as naïve as one that was for sure. The woman had obviously been cosseted her whole life, and Sabine doubted the woman had ever had to deal with a single crisis in her privileged little existence.
Settling back in her chair, Sabine grimaced. Now she was going to have to listen to Bahir cooing over Alenko all evening. Just as well she was being paid well.
-x-
"Ter!?"
They were almost to the Normandy's docking bay when Shepard heard someone call out, and she spun around as Matt emerged at full speed through a security gate.
"Ter! It's really you!" Matt came to a halt right in front of her, his hands on her arms, holding her out at arm's length while he soaked in her face.
"It's me, Matt," she confirmed, then she was crushed in a bear hug. Garrus smiled at her over Matt's shoulder and indicated he was boarding, then disappearing into the ship.
"Bloody hell, Ter! Don't do that to me again!"
She finally had the presence of mind to embrace him back. "Uh, if you're referring to dying, I didn't really have much choice."
Matt loosened his hold so he could look at her. "You mean you weren't undercover!? You really were…." The man looked thoroughly confused. "But how can you be here now?"
She shrugged. However she tried to put it, it would sound unbelievable. "The wonders of cutting edge technology and billions in credits, I suppose. Courtesy of Cerberus. They seem to think I'm the only one who can stop these attacks on our colonies."
To her relief, he chose to ignore the mention of Cerberus, but she had to be honest with him. They may have brought her back but she was Alliance to her core, and if anyone would understand, it was Matt.
"Heh." He shook in head, looking stunned but not incredulous. "Only you could cheat death."
"To be fair, I had nothing to do with it." Terra could almost see him working it all out in his head.
"So that's why my mission to Ferris Fields was just cancelled. You've been to see Anderson. He no longer thinks Cerberus are behind this."
"Uh huh. I've seen it with my own eyes, Matt. The collectors are taking them, and it's likely they're doing it for the reapers."
Matt blew out his breath as he contemplated it all, then focused on her again. "You're coming back to the Alliance, right?" Terra chewed on her bottom lip, unable to meet his eyes, and he sighed. "Why?"
"Because I can do more good under Cerberus than I can in an Alliance interrogation room," she said quietly to his chest. Maybe if she said it enough times it wouldn't sound so distasteful to her.
Matt knew the red tape in the Alliance could bury someone for months, and that was just for standard issues. Her situation was far from standard.
He nodded sadly. "It's a bloody disgrace to treat you like that, Ter. Don't lose heart. I know the Alliance is important to you, but given what you said, Cerberus is probably the right option. Since the Citadel attack, enrolment's dropped, and a lot of our veterans walked out on the Alliance when Command failed to stand up for you against the Citadel Council's crap. We're just too focused on replenishing our numbers and getting established in the Citadel, to deal with anything else."
"You didn't leave."
"No. Because I pictured you, up there, frowning down on me for giving up on my duty. Joining Cerberus was the easy way to make a stand, but it's not the right way. We protect those who can't protect themselves, but not at the expense of morality. You championed that. When you… left us, that ideal never changed. We just didn't have you lighting the way anymore."
She rolled her eyes at him. "You make me sound like a saint with a gun, Matt."
He laughed. "Christ, I missed you, Ter." Matt hugged her again and she clung to his acceptance, incredibly grateful for his friendship. Between him and Garrus, Joker, Tali and Chakwas, she was going to be okay.
"You know, this is as close as I'm ever going to get to holding a billion credits!" joked Coats.
Lightly slapping the back of his head, Terra then held him tight. "Thanks, Matt. For this. I wasn't sure the Cerberus thing was easy to understand."
"Anyone else and it would be a different story," he admitted. "I've learned never to underestimate you, so I won't question it. Through you, Cerberus finally did something worthwhile."
Terra let him go and backed out of his arms. "I should go."
"Look after yourself, Ter, and if you ever need to talk, you know where I am."
She nodded with an appreciative smile, and headed for the ship. Her ship. She could do this. She had to.
-x-
The Illusive Man smiled at his screen as he read the message from his agent. An idea forming.
He'd been looking for a way to lure the collectors out to a colony. This was his answer. He knew from the hard-fought acquisition of Shepard's body from the Shadow Broker's people, that the Broker was acting on behalf of the collectors in obtaining it. There was a good possibility that the collectors would be interested in anything connected to Shepard. Or anyone. Time to send out rumours of Alenko's presence on Horizon….
-x-