Elphaba sighed heavily, her chin on her hand as she sullenly watched the rain trace its patterns on the window. Even the weather was out to get her lately, it seemed. She limped over to her bed and pulled out a well worn book that did little to distract her despite its intriguing plot.
Galinda slid silently out from the bathroom, pausing for a regretful look at her roommate who merely turned over to face the wall. She heard the click of the door as Galinda headed out to wherever it was the pretty blonde went. Then came the muffled voices of a boy, probably Boq, talking to Galinda in the hallway. It seemed the silence that had descended on Elphaba had reverberated throughout the dorm, echoing in the hushed whispers of those around her.
Listlessly, Elphaba turned the page that she hadn't really read so much as seen. It had not been a good week. She closed her eyes as her gut twisted, but she quickly repressed the thoughts. Another page flipped, and Galinda and Boq (ha, she had been right) entered softly.
"Elphie?" Galinda's voice hovered near tears, and though Elphaba was facing the wall, she could imagine Boq placing a reassuring hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Elphie, please talk to me. I've said I'm sorry. I don't know what more to say."
Elphaba huffed, turning this page a bit too violently and ripping a small tear in it.
"Ok," Galinda answered meekly, "well we're going to the café if you'd like to come. You don't have to talk to me, but at least you'd get something to eat." When she still hadn't received any acknowledgement, Galinda threw herself against her roommate in a tentative embrace. "Please, Elphie. You've got to leave the room. I'm…we're so worried about you."
Elphaba shrugged the girl off, drawing herself into a small, sharp ball of green flesh.
Galinda sniffed, but stood. "Ok. If you change your mind, you know where to find us." She hesitated at the door, "I love you, Elphie. You're still my best friend."
Elphaba snorted, hiding her eyes in her book for fear that a glimmer of wetness might betray the emotion she blinked back. When the door clicked shut, and Elphaba buried her head into her pillow like an ostrich in the sand.
How had this all happened? It had only been a week, and Elphaba had somehow lost everyone she cared about. After that damn boy had kissed her, she had tried to go after Fiyero despite Lzuad's and Galinda's restraint to treat her ankle. She had even snuck out, half-falling, half-crawling toward Fiyero, but Lzuad had caught her at the dorm's entrance, removing her back to her room.
Trapped and so very angry, Elphaba had lashed out at the one person she knew whole-heartedly deserved her wrath – Avaric. It was all his fault, really. If he hadn't forced his way back into her life to torment her further, she'd have never left to be escorted by Lzuad, stupid idiot that he was, who would never have thought she wanted to kiss him.
Galinda hadn't agreed, and Elphaba had fought with her for several hours before declaring her ultimatum. Galinda refused to stop seeing Avaric, so Elphaba refused to speak to her until she did. How could her best friend so completely side with her worst enemy, literally choosing him over her?
Lzuad had apologized repeatedly for misunderstanding, but the damage had been done. She'd finally tired of hearing his confessions after the millionth time, sending him off to anywhere else. That had been straight to her sister, apparently, for within about ten minutes, Nessa was outside her door, berating her for "stealing" her new boyfriend. As if she would want Lzuad when she had had Fiyero.
Fiyero. She curled into herself further. She missed him so much. Elphaba had never imagined herself as the type to wallow in self-pity over the likes of a boy, but his absence in her life now was like an open wound, bleeding her will to breathe.
She had run to him as soon as she could, of course, and tried to reason with him. Fiyero had believed her that she hadn't wanted the kiss. He knew her better than that. But she had encouraged Lzuad, he'd said. He'd told her that she should have known better, that he'd been warning her about Lzuad this whole time and she hadn't believed him. They'd argued, and what a disaster that had been.
Maybe she should have listened to Fiyero, but Lzuad's intentions had seemed so clearly innocent to her. And how could it be that the universally hated green girl could really have two boys interested in her? No, it was perfectly logical that she would have interpreted his actions as mere friendship.
So where did that leave her? Not wrong, but not right. Not hated, but not loved. Alone. It left her alone.
Well, she had lived alone before. She could do just fine on her own. She surrounded herself with a cold anger in the unfairness of it all, punished for a kiss she hadn't wanted, and wrapped in injustice, she found that familiar numbness which would carry her through.
She turned another page in her book, shutting her mind to all but the rain's melancholy melody.
Elphaba dressed silently, slipping from the room well before the blonde awoke. She forced a third an apple down her throat before trudging out into the wet landscape. It was too early to arrive at class, even for her, so she sought shelter at the vacant library. The doors were locked this early, so she settled into the hollow where door met stairs.
"So now you're here before it even opens?" A voice startled her from the book she'd brought.
She quirked a half-hearted smile. "Well, at least it's expected of me. What are you doing here?"
Boq sat beside her, "You know, you should really talk to her."
"Yes, well, I'll leave that to you. I'm sure you'll enjoy it enough for the both of us."
"Look," Boq said, "she's really worried about you. We all are. You're not yourself lately, ignoring Galinda and fighting with Fiyero." Elphaba lurched up, tossing her materials haphazardly into her knapsack, but Boq caught her arm. "Elphie, we're your friends. Just…talk to them. Work it out." She just stood there, mutely staring at her feet as she struggled to remember how to breathe. "He misses you, you know."
"Leave me alone Boq," she warned. "Just, go away."
"I don't think…" he started, but she interrupted.
"Nobody asked you, Boq. What, you think you can just magically fix everything? You don't have a clue. I don't want your help, Boq, and I don't want you to play little master peacemaker. I just want you to leave me the hell alone!" she said, her voice a knife, vicious and sharp.
"I just want to help," he sounded hurt, but she didn't care. She had no room left to care anymore, only sweet, numbing anger.
"Go run along and play with Galinda," she spat out.
He frowned and released her arm. "If that's what you want."
Something about the wounded tone in his voice managed to break the anger, and she softened despite herself. "Boq, I'm sorry."
He held up a hand, shaking his head sadly. "You know, you make it really hard for anyone to stay friends with you. Maybe if you'd stop being so angry, you'd see that it's not a giant conspiracy against you. Some of us just actually care about you; for whatever insane reason, some of us really just want you to be happy." He took two steps away from her before tossing over his shoulder, "You should talk to her, Elphaba, before you managed to push her so far away that you can't get her back."
She bit her trembling lip as she watched him walk away. Damn that munchkin if he didn't know right where to hit.
A glance at the clock told her that it was too late to do anything about it now as class was starting in a few minutes. She abandoned her usual seat for one as far away from Lzuad as she could manage. Elphaba ducked when he waved at her before pulling out her notes in preparation for today's lecture.
Then the world froze when he walked in. Fiyero met her eyes, and she felt a tiny flurry of hope, one that died when he hung his head and retreated to sit by Avaric. Damn Avaric. Even her anger couldn't distract her from the piercing stab of abandonment she felt then, and for another time today she struggled to keep her face calm even if nothing else in her was.
"He looks miserable, doesn't he?"
She spun around, huffing an annoyed, "What, are you stalking me now?"
Boq rolled his eyes. "You're actually in my seat."
"Oh, sorry." She skulked over to a free seat beside him.
"You could always apologize," Boq pointed out.
"You could always shut up," she tossed back, sneaking another painful look of her love consorting with her hate. "Do you mind, I'm trying to take notes?" Boq rolled his eyes again, but thankfully kept his comments to himself.
Elphaba felt as if she would explode. Anger had so consumed her that it almost frightened her in those rare moments that she allowed herself to feel anything else. Part of her (perhaps her reason) had to acknowledge that she had taken things too far, but it just hurt so badly.
Why? She didn't need anyone. She was strong, independent, self-reliant. Always had been. What was the loss, really, in a bubble-headed blonde and a brainlessly popular boy?
Everything, that traitorous voice whispered in her head, and she bit her lip to silence it.
She forced her mind to go blank and focused on the task of walking to class instead. That was the solution – keep busy, keep angry, keep moving. Then there would be no more room for those damn whispers, for the hurt. She did just that, occupying her thoughts with equations and assignments, magical properties and political philosophies. She sought solace in her work.
Then she heard whispers not from the recesses of her mind, but from the recesses of the hallway. "I don't understand what is wrong with that girl. I'm just glad Fiyero's finally rid of her." Every muscle contracted at that, and she was paralyzed in place as she recognized it as Avaric's voice. "But I don't see why she has to be such a bitch to Galinda. She's got her crying all the time now." Elphaba's fists curled tightly enough to draw blood.
"Such a waste of a pretty face, Galinda crying," a second voice said.
"I can think of a couple better ways to use that face, eh, Avaric?" a third boy said. "It's gotta be hard to get laid with a weepy girlfriend." She was shaking now, eyes rolled back in her head as she struggled to maintain some control.
"That's Avaric for you, though. I bet you're still getting some, am I right?" There was silence, then loud cheers and shouts of laughter as Avaric must have confirmed it.
Elphaba snapped, wild-eyed as she flew around the corner. "Elphaba!" Avaric said, having the decency to look both scared and sheepish. She pulled her fist back and slammed it into the closest boy's face, following it with a sharp kick to the groin of the lewd one on the right. The others scattered quickly, falling all over each other in their flight.
Avaric, meanwhile, stood rooted to the spot in shock. When her glare fell on him, he shouted out for help before turning to run. His shouts turned to screams as he was lifted off the ground, flying back toward her. She never had learned to control her magic when she was angry.
Elphaba pinned him to the wall, hand at his throat, and he stammered and begged her to let him go. She faltered at the look of utter terror in his eyes, but that day Avaric had broken her arm flashed in her mind. Her fear hadn't saved her then, and his wouldn't stop justice now. "You," she hissed, tremors flowing through her as rage replaced blood, "You're the one responsible. You did this."
"For what?" he voice breaking. Her fingers tightened on his throat, and he whimpered. "I'm sorry, I swear. Just please, for Lurline's sake, put me down."
"Fae, put him down. Now."
"Fiyero?" she turned, and at the sight of his stern look, she felt her anger melting into guilt.
"Elphaba, what are you doing? Avaric?" Galinda's voice came from her other side, and Elphaba turned to see the most heartbreaking look of betrayal that had ever existed settled on her best friend's face. Tears fell from Galinda's eyes as Boq put his arm around her, shooting Elphaba a look of such disgust.
Her head swiveled from one look of disappointment to the other. Elphaba dropped Avaric without another word, and before he'd even crashed to the ground, she'd stridden through the crowd that had gathered and away from those who had once loved her. She walked as far as she could before she collapsed, trying in vain to escape those haunting eyes. For the first time since she could remember, she let herself cry.