Twenty-six

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I didn't come down to talk or stare at the fire that night; I was busy crying myself to sleep, holding on to Luke's ring still hanging on that chain around my neck. God, I would give anything to see him. Had I been stuck here with Luke, at least our wait would have been a blast. And even with someone else. Anyone. I wish I could just get an hour with Liv over a coffee, watching people go through the cafeteria and comment on their clothes or hair; I wish I could squabble with Damon, or even monitor Jo. The impossibility to talk to or see anyone else is killing me. I need to get out of here, or else I'm gonna hang myself at some point.

A couple days go by and it does seem like the atmosphere has changed. I do get up and train, then I come back for breakfast; we barely talk, then he keeps to his room all morning and only comes back down for cooking lunch. I use the time in between to play the guitar, writing down some lyrics and tabs that I remember on a notebook I got from 1994. I don't really play when he's here though, I only search for chords and jolt them down.

After lunch, he leaves for a walk outside while I sit cozily on the sofa with a book. I've been binge reading all of Shakespeare's plays so far, knowing it's what Mrs Gordon must be assigning our British Literature class. It keeps me close to the present somehow, and to Liv. I just hope she'll come get me before the semester ends.

We only go back to 1994 when we need to and exchange the bare minimum amount of words. I hate that I want to talk to him sometimes; I hate that I want to start a conversation just for the sake of hearing someone's voice. I hate that I feel even more lonely because of him.

We go on like this for days; until one morning he puts on his coat for his walk outside and offers me mine. I hesitantly take it and follow after him, walking in silence for a long moment.

"I've been doing the writing-letters-thing, you know," he finally says and I nod, understanding we're on for an apology. "It's not doing any miracles but… I can feel things clear up a bit after writing. It was good advice."

"Good," I whisper.

"I wanted to say that– I'm sorry I snapped at you the other day. It's just… weird, that someone knows now and– Look, I was a jerk to you and I'm sorry." He's so not used to saying this kind of things aloud, it doesn't even feel natural when he does.

"Apologies accepted," I say as lightly as I can. "No need to be an ass anymore if you don't actually feel like it."

"Right." He looks ahead and shakes his head to himself. "I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to be anymore. Everybody I ever knew or loved hate me for what I did, and they're right to." He swallows and looks at me sideways. "Sorry, I– Just, thanks for the letters."

I try to smile, but I'm not really there yet. None of this feels natural. We keep quiet for a while, until I say, "If I may… it might take a while for you to feel better; especially since you've been keeping it all inside for so long but– it worked for me, so…" I trail off and shrug, giving him the softest smile I can manage right now.

"You wrote to Lucas?" he asks cautiously.

"Uh, no." I slightly frown. "I was so convinced I'd find a way to get him back that I didn't really think about grief or– closure regarding him. But it worked when my mom passed."

"Your mom? I'm sorry."

"It was a while back. I was fifteen."

"What happened?"

"I'm not trying to make this about me, I'm just saying I do believe–"

"I know," he gently cuts me off, "But I'm asking. If you care to share."

I chew on my lip for a moment. I never really talk about my mom's death. I mean, my entire clan knows about it already and I usually don't tell other people that story because, well, vampires and witches, so it is kind of weird to be saying all that to someone. But then, he did tell me his most guarded secret and I guess I can make an effort and take this peace offering.

"Uh– a vampire got her actually. She was– you know, assessing her witch and, for some reason I can't figure, she was very attached to protecting her as well so, she stepped in and… vampire killed her."

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks." I pause, thinking back of that time. "It was terrible, you know, and I still miss her of course, but… I guess it's easier now."

"Is that why you do what you do?"

"What do I do?"

"You keep doing everything you can to keep your witches alive. I mean, I don't pretend to know anything about your mission but I'm guessing that if Lightbringers have remained unspoken of for so long it's because they didn't–"

"Interfere?" I offer with a smile and he nods, "Well, we all reacted differently. I mean, my dad broke clan's rules and went after that vampire. Everybody knew but they didn't try to stop him; and when he came back, he simply was done with it. He named Alice leader of the clan, relinquished his Light to her, and peacefully retired. As for Alice, it was the opposite. She knew our mom died because she interfered when her witch's life was threatened, so she went to respecting the rules even more strictly. And all that my mom had been fighting for all those years, the possibility to maybe be allowed to protect good witches someday… It was all gone."

"I'm not sure I really get that, you know. Isn't protecting witches part of your job? You're, like, witch police."

I chuckle, "I'm supposed to be witches' Big Brother actually. My targets are not even supposed to know about me at all. I can talk to them, get to know them if it helps me assess them, but they can't know about me. You used to be able to discreetly take care of a threat here and there but never out in the open."

"So all that you've been doing since– we first tried to kill each other, it was all…"

"All transgressing the rules. Yep." And I'm not proud.

"Why do you do it?"

"Several reasons, which won't be for today."

He nods and offers me a soft smile that looks a lot like Luke's. I don't say anything about it; I only take his hand and we start walking our way back.

.

%%%%%

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"Do you have the time, to listen to me whine, about nothing and everything all at once1..."

I pull the pan and crack some eggs, dancing in rhythm with the song playing in my ears. I then get the boiling water for coffee and the orange juice – note to self: get some juice and peanut butter. "…Sometimes I give myself the creeps; sometimes my mind plays tricks on me; it all keeps adding up…"

I keep preparing breakfast, turn around to grab the wooden spoon and start with surprise. Kai is standing there, leaning against the doorframe, a broad grin on his lips, and I can't help but smile back.

"You– scared me," I say, setting the headphones around my neck, "how long have you been here?"

"Long enough to know Whitmore College have been missing their lead stage artist."

"Ha. Ha. Very funny." He helps me set the table and we sit down. "You didn't go down last night, did you?"

"No," he answers, taking a bite of his scrambled eggs, "last night was rather peaceful."

"Good."

"So," he says, reaching for the grocery list, "do we need something today?"

"Uh… we're almost out of juice and peanut butter but it can wait for tomorrow, so we're good."

"Laundry day," he cheers sarcastically.

"Sonic the hedgehog day!" I imitate him and he chuckles.

"I've figured out your weakness, you know."

"Have you now?"

"That Mystic Cave map? It gives you the creeps. I'm so ending you."

I snort. "You wish."

"I guess we'll see. Hey, so how about this one: they haven't come yet because they lost the ascendant."

"Lost it?" I ponder, tilting my head, "As in actually lost it or as in someone stole it?"

"Oh, stolen," he nods and whistles, "That's a good one. By whom?"

"I don't know. Humanity-less Caroline and Stefan?"

"My dad?"

"Maybe my dad," I say and he laughs.

"Oh, what if they broke it?"

"What if Bonnie compelled her memories away and they don't know how to use it anymore?"

"What if she just hid it?"

"You've said that one before," I squint. The witch shrugs and I throw a napkin at him. "You're cheating; we said not the same scenario twice."

"Alright, what if… it self-destructed when I got stuck? Like a weird loophole or something."

"We would be screwed."

"We would be screwed," he confirms with a nod.

We've been playing this 'guess why they haven't come yet' for several days now. The witch always finds a way to come up with the weirdest explanation. After breakfast, we wash the dishes and head to the living room. I resume reading on the sofa while the Gemini leader spends the morning at the writing table, focusing on a letter; it's a routine we've established and I must say it's nice not being at war with my only company here.

I look up from time to time and watch him as he writes and writes and writes. His face shows all sorts of emotions, from pain to guilt, and he stops to rub his eyes or cry sometimes but I let him. Because when he's done, there is this moment when he seals the letter and then takes a deep breath, looking lighter and relaxed; and that's my favorite moment.

.

%%%%%%%

"But it was a good movie, though," I object, biting in a strawberry.

"It was okay," he admits, "But I'm definitely choosing the next."

"Says the guy who's been living in a world without Titanic and Fight Club."

"I don't know what that is."

"See? Exactly my point. Wait– I'm adding these two to your twenty-first-century list."

"This list is getting ridiculously long."

"Do I look like it's my problem?" I mock. "I mean, once we're back, I can't just unleash you onto the real world and let you make even more poor life choices."

"Low."

"Sorry," I wince. "Anyway, I should definitely keep the responsibility to choose movies."

"Just because I don't know all the cool movies that came out after '94 doesn't mean I can't choose a good one in '94."

"You don't know which ones became classics, because you don't have any distance regarding this decade."

He gets up, shaking his head as he begins washing the dishes. I turn on my seat and watch him for a minute.

"I've been wondering–"

"Can't wait," he mocks.

"Shut up," I smirk, "I've been wondering: haven't you guys figured out a spell that washes the dishes and does the laundry for you? Like in Harry Potter?"

I have this very clear image of the Wesley family house where the dishes would wash on their own. I can't even remember whether this was on the movie or in the book as well. Oh boy, I'm losing track of things; and I can't even check in the damn book. What if no one ever comes and I never get to know? Kai peeks over his shoulder to give me a wince of disbelief, which snaps me back to reality, "I don't know who that is but no, it doesn't work like that."

My eyes widen and I instantly add Harry Potter to the list. That poor thing.

"Well, it could," I say, getting up as well with a dishcloth. "Life would simply be easier. I mean, you have magic, you can do pretty much what you want as long as you don't go astray."

"Everything is not as simple as it seems when you have magic," he lectures me and my eyes light up. "What?"

"Did you just quote Selena Gomez to me?"

"Do I look like I know who that is?"

"It's– she stars in this show, with wizards and stuff and– well, she and her brothers pull off some of the stupidest crap ever but, it's very fitting."

"Okay…?" he says, not following.

"Because it's about witches and magic and how to use it. And what you said is, like, the main line of the opening song."

As he still doesn't get it, I sigh and head to the living room, coming back with the guitar. I search for the right chords – or something close enough – for a moment and then start playing and singing the one-minute song.

"…Everything is not what seems when you can have what you want by the simplest of means. Be careful not to mess with the balance of things because everything is not what it seems2."

I finish the song and look up to find my witch grinning at me.

"See? You're not that bad. I don't get why you won't play around me."

I roll my eyes, incapable of holding a smile back. "Because if I play, you're gonna ask me to sing and if I sing, you're gonna say I serenaded you and I'm never gonna hear the end of it."

"Always imagining the worst of me," he chuckles.

"Would I be wrong, though?"

He tilts his head, faking indecision, and I can't help but laugh.

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%%%%%

.

I change the positioning of my fingers on the frets and strum the strings with my right hand, producing the exact sound I had in mind.

"And that's a C."

The witch nods, distractedly blowing on his mug. We are sitting before the fireplace tonight; we would have gone for a videogames night if we hadn't fallen asleep on a '94 couch the last time we went for a movie. Since then, Kai has been pushing aside any attempt to go to the other prison world after dinner. I get that he's afraid of falling asleep over there again so I don't insist, but now we have to find something to do in 1903 to keep boredom out of the place, which is not always easy.

"Come on," I say, handing him the guitar, "you try it."

"I'd rather drink my cocoa while it's still warm. Just keep going, I'll remember."

"No, you won't. If you don't really want to learn, just say so–"

"I didn't say that. How about you play something?"

I squint, finding less and less good reasons not to play every time he asks me to. At this point, it's becoming childish of me to refuse.

"I… wouldn't even know what to play."

"That's bad faith," he chuckles and I try not to nod in agreement, "It doesn't have to be good, just– play something from your club, I don't care."

I tilt my head, picturing a list of all the songs we would perform.

"Alright but just so you know, my suitemate Jess would choose these– it's a lot of Taylor Swift."

"Remember I'm clueless regarding twenty-first century music; I don't even know who that is," he states, "Just pick one."

I exhale and start chewing on my lip as I think. My gaze lands on the stack of books I've been keeping in the living room and I tilt my head. I grab the one on top, slightly smiling as I remember Romeo and Juliet was Luke's favorite Shakespeare and I set it aside on the floor between us – we keep sitting there for some reason; the sofa only exists to rest our backs.

"Alright, I've got one."

The witch arches a brow at the book but says nothing as I take a minute to find the right chords. Then I start playing, keeping my eyes on the frets as I sing along.

"We were both young when I first saw you; I close my eyes and the flashback starts, I'm standing there; on the balcony in summer air3…"

I wince when I hear a false note but keep going as best as I can. Somehow, it's harder to perform for one person than it is to perform in front of a crowd. Not that my memory is at fault; I used to play this song quite a lot at some point with all the rehearsals and the shows, so once I'm back on it, I just piece it all together rather effortlessly and my fingers find the frets without me needing to think too much about it. I'm always amazed to contemplate de wonders of muscle memory.

I let the notes fill the air, my hands and fingers playing almost on their own and my voice going along. I do miss Tina's voice though; it was always great when she would accompany me. I miss singing with her and our club, and I miss singing with Jess as well. But more than my suitemates and my college life, I miss playing along with my mom. Every time I hold a guitar, every time I play, I can't help having this special thought for her, this grateful smile that only belongs to her. After she passed, I'd spend hours playing in my room, hoping that wherever she was, be it the Other Side or some mysterious Better Place, she could hear me and feel how deeply I missed her and loved her.

"…'cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter and my daddy said 'stay away from Juliet' but you were everything to me; I was begging you please don't go…"

It's kinda weird that there's only my voice resonating in the living room. I guess I'm used to people knowing the tune and sometimes the lyrics as well so they would start humming or singing along, which is always fun; but my current audience is listening intently, probably because it's the first time he's hearing this song and I feel a sort of pressure while I keep playing. This song has a tendency to make me feel nostalgic about the past and about happier times of my life. Somehow it feels good to be playing again, but at the same time, performing alone reminds me that we are stuck in this very empty, very isolated, lonely world and that no one is going to join me and sing with me anytime soon. And I think the worst part is not knowing when or even whether someone is going to come. Ever. I mean, where is everybody? Why haven't they come yet?

"…I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around, my faith in you was fading…"

I slow down and lower my playing, then start plucking the strings as the song's climax builds up, unable to hold a smile as I cling to the memory of our entire club singing it all together and the same kind of excitement rushes through me.

"…is this in my head, I don't know what to think, he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said 'marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone, I love you and that's all I really know; I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress; it's a love story, baby just say yes'…"

I end the song and let the last notes resonate in the room for a while. Then I look up, somehow concerned with my audience's reaction, but he doesn't seem put off or anything and he doesn't look like he's about to make fun of me. So it wasn't bad, right?

"It wasn't that hard, was it?" he asks, dropping a couple more marshmallows in his mug.

"Nope."

"And you sing pretty well."

"Thanks."

"Where did you learn to play like that?"

"My mom taught me when I was young. We would play and sing together very often; it was our thing."

"That's sweet," he smiles before looking at the fire and I know where his thoughts are leading him. Did he even have a thing with his mom or his dad when he was a kid? Before being expelled of his own family, I mean.

"Wanna play monopoly?" I ask after a while.

The witch snaps back into reality and offers me the best smile he can manage. He nods and I go get the board game.

.

1 Basket Case, in 'Dookie', by Green Day, 1994

2 Everything is not as it seems, in 'Wizards of Waverly Place', by Selena Gomez, 2009

3 Love Story, in 'Fearless', by Taylor Swift, 2008