Chapter 26
Leonard sat back on the couch, there was no way he could sleep now, his mind felt all jumbled up and he needed to think about all the information Gloria had just given him. He knew he would never be able to rest, until he settled some of the thoughts in his mind, thoughts about what he needed to do next personally and what he needed to do to accomplish Gloria's recommendations. Also, to be honest, he was saddened that Gloria told him that Penny needed to go back home immediately for help, he knew he was being selfish being upset over it, but it still pained him never the less. What's more he knew his being distressed was his own fault, it was something he always did, fall for a girl hard and then get his heart broken, but this time it was even worse because he felt that his connection with Penny was different. He believed that just being around each other made each of them happy and when they held each other it seemed to him that they never wanted to let each other go.
The way Penny acted and responded to him also made it difficult for him, she acted like she wanted him and sometimes it was hard to remind himself that she was having problems mentally and that it was very possible that the only reason she was acting like that was because of those problems. So it was during times like now, when he was alone and not around her, that he had to remind himself that her feelings for him were not real, because when with her, whenever Penny pulled herself close to him, his mind went to a happy place where he thought maybe him and Penny could be together. It was also at times like now, he realized how those thoughts sounded pathetic and what a loser he was for even thinking them, she was too good for him, and she would realize that after she got well. She just needed to get herself back together, then she could move on with her life…with someone that wasn't even similar to him, he sadly told himself.
Leonard's current train of thought was extremely depressing for him so he forced himself to get back and address the problem of getting Penny to leave and come up with a plan. Developing plans to accomplish tasks was something he did at work, to perform a test or solve a problem, so he decided to go with something he was comfortable with and mentally started to put together a plan. He knew there were several things he needed to consider in this plan, Penny's parents, getting Penny to Nebraska, convincing Penny she wanted to go to Nebraska, getting her care started, and especially not making her feel rejected. Getting Penny to Nebraska was easy, they could fly, but then he remembered she said she lost her identification, it creating another problem he would have to solve. Penny's parents were also a problem, he wanted her to talk to them, but she resisted that at Christmas, so that would have to be also solved. He did think however that maybe if he could convince her to go first, contacting her parents would just fall in place, so he planned to address the parents after she agreed to go.
However the hardest problem he thought he had was not letting her feel rejected, and yet keeping everything the same without escalation, because that also had an impact on his feelings for her too. Knowing she was leaving soon made it hard for him to not be close to her, while she was still there, but being that close was going to put him in situations with her he wasn't sure he could completely control. He failed miserably that afternoon when she started to make out with him and he didn't do a thing when he realized that she was trying to have sex with him, he just let her have her way. It made him concerned because he knew he had to keep his mind on the plan to get her home, but based on his past experiences with her, he was worried if he was strong enough to do that.
Leonard sat and went over these thoughts for the next three hours, until these thoughts became muddled from being tired, making it so he couldn't think straight anymore, his eyelids also getting very heavy. So he decided he would just lay down for a little bit to think and close his eyes for a short while to rest them, getting a little more comfortable before he began to think again. However his getting himself comfortable to think was only a big mistake and it only ended up in him lasting about 10 minutes before sleep snuck up on him and took him away that night.
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It was about 6 hours after Penny had taken the mild sedative from Gloria that she was disturbed in her sleep, the wind had picked up that night and it's howling against the bedroom window made a loud noise which woke her up with a start. While her mind tried to come to grips with being suddenly awake, trying to understand her current situation, the wind rattled the window again and made her jump up in bed in fear, now scared and confused. That night wasn't as cold as it had been a couple days before, but listening to the window flex with the wind, made her still feel cold and alone anyway. It was at the same time as that feeling overwhelmed her that she realized that Leonard wasn't there, which now only reinforced the feeling of being incredibly alone. The fear now took over as all her thoughts centered around her need to be with him immediately, and it drove her out of the sanctuary of the bed, towards the bedroom door, stopping only briefly when the window flexed again from another gust of wind, scaring her even more. Even though she was covered in full flannel pajamas, she couldn't help the cold shiver that passed thought her body as she remembered just a few days ago she had to sleep out there in the cold. The noise that was coming from window now making her feel like that same cold was reaching out to bring her back outside, and that again making her even more alone and scared. Her need to find Leonard only increased, so she grabbed her robe and the blanket off the bed, to try to shield her from the cold, before venturing out of the bedroom, to find the man she needed to hold her and protect her from that cold.
It was no sooner than Penny walked into the living room, that she saw him laying on the couch, it was calming to see him there, but it also made her immediately feel a need to be closer to him. So she moved towards the couch, noticing he had a couple blankets on him, his warm body and his protective arms beckoning her to get on the couch with him, to lay with him under the covers and have him hold her, in her mind it was the only place she wanted to be. But as she got closer Penny stopped and just stood there staring at him, as she now became scared that she would do something to ruin the closeness they had from before and that she would somehow make him mad. Penny now remembering how Kurt and the other men she had been with would get mad at her if she did something they didn't like, like wake them. It was that fear that won out and prevented her from climbing on the couch, it drove her to walk back a couple of steps to the chair, next to the couch, and curl up in it, putting the blanket over herself. In a roundabout way her mind reasoned it was like she had laid down next to him and as she looked at him, his presence was still comforting to her, her eyes beginning to get heavy again, then finally closing as she drifted back off to sleep.
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Leonard first woke up the next morning at the time he normally woke every day for work, but since he had fell asleep so late he just started to roll over to go back to sleep. However, something felt weird, so instead of rolling over he opened his eyes to see something on the chair next to the couch, which now made him come fully awake as he reached for his glasses. It was what he saw that then made him sit up on the couch, Penny curled up in the chair next to him, softly snoring as she slept and it made him confused about why she was there. He was both puzzled and worried about the scene in front of him and definitely didn't know what was going on, but resisted waking her up as he quietly got to a sitting position on the couch, knowing he would not be able to sleep with her there. He just sat there looking at her for the first few minutes until his bladder demanded his attention and so he made his way to the bathroom while she slept. Consequently it was ten minutes later, when he returned to the living room, that he saw that her eyes were open as she still sat there curled in the chair. "Penny?" he said still in confusion, "Is something wrong?"
Penny was afraid to talk now, the fear from a few hours before that he was mad at her, coming back to her, the great idea to sleep there last night now making her feel she might have made a big mistake and rekindling the additional fear in her of being told to leave. It made her draw into herself and feel helpless again, and that made her act like a little scared girl, her softly responding to him why she did it. "I was scared."
She sounded like a five year old girl wanting to sleep with her parents and Leonard felt bad at hearing her response, speaking softly to her, like she had done to him. "You should of woke me, we could have done something, the chair is so small, wouldn't you have rather slept in the bed."
Penny nodded, "I didn't want to wake you." she responded, again quietly.
"That is okay Penny, you can wake me anything you want." Leonard could see she was still tired so he then asked. "Penny you need to sleep some more, you're still tired aren't you?"
Penny slightly nodded, then her eyes got wide as she quickly looked at the hallway to the bedrooms, before looking at him again, then blurting out. "I'm okay, I don't want to sleep anymore." The thought of being alone in the bedroom with the cold trying to get her almost unbearable.
Since Leonard was tired too, it took a second for him to put it together, how she said she slept there because she was scared. "Did something scare you last night in the bedroom?" He watched as Penny's gaze went to her hands in her lap and how she didn't say a thing. "Penny what scared you last night." Again she said nothing. "Penny please tell me."
She looked up at him, "The wind was making the windows make noise and…..and you weren't there." He could see she now was on the verge of starting to cry.
Her statement was now accompanied by tears and it only confirmed to Leonard that Gloria was right, she was very dependent on him, too dependent to be healthy. It hurt him to see her act like she was doing now and it made him want to comfort her. "Penny, do you want me to sleep with you?" 'Just Sleep' Leonard reminded himself.
Penny's eyes widened again as she nodded, her tears now seeming to stop. "Would you Leonard?" her voice filled with a hint desperation.
Leonard nodded, "I'm tired too, so let us get some more sleep." Leonard then offered Penny his hand, which she quickly grabbed, and turned to the bedroom, letting her use the bathroom on the way before they proceeded to his bed.
Leonard now felt if he maintained control of their actions, when he was with her, he could prevent the escalation that Gloria warned him of, so when they got to the bedroom Leonard got immediately under the covers. He watched as Penny seemed a little surprised he got in bed before her so he held up the covers and motion for her to join him. Watching her get in, a little distance from him, knowing she was going to slowing move towards him with caution like she had done before. However, Leonard wanted to control the situation, so no sooner as she laid down he leaned over and put his arm around her waist, pulling her against him so her back was against his chest as he spooned her.
Penny suddenly found herself wrapped in Leonard's arms, stunned that it happened so fast but relieved that Leonard seemed to want her and was protecting her. It took her only a few seconds to get over the initial shock of being scooped up by him and pulled close, before that feeling of security in his arms started to come back to her as he put protective cocoon of him and the covers over her. Her senses appeared to be heightened as she felt his face against her hair as he got into a comfortable position, seeming to pull her closer and more into his protective embrace. She now found she couldn't help herself from trying to wiggle even closer to him and as she settled in, a small sigh/moan came from her, as her body relaxed in his arms. Penny now felt she was being cuddled by Leonard like she was his, it was what she had hoped for and had desperately wanted, and the scared hopeless young woman that had dominated her being the last few weeks seemed to fall back in her mind as Penny now for a few moments started to actually clearly think about what was happening. The man that was holding her was nothing like any other man she had met, he had been nothing but kind to her, he had rescued her and she felt only caring for her from him. In his arms now she felt an overwhelming feeling of security and…..love, it made Penny put her arm over the one he had around her waist, laying her fingers over his as she also tilted her head down to put a kiss on his arm across her chest, then softly saying, "I love you."
Leonard had felt Penny get comfortable in his arms, her managing to get herself even closer to him and so he pulled her slightly more to him hoping he was giving her the feeling that she had a safe position to sleep. He had put one arm under her pillow coming out near her neck and draped across her chest, his hand on her hip, while the other arm encircled her waist both pulling her against him and basically trapping her there, hoping she felt secure and not uncomfortable. He was keeping to his plan to have control over their situation, however he had not been prepared for her kiss on his arm or her telling him she loved him. He now felt slightly bewildered and with Gloria's words still in his mind telling him to not give her the impression he was rejecting her, he frantically searched for a response. He then felt her hand on his hand around her waist, she had now moved her fingers between his and again she kissed his arm, her touch making his heart beat faster. What was happening was what he feared, it was getting too much for Leonard, she was so warm and soft, her hair still smelling from the green apple shampoo she used the day before, and her touching him and telling him she loved him, made him sadly think his time remaining with her now could be counted in just hours. He was now over thinking everything, thinking he would maybe never hold her again like he was doing now, so without even thinking he answered her honestly, "I love you too." Feeling ashamed as soon as the words left his lips.
Penny closed her eyes, a feeling of wellbeing now completely consuming her, for the first time in a very long time, she felt happy and a small smile formed on her lips. She felt unbelievably relaxed and content, the heat from Leonard's body radiated to her core and a feeling growing in her she would never be cold again as long as she was with Leonard. She let that content feeling take over her and with that the tiredness she had been holding off overcame her body and mind as she surrendered to the pull of sleep that slowly consumed her. It was only a few minutes later that Leonard hear her soft snores letting him know she was asleep.
Leonard was going through feelings of his own while she now slept, shame for telling her the truth that he loved her, and again extreme sadness in knowing he would soon lose her, only made worse by the unbelievable feeling of holding her in his arms. He didn't understand why is was so hard for him when he was with her, he had been hurt many times by girls before and always recovered, but no matter what he had gone through before he knew with her it would be different. Penny had touched his heart the first day he taken her in and his need to take care of her had grown over every hour she had been with him. Even now he cared about her so much he would give her up so she could be well, even though he knew he would feel lost when she left him. He would remember her and she would always be one of the happiest few days of his life, and even now just thinking about his life after she left depressed him immensely. Leonard closed his eyes, he needed to sleep, so like he sometimes did at work, he tried to clear his mind of everything, even her, and tried to concentrate on rest. It was the hardest thing for him to do but eventually he began to relax and with his mind now calmed down he soon joined Penny in sleep.