A/N: I keep doing this but... sorry again. Hope you're still out there! This is a little longer than usual, hopefully to make up a little for not updating.

Nothing really gets resolved in this one... oops. But I'm already writing the next one and hope to get it up before I go back to school in a week.

XXX

FLASHBACK- APRIL 2009

Meredith curses as Cristina's answering machine picks up. She begins to dial Alex's number in desperate hope that he'd pick up. Usually her first two calls in this kind of situation would have been Derek then Amelia but she can't call either. Thankfully, Alex answers with a gruff hello.

"Alex, I need your help."

"What do you want, Mer? I just got off a 24 hour shift, I'm about to go home."

She taps her foot nervously on the ground, leaning against her stationary car, pulled to the shoulder of the road on I-5. She is nervous enough about this night without a flat threatening to end it. In a desperate voice she explains that she needs him to come change a flat for her.

"Why don't you just call your fiancé?" he says. His voice is pleading and tired, slightly muddled by the food she hears him chewing.

"I just can't. And you can't ask why," she says desperately, pushing her self off the car to begin pacing.

He sighs. "Where are you?"

"My car broke down on I-5, just outside of Tacoma."

"Tacoma, Mer are you kidding?"

"I'm less than 40 minutes away, please, Alex?"

He's silent for a moment, groans, then says: "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Alex. You're a lifesaver."

"I know." He hangs up. She pockets her phone, climbs into the driver's seat of her car, pushes the seat, back and closes her eyes, trying to relax as she waits for Alex.

XXX

Meredith jumps off the hood of her car and rushes over as Alex slides out of his car, tools in hand. "Thank you so much!" she says, throwing her self at him. He lets her hug him, patting her back awkwardly in return.

"What's going on Mer? What are you doing out here?"

"You have to swear you won't tell Derek."

"Come on, Mer," he says, as if she should know that his loyalties lie with her.

She steps back and brings her hand to her mouth, biting the end of her pointer nail for a moment as she decides the best way to tell him. "About a month ago I started having trouble sleeping. Marrying Derek had been all I wanted for a really long time. But now that it's really happening… it's freaking terrifying."

"Did you talk to him about it?"

"No. I can't he's not exactly nervous about getting married. It's all he's ever wanted. Marriage, kids, house, forever. That's what his family is like. Mine isn't." She sits down beside the car, cradling her forehead in her hands, elbows on her knees.

"You always say that his family is your family."

"And they are. But I've still got the Grey's. Look at my parents; their marriage fell apart. But my mother's career was unprecedented."

"Look what she got for it Mer. She died from Alzheimer's, alone in a home, with a daughter begrudgingly taking care of her," he states plainly. Alex sits beside her looking over at her, though she firmly doesn't look over at him. "I'm not one to jump on board for marriage but just don't use your mom as an excuse not to be happy."

"I know but what if marriage is not all I want? What if I want more? I've never traveled or done anything stupid. What about my career? What about what I want? So…a few weeks ago, I started looking on line for fellowship opportunities. And I found one…in Paris."

"Paris?" he exclaims.

"It's perfect but it's not like I'm going to do it! The dates conflict with the wedding! I just wanted to see if I've been focused enough on my career for someone to notice me! I know it's stupid."

"It's not stupid, Mer. You're a surgeon. This is what you're supposed to be like."

"I've just been freaking out, I had no one to talk to because Cristina wouldn't understand and my family is just Derek's…"

"You can talk to me, Mer. You know…about career stuff." She nods. Meredith knows Alex doesn't do the emotional thing well so she lets him off the hook.

"The interview is tonight, isn't it?"

She nods. He kneels down and starts working on the tire.

Meredith sits against the car near him and pulls out her phone, searching for the number of the interviewer. She holds it to her ear and her nausea increases. What if they don't let her interview? Then she'll never know. A voice answers with a curt Bonjour. "Bonjour," she replies. "Je suis désolé!" To try to earn brownie points she pulls out some of her ninth grade French. "I got a flat tire…Yes, it's being fixed now…Maybe twenty minutes?...Thank you so much! I apologize again… Á bientôt!"

3 WEEKS LATER- SEPTEMBER 2009

"Hey mom?"

"Amelia! Hi! It's so good to hear from you."

"Thanks. You too. Have you checked your email today?"

"No, why?"

"I just got an email from Derek."

"It's been about a month since I've heard from him or Meredith. I tried calling Meredith but she didn't answer. What does the email say?"

"Wedding is canceled. We're over. Call the family for me."

"What?"

"I tried calling him and her but they're not answering."

"Why don't I try? If not I'll call Mark and see what is happening."

"Okay, let me know what he says."

"I will dear. But how are you?"

"I'm fine mom. I've got to go."

"Oh. Okay sweetheart, talk to you soon."

"Bye, mom."

"Bye dear."

"Hi you've reached Derek Shepherd. I can't come to the phone right now so leave a message with your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

"Derek Shepherd. Call me back. Amelia just got a very concerning email. And we need to talk."

"Sloan."

"Mark? It's Carolyn."

"How are you, Mama Shep?"

"I'm good dear. How are you doing?"

"Good."

"I'm glad to hear it. Listen, what is happening with Meredith and Derek? I haven't heard from either of them and Amy just got a very concerning email."

"Derek didn't tell you…"

"Derek didn't tell me what, dear?"

"Meredith is gone."

"What do you mean, gone?"

"She took a fellowship offer in Paris for six months."

"Excuse me?"

"She got this great opportunity in Paris and she and Derek broke up."

"Why hasn't Derek told me?"

"I haven't heard from him in a week. He won't answer me. Last week I pretty much had to bang down his door to get him to answer me."

"He's not at work?"

"He broke his right hand a few weeks ago, he's been on leave. He should be back this week."

"Mark would you do me a big favor and go over there again? And try to get him to call me or one of his sisters?"

"Of course Mama Shep. I'll go over after work."

"Thanks, Dear. I'll speak with you soon."

"Okay, I'll let you know what's happening."

"I would appreciate that. Goodbye, Mark."

XXX

Derek tries to shoot a beer can into the trash bin but misses by about a foot. His aim is never good when he's drunk. He ignores it and goes back to flipping aimlessly through the channels. Finally settling on some mindless, probably highly inaccurate, doctor program, he puts the remote down and grabs for a box of Lucky Charms. It's not like he's watching the TV anyways. He begins picking out the marshmallows and flicking them towards the table. He never liked the taste, finding them chalky and overly sweet. He just eats the cereal part.

He hears the doorbell ring but he ignores it, deciding there is no one worth answering for. But it doesn't stop. The incessant ringing gets worse and worse until he can't handle it anymore. He takes his cereal box and shuffles over to open the door. It doesn't even cross his mind that he's answering the door in boxers and a t-shirt with an open tattered robe. Without looking through the peephole he rips the door open and comes face to face with his best friend.

He rolls his eyes and walks back into the apartment. He can hear Mark following him. Derek curses as he trips over a box. He'd never unpacked after moving into his tiny one bedroom rental condo. All of his stuff, besides essentials, is still packed away in boxes that are littered around the room.

"What the hell is going on with you, man? You haven't called your mother or your sisters in weeks, they're worried."

Derek shrugs and sinks back into his couch, pushing a wedding book out of the way.

"And you email them to tell them the wedding's canceled?"

"I've been on the phone all week canceling everything. Didn't feel like talking to them."

"What else have you been doing?"

"Drinking, eating, watching television."

"How's the hand?"

"I'll be back to work on Monday." He shoves a handful of cereal into his mouth.

"That's good. And the drinking binge and Pity Party are going to end by then right? Because no one at the hospital is going to put up with this crap."

"Screw you," Derek snarls.

"I'm just telling you the truth. You need to get your crap together, Derek. People break up, it happens. It sucks. Put on some pants, clean up this disgusting apartment, and take a shower."

"Whatever."

"And call your mom and sisters. You owe them a phone call. They're worried."

"Don't feel like it."

Derek watches out of the corner of his eye as Mark pulls out his phone, presses a few things and then holds it up to his ear. Derek reaches out to try to stop him but Mark shoots him down.

"Mama Shep?"

Derek's throat closes up a little.

"Yup. He's here right now….No he's being a pouty little crap. I'll put him on."

Mark tries to hand him the phone but he refuses to take it. Mark tells Derek's mother that he's going to put her on speaker.

"Derek? Dear? Are you alright?" His mother's concerned tone doesn't bother him. Somewhere in his mind he feels bad that he hasn't called her in three weeks but he can't bring himself to care very much.

He groans. "Fine."

"Stop being a baby and talk to me, Derek."

"What's there to talk about? I sent you an email."

"Derek when your son sends you an email saying that his wedding—to a girl he's been with since they were 14—is canceled and gives no explanation, there's a lot to talk about."

"She took a fellowship offer in Paris for six months. We broke up. I'm sure Mark told you all of this when you called him about me."

"But what happened, dear? You two were so happy! You've been together since you were 14."

"Well apparently that was the problem," he spat.

"Derek?"

"She said she needed to figure out who she is without me. Apparently that means moving across the ocean."

"Oh, Derek." He could tell his mother was at a loss for words.

"Well it's time to stop moping around. You need to get up, take a shower, and go back to living your life, Derek. Everything will work out." Derek scoffs. "And Mark?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"You are not to leave his apartment until he takes a shower and gets out of the house."

"Can do, Mama Shep."

"Alright, Derek. I'll call the family and let them know of the…situation. You just focus on getting back to work and rejoining the world."

"Bye, Mom."

"Goodbye, sweetheart."

Mark hangs up his phone and shoves it back in his pocket.

"Alright you heard your mother. Get up, let's go out and drink. It's less sad than you sitting around in your underwear surrounded by trash. We'll head over to Joes."

"I don't want to go to Joe's." He turns the television volume up.

"Fine, we'll go somewhere around here then. Let's just get you some fresh air. Have you left this apartment in the last three weeks."

"I've been to the supermarket and the liquor store."

"Pathetic."

"Screw you. I'm not working until Monday I've been with Meredith since we were 14. I'm allowed to be upset."

"And you have been. Now it's time to get up and rejoin the rest of us over here in the non-hermit world."

"Fine. One drink."

"First you shower. Because you smell."

Derek flips him off as he walks towards the bathroom.