In the End of the World
Chapter 26: Understanding
Garrus noticed a severe personality shift in Shepard since the last time he'd seen her. She was no longer the confident and optimistic soldier he had come to love. It had been several days since he'd joined her on the Normandy, and she seemed to avoid him. This was to be expected after how she'd left things between them before the Collector base, but it bothered him not knowing what was eating at her. The only times he saw her were in the Mess Hall with the rest of the crew at meal times. He noticed that she had lost some of the muscle she once had, and that she barely ate the food they brought her day after day. Mostly she just stared off, absorbed by her thoughts.
This change disturbed Garrus. He could see she carried a great deal of guilt, and wondered if this was what had changed her. After almost a week, he decided enough was enough and headed up to her cabin.
He clicked the bell and heard the chime that rang out inside the room. He waited for a moment, but heard no response. There was no audible movement inside the cabin. A frown darkened his face. He had seen her go up there after the meal a few minutes ago, and he was sure she was in there.
He opened the door anyway and slowly entered her cabin.
"Shepard? Are you in here?"
Still no answer, but he saw a shock of coppery hair behind the half-wall and moved further inside the room to investigate. She sat still on the couch, with her arms wrapped tightly around herself. She stared at the table in front of her, but her eyes were unfocused. When he stepped into her view, it snapped her out of her state.
"Oh. Garrus. Did you knock?"
"Shepard, are you okay?"
"Yeah. Just... thinking."
He sat next to her. He was still angry with her, but something about her current state made him feel protective, like he should pull her close to him and hide her from the negativity that was surrounding her.
"Talk to me."
She looked up at him, still hugging her knees to her chest. There was a tiredness in her eyes that he'd never seen before.
"I'm scared, Garrus."
He gave her an incredulous look. "What are you scared of?"
"I'm scared that the Reapers will win. That Earth - and Palaven, and every other planet - will be destroyed, and I won't be able to save them."
"Now you care about Palaven?" He grew angry. Hadn't she stayed on Earth for six months ignoring both Garrus and his homeworld, then finally sought out the Turians to steal their fleet? It made sense for her to care about her own world the most, but maybe if she had visited him just once as the famous Commander Shepard, the Turians would have prepared for the attack. They could have evacuated the children and the elderly. Saved so many.
"Garrus, I'm sorry." She hung her head with her face in her palms. "I'm just under orders. I did everything I could. I'll try to get some Krogan support for Palaven, but we need an aerial assault from the Turians, or Earth is totally lost."
"Since when have your orders come before the welfare of an entire species?" he growled. "Three years ago, I boarded your ship with the impression that you and I both put justice before rules. We had so many conversations where you told me my father was wrong about me. That I should have been a Spectre. What changed?"
"Nothing changed!" Her face filled with confusion and anxiety. "I'm trying to do what's best for both our planets."
"Then where the hell were you for the last six months while I tried and failed to rally my people, the Krogans, the Quarians, the Hanar, the Drell, and every other species in the damn galaxy? You're the famous one. The rest of us were left behind. No one believed me. No one has even heard my name. So how was I supposed to convince any of them without your help?"
Suddenly she understood why he was so angry with her.
"Garrus, when I went to the Counsil after the Collector base, they incarcerated me. Sent me to Earth and locked me in a cell. Called me a traitor and a psychopath, and accused me of crimes I never committed."
He examined her face carefully. "You were... in prison? The whole time?"
" the Reapers hit us, the Defense Committee took me out of my cell to ask my advice, and during the meeting a Reaper shot us. Killed them. Anderson and I ran, and he gave me back my ship and told me to gather forces. He keeps sending me these updates on vid-comm about what it's like down there. Palaven is bad, Garrus, but Earth... That's where they're concentrating the attack. A few of them went to other planets, like Palaven and Rannoch, to try to divide our militaries. I think they know we would actually have a chance if we all stood against them together."
"The Counsil commed us to tell us you had taken a shuttle back to Earth to be with your people. I waited to hear from you, but went six months without a word. I didn't know you were even alive still. Tali, Liara, Wrex, everyone... we thought you only cared about saving Earth." He stood, his expression unreadable, and paced a few times. "And if you hadn't been imprisoned...?"
"I'd have been on the Normandy racing from Palaven to Rannoch - and everywhere in between - in a heartbeat." He could hear the sincerity in her voice.
"So you do care about Turians?"
"No more or less than any other sentient race, including humans. There is one specific Turian, however, that I do rather favor."
He smiled wryly at her, and her heart fluttered. "I guess there's a certain human girl who's not so bad herself. Goodnight, Shepard."
Her face fell as he walked out of the cabin, and when the doors slid shut behind him, she slumped back into her couch. Should she have made her meaning more obvious? Or did he only pretend to misunderstand her to spare them both an awkward conversation in which he would ultimately reject her? Maybe it would be safer to test the waters with him first, she decided, before baring her soul to him. At least they seemed to be on friendly terms again.
(A/N): If you're enjoying this story, read my new oneshot about Garrus entitled Damn War. It's in desperate need of some feedback. Thanks for reading!