Here I was again.
How many times have I been in this scenario? The horse under me shifting with anticipation, instincts fuelling its muscles ready to run even though it didn't know why. The agitated mumbling of people who couldn't stand the nervous silence, and the quietness of those who couldn't open their mouths to reply, withdrawing themselves into a cocoon of fear. The ghosts of a whimper fading away from someone's lips. The angry muttering of the gathered crowds. The stench of sweat, dancing in the air with the dirt clouding the street. The looming wall before us, gigantic and unyielding. Our prison. Our sanctuary.
Of which we were about to leave.
As I did every time, I cast my eyes to my squad one by one. I was checking their emotions, their mindset and their positions... but also absorbing their existence, for soon they could easily vanish.
Mikasa was directly to my right and her eyes were completely focused on Eren, who was to my left. She faced forward, but glanced frequently in his direction. Her eyes were hard and strong- solid and jagged as gems, glinting with determination. Good.
Connie was behind her, shifting his position on the horse anxiously. The horse was picking up on his emotions and responding to them with equal amounts of fear. It huffed and kicked up a cloud of dust.
Eren hadn't even spared a glance to Mikasa, though he occasionally looked to me as though expecting me to say something. He was barely as nervous as anyone else and I had come to recognise that he had long since replaced his fear of the titans with anger. Childhood traumas had forced his "flight" response into a corner and now only his "fight" mechanism remained. I didn't know what to think of this. Sometimes fear was a better source of instinct and intuition than anger, but what could I do? I could tell him some horror stories, try to scare him out of his fit of rage. Yet, anger had its strengths, too. It was best just to leave him to simmer; eventually, with experience, he'd cool down. Either that or boil over and I'd have to clean up all his mess.
Left and to the rear was Jean. He was gritting his teeth, unwavering gaze focussed forward. It was clear he was mentally controlling himself, fuelled with the resolution to survive. He was honest; a trait that caused conflict with others regularly. In that respect though, he was someone you could trust to always live up to your expectations of him. There would never be any surprises, unlike with the less predictable cadets like Eren.
I glanced further over my shoulder and spotted Guthrie. He was almost hidden completely by Jean, but I could still make out his strong grip on the reins. His fingernails dug into his skin and his knuckles were bleached of colour. I shifted to see his expression, noting the sweat running down his face. Still, his eyes were determined and if not for his trembling hands, you could easily mistake his fear for rage.
Central and rear was Sasha. She was another honest, easy to read type of person. Just another frightened cadet trying to drown out her emotions and keep a steady grip on the reins.
Finally, to the right and back was Lena. She kept her eyes on the horse beneath her, sitting rigidly like she was braced to be thrown off any moment. It was almost like she feared the horse more than the damn titans. Thinking back, she'd encountered the horror of the titans before. Her mother and sister had been killed by titans. That must have left some emotional scars, but she was so anxious of the imminent danger the horse posed that she hadn't even looked up yet. The horse snorted and kicked its hoof, eager to get moving. Lena jolted upright like her spine was made of iron and she squeezed her eyes shut for a second. At this rate, she wouldn't even notice the titans. Once she'd steadied herself again, her eyes rose up and met mine.
We absorbed each other's gazes, attempting to read each other in some sort of telepathic show down. Then, she sniffed and looked away, glaring forward.
"Childish brat." I cursed, turning away, too.
The gate began to open and a shock wave of pressure boomed all around as the source of everyone's fears suddenly became closer. It was mere seconds after that Erwin's echoing command roared over our heads.
"FORWARD!"
And, like a storm surge crashing through the gate, we flooded through to the other side in no time. I remembered the last time I had done this, Lena running out through the gates after us and me almost falling from the saddle in shock. She waved us off, yelling something that was lost over the stampede of hooves but I still understood what she meant. I remember at that time having a compelling instinct to dash back for her and make sure she made her way back into the walls.
You and your stupid antics. Because you were seen running out of the gates, you're the subject of our suspicions. I sighed to myself, turning to meet her eyes and mentally cursing her as though she'd hear me. She raised an eyebrow curiously, then proceeded to ignore me. Shitty brat. At least this means you're in my squad and I can keep an eye on you.
"Heichou!" Eren yelled to me, making me snap my eyes back forward. I looked up and saw the soaring flame spiralling upwards, a black wisp choking the air. Black- aberrant.
"Fire it, Eren." I ordered, proceeding to follow the change in direction. My squad followed me and I heard Eren fumbling for his pistol.
"What do we do if one breaks through?" Mikasa said, just loud enough for me to hear. I knew what she was asking. Did she have permission to act on her own?
"The priority is to protect Eren." I said, knowing I was giving her far more freedom in those words than I wanted to dish out. "But you will not act without my commands, understand?"
"Yes sir." She said, though I knew from experience that she'd abandon that promise in a heartbeat if anything happened to Eren.
"The surrounding teams are protecting us. You shouldn't have to fight as we need your skill."
"They're our sacrifice, then?" She spat out the words, clearly not impressed.
"Yes, they are." I simply stated, making sure to douse her disobedience with my own fiery gaze. She quickly nullified her expression so it didn't appear quite so rebellious. "Eren is our priority. When we get to the forest again, it's your job to stay with him. Things can get disorganised ridiculously quickly and we might get separated. I'll let you stay with him on one condition."
"Sir." Her frustrations seemed to subside rapidly with that command and she waited eagerly for the condition.
"Don't make any rash decisions. Not like last time." Her eyes widened slightly and she looked away, embarrassed. Then, she hardened her expression so that her eyes glinted with resolution.
"I won't, sir." And I believed her.
"LEVI!" A panicked yell came from behind us, interrupting our conversation. I span around at Lena's voice and saw the smoke grenade rising from behind. There was a titan. And close. I met her eyes and for once she didn't look away.
"That's heichou to you. Now eyes front. If it's coming from behind we should outrun it." I heard her curse under her breath as I turned back in my saddle.
"Heichou," Mikasa's voice spoke again, quiet as a whisper. She received my full attention from her dangerous tone. "Can I say something that may sound like insubordination?"
"If you're going to anyway, then let's hear it." I muttered. She galloped beside me, staring unblinkingly at me with an expression that looked like she was warning me.
"I may be stepping over the line here, but I think I should redirect your words back at you." I raised an eyebrow, half-irritated and half-curious. She continued, regardless. "You and that girl have something going on, clearly. It's none of my business, but don't make the same mistake I did. You have many lives resting on your shoulders."
"Thanks for the tip." I remarked, dryly. In reality, I was heeding her words. There was a growing sense of danger in my stomach; I was worried about that. I was worried I'd act rashly whilst she was here. I knew exactly how many lives were in my hands and the weight of that sparked up a small panic within me.
"HEICHOU!" This time, Guthrie was yelling. "It's within eyesight!" I kept my gaze forward as Eren gasped, turning in his saddle. The booming footsteps had been apparent in my head for a while. They were fast footsteps too; this titan was incredibly quick and would catch up with us soon enough. I played out scenarios in my head, weighing up possibilities. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted buildings. What if we took it down? I was confident I could, but that'd mean putting my squad in danger and possibly losing the rest of the formation. With the ever growing sound of running behind us, I grunted in annoyance and made a decision.
"Mikasa, Eren!" I called so that the whole squad could hear. "Veer right and slow your speed. The rest of you go right, too. Guthrie and Lena, follow me left."
"Yes, sir!"
"Mikasa, Eren is in your charge!" I shouted across to her. She nodded confidently.
"I understand." She began to draw away, following Eren who had galloped off quickly. He glanced over his shoulder at us as though what I was about to do had just clicked in his head. Mikasa also spared me one last look. "Don't die." She said, before parting ways. The squad followed them and I finally glanced over my shoulder at the titan. It was around 800m behind us; a grotesque, child-like creature with a huge head and slender limbs. It powered forward, following the closest target- us. The buildings were getting closer, now only around 500m away.
"We're taking it down!" I commanded. "Both of you, switch to 3DMG once we enter the buildings."
"That might be too late!" Guthrie cried, desperately. I knew all too well. The bloody thing was closing in on us. I spared a moment to look at Lena, the furthest back. She was urging her horse forward, sweat running down her face. She chewed her lip nervously, hands shaking as they found their way to her gear. I withdrew my own swords, hearing the metallic shik as the blade ran across the metal holster.
300m ahead.
The horse snorted in surprise as the ground behind to pound with the force of the titan's footsteps.
200m ahead. I could probably cut short the distance by 20 metres if I timed it right. I sharply glanced back, feeling the adrenaline start to kick in. My heart was racing and my mind whirring. The titan was trailing just behind Lena now, reaching forwards to grasp her in it's disgusting hands.
"LENA!" Guthrie bellowed, a look of terror descending across his features.
"FORWARD." I commanded. "LOOK. FORWARD." I was within reach now, standing up on the horse's back and preparing for flight. I fired the pistols and suddenly I was whipping through the air. I was dragged by my torso, cutting through the air towards the nearest, dilapidated, old building. For a second, I wondered if the grips would even hold, but they seemed to do their job. Dropping down towards the rooftop, I prepared my feet for landing and rotated mid air in order to look back.
Guthrie was preparing to follow me into the air, preparing his pistons. As I watched, he fired and slipped from the horse's back. Lena, however, was too far away to reach the buildings yet. The titan was bent double, thundering after her. It was so close it could practically scratch the horse's back with it's claw-like fingernails.
"LENA! LEAD IT THROUGH THE TOWN!" I bellowed as loud as I could. I saw her look up for a fraction of a second, comprehending my words. At that moment, her eyes lost their timidness and she grimaced in determination, taking a second to wipe the sweat from her forehead. I ran along the tiles, gathering speed to time the moment that the titan would become in reach and the building would stop underfoot. As soon as even its eyelashes were within reach, I hit the last tile and leapt into the air. My feet flailed beneath me for a second, before the anchor caught in the rooftop opposite me.
It dragged me through the air, taking the route directly past the nape of the titan's neck. I could go for it; this could be over in a second. I rotated a fraction more in the air and drew up my blades. With a sickening slick, my blades dived into the tissues of the titan and hot blood splashed up my arms. I winced, but continued tearing through the fibres of muscle. Once through to the other side, I hovered for a second before the drop came. Quickly, I fired another piston and clattered to a stop across the roof, turning to see the results. The titan fell, blood gushing out of the nape of its neck- directly on the weak spot. I didn't wait for its body to slam into the floor, catching up with my horse which had instinctively drawn itself closer to Lena's.
Lena glanced over her shoulder and after determining for certain that it was dead with a small look in my direction, she slowed her horse. I dropped through the air and onto the grass behind her, running a little with the momentum of the gas. Guthrie landed beside me.
"Nice work, corporal!" He said, face full of admiration. I sniffed and approached my horse. He began calling his own, which trotted over to us. Once we had all mounted again, I scanned the horizon for the squad. With a grunt of annoyance, I loaded a yellow colour grenade and fired it into the air. We began to trot in roughly the direction our squad had gone, until eventually a yellow flame soared into the sky in response.
"Let's go." I muttered, following the signal.
Once we were under way again, I took a glance at Lena. She was panting heavily, face slightly pale. Even so, she was okay. Scared, yes. However, not many people could face the titans with a straight face on their first expedition. This was normal. My eyes then observed Guthrie, who was equally panicked, but still looking forward.
"That was amazing, corporal." He said. "One swipe and that was that!"
"If the rear guard had done its job, I wouldn't have had to get involved and lose my squad." I grunted back, irritated at this turn of events. If the brass found out I'd lost Eren, we could lose our hard-fought possession over him. Even worse, who knew what he'd do without me there. I'd put my trust in Mikasa, but I'd seen on numerous occasions Eren's rebellious nature towards her. He wouldn't easily follow her initiative.
The faster we travelled, the nearer we got to them. Despite this, we still hadn't spotted them due to the heavy, thick line on the horizon. Upon closer inspection, it seemed to be a forest. The line of trees was dark and unyielding. I'd lost all sense of direction to dictate whether it was the same forest as before, but nevertheless, it still stirred some bad memories within me. Eventually, we were close the the tree line and could make out ant-like soldiers dashing around the tree tops. Titans gathered the at trunks of the trees, attempting the climb them. One of the soldiers saw us coming and immediately ordered the clearance of titans from one area. I ordered our small section to change direction and we swiftly swapped to 3DMG. I landed beside the squad leader and turned to address him.
"What's going on?" I demanded. The tall, older looking man sheathed his swords.
"Half of the legion disappeared inside. We were ordered to stand on the edges and prevent the titans entering the forest."
"Just like before." I said, not necessarily to him.
"I received instructions from Squad Leader Hanji to pass onto you. As far as I know, she passed them on directly form Erwin."
"Go on."
"Prevent the titans from reaching Eren, she said."
"Is that it?" I scoffed.
"Her exact words were, 'tell the short-ass corporal that Erwin says prepare for a repeat of before and prevent the titans from reaching Eren'." He reiterated.
"A repeat of before?" I mused. "Keep up the work." I nodded to him, moving over to another tree where Lena and Guthrie stood, looking down into the jaws a of a slavering titan. Did that mean we were expecting Eren and the female titan to transform again? And for that giant stampede of titans? "We're going in deeper." I announced, calling my horse behind the defence of the other squads. Triple checking that it was void of titans, I zipped down beside it and mounted it again. When they had done the same, we set off deeper into the woods.
"What's going on, Levi?" Lena asked, pulling up beside me. I noted that she had lost her fear of the horse.
"As far as you need to know, we're expecting a vast amount of titans to come running like lunatics into the forest soon. It's our job to stop them."
"How big is vast?" She frowned, not looking at all pleased.
"One for each of your mood swings." I replied, attempting to lighten the mood. For a second, she was dumbfounded. Suddenly, she snorted to herself and cracked a weary smile.
"I'd prefer one for every meter tall you are."
"There's going to be at least one that goes for you, anyway. I hear they like the taste of bullshit."
"Surely they'd be attracted to you then?" She smirked. Her jokes were at a level lower than usual, coupled with nervous laughter. Though at least she was trying.
"I can't believe you two are winding each other up, even now." Guthrie muttered, astounded. "You're like a married couple."
"More than you two will ever be." I remarked, gesturing between them. He turned a stunning shade of rose, then stared accusingly at Lena.
"I haven't said anything!" She responded, holding her hands up in defence. With a jolt from the horse, her hands shot back down again as she tried to regain her balance. I raised a curious eyebrow.
"What am I missing?" I asked, intrigued. Guthrie was blushing furiously. It took me less than ten seconds to click. "You like her?" He jolted and I knew I was bang on. I snorted to myself. "Poor you."
"Hey!" Lena grunted. "Anyway, what's it feel like knowing you have competition, Levi?" She grinned, proudly. If she expected me to get all defensive of her and try and woo her to choose me, she was in for a shock.
"Competition?" I scoffed.
"Don't be so self-centred." She retorted. "I could easily fall into the arms of another man, you know."
"No one's mad enough to fall in love with you."
"Clearly, they are."
"Even so, you won't fall for them." I cast her a glance, smirking slightly. She raised her eyebrows, enjoying our banter despite the situation.
"Why not?"
"Because you've got a strange fetish for irritable corporals with foul mouths."
"... You missed the 'short' part."
"Shut up."
"And the 'obsessive compulsive' part."
"I'll come over there."
"And the 'neurotic clean-freak- WAH!" Lean narrowly dodged a low lying branch and swung in her saddle, off balance. Her fingers grasped for grip at the reins, before she pulled herself upright again. With a huff of embarrassment, she scowled. Guthire let out a chuckle and even I grinned.
Our jokes were short-lived, however, as I spotted another squad in the tree tops. With a few quick hand gestures, I commanded us to switch to 3DMG and soon we were in the trees amongst them.
"What are your orders?" I asked.
"To stay here and prevent titans entering the forest any further, sir!" I nodded- exactly as I expected.
"Alright. I'm assuming command here and I'll be merging my squad with yours."
"Y...Yes, sir." The man replied, uneasily.
"Levi." Lena stepped beside me, Guthrie close behind. I climbed further up the tree and hooked myself into a position where I could see the whole of my new squad.
"Hm?" I said, thoughts preoccupied elsewhere.
"Do you know what's going on?"
"No idea." My gaze scanned over the soldiers below, counting them and recognising faces vaguely. Once I had a hazy idea of the squad, I looked across at Lena.
She was staring at me, eyes worried, warm eyes looking unusually hard. A trickle of sweat ran down her forehead and she wiped it away quickly, hand shaking.
"Take a deep breath." I ordered. "You look like you're about to wet yourself." With a sigh of exasperation, she turned away and cast her eyes down. She lifted an arm up and rubbed her neck. I started for a second, nostalgia erupting inside me though I couldn't pinpoint why. I took a good, long look at her, before it click in my head. When I remembered, I smiled internally. During the first few weeks after I'd met her, she had a nervous habit of rubbing her neck. After she'd broken her arm, she'd stopped doing that. Seeing it again instilled some sort of warmth inside me- familiarity. "Lena," I began, waiting until she met my eyes before continuing. "I won't let anything happen to you." She jolted in surprise, before the tension left her body slowly and she relaxed into a smile.
"Nothing's going to happen anyway, idiot."
AN:
We are slowly drawing to a close and I'm so excited because I have NEVER finished a story before. In my life. Ever. Knowing my luck, I'll break my computer or something before I post the last chapter. Anyway.
Prepare your emotions for the last bit. Next chapter, things start getting manic. I'm just deciding whether to post massive chapters (since I've written it all now except a few paragraphs in the middle) or normal sized chapters. We'll see how things play out.
I've drawn one of the scenes from my next chapter so I might post it on my devinianart and put the link up. I also drew the original ending months ago, but I changed the ending when I actually wrote it (no surprise there). I really want my own cover picture of Lena and Levi for this story but I'm crap at art myself :'(
Moving on, I have been in tears over the last few days re-living my childhood love of the film Spirit: Stallion of the Cima-whatsit. How can an animation for children about horses be so damn emotional?! And how amazing is that soundtrack?! I've had Bryan Adams on in my room for the last few weeks, having a solo concert to myself.
I don't know if I have already said this but I also watched SNK abridged and OMFG I cried of laughter. I'm not joking when I say that I've already watched it 8 times. It never gets old.
ANYWAY- thanks for reading up until this point! I love you all and thank you for your reviews! Once I've finished this story, I'll go through and edit mistakes so if you see anything, let me know!