DISCLAIMER: All belongs to JKR. Not me
"Longbottom, Neville"
Um…hello?
"Well now Mr Longbottom you're….interesting."
But you can still sort me, right? I mean I am a wizard?
"Relax Mr Longbottom, you are most assuredly a wizard and I have no doubt that I'll be able to place you where you belong."
Hufflepuff, right?
"Now what makes you say that?"
Well Hufflepuff's sort of the house that takes anyone who's not good enough for the others, and I'm-
"Severely underestimating yourself. Besides it takes many qualities to be a suitable Hufflepuff, many of which you have and yet…I'm not so sure it's the right place for you."
Why not? I'm quiet and helpful and…and…
"And incredibly loyal to your friends, to the point that you will stand up for anyone you feel is being wronged, regardless of the consequences to yourself. You are compassionate and caring, yes, however your willingness to step out of what you feel is your place when something you believe in is threatened is a behaviour far better suited to GRYFFINDOR!!!"
7 years later…
AAAAAAARGH!!!!AAAAA- oh it's stopped!
"Well of course. Surely you didn't think the Founders left me completely helpless?"
Well…I…look, it's sort of an emergency, could you help me? Please? I-
"I bet you're glad I didn't place you in Hufflepuff now Mr Longbottom. Seek and ye shall receive."
Huh? OW! Oh. Thankyou!
"You're welcome!"