A/N: I'm so sorry this took forever. I've been ill since Friday. I'm getting better though.

Chapter 25

Leon spent a good forty-five minutes icing his nose before he changed his shirt and met Rinoa in the student café in the back of the cafeteria. His entire face hurt and he really didn't want to hang out with her by that point, but he had to keep his word; it's just wasn't a choice to him. Every pair of eyes he walked past felt like they were burning holes into him. He fought past the desire to find a cave on a remote island to live in for the rest of his life and plopped down at the table with Rinoa. She already had her coffee and it was half empty. She smiled

"I didn't think you were coming," she said.

"Sorry. Had to get my nose back to a manageable size," Leon muttered. The swelling had gone down for the most part. Now all that was left was the possible bruising.

"I'm really sorry about all of that."

"I thought we've already been over the whole apologizing thing."

"I know, but its habit."

"Well you can stop doing it now that you and Seifer aren't together."

"I was like this before Seifer."

"Oh?" Leon asked, interest mildly piqued. Rinoa's expression fell and she stared down into her coffee. "You don't have to tell me," he corrected.

"I'm just afraid you'd change your opinion of me," she admitted.

"We've know each other for all of an hour total between yesterday and today. I don't have an opinion other than you apologize too much."

"Promise me you won't judge?" she asked.

"Uh, I'm not entirely sure I want to know anymore."

"Well it's either you hear it from me or hear it from someone else eventually. You're not the only one with rumors flying around about you," she said. Leon sighed.

"Okay. I promise I won't judge," he said. Unless of course you make a hobby of stomping kittens.

"My father is Fury Caraway."

"Pretend I don't know who that is."

"…Do you not live on this planet?"

"I don't pay attention much, sorry."

"You're serious?" she asked, genuinely surprised.

"Yes."

"That's… actually sort of refreshing. Okay, well, he's the General in charge of the Galbadia military."

"And that's bad?" Leon asked.

"It wasn't until he started taking bribes from Midgar. He…" Rinoa trailed, face turning ashamed. "Long story short: he assassinated the President, Vinzer Deling, and handed the country over to Midgar."

"Holy fuck," Leon blurted before he could stop himself. Rinoa's posture sagged.

"As you can imagine, I don't exactly have many friends."

"But you're here. It's not like you're still over there doing what he says, right?"

"Even if I wanted to, I couldn't follow him. He's dead. Once Midgar got what they wanted, everything that held a mild allegiance to Balamb was… disposed of. My entire family history was dragged through the mud. I even had my last name changed to my mother's to try and get away but a lot of people know my face and… the reputation followed me. I've been apologizing for years," she said, taking a sip of her coffee. Leon was genuinely surprised she wasn't in tears. She obviously wasn't happy, but she wasn't broken enough to fall to pieces in front of him.

"Damn. I feel like an ass for thinking my issues were bad," he admitted sarcastically. "But the fact that you're here, instead of there, speaks volumes about where your allegiance lies."

"Well, I didn't have much of a choice. My mother took me here, to the city, when I was twelve and I didn't really understand for several years afterward, but the worry and the upset made her really sick. She died a couple years ago and I've been here at the Garden ever since. I met Seifer here and… blah blah blah… you get where I'm going with this. I didn't fully understand what happened until I got here though."

"So… you live here? Like permanently?"

"Right. I'm not a student," she said. "My parents and Headmaster Cid were good friends, as you can imagine with the whole military thing, so he did my mother a favor and promised to take care of me if anything happened to her."

"Interesting," was all Leon could think of in response. Rinoa shrugged.

"He and his wife Edea can't have children so they're more than generous with the parenting. I'm grateful, even if it hurts to stay here some days."

"At least you're safe. That's always a bonus."

"Yeah. That's true," Rinoa agreed. The conversation petered out after that and they shared a sort of melancholic silence between them. The girl finished her coffee and set her mug aside. Leon mostly paid attention to the floor, mind lost in a sea of thoughts. For as bad as Rinoa's story was, Leon couldn't help but think most of it was a good thing. Good for him, anyway. Had Rinoa's father not royally screwed over Galbadia, then Midgar would've never come in and drafted Sam. Sam wouldn't have met Anna, and as a result there wouldn't have been a Cloud. It was a roundabout bittersweet logic. What was bad for Rinoa and the rest of Balamb, worked out for him just fine. At any rate, Leon couldn't fall in line with the majority and hate the girl simply because her family made mistakes. Then again, he could just be a know-nothing foreigner.

"You don't seem like bad person to me," Leon said finally. Rinoa looked to him.

"Thank you for saying so."

"I need to take my assessment," he said. She nodded and stood.

"Do you remember where to go?"

"No idea."

"I'll walk you there."

The training center hadn't settled down very much in the couple hours Leon had been missing. The gossip circles were abuzz with excited murmuring that tripled in volume when he made his appearance. Rinoa followed him just about everywhere he went, which only made the problem worse. The Carrier was trying his best to keep out of the public eye but with the girl practically clinging to his personal space, it was nigh impossible. She didn't say anything, just stayed one step behind him. Leon was bothered by it. He was okay with talking to her, but he wasn't looking for a shadow.

"You're Squall, yes?" came an unfamiliar female voice. Leon looked over and was met with a stoic azure gaze. She was young, too young to be an instructor in his opinion, but her SeeD uniform depicted otherwise. It took him a second, but he recognized her from one of the pamphlets about the school he had flipped through. He didn't know her name, but her beautiful face and strawberry blonde hair were iconic. She wore it pulled back and folded into a neat oblong bun with the ends protruding out of the top with excess longer pieces loose and falling to either side of her face in the front. She pushed her glasses further up her nose and gave him a tiny, almost insignificant, smile.

"Uh… yes?" Leon blurted stupidly. Behind his back, Rinoa was scowling.

"Come with me. Rinoa, you stay here," the woman said, peeking around Leon's side and giving the girl serious eyes. Rinoa didn't say anything but backed off. Leon followed the other further into the training center. "I've heard a lot about you. I was the one that healed Seifer after your little rendezvous earlier. The damage was impressive," she said over her shoulder as they walked. Leon sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"Not my proudest moment," he muttered.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it. Physical harm isn't as much as an issue in this institution as it is in some other places. Now, had you attacked him and injected some sort of virus into him, then it'd be a different story."

"How do you figure?"

"Well, it's easy to heal a broken jaw. You can't heal diseases or things of that sort. You need to cure them, and curing is different from healing. Eden doesn't assist us with curing diseases. They're her method of natural selection, after all."

"Oh," Leon said. Like this world needs any more dead people.

"At any rate, your strength is impressive. I'm not above the gossip pool but I'm also well informed. I'm glad to hear it's not all chemically induced like my superiors thought it was," she said. They rounded a corner together and stopped in an open area where there were several weapon racks set up in a line. There were numerous blades, guns, whips, chains, bows, fat bludgeoning things, and some other indiscernible thingamajigs the Carrier would've rather not dealt with. He automatically hated every single one of them simply because of their purposes.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked unenthusiastically. She turned to him and raised a brow.

"Well first I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Quistis Trepe."

"Hi. You already know my name," Leon deadpanned. Please don't make me tell you it. It's so awful.

"Yes. You seem… less than thrilled to be here."

"That's because I am."

"I don't expect you to enjoy fighting, you know."

"Good. Because I really don't want to."

"That's good. It says a lot about your personality. Good things. Too often we get students that come here only because they feel they have to or they're here to 'make Midgar pay' or some other nonsense."

"Well what other reasons are there?" Leon asked.

"Patriotism is a good reason to sign up. Defending your country because you love it isn't a bad thing. Vengeance, obligation, peer pressure, these things breed doubt. We can't afford hesitation on the battlefield. It's a double edged sword though, because we don't encourage anyone to take pleasure in hurting another but we want our students to be happy about being here. Sort of hypocritical if you think about it."

"What's the point of training for the military if you discourage the students?"

"We don't do it with the intent of demeaning anyone. But we have to be realistic. This war has been going on for so long that its original purpose has been lost. Students who join us with misguided intentions shouldn't be deceived into fighting a pointless battle. We aren't fighting to destroy or stop Midgar anymore. We're defending ourselves and giving our people as much time as we possibly can. Any other reason is foolish."

"Why do you continue if it's hopeless?" Leon asked. Quistis' expression turned thoughtful for a moment.

"A lot of people ask me that, and I have yet to give anyone a concrete answer. My personal belief is that we're doing it out of habit, out of fear, possibly even pride, but even then I can't say that it's an accurate assumption. We've gone long past the point of stopping though. It should've ended long ago."

"Glad we agree."

"Knowing all this, do you still want to be here?"

"I don't want to be here. I need to be."

"Why is that?"

"Because I need the resources you provide. I need to get to Midgar without actually becoming a part of its society. I… don't think I'd be able to handle living like they do," the Carrier admitted. Quistis raised a brow.

"I'll be honest and say that your reasoning is new to me. What's in Midgar?"

"…Part of my family."

"I was under the impression that you were from Esthar."

"I am, but the one I'm looking for is in Midgar. And this is the best way I can see to get over there."

"Once you find this person, are you telling me you're going to defect over to Midgar's side?"

"No. I plan on bringing him with me," Leon said. The conversation was quickly turning awkward as he realized how strange all of it sounded to an outsider. He wished he hadn't said anything. Quistis seemed a little confused still.

"And once you're back here… what do you plan on doing?"

"I'm… not sure. I haven't gotten that far," Leon said. He was lying. He knew full well that he would hightail it back to the Shumi village with Cloud as soon as possible. Whether or not they made a pit stop in Balamb was irrelevant.

"But your allegiance is with us?"

"Yes."

"You understand that if you turn against us, it gives us fair ground to eliminate you."

"…Yes."

"Good. So long as you remember that, we shouldn't have a problem. Even if I don't understand or agree with your mentality, I can't toss you out because of it. I just hope it doesn't create problems for us."

"I won't betray you," Leon said. Unless leaving counts as treachery, in that case, sorry in advance.

"I should hope not," Quistis said. She turned to the weapon racks. "Does anything catch your eye?"

"Half this stuff looks like something you'd find in an S&M smut video," the Carrier blurted before he could stop himself. He slapped a hand over his mouth and gave the woman apologetic eyes. She laughed.

"There is good amount of leather isn't there?" she said, patting her side where a tightly coiled whip was fastened to her belt. Leon was thankful she had a sense of humor.

"None of it really grabs by attention other than the recognition. I've never held any of it before so I have to learn it all from scratch anyway. So… just pick something for me," he said.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. Like I said, I don't want to fight. But I have to."

"Fair enough," she said. She approached the rack that held a bevy of swords and pointed to the widest and heaviest looking one. "Can you lift this?" she asked. Leon went to her and grabbed the hilt and lifted it easily.

"Should I not be able to?" he asked. It was weighty, he would admit, but not so heavy that he couldn't hold it with one hand. It was rather awkward and he'd need to use both hands to wield it with any sort of proficiency, but just to hold it, one hand was enough.

"I wasn't sure. That's a sixty pound blade. Hardly anyone can just yank it off the rack like that without any sort of strain or falter."

"Does this thing have a trigger?" Leon asked abruptly, ignoring the woman's previous statement completely. The end of the blade was fashioned to be an oversized gun barrel similar to a revolver, the handle of which made the hilt with the trigger underneath. It was the most impractical weapon Leon could come up with and he didn't see any reason why it would be effective outside of it being big and pointy and threatening.

"Yes it does. That's a Gunblade."

"How aptly named. Does that mean if I strap a machete to a chainsaw I get a chain-chete? Because that could be equally as asinine and just as terrifying."

"…You know, mocking our methods isn't really the best way to get on anyone's good side," Quistis said flatly. Leon tried to stifle any excess humor he had wriggling inside him.

"Sorry."

"No you're not."

"You're right. But I honestly don't see how faceting a gun to the end of an obnoxiously heavy blade is going to make a better weapon."

"It doesn't function like a normal firearm. You can't aim and shoot it with any sort of predictable accuracy. It's meant for point blank last-option situations. Soldiers who use this have the added impact of pulling the trigger. It's a superior weapon to a normal sword because it takes more skill to wield and it causes more damage. We have regular blades if you wish to use those."

"I haven't decided. But if you can't aim it, what's the point?"

"It doesn't use normal ammunition like some of the other guns. It discharges… well the only similar thing I can compare it to would be a firecracker or something like that. They're combustion rounds that explode on impact."

"Oh. How pleasant. Not only do I get to stab people but while I'm at it, I get to disembowel them too. Wonderful," Leon said sarcastically. Quistis scowled and sighed.

"Like I said, it's a last resort sort of thing. It only holds eight rounds and it discharges two at a time, one from either side. If you're down on the ground and about to be overwhelmed, this is a decent alternative to being mauled. Gunblade users are on the front lines so it's not an unlikely scenario."

"The front lines?" Leon questioned, mostly repeating the words for his own benefit. He tried to make a quick decision on how he felt about that. Being on the front lines was more dangerous but it also meant he had less people to push through when he went to find Cloud. He still hadn't figured out a way to find the blonde once he got there, and he didn't know if they would actually meet in the battlefield in the first place, but that wasn't the issue. He couldn't let himself focus on that yet.

"I can't tell if you find that appealing or not," Quistis said with a disbelieving inflection.

"Sorry. I'm thinking too much. It doesn't really matter where I am, ultimately. Which weapon has the highest need? I'll just… take a place somewhere where I can be the most useful."

"You're holding it," she said, motioning to the Gunblade.

"Of course," he sighed.

"You're sure that's what you want?"

"Yeah… what's the difference?"

"I guess if you have no experience to start with, there isn't much of a difference is there?"

"Not really," Leon said, looking down at the weapon. He turned it from side to side in his hand with a tiny sigh. Quistis patted him on the shoulder.

"No one is forcing you to be here. I know you feel you can use us to help you achieve… whatever it is you need to do but maybe this isn't for you. Maybe you should reconsi—"

"No. I have to be here. I have to try. Just… try to forget I even said anything. I'm here to stay. That's all you have to worry about."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay," Quistis said, dismissing the rest of the conversation. "I need to take some measurements, assess your strength, run a few simple drills and then we'll be done. We need these statistics so we can get you a blade that is tailored to you, has the right balance, and gives you the most fluid use. Okay?"

"Yeah," Leon said unenthusiastically.

"Do me a favor and don't make me feel like I'm torturing you the entire time, please."

"Sorry. It's just… everything's sort of sinking in. I'm a little overwhelmed. I don't mean to be a downer."

"Alright. Well… so long as we can get started and head in the right direction, we can work on the rest. Let's begin."

Leon landed face first on his bed with an exhausted grunt. He may have had unparalleled strength, but that didn't necessarily mean he was in shape. Sitting on one's duff for twenty-five years studying and stalking horny blondes wasn't the best way to exercise. After an hour of strenuous testing under Quistis' watchful eye, he felt like his limbs were going to turn to liquid and ooze away. He couldn't bring himself to move so he lay there for a good twenty minutes. His computer was across from him on his dresser, closed, and ominous. He knew Cloud was leaving in less than a day and he wasn't sure he wanted to watch. Aerith's tears were sure to make him feel awful. Before he could make a decision on what to do, the computer started beeping at him, telling him Reno was trying to get a hold of him. He dragged himself out of the bed to answer.

"Hnng…" he grunted at the device.

"Well! I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. It was good for me too, baby," Reno chuckled.

"What th—how was that in any way sexual?"

"It's what it sounded like on my end."

"It wasn't."

"I know. That's why it's a joke."

"Good."

"Anyway, how're things?" the redhead asked.

"Stressful," Leon said. He knew Reno was going to ask why, so he descended into a rant about everything he had experienced since they last talked. Rinoa, Seifer, his assessments, his physical, the rumors, and his social anxiety problems were all covered. Reno obliged him and listened to everything without making any comments until he was finished. The brunette felt like a prepubescent girl who was spilling her guts into a diary or bitching to her gaggle of equally prepubescent girl friends. Regardless, he felt substantially better after he got it all out.

"I'm surprised you actually told them what you're there for," Reno said.

"Why lie about it?"

"I suppose that's true, but it's bold. I don't think I would've just… said it. I don't know. Maybe I'm weird. Ah well, so tell me more about this girl."

"What about her?"

"You seem to know a decent bit about her."

"Only because she went off on a tangent on me."

"Sure," Reno said, his tone indicating his extreme amount of doubt. Leon ignored it. "What do you think of her, though?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you like her?"

"I guess? I don't really know her."

"Is she cute?"

"I suppose."

"Then it's settled."

"…I don't know if I want you to elaborate."

"You're so sad," Reno sighed.

"Hey!" Leon barked, offended.

"Get your panties out of their knot. I was trying to encourage you to sleep with her."

"Is that all women are to you? Things for you to use and have sex with?"

"Not 'things' but yes, I have sex with them. I know where I'm headed so I can't make a commitment to any of them so… I guess I sort of use them because I have no intention of making a relationship out of a hookup. But it's not like I'm one of those guys that thinks women are beneath me or unsubstantial."

"I should hope not," Leon huffed, crossing his arms over his chest grumpily. Reno sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Forget about me for a second. I'm just trying to encourage you because once you get laid I'm sure you'll loosen up and feel way better. It's awesome stress relief. Why do you think Cloud does it so much?"

"Because he's a teenager in love and he has a penis."

"That may be part of it, but I'd be willing to bet he does it primarily because it feels good. Doing things that make you feel good relieves stress. It's just the way things work. Have you ever had that full body feeling of relief? Like the weight has been lifted from your shoulders?"

"…No."

"That's a problem. At this point it doesn't matter what you do. I'm just encouraging sex because I know what I like but you could find a hobby or something if you want to. The point is to do something to relieve some of that stress you pile on yourself because I can hear it in your voice, my friend… you're miserable. And that upsets me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Especially not to me. Just do something for yourself to get you out of this funk. You need something to smile about."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Good," Reno sighed in relief. There was a brief pause. "So how is Cloud?"

"He's leaving soon. Like… before today is over," Leon said flatly.

"Not happy?"

"Nervous."

"Understandable. Soldiers came through Gongaga and swept up Rude."

"Shit."

"Yeah. It's okay though. He may be upset but it's good for me; he's headed my way and Chelsea got left behind. The military knows he can read and stuff so it'd probably be a waste to toss him out to fight, so this is where I guess they're going to stuff him into guarding someone. I just have to figure out where so I can meet him there."

"Good luck."

"Thanks. You too. I have to get going. Every second counts but I just wanted to check in real quick."

"Okay."

"Take care of yourself, Leon. Seriously."

"…I will."

When Leon tuned in again, he was surprised to find Cloud and Aerith not naked. He thought for sure they were going to spend their last moments together with their genitals attached but it was quite the contrary. Cloud was sitting up in bed with his back against the wall. He was awake, but Aerith wasn't. She was wrapped around his torso, using his chest as a pillow and sleeping soundly. The blonde's arms were around her and his hands came to rest on the small of her back with his fingers intertwined, effectively keeping her in place. It was still early, and the sun was just coming up. But judging by the fatigued look on Cloud's face, Leon was willing to bet the blonde hadn't slept. It wasn't long before Cloud couldn't stand it anymore and woke Aerith up so he could move.

Somewhere along the line, Aerith ran out of tears. Leon was okay with that. The mood wasn't any less melancholic though. They did everything but use the bathroom together but they did it all silently. Hardly anything was said the entire morning. There wasn't much else to say, really. Once they checked and rechecked that Aerith had everything she would need for the kids the government was sending her, they rechecked Cloud's luggage. Once that was done, they had nothing else to do. They spent the remainder of their time together on the couch holding each other and being depressing. Leon watched them for so long, his mood dropped right along with theirs and he suddenly felt like he never wanted to get out of bed again.

The activity picked up when there was a knock at the door. That's when Aerith's tears decided to come back. Cloud had to pry himself from the girl in order to answer, and even then, she clung to his arm and followed him. Barret was the one behind the door, which surprised everyone. He had two children with him, which was even more surprising. There was a young girl who looked to be able five years old standing next to him and holding on to one of his fingers. The other was an even younger boy who was using the man's arm as a seat and was taking a snooze against his shoulder.

"Hey you two," the man said with a tiny smile.

"Hi…" the couple trailed in tandem.

"You ready?" Barret asked.

"No," Aerith answered for them.

"Probably not, and if I could keep you both out of it, I would. Believe me. I had to put in a lot of paperwork so that I could be the one to come here instead of some random military jug heads. I'm trying to help you out as much as I can. I owe Natalie that much."

"It's just you?" Cloud asked. Barret nodded.

"Just me. Well, and these two," he said, nudging both children.

"I'm surprised they're not babies," Aerith said.

"It's never a good idea to dump a bunch of infants on a new foster mother who has no experience. The government isn't that stupid."

"I feel better about this, then," the girl said. Barret invited himself inside. The little girl stayed glued to his side though. The boy didn't care and kept sleeping.

"This is Marlene and Denzel. They were found in the capitol and were apparently had in secret. Their mothers were hiding and… you can probably imagine what happened to them," Barret explained, wiggling his finger out of Marlene's grasp and urging her to go make acquaintances. She didn't make an effort to and ducked behind the man's leg. Barret sighed and handed Denzel off to Cloud so he could finagle the girl away from himself. Denzel didn't seem to mind and promptly started drooling on the blonde's shoulder. Barret eventually got Marlene to stand in front of him and face Aerith so they could meet properly. The little girl was not happy in the least and gave Aerith a sour expression.

"Hi Marlene. My name is Aer—" she tried to say as she knelt in front of her. She was cut off when the girl spat directly in her face. The older set was flabbergasted. Marlene didn't give them time to react before she stomped away into the house and took roost behind a sofa. Aerith went to wipe her face on a dish towel.

"She's a little traumatized," Barret muttered apologetically.

"I can imagine," Aerith said. "It's okay. I'm not mad."

"I sort of am," Cloud grumbled. The girl shook her head.

"Don't be. I hate to think about the things she's seen."

"If you insist."

"I do," she said, approaching him and holding her hands out for Denzel. Cloud handed him off and wiped the drool off his arm. Aerith didn't care about the drool and settled the boy against her comfortably. Leon caught the look Cloud was giving the girl. It was a sort of distraught yearning. Leaving was hard, but leaving after seeing Aerith look like mother was even more so. The Carrier didn't doubt that the blonde was contemplating a family right at that moment, even if the thoughts were premature for his age. Then again, if he was old enough to go off and kill someone, he was probably old enough to have a family. Leon didn't have a problem with that desire. He just had to figure out how to redirect that chain of thought into the right kind of family.

"Are you all packed?" Barret asked, pulling Cloud's attention to him. The blonde nodded. "It's time to get going."

"No…" Aerith whined. Barret patted her head.

"We have to."

"I'll be back," Cloud said sadly. Leon could see the disbelief in his eyes.

"But—"

"Please… don't make it harder."

"But Barret said he was going to help us," Aerith said, looking to the man in question. "This isn't helping!"

"Aerith…" Cloud sighed and rubbed his brows.

"I'm going to. Trust me. But I can't disregard this completely. I'd be putting us all at risk if I did that. So we need to go. Don't worry. It'll all work out," Barret assured. He glanced at the blonde. "Say your goodbyes. Where are your bags? I can put them in the car."

"On the other side of the table," Cloud said, motioning to the dining table. Barret peeked around the corner of it and spotted the bags and quickly whisked them outside, leaving the pair alone. Denzel was there still, of course, but he didn't count.

"Promise me you'll come back," Aerith ordered, eyes watering.

"I promise," the blonde said. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her a few times.

"I'll wait for you," she said. Cloud smiled.

"I'll wait too," he said.

Oh boy… Leon trailed warily. He hadn't seen any evidence that Mako helped one's celibacy vows.

"I love you."

"I love you too. You wouldn't believe how much I do. Stay safe."

"I could say the same to you, you know. I think you have more to worry about than I do."

"I know but… I still want you to be."

"Okay," Aerith said. They ran out of things to say and ended up standing there staring at each other. They both looked like they would break apart into a million pieces. Barret eventually stuck his face back inside.

"Cloud," he said. The blonde glanced back at him a nodded. He gave Aerith one last kiss before pulling away.

"Bye…" he trailed. Aerith started openly crying, causing Denzel to stir.

That kid is going to be horrendously confused, Leon thought. The girl couldn't get her vocal cords to operate properly and ended up wobbling outside after Cloud and Barret to see them off. The blonde hurried around to the passenger side of the very box-like car and shoved himself inside. Barret handed off a thick packet of papers to Aerith and took a few seconds to rub her back and try to calm her. Leon took the opportunity to toss his camera in the car. Cloud looked like he was dead. He was slouched so far down in his seat and staring ahead of himself with such hollow and blank eyes, it was worrisome. He didn't sit up when Barret came back. The man didn't say anything to him either and just started the car and headed off. They were out of Nibelheim in less than ten minutes.

"I'm not coming back, am I?" Cloud asked hoarsely. He pushed himself up and sat properly but is face stayed the same.

"Do you want the realistic answer or the one that might make you feel better?" Barret asked.

"I shouldn't have let her think that I am. It's selfish."

"There isn't anything saying that you'll never come back."

I am.

"I should've told her to move on."

"Oh, now Cloud, don't say th—"

"No! It's true! She…" the blonde stammered. He looked down at his hands and traced the lines of his palm with a fingertip. His eyes started watering and his chin quivered. He suddenly looked like he was ten years old again, afraid and lost.

Oh god, don't cry. If you cry, then I'll cry, and then everyone will cry and then I'll have to go out and buy us our own daytime soap opera and a box of tampons.

"She's going to wait… and I'm not going to come back… and… and she's going to be all by herself for who knows how long. I don't want her to die alone. She doesn't deserve that," the blonde squeaked as he slowly broke apart and started sobbing. Leon's heart burst into tiny bits as he watched his Charge's adult confidence and bravado chip away and leave behind what Cloud really was: a teenager that was scared out of his mind. The Carrier found himself wanting to do the same thing to the blonde now that he did when he was a baby; lock him in a safe box until it was time to leave. Barret leaned over and draped his arm around the blonde's shoulders and rubbed his arm.

"It'll be alright. I'm going to try my hardest to get you back home. You can't just assume the worst because things look bad. You have to be optimistic if you want to have any sort of positive result," he said. Cloud ignored him and continued on with his self pitying. Leon was about ready to dig himself a hole to hide in. He remembered what Reno said about relieving stress and finding something to do. The suggestion was hitting home for him. He could feel the tension in his shoulders and with no one to talk to, he didn't see an outlet. He let himself zone out as he watched Barret and Cloud's journey through the Nibelheim countryside. The blonde eventually cried himself to sleep and the ride to the airport was silent thereafter.

Cloud didn't talk much while on the plane either. He did get airsick though, which was something Leon had never seen before. But once that was over, he fell asleep again. When they landed, Leon was on the verge of passing out. He was exhausted and watching Cloud sleep was really not the best way to keep him up. He hadn't realized the night had passed and the sun was up again. That is, until someone knocked on his door. He begrudgingly hauled himself out of his bed and plodded through his dorm to answer. It was Rinoa, and when she saw him, she immediately scowled.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I didn't sleep," he deadpanned.

"What? Why not?"

"Distracted."

"Oh. Well I was wondering if you wanted to go to breakfast but I'm guessing you don't."

"Sorry."

"Can we catch up later? I want to know how your assessment went."

"It was fine. Not much to tell. But yeah… catch up later."

"Are you okay?" she asked, squinting and leaning in to give him a scrutinizing look.

"Yeah," he said. He knew full well he probably looked and sounded like the living dead.

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay…" she trailed suspiciously. She hesitated in the doorway, waiting to see if he would take back the refusal. He didn't, and she sighed. "I'll check in on you later. Get some sleep."

"Mhm," he grunted. She waved a bit and left quietly. He watched her leave, Reno's 'encouragement' swirling around in his head like an infection. He shook his head, grumbling to himself about how ridiculous the idea was and headed back to his bed. He could hardly focus on his computer screen; the image was distorting and doubling itself. He set his camera to follow and record Cloud before he settled in for some (hopefully) peaceful sleep.