It had been three days ago that Thor and Loki confessed their love for each other. It had been a while since Loki felt this blissful. Actually, he couldn't remember the last time he felt this happy. It didn't bother him at all when Thor had admitted he wasn't prepared just yet to tell their friends they were a couple now. Loki knew this was all very new for the blond. Above all, he knew Thor truly loved him. Loki had seen it. It was unmistakable. During their love making but also during the quiet moments they shared together, Loki simply could see, could feel, could sense that Thor's heart truly belonged to him. This thought alone made the raven-haired man smile spontaneously. Loki had learned to be patient with his best friend. He had waited long years for Thor to notice him. He had waited weeks for Thor to admit his feelings for him. He could wait a while longer for the blond to announce their romance to the rest of the world.

It had been quite unpredictable and surprising how the unhappy events of last Thanksgiving became the catalyzer for the two best friends to bond in a manner they never did before. Loki had done always everything to protect Thor from the awful truth, fearing his friend would lose that easygoingness and joy he always desperately craved for. Loki often thought he survived through Thor, drinking his happiness like a flower that drinks the sunshine and the rain. The teenager was absolutely surprised to notice, despite Thor displaying feelings of concern, he continued giving him that cheerfulness he so much longed for.

Against all his expectations, Thor managed to give him the needed support and be strong for him at the same time. Loki bit him tongue in realization he never gave enough credit for his best friend. For many years, his mind had been shrouded by fears and blinded him from the obvious reality. Lies never had protected him. There was so much pain he could have avoided if only he had had the courage to tell Thor the truth.

The raven-haired man smiled softly at the thought that, despite everything, Thor had forgiven him and had focused all his energy in helping him. He had expected Thor to be angry with him for being kept in the dark. He had expected Thor to accuse him for putting himself in this situation. Above all, he had expected Thor to look at him with pity and despise for his weakness. Instead, Thor did the exact opposite. And for that alone, Loki's heart warmed of joy.

If Loki once feared Thor to be compassionate and protective about him, now he desired nothing else. The last therapy session had been the real eye opener for him. It had struck him with the truth mercilessly. Loki was forced to face his fears and admit he was vulnerable and he not invincible, like he preferred to believe. He did not have the strength to swim against the strong currents anymore. He could not stand alone anymore. Because he was falling. He was always falling. He had been falling already for many years, in a dark endless pit of misery and despair. He needed somebody to catch him. And that somebody was Thor. It always had been Thor.

…

Thor sighed for the thousandth time. Sif gave him an irritated look that mean for him to cut it off. They sat in the library doing research for motivational methods in adolescence psychology. The blond hated writing essays, finding the whole process as boring as hell. He could think of one thousand different things to do instead and none would be half as dull as sitting the whole afternoon between dusty books and old shelves. Right now, he could not think of a more pleasant activity but that one of lying next to Loki, breathing in his wonderful scent, holding him close and listening to his gentle voice. He smiled while he turned a page without reading the letters and thinking he was addicted to his best friend. His lover. He flinched when his phone started ringing loudly, interrupting his pleasant thoughts. He quickly picked it up, before any of the other students would start making silence signs at him. He furrowed his brow when he didn't recognize the number.

"Hello?" He spoke in a whisper.

"Thor? This Býleistr. Are you with Loki?" The blond widened his eyes at the urgent tone in Loki's brother.

"No, he's not with me. Is something going on?" Thor asked. Sif lifted her eyes alarmed at the anxiety in her friend's voice. He was already standing up.

"When was the last time you saw him?" Býleistr asked, the fear in his tone all too present. Thor could hear a lot of interference in the background and figured out the man was driving.

"This morning. Býleistr, what is going on?" Thor pressed on, marching out the library. Some students were staring at him angrily, others shushing him, but he ignored them. Sif picked up their stuff and hurriedly followed him. The moment she heard the man's name, she knew something was up with Loki.

"I tried to call him but he's not answering!" Býleistr sounded this time panicked and Thor could feel his heart jolt from dread.

"For goodness sake! Tell me what's going on!"

"Our mother - She sent us all an email telling she and father are getting divorced. She wrote they didn't divorce earlier because of Loki. They wanted him to be of age when they did." Býleistr quickly said. "Thor, you know my brother. He's going to blame himself for everything that's been going on all these years! I'm afraid he might do something stupid!"

"I'll go looking for him." The blond immediately said.

"I'm already in the highway. I'll be there in about 45 minutes. I've called Helblindi too, but he's unavailable now. He's at the hospital in the middle of a surgery. He has no idea. I left a message for him."

"Okay. I'll call you when I find him. Don't worry. Loki will be fine." Thor said and he could hear the faint thank you from the other side of the phone. He ended the call and immediately started dialing. "Sif, call Fandral and ask him if he's seen Loki."

The dark-haired woman nodded, without questioning. She understood enough from the little she heard that Loki was in trouble. Thor looked hesitantly at his phone and sighed deeply. He dialed and was truly surprised it was promptly answered.

"What do you want?" Was the unpleased and hostile answer from the other side.

"Jane! Have you had classes with Loki today?" Thor hurriedly asked while he stepped outside, followed by Sif, his eyes scanning the surroundings.

"N-No. I don't have History today." Jane said truly surprised. She never had heard that tone of fear with a hint of panic in Thor's voice. Otherwise she would have scolded him for calling her. "I haven't seen him all day either. Is something going on?" Jane asked worried. Sure she blamed Loki for the end of her idyllic relationship with Thor, but she still felt concerned for the teenager.

"Something happened and I'm afraid he might get himself hurt." Thor explained, feeling his eyes water.

He cursed internally for Loki's bad luck with his family. Truly, Farbauti was the least sensible person walking on Earth. The raven-haired man was finally cheering up and getting out of his permanent depressive state, due to their new relation. But he was still a long way from being better. He still ate too little, slept too little. He still had anxiety episodes during the night and the pressure from college was added in his list of problems. To receive this message in this manner from the own mother, now it was an understatement to say it was a blow. Thor feared this to be too much for his friend.

"I'll see if others have seen him. I'll call you if I know anything about him." Jane ended the call before Thor could even answer. His ex-girlfriend was obviously as worried as he was now about Loki.

"Fandral had lunch with him." Sif said, while she put her phone in her pocket. "He said Loki was fine. He saw him for the last at two o'clock, when Loki went to Graphic and Digital Design. He's heading to the classroom now, it should be almost over."

"Where?"

"B2-045."

…

45 minutes earlier

Loki finished his Graphic and Digital Design assignment way too quickly and yawned bored. This was too easy for him. He felt a small thrill in his right pocket and took his mobile out. He had a new message in his mailbox. He opened it and saw it was his mother's. As he read the written words, his heart started pounding in a fast rate. His stomach sunk, his head became light and dizzy. Green eyes scanned the words over and over again, reading and rereading the short message, needing to be sure he was reading correctly. A wave of indisposition swept all over his body. He could feel himself become warm and cold at the same time. Without thinking, Loki picked up his stuff and practically ran out of the class. He didn't even notice he mumbled something to the teacher about needing to get away.

His mind was a blur. He could not think straight. All he could think was that it was all his fault. He breathed too fast. He had no idea what to do. Where to go. All he could think was that he never should have been born. His legs acted at their own accord and Loki ran down the hall, ran through the grass field, ran down the road. His vision was blurry, his ears were deaf. He could not perceive the world around him. Everything had become a great mass of forms and colors. There were no sounds. Only his thoughts telling him it was all his fault. That he should never have been born.

…

The present

Thor and Sif rushed through the campus and were half-way to B2 building when Sif's phone went.

"Have you found him?…Where coming your way….okay." Sif spoke hastily, Thor's heart was bouncing madly inside his chest, hoping Loki was still in the class. She ended the call and fastened her pace. "He's not there. The teacher said Loki left the class in a hurry about half an hour ago." Thor's heart sunk. Loki could be anywhere. He could feel panic start to swell in his chest, having no idea where to go and look for him. Soon, he saw Fandral running in their direction.

"Will you tell me what's going on? Is he in trouble?" Fandral asked, staring bewildered at Sif and Thor.

He had been in the middle of a class when Sif called him and had stormed out the room right afterwards. He knew by the woman's tone something serious was going on. But when Loki's teacher told him he had left in a hurry, looking quite disturbed, Fandral instantly knew something really bad was going on. Thor recounted quickly what Býleistr had told him in the phone.

"What kind of parent announces a divorce by email?" Fandral asked shocked. He could not imagine a more impersonal way of passing this kind of news to anybody, above all, family.

"The one that implies that all the family's problems are the blame of the youngest son in one short message." Sif wisely pointed out, cleverly placing the pieces together. "He must be devastated." A heavy silence grew as all the three of them had the same thought but none dared to speak it out loudly. Loki had never been the same after Thanksgiving. He had was so fragile that they feared Loki would do something dangerous to himself.

"You two go to the apartment. He might have gone back home. And try to call him meanwhile. I'll get my car and drive around and see if I can find him. I'll make some phone calls to see if somebody has seen him recently." Fandral quickly said and both Thor and Sif were thankful for his fast reasoning.

They took off in opposite directions. Thor and Sif ran towards the apartment, while the blond dialed Loki's number over and over. Nothing. Nobody picked it up. As minutes stretched up, Thor grew more and more scared, terrified something horrible might have happened to his best friend. His heart jolted a few times from anticipation when they reached the apartment and he clumsily unlocked the door, his hands trembling from dread. As soon he opened the door, they shouted their friend's name with no response. They searched the living room, the bedrooms and finally the bathroom. Both froze at the entrance.

Sitting on the floor was Loki, with his back against the wall. His head was slightly bent, his face paler than usual with dark lines on his face that denounced he had been crying. Thor gasped and rushed to Loki, crouching beside the teenager. He rested his hand on his friend's neck. Loki's skin felt cold and, weren't for the fact the raven-haired man blinked once and a while, he would have thought of him as dead. He called Loki several times while he shook his shoulders slightly, but had no reaction. Loki had entered in some kind of strange passive trance, his gaze was empty, staring at nothing.

"His hand." Sif said. Only then did Thor notice the blood on Loki's right hand. He lifted and saw there were several cuts on the skin around the hand and fingers, but none seemed to be deep. The blond lifted his head to look at Sif, with an expression of pure concern and fear. Sif met his eyes and then shifted her gaze to the mirror of the medicine cabinet. It was broken, shattered and glass had fallen on the sink. There was some blood on the broken glass and sink. "He needs first aid."

"I-I don't have a kit here." He said in a cracked voice. Sif nodded in understanding.

"I'll call Fandral. I think he has one in his car." Thor heard Sif step away from the bathroom and listened to her voice talking to Fandral far away.

"What happened to you, Loki?" Thor sadly asked while he pushed away a strand of black hair. There was no reaction, only silence, the regular blinking of the eyes and the rhythmic soft breathing.

…

30 minutes earlier

Loki climbed up the stairs to his apartment panting wildly, while the world around him spun more and more violently. His head hurt, his chest hurt, his legs hurt. Loki closed the door behind him, ran to the toilet and vomited his lunch. He cleaned his mouth with the back of his hand and flushed the toilet. He stood up with shaky legs and supported both his hands on the sink, while tears hit his skin. He panted. He shut his eyes. And then he screamed. All the pain that was bottled inside of him was released in one stressful scream, his whole body shaking from the violent emotions. He silenced, panting a bit and lifted his head. Loki met his reflection in the medicine cabinet. He stared back at the pale young man with stained eyes. He stared at the face of a broken being. A monster that brought nothing but misery in his world and the world around him. And he hated it. Because it was all his fault. He never should have been born.

In an act of pure rage, Loki punched the creature that stared back at him, breaking the mirror. He hissed as the glass cut his skin in several places and watched with trembling hands as the blood drippled from the skin. He saw some small pieces of the shattered mirror on the sink and picked one up. He stared at its sharp edges, touched it with the tip of his index. He moved his right hand, guiding the pointy glass to his left wrist. The blue veins were so visible under the thin white skin. It would be so easy to cut the skin open. Two small cuts from up to down. He pressed the point against its skin. A little bit more pressure and the skin would break and would bleed. And then all would end soon. No more pain, no more suffering, no more sadness.

Thor.

Loki dropped the piece of glass back on the sink.

Thor.

He took a step backwards. In his mind's eye he saw Thor find him lying dead on the tiled floor under a pool of blood. Loki gasped shocked. He saw Thor shaking his shoulder and caressing his face, begging him to wake up. Panting while thick hot tears ran down his face, Loki took a few more steps until his back hit the wall. He saw Thor's heartbroken look in his eyes.

How much misery would he bring to Thor? How devastated Thor would be? He could not do it. A wave of helpfulness invaded his heart. He could not live. He could not die. He was trapped in his own purgatory of sorrow. There was no way out. No hope, no joy, no courage. He had fallen and finally hit the bottom of his very own abysm. And nobody was there to catch him. Loki's legs gave away and his back slip down the wall until he sat on the cold tiled floor and cried his heart out.

…

The present

"How are we going to wake him up from whatever state he is in?" Fandral asked worriedly.

Sif had treated Loki's cuts after Fandral brought the first-aid kit. Then the three friends helped Loki to his bedroom so he could lie on his bed. They were extremely concerned with his general unresponsiveness. He didn't react when he was called. He didn't react when Thor shook him and slapped his face gently. He didn't react when he was dragged him to his bed.

"Best we wait for his brother and then bring him to the hospital." Sif said. "It's like he's in some kind of trance."

"God, he really has a shitty family!" Thor complained while he brushed his fingers nervously in his hair. "He's been so unstable and depressed lately and then this has to happen!" He suddenly froze and placed a hand in front of his mouth.

"Thor, are you okay?" Sif asked noticing he was in the verge of tears.

"He was alone." Thor finally managed to utter in bitter realization. His friends stared at him silently. "He was alone when he read that fucking message and now he's – he's…like this!" The blond stood up looking nervously infuriated and ignored the way Fandral and Sif moved away from him in alarm. "I mean, she couldn't have sent that stupid message in the morning when I was with him, or during lunch when you (Fandral) were with him! No! She just had to send it when he was all alone and had nobody to help him when he needed the most!"

"Thor, please calm down." Sif cautiously asked. "You're panicking."

"I'm panicking? Have you seen the state he is?! H-He's lethargic, for God's sake!" Thor yelled upset while gesturing at Loki. Sif was about to reply when the doorbell again. Thor went to the door and met an older version of Loki.

"How is he?" Býleistr asked in a gasp. Thor had of course called him after finding Loki. He was quite sure the man had cried in the phone from relieve. Yet, it was clear the older sibling was still absolutely stressed out, because he looked like shit.

"He's in some kind of shock. He reacts to absolutely nothing." The sophomore said, while he guided Býleistr to Loki's bedroom. The older sibling practically ran to Loki and sat next to him on the bed. Thor watched a few moments Býleistr brush the younger man's hair with his fingers while he whispered calming words. He switched worried looks with his friends and they headed to the door wanting to give space and privacy to the brothers.

"Býleistr?" Loki's voice was suddenly heard, weak and fragile. Thor and the others froze at the door and looked back to watch Loki slowly sit up, his eyes locked in his brother's. "Býleistr, you're - here?" It was quite heartbreaking to hear that meek and scared voice; the vulnerability and plea in the question. Thor heard the warmth in Býleistr's voice.

"Yes, little brother. I'm here. I've got you."

Loki's green eyes fixed themselves in his brother's gaze and watered immediately. He held his older sibling in a desperate embrace and instantly started sobbing. Thor and the others hastened to exit the room, knowing they didn't have the right to be in there.