Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go."

Max was really bad at hiding.

She guessed he'd been following her for at least a good half a mile.

She didn't turn though. For some reason the thought of embarrassing him didn't sit well with her, no matter who he was and why he was hired to watch her. The last few days must have felt like hell to him and her guilt kicked in just in time with her thoughts.

He must really be hating on Jason right about now. After all, who'd want to babysit a boring lump like her.

It's not like her time here was a picnic either. The hours, the days, they were vacant, in meaning, in action; all Elizabeth could do to not make herself crazy was walk. There was no place to escape like at home in her attic. Her room, here, in Maine, was too sterile, too abnormal. There was no comfort in a place that reminded her minute after minute, continuously like a reel, of her very real predicament.

She was trapped.

It had always been her greatest fear. To be buried so far deep into something that there was no way out, no sign of a new beginning. Her life had always been this great big nothing. She never did anything, never went anywhere, never risked anything. She used to weigh that as one of the more sunny attributes of her life. Yes, maybe she was miserable as ever, but at least she was sure of the life she had built around her. There was a clear view of the road ahead and she had balanced the pros and cons long before her destination was in sight.

Jason had said in the attic that she played life, her life, safe. He barely knew her and yet he had been audacious enough to declare without doubt that she was being a coward.

It wasn't until now that she realized he was dead on right.

Ever since he blasted her with his opinion, the nagging sensation in her heart wouldn't subside. It was relentless, tugging at her like her own personal Jimney Cricket.

He had no idea, who she was, what went on inside her. He had balls to come out and tell her how to live, stop running, take a risk. Maybe it was easy for him to fly off buildings and not think about the consequences. Maybe he could use his gun on someone, go play a game of pool before mixing up with hoodlums under the streetlights of New York City, but she couldn't. She wasn't made from the same kind of animal he was.

Her heart was easily broken. No one ever quite got that.

Elizabeth always felt too much, too deeply. When she gave herself to someone, she gave all of her, her heart theirs' for the taking, no questions asked. That's why she had to protect herself from hers. She was her own worst enemy. She knew if she did open up her heart there was no turning back.

That was the thing. Elizabeth was capable of love just like anyone was. She might not be able to show it as easily as most but she could. Sometimes the urge was so strong she didn't think she could hold it in sometimes. She just didn't want to waste it on the wrong person.

It never made sense to her how people gave their love away so freely. It boggled her how carefree people were concerning matters of the heart.

Reality was ironic that was for sure. When she finally decided to take that plunge, give her heart away, take the grand leap of faith into the unknown enigmatic emotion of love, she had royally screwed herself over.

The one person who she had wanted, who had practically dared her to stop running from life in the opposite direction of everyone else, had not only turned her down, but had lied to her. He never wanted her, not the way she had wanted him. He never cared or thought about her. It was all a very convincing act. He had warned her not to trust him and she argued against her sensibility and did the exact opposite.

Which was completely unlike her. That is what maddened her most. She never acted like she expected herself to around him. She was normally quiet; some people, like her parents, would even go as far as to say she was docile. They meant it as an insult but she took the verbal jab as a compliment compared to the hyenas her family could be sometimes, minus her father and Tommy.

But the point was how was she supposed to trust Jason when she couldn't trust herself around him? Why did he, out of all the people she had met and known in her life, get to her? It certainly wasn't from trying. He never put any effort into discovering who she really was. He never appeared interested in any book or subject that she did. Did he? And when he had, was it real? Or was it just part of his master plan to get to her family?

God, the truth, the lies, they were all so mixed together, her head was spinning. If she really wanted to come clean and brush away the clutter, actually be honest, the truth was- she wanted to trust Jason. Even after all he bad done to her, she wanted so badly it scared her. The pull to trust him was so strong; it was like a physical force, drawing all her strengths, her weakness, her wants, desires, towards him like a tornado wind scooping her up as if she were made of tissue paper.

Even after his blatant deception with her, after knowing why he had come to her house, the pull hadn't disappeared. She didn't understand any of it; how she could feel any sort of connection to the man responsible for her family's separation and danger.

When they were alone it was the worst. The gravitational energy between them was so fierce, it scared and excited her. Although she'd never admit to it out loud. She just wanted to be done with this insaneness going on inside her. He was a killer, she was his captive. He saw her as nothing else but a means to an end. She saw him as a ….as….

A blush scorched across her face despite the cool approaching autumn weather. She kicked at the leaves underneath her black carpenter boots. Using the tip of her shoe she made circles in the muddy dirt as she sat on the flat rock outside the opening of the little woods.

She heard the crunch of leaves closer. Leaning forward, Elizabeth contemplated whether to acknowledge the guard's presence or not. She was planning on leaving him to his dignity. He was, after all, supposed to be trained in stealth and such, but when his clumsiness became apparently unignorable, a clumsiness bested only by her own, Elizabeth decided the time for silence was over.

In the past three days she had talked to him a whopping three times.

Good Morning, Good Night, I'm fine, those were the routine responses that basically summed up her daily conversings with him.

She wasn't being remote on purpose. She just had nothing to say and she was pretty positive he didn't care. In fact he probably enjoyed the fact that she was a ghost to him. He probably preferred it that way.

He coughed. The small bark sounded off over her left shoulder. She decided to utilize her vacationed voice box if it was still there.

" Max, you can come out of hiding," she trailed, peering over her left shoulder, as she pressed her chin onto the edge of the bone. " If you want."

The shuffling of feet reached her hearing before his jittery rumble of a voice greeted her.

" Sorry ma'am, I mean Elizabeth. Just doing my job."

" I understand." She said simply, her eyes fully on the sky ahead.

" Yeah, well," Max scratched at the back of his head, " Jason told me to watch over you. He'd have my head if anything happened to you."

She knew it was childish, but rolling her eyes came so automatically at his words, she hadn't realized she had done it until it was over. " Because I'm his leverage. I know."

Max stayed silent at her side.

His muteness was her answer. She scrambled to change the subject. " It's beautiful out here. I never thought Maine would be so gorgeous."

Max exhaled a snort in agreement. " You should see it in the spring. The grass here is greener than any other place in this country."

" You've been here before?"

" Yeah, I mean Jason takes me and some of the guys he trusts. This is his place. Among others." His tenor translated reluctance. Elizabeth was sketchy about whether it was because of the subject matter or because of Jason.

" That must be nice," she smiled, tilting her head toward him, but not giving him a direct look. " I mean being able to go anywhere you want. I always wanted to do that. To have different places to visit, to make a home in more than just one place."

" Why?"

Biting her bottom lip, her blue eyes darkened in thought. " I dunno. I guess because I've never really been anywhere. Me and my family went on vacation one time and we didn't even leave the state," she laughed at the ridiculousness of that sad fact.

" There are so many beautiful places out there, ya know. So much to learn. I've spent so much time reading about other countries, their history, I want to go there and experience it. Finally." She shrugged, suddenly remembering herself. " Hopefully, someday my wish will come true. As lame as that sounds."

" It doesn't sound lame." Max's sincerity shined through, compelled to encourage her bashful admission. " It sounds like a great life. Kinda like…"

" Jason's," she finished, gulping when she heard her voice say his name out loud.

" Yeah," he nodded, hesitant to speak, but when all Elizabeth did was smile encouragingly, his mind was already made up. " Jason basically comes and goes as he pleases. When the job doesn't need him, he's always off somewhere. He doesn't like to stay in one place too long."

" Why?" she heard herself say. Max shot her a curious look and she immediately became conscious of the fact that she was prying. " Sorry, I didn't mean…"

" No, no. It's okay. Jason's personal life is his. You should ask him."

" No thanks. I'm not into having my head bit off."

He laughed, a full laugh that started and erupted straight from deep in his chest. " He's a private guy. Always has been, but he'd tell you if you asked."

" I'd feel like I'd bother him. I mean," she fumbled, licking her bottom lip before gnawing on the flesh till it was red. " I know I do. Besides it really doesn't matter. I mean, I was just curious."

She went to stand up and leave. Max stood up with her. " Listen, I didn't…I wasn't trying to…Jason likes you, Elizabeth. He wouldn't have done what he did, if he didn't."

She didn't like the way he was looking at her, like he could see through her.

" Trying to kill my parents, scaring the life out of me and the people I love…imagine the damage if he hated me." Tears sprung up, gathering in the corner of her eyes. " Jason is a man who confuses me. Sometimes my inquisitive nature gets the best of me because I'm…I'm stupidly curious, I like to figure things out, but I don't care. I don't. Jason can be Jason. He can be whoever the hell he wants to and do whatever he wants….I just…it doesn't matter."

" Elizabeth?" He spoke, his worry showing. Obviously, he'd never seen a woman having a mini meltdown before. " Are you-"

" I'm fine." She answered, exerted and feeling like an absolute ass. " I'm sorry."

" Don't be." Max couldn't help but smile empathetically at the young woman standing in front of him. She was doing her best to act unruffled but she was failing. " I'm not going to stand here and defend Jason to you. If I was in your shoes, I'd probably hate the man just as much as you seem to. But whether you believe me or not, Jason's a good guy. He's loyal and smart, and he cares…he cares deeper than most people realize."

Balking a bit, Max leveled Elizabeth with a sturdy glare not bothering to think through whether what he was about to say was appropriate or not. " Jason and Sonny are best friends. They're like brothers. Sonny saved Jason from his life on the streets. He was living in and out of alley ways, he robbed to survive. The kid had nothing, and believe me, I know because I was right there with him. He thinks he owes Sonny his life. There's nothing Jason wouldn't do for that man."

He waited for her to react, to stop his explanation, but she continued to stare, completely fixed on what he was saying. " Sonny ordered the death of your father, the death of your whole family, but Jason went against his orders. I don't know if you get what that means, but when I say he went against Sonny, for you, that means something, Elizabeth. Like I said, I understand why you hate the man, but you should also know the other side of things. Jason defied his best friend because of you… and if you knew Jason at all, you would understand how much that says about the situation. How much that says about how he feels about you. Even if both of you are too stubborn to realize it yet.

" I don't ….Max, I'm not sure-"

Max waved a hand in the air. " We'd better get inside. It's getting cold out." He smiled down at her, apologetically, a regretful look passing his face and it became obvious to both of them that he had said too much. He turned so briskly, the conversation seemed to clamp shut on her. Elizabeth thought she'd fall over from chasing to catch up with his words and the impact of what they fully meant.

Her eyes followed him, but her mind was elsewhere. When she finally refocused on Max and he was no longer just a big blurry dot she recognized that he was standing there, waiting for her. It took her a good few seconds for her feet to detach themselves from the ground under her. She bolted, embarrassed by her sluggishness as she scampered towards him, but her mind was still very much stuck on their conversation. Even as the night went on, Max's words never fully left her thoughts. Especially his last words.

How much that says about how he feels about you. Even if both of you are too stubborn to realize it yet.

8

" Come on," Her lips slid up the side of his throat. They were smooth and cool, they'd be very workable under his mouth. But to her disadvantage, the overwhelming smell of beer and cigarettes permeated the air that followed the young waitress, ruining her suggestive intent on him.

"Where's my beer." He spoke into the flaming crown of her hair.

The minute he had walked in the back entrance she took no time to corner him. He didn't need a guess to figure out why.

She was in the mood. Her breath rattled, dipping and quivering against his skin. Her zealousness with him was distracting, especially in the way she practically pawed at him in the dark corner of the waiting room. Her body yawned up against his, stretching like a cat begging to be pet.

He should have stopped her the minute her eyes landed on his. But he was so fucked up inside, he didn't want to. He didn't want to when the thought of having his way with her right there, in the corner of a public bar, where everyone would be, but no one would bother to look, was so goddamn enticing.

Any other day, he would have fucked her by now. Maybe they'd be on their second round. Although, judging from his past observations of her, two would be his fill with her. She was the type who was all bravado and no action to back it up. She probably faked half her orgasms and exaggerated the real ones.

Jason wasn't into dramatics. Besides, he'd never let her get away with faking anything. That was the challenge right there. A challenge he'd normally be salivating to accept.

" Jamie," he whispered, his tone falling short of sensitive. " I don't have time for this.

" Another chick?" She kissed below his adam's apple. " Come on Jason. I know you want me."

When all he did was sigh, her fingers tip toed lower, cupping the front of his jeans and answering her question. " You've always wanted me." She kissed the tip of his chin as he removed her hand from its place, shooting her a warning look she didn't receive.

He skirted his head to the side when she tried to kiss his chin again. He was losing patience, but the woman pressed up against his body seemed oblivious to his present demeanor. Little did she know or care that his short temper had nothing to do with her. Nothing to do with her at all.

" Stop." He pulled away, feeling the loss of her warm body immediately. Clipping his words he planted a sharp look down at her, leaning his head forward to make sure she understood. " I'm not in the mood."

" That's what your mouth says," she purred, leaning her stomach against his clenched one, " but that's not what your-"

" Jamie." He jerked her hand away from the place it was leading to. " I mean it. I don't have time for this bullshit."

Finally getting the picture that he wasn't playing with her, Jamie pulled her hand from his grasp and he let go thankfully. " You're a fucking cock tease Morgan. You know that."

She looked as frustrated as he felt. " Does that mean I'm not going to get my beer."

" Fuck you." She made her way to the back entrance that led to the main room at O'Malleys.

" You think your some goddamn prize, think again. You act like a fucking primadonna when you come around me, but I could have any man I want, you know that? And here you are thinking you're better than everyone here. You're just trash in a nice package. Remember that," she spit, grabbing a cigarette from her jeans and placing it between her lips.

His left brow flexed up. " You finished?"

" Screw you." She flipped her lighter up.

"You already said that," he retorted, leaning against the wall behind him. " I want a Corona."

" I'm on break. Ask another waitress."

" You're the only one here." His grin was lopsided. " Besides, I like the way you bring me my beer."

She huffed out a stream of smoke from her nostrils, flicking the end of her cigarette. Small ashes drifted to the floor, Jason watched them as she spoke. " You're one confused mother fucker, you know that. You flirt with me, you act like you want me." She stepped closer, " In fact, I know that you want me, but something's stopping you." Her eyes darted in between in his, scoping for his reaction, but there was none. " Or someone."

Using the wall, he pushed his body forward and was over her before he could account for the rashness of his behavior. " I said I wanted a beer. You can't oblige me, find someone who can. Otherwise mind your own fucking business."

Faltering at hiding the fear that entered her face, Jamie placed a good foot between them, eyeing the crowd as if he would jump her. She tossed the half-smoked cig on the floor, mashing it with her open toed stiletto heel. " Aw, what. Someone's a little too sensitive for their own good. Get in my face again and I'll have you thrown out."

Jason just stared at her.

" You hear me? You don't fucking talk to me that way. You piece of shit." Her voice wavered as he moved closer. She turned, was about to call for the bouncer when she realized he wasn't moving in her direction. He walked by her, not sparing her a second glance when he spotted his company and headed towards the door.

Jamie grabbed another cigarette and spat out another string of four letter curses as she reached for her lighter again. " Fucking bastard." She looked back in his direction, grinning sulkily to herself. " Too bad he's so fucking hot."

8

" How was Sonny today?"

Ritchie faked a thoughtless shrug, the corners of his mouth pinching down. " Better. I guess." He eyed the couple entering the bar. " Where were you?"

" Out. Cleaning things up before I leave."

Ritchie handed the man next to him an uninhibited glare. " Man, I don't like this. This is getting so dangerou."

Jason didn't like the panic that set off his words. Panic made me people mess up, become desperate and do things they wouldn't normally. " You need to calm down. The heats already off us."

" Sonny is a very suspicious man, Jason. The heats never going to be off. Not today, not ever. Have you forgotten, this man can fucking sniff out a lie. I don't like this."

" Hey." The one word silenced Ritchie in his place. " You trust me?"

" Yeah man, that's got nothing to do with this. It's Sonny I don't trust," Ritchie clarified, his dark eyes bulging underneath his furry eyebrows. " He knows something."

" Listen to me," Jason instructed his friend with hushed directness. " Everything's goes exactly as planned. The cops pushed things back a little, but it's still going down just as before."

Nodding, Ritchie wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, letting a shaky breath out.

" I know, I know. I just…Mr. Corinthos, he and I don't exactly get along. I dunno what I ever did, but-"

" Sonny is Sonny. Ignore him," he advised coolly.

Barking out a disbelieving snort, Ritchie ended the mirthless laugh with a sigh. " Easier said than done."

Standing there, almost as a bystander to Ritchie's nerves, Jason peered at the man through inspective eyes. The smoothness of his voice countered the dull speculating gleam in his eyes. " I need your head in this Ritchie."

" Man, come on," Ritchie slapped Jason's shoulder, " It's me. I'm here for you man. You know that."

Jason nodded, but it fell way short of convinced.

" Okay, well. I got the midnight post at the warehouse so…I'll catch you tomorrow."

Ritchie was halfway across the parking lot when Jason called out to him. He turned, the jumpy look still very much in place. He shuffled a bit forward when Jason didn't say anything, just continued staring at him. His eyes were a severe blue, a blue that bothered most people, even friends, but usually not Ritchie. Until now. Jason's eyes were disturbingly clear and void when he decided to speak.

" Elizabeth's life is on the line. So is her family." When Ritchie automatically shook his head it only added to Jason's concealed anger. " Don't fuck with me."

Ritchie's only reply was a voluntary shaking of his head. From the blank look on his face it appeared to be the only thing he could manage at the moment. Jason's eyes never left his, they were unceasing as Ritchie entered his car and drove off a little faster than necessary.

Jason had a lot of rethinking to do. About everything. Which meant another sleepless night. He couldn't afford any slip ups and if that meant he didn't sleep till this was over than so be it. His body and his mind couldn't seem to stay in one place without thinking about what he had to do, what had already been done, and what he had forgotten.

He was so goddamn restless, he felt ready to rip his fucking skin off. He watched Ritchie make the turn that led to the exit for the highway. Yeah, he was going to be up all goddamn night, but first he needed a good stiff cup of coffee.