This was the chapter that I was looking forward to most when I decided to write the rest of the book . . . and the one that you all have asked for most consistently. Here it is. Christmas-the extended remix! lol. I changed a lot from the book actually, because I did feel that Charlie's Christmas was difficult on both Bella and Edward. I hope you like what I added. I took a couple of reviewers' suggestion and added a couple of little bits from Renesmee's POV. She was tricky, but I used my daughter as a bit of inspiration. I hope you like Renesmee's insights. When reading about her, I always felt that she was the type of child that could see right to the heart of the matter and ignored all of the masks and games that adults sometimes play. That's the character that I wrote and I hope you like it. Let me know! ~Jen
Edward's POV
We arrived back at the house before Bella and Jacob had returned with Nessie. In the weeks since Alice had left, I had never felt the urge to play. I knew that it soothed me, but there was so much else to do in the day that I never sat down at the piano. When we returned, my piano was the first thing I saw and the last. I walked directly over to it and sat down. It was like coming home after a long vacation. My fingers found the keys immediately and I began playing the melody of Esme's song. I knew that she heard it and was sitting just out of my view enjoying it. Many of those gathered had found places around the house where they could listen unobtrusively. I had never been ashamed of playing in front of people, but I appreciated the distance that they were giving me now. This was personal.
When I heard Bella pull up out front, I shifted seamlessly into her lullaby. I noted that Jacob's thoughts were absent from the car and I wondered what errand kept him away; it wasn't like him to stay away from Nessie for any time. Bella was moving slowly now, gently taking the sleeping child from the back of the car. I could tell she was moving slowly on purpose, drawing out her time so that she could listen to her music. I had been away from the piano for too long. I had forgotten how happy the music made those around me.
I continued to play as I turned to Bella. What I saw when I looked at her was a different woman than the one who had left me this morning. There was something dark in her now, some secret that she was keeping, and it was eating away at her before my eyes. I could tell instantly that this darkness was part of the secrets that she was shielding from me, things that I was never to know. I would never tell her the pain that it caused me to know that there were things that she could not tell me. I knew that these things were vitally important. But, now, when there was so little time . . . I wanted all of her to myself. It was selfish, I knew that. Irrational, even. But still, seeing her like this and knowing I might never know why. It made me more sad than angry.
"Welcome home," I said, gazing into her eyes, willing her to know that I supported her. "Did you have a good time with Charlie today?"
"Yes. Sorry I was gone so long. I stepped out to do a little Christmas shopping for Renesmee. I know it won't be much of an event, but . . ." she shrugged. I immediately stopped playing and frowned. I hadn't thought of the holidays at all since this nonsense with the Volturi. But of course this Christmas was special. It was our daughter's first and ours as well. I put my hand on her waist and gently pulled her towards me.
"I hadn't thought much about it. If you want to make an event of it--"
"No," she said quickly, and it was there again. The darkness that I had seen as she walked in the door. "I just didn't want to let it pass without giving her something."
"Do I get to see?"
"If you want. It's only a little thing."
Bella shifted the sleeping baby in her arms and I registered the gentle dreams that she was dreaming. I envied her every time I looked into her mind as she slept. Oblivion of this kind would be so restful.
Bella pulled a small velvet pouch from her purse.
"It caught my eye from the window of an antique store while I was driving by."
She handed me a tiny locket, inlaid with vines. It was an oval shape. When I popped the catch and opened it, I saw the small opening for a picture and the inscription on the opposite side: plus que ma propre vie. I knew then what Bella's terrible secret was. All this time, she had thought there would be an out, something that would save either herself or me. With this gift, Bella was admitting that there were no other options. Should it come to a fight, she would save her daughter, but she would give her life in the process.
"Do you know what this says?" I asked softly, already knowing.
"The shopkeeper told me it said something along the lines of 'more than my own life.' Is that right?"
"Yes, he had it right."
"I hope she likes it," Bella muttered.
"Of course she will," I said lightly, trying not to let my emotion leak into my voice. I looked at her again, trying to see through the mask, hear through the shield. She was quiet, of course. But I could see everything, nonetheless. I wanted everyday that we had already had back so that I could show her again how happy I was that she had chosen me. I wanted to live the next days in slow motion so I would have the time to tell her half of what she meant to me. It was overwhelming thinking that I would only have a couple of weeks to make her see that. It didn't seem possible. "Let's take her home," I said, eager to be alone with so that I could begin the process of telling her what she needed to hear.
I looked at her then and something I wasn't expecting was written on her face: hesitation and reluctance.
"What?" I demanded.
"I wanted to practice with Emmett a little . . ."
Emmett heard only the surface of our conversation which, in truth, wasn't very deep. So he was psyched at the idea of continuing the fun from this afternoon and fighting with Bella.
"Excellent," he said. "The forest needs thinning."
I, however, had no intention of allowing that. Not tonight. We had missed too many nights already with practice of one kind or another. What could practice accomplish now, except stealing precious moments?
"There's plenty of time for that tomorrow," I said.
"Don't be ridiculous," Bella said, almost angrily. "There's no such things as plenty of time anymore. That concept does not exist. I have a lot to learn and --"
"Tomorrow," I said. My tone brooked no replies either from Bella or from Emmett.
I understood her hesitance. I really did. However my concern was not for the lack of time that she had to practice; rather, it was the lack of time that we had to be together that worried me. I trusted that she would understand and agree.
My plan for Christmas morning began forming in my head that afternoon when Bella brought her small gift for Renesmee home. Christmas was never a large affair in my family, but it never went completely unnoticed. This year would be different and I would make sure of it. I had spoken with Carlisle and Esme and they were in complete agreement. Rose had overhead and was thrilled at the thought of Nessie's face on Christmas morning. Out plan was to surprise Nessie on Christmas morning at the cottage. I knew that Bella had made plans to be at Charlie's for the day, but we would have the morning to ourselves, and we began planning immediately and quietly. I knew that we couldn't hide it from Bella until the morning, but I wanted her to be as surprised as possible.
We placed Renesmee in her crib on Christmas Eve and Bella turned to me as I closed the door.
"So--" she said, her voice trailing suggestively. "I didn't have time to get the mistletoe, but maybe we can pretend?"
I smiled and took her into my arms.
"I don't need a silly plant to tell me you're the one I want to kiss, love," I said and covered her mouth with mine. My hands, moving as if by themselves, found her hair and tangled themselves there. She had twined her arms around my neck and was slowly pulling herself into my arms, legs wrapping provocatively around my waist. It was only the rustle of leaves just outside the cottage that pulled my mind back to reality long enough to remember that we would have company tonight. Panting only slightly, I lifted her lightly to the floor and shook my head slowly at her smoldering eyes.
"Damn," I said. "I am sorry to have to waste that look."
"Waste?" she said, suddenly full of confusion. "What do you mean?"
"I'm sorry, love," I said, kissing her hand. "It wouldn't have been a proper Christmas surprise if I had told you. You see, we'll be having guests this evening."
Her eyes lit up as she looked around the room expectantly. Just at that moment, Carlisle and Emmett opened the front door carrying the tree.
Bella turned to me as soon as she saw them, threw her arms around my neck and whispered, "thank you," in my ear. I had known that this would be important to her, but I couldn't have imagined the happiness in her voice right now.
"Is the little curly top asleep yet?" Emmett asked quietly; well, quietly for him.
"Yes, out like a light," I replied, wrapping my arms around Bella's waist. I saw Esme and Rose following behind Em and Carlisle, carrying boxes and garland. They had all, of course, taken to this idea with gusto. As I saw the twinkling lights atop one of Rose's boxes, I felt only the barest twinge of regret at our two missing family members. But tonight wasn't a night for regrets or sadness. Tonight was a night for celebration.
"Where would you like your tree, Bella?" Carlisle asked her.
"Thank you all, so much," she said, her voice thick with emotion.
"Thank you, Bella," Esme said, putting the boxes down and coming to her side. "We never would have remembered to pause for this if it wasn't for you."
Esme took Bella in her arms and whispered to her so softly that I felt almost embarrassed to be close enough to hear, but I knew that she wished me to hear.
"Thank you for making my son so happy. And for giving me that beautiful granddaughter. I would never have asked for anything different. We love you so much."
"We love you, too, Esme," Bella said, nearly choked with emotion now.
"Ok," I said warmly, rubbing Bella's back. "How about we get this tree in place?"
"I don't think Rose brought enough of the lights. She only has fifteen strands!"
Rose hissed at him. "They're for around the fireplace too, Em."
"Right," he teased. "And what are the pink ones for? The ceiling?"
"Those are for around Nessie's door frame!" Rose defended.
I smiled. I couldn't remember the last time the six of us had been together in the last three weeks and been this happy. It seemed that everything had been centered on either hunting or practicing or researching. Now, we were able to be a family again.
Rose flashed over to the boxes and, in an instant, had a sparkling red Santa hat on Em along with a length of garland.
"Quit finding fault and start decorating," she said imperiously, "or I'll just turn you into the tree."
He chased her then into the corner and gathered her into a kiss and we all laughed quietly. Carlisle looked at me overtop of Esme's head as he held her close. Thank you, Edward. I nodded at him and smiled, hugging my own wife close as well.
It took longer than it should have to get all of the decorations up and it was a miracle at the end that Renesmee didn't wake up. For a group of vampires, we were incredibly slow, loud and rowdy. Even the usually reserved figures of Esme and Carlisle were almost giddy with the excitement of decorating the small cottage. Esme had brought several cans of glittering snow spray to make the pine tree more festive. Emmett thought it would be humorous to make me sparkle even more, so in the end, the both of us had nearly as much sparkling snow on us as the tree did. But, standing back now, I had to admire the vision it took Esme to put this together in a week.
Every branch of the tree was elegantly draped in white twinkling lights and the needles sprayed generously with the snow. Rose was silently afraid that it would look tacky, but even she had been awed by the end result. The last step had been hanging the beautiful crystal ornaments that Esme had found at various antique stores. I noticed ornaments that represented something special for each of us. There was a piano and music note for me, a stethoscope and doctor's bag for Carlisle, a car and wrench for Rosalie, a bear and a honey pot for Em, two miniature houses for Esme, and a lovely blue bell and an antique shield for Bella. Tucked in the background, I noticed a peacock blue satin high heeled shoe ornament and a cowboy boot in the style of Texas that could only have been meant for our two missing siblings. It was a most beautiful tree.
After the tree was up and the mantle decorated with garland and stockings, each of us began pulling wrapped gifts out from hidden places: Bella and I from different closets and the rest of the family from the boxes that they had brought along. Renesmee, of course, had the largest and most spectacularly wrapped pile. Everyone picked out something special for her. But, surprisingly, there were many extra gifts lying under the tree as well.
When all of the gifts were laid out, everyone began giggling with anticipation and excitement.
"Nessie will sleep for another couple of hours. Shall we have our Christmas now?" Carlisle asked.
We all smiled in response and took up our places around the tree. Everyone gave little things to each other, small tokens of our love for each other and our wish that we could remember our family as it is now, happy and light, unencumbered with fear.
I could not pass up the opportunity to exercise my right as her husband and give Bella something to remember our first married Christmas. She opened it quietly, curled into crook of my arm on the small couch. She took it out of the box and held it up to the light. It was a locket, not much larger than Renesmee's, and it held my own personal promise to her.
"What does it say?" she asked quietly.
"Notre amour de rompre les liens de la mort," I said. "It mean, 'Our love will break the bonds of death."
"Would you put it on me?" she asked, looking up into my eyes.
"Of course," I said, taking it from her hands.
I knew that she understood my gift. I knew that she had secrets that she could not tell me, but I wanted her to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that wherever her secrets led her, I would follow. Our love wasn't bound to this world. When we married, I promised her an eternity. If we were destined to meet eternity in a week's time, my love would follow her wherever her fate would take her, in this world or beyond.
She put her hands in mine when the locket was around her neck. "For always," she said.
"And forever," I said, smiling at her.
Now wasn't the time for sadness. Nessie would be awake shortly and so my family sat quietly around the blazing tree drinking in the companionship of the moment.
When Nessie stirred we all leapt to our places. Em still had on his ridiculous red hat, the rest of us were wearing various bows and ribbons from the unwrapped gifts. Esme was the first to start giggling at the sight of us, six immortals poised and ready to spring on the child just waking in the other room. We were quite a sight. It wasn't long before we were all dissolved in laughter. Renesmee heard us and was calling to me, wanting to be part of the fun.
Bella and I swooped into her room then, scooping her up and bringing her out to the living room in the blink of an eye. Her face was full of light. When I looked at Bella overtop of Renesmee's curls, I could see that her face was an echo of Nessie's, full of light, hope, and promise.
Nessie's POV
I heard them just as the sun was touching my window sill. Not just Daddy and Momma, but Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie Rose and Uncle Em too. They sounded happy. And even though they liked to smile at me, they hadn't sounded happy in a long time.
As soon as I thought about him, Daddy was in my room with Momma right behind him. He scooped me out of my crib and whirled me around to face Momma. Her eyes were bright and smiling and so were Daddy's. They ran me out to the living room filled with my family and it was like the decorations had covered up all of the black feelings that my family had felt for so long. All the little lights twinkled and made my eyes open wide, but it was the dazzling smiles and tinkling laughs that I hadn't heard in so long that made me laugh with them. I knew that today would be a good day.
Edward's POV
Like any other child, Ness tore through her gifts in a terror of happiness, giggling over the sparkly things and marveling over the noisy things. The MP3 player that I got her was near the beginning. She looked at it confused at first, but when I put the small ear buds in her ears and it began playing Clair de Lune in her ears she was delighted with it. She wanted to know if that was all it would play for her.
"No, lovely," I said. "It has all of our favorites on it. Even your own lullaby." I winked at her.
Her whole face lit up and she threw herself in my arms. I felt like my heart might explode.
Bella's locket came last and Renesmee seemed to know that, although the smallest thing she opened, it was the most important. Her face was serious as she looked at it with understanding written on her tiny features.
"Do you know what it says, Renesmee?" Bella asked.
Nessie walked over to her mother and curled herself into her lap. She put her hand on neck. I love you, too, Momma.
Bella didn't say any more. There was nothing left that needed to be said. I held my wife and child tight, feeling the bubble of happiness begin to stretch and thin as the morning wore away.
If our morning Christmas was the height of happiness, Charlie's house was full of stress for us. I knew that even Renesmee felt it, sitting curled in Jacob's lap, playing with the braided bracelet that Jacob had given her.
I had felt the bubble beginning to burst when Ness had opened Bella's gift, but it was still there, valiantly trying to stay in place. But when we arrived at Charlie's and Jacob walked up to me with purpose in his steps and the bracelet in his thoughts, I felt the bubble pop for good and I was left hollow with it's absence.
"It seems like I ought to ask you before I give it to her," he said to me, head down.
"You would give it to her anyway, would you not?"
"I would," he admitted. But I kind of want your blessing.
"You know you have that, albeit grudgingly," I said tightly. I wasn't ready for this conversation. I shouldn't be talking about something that was equivalent to engagement for my barely three month old daughter.
We don't have much time left, he said
"Not today," I growled at him. "We won't discuss that today."
He looked at the ground again.
"Can I give it to her?"
"Yes," I said finally. "With my blessing."
Bella was almost pleased with Jacob's gift. I felt as though it might be easier for Bella to accept this gift because it was a physical representation of the bond that she was relying on.
We sat around the small room, surrounded by the large, bustling figures of Jacob's pack. Also squeezed in with Charlie, Bella, Nessie and I were Sue, Sam, and Emily. It was an uncomfortably expectant mood. Bella and I attempted to keep the mask of frivolity that we had found this morning in place as we sat in Charlie's living room; but, for both of us, it was a losing battle. Our masks were slipping and those that we loved were catching glimpses of the horror that lay just below the surface.
Charlie worked hard to ignore the slipping masks that Bella and I wore. He was happy to have his family around him right now and he wasn't about to ask questions of anyone that might send us running away. Sue was bustling around, trying to keep everyone fed and happy. I smiled inwardly that Bella's father would have someone looking out for him from now on. Even if Bella hadn't noticed yet, it was fairly clear that Sue and Charlie had formed a more permanent link to each other.
The pack was just annoying me though. If Charlie was trying to ignore Bella and my mood, the pack was openly incredulous at it. They didn't look at the coming battle as an ending to anything. Failure just wasn't an option for them. They were keyed up and ready to fight. To them, it was taking too long for the first snow to come, bringing with it the judgment of the Volturi. I couldn't see it that way but I was forced to listen to them berate me in my head throughout the festivities about how I ought to "lighten up" and "let it go." Leave it to a wolf to completely ignore danger of any kind and welcome the excitement that it would bring.
When it was time to leave, Jacob, Bella and I left with almost a sigh of relief. It was difficult work keeping up appearances when, in truth, time was slipping away so quickly. We gathered Renesmee, almost asleep already, into our arms and carried her out to the car. Jacob was riding with us back to the main house. The battle was getting too close for him to keep any distance from us. He needed to be there in case anything should arise suddenly.
When we got into the car and shut the door, there was a second of relief at being able to completely take off the masks. Bella and I shared a look of bittersweet regret that we couldn't keep the atmosphere of this morning alive for an entire day, but we understood that this morning was as much a gift as the presents we had exchanged. Our time together might be running out, but we would remember this morning even at the end.
Renesmee's POV
Grandpa Charlie's house was so much different from the cottage and not even because he didn't have as many pretty lights. I was happy to see my Jacob and his wolf friends there, making the room look even smaller than it already was. Jacob gave me a pretty bracelet to wear and it was colorful, like the little rainbows that my Momma and Daddy made in the sun. He put it on my wrist and it felt heavy there, even though it weighed nearly nothing. I knew that it was important to him and to Momma, and that made it special to me.
But Grandpa Charlie's was a sad place today. Even though we had all of our friends around us, Momma and Daddy were sad. I asked Daddy in my head if they were sad because of me and he shook his head really fast and smiled at me for show.
But I could tell that he and Momma were just putting on a show. They were good at it. My Jacob's friends thought Momma and Daddy looked happy. They were happy because they were excited about some kind of party coming soon. But they didn't see the black just under my Momma's smile. She was sad again and all of the happiness from this morning was gone. I knew that they were scared again. I was glad when Momma picked me up to take me home again. I didn't want to see them pretend anymore.