Author's Note: This episode amused me. I had to address Grissom and Melanie's odd attraction/hate relationship.
This wasn't just a murder. This was a hate crime. Kevin Marcus hated himself.
I'm trying very hard not to hate myself.
Not because I'm losing my hearing, mind you. My mother was deaf, and I know that this doesn't have to mean the end of my life…maybe. I can sign. I'm taking a class in lip reading. After Phillip tried to discredit me on the stand, I realized the best defense truly is a good offense. I'm not waiting for the inevitable. I'm preparing.
No, I'm trying not to hate myself because I still want Sara. Because I still miss her. Melanie Grace is lovely and sweet and maybe would have been a good friend. Who knows? Maybe more. I'm certainly not the type to discriminate based on something as meaningless as height.
Except I looked at Melanie's dark hair, and it reminded me of hers. I miss Sara's curls. She always straightens her hair these days. I wonder if Hank likes it that way. And she's done some silly highlighting or lightening to it, so it looks blonder. I miss the darkness of it as it flowed across my fingers, the spiral of the curls around her face after the humidity of a bath, or the sweaty heat of sex.
I looked at Melanie's legs, and I didn't think her legs were too short because she was a dwarf. I thought they were too short because everyone's legs look short compared to Sara's. Most men haven't had the luxury of seeing them out of dress pants or jeans. I've seen them below the hem of a robe, a bath towel, a pair of lace panties. I've seen every inch of their length parted across my bed, folded into a kneeling position in front of me, wrapped around my hips, clenched around my face…
I have to stop this train of thought, before I leave the serenity of the deaf campus and drive to her apartment to beg her to leave the godforsaken EMT.
I am trying not to hate myself, but the crime has already been committed. I thought I was just having a physical relationship with an attractive coworker. Instead, I somehow got involved mentally, emotionally. It was a mistake. I will never let it happen again.
I wish it could happen again.
Just one more time.